F57
Expectations
May 03 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
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RHP User
13 years ago
Zu, I feel you were misunderstood completely, After reading the entire thread... I'm the female version of you & Cavey.... (Ok not exactly up to Cavey's level :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quote - Freya unfortunately love comes with expectations these days. Well actually it has always come with expectations and certain responsibilities throughout history. To love someone freely without the expectation that they have to love you back? That love is a feeling to embrace and enjoy without it having to lead somewhere. Now that's a pure joy. :) Is it really pure joy?? Or can it be so unrequited as to become pure pain?- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
where are all your wing men????? Its a lonely road for a strong man.Wasn't the question mend for both sexes, so where are the men to answer? I believe many path by and read but are to chicken to write.I have nothing to comment on here the female agenda is quite vocal on this subject, BUT BUT BUT, I am very disappointed in the men's view on all this.Or is it, most men would think we keep all the names locked up in our minds and punish you with no sex when you are honest?Come on don't be scared let us hear your thoughts on it.After all how do women learn when men don't tell??????Ohh God so many questions.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Of course we are on here looking for a relationship. Fuck buddy still Implies a friendly type of relationship. I think of a movie and sex after. Friend with benefits put that in a more long term relationship. Think weekend away or dinner and drinks before sex. After that I think you are looking at something a bit more committed. Of course men are going to turn on the charm and ask about your day/work/friends, because we want you to become a "bit" emotionally involved before fucking you stupid. We know women like to be "charmed" prior to sex because we experience your response to us. This informs our response to how attracted you are to us. Its a dance we all have to perform before getting all hot and sweaty... Mike
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Tell your friend he is talking about a girlfriend. Seriously he can fuck right off! He wants a woman at his beck and call, sex on tap and only for him, sympathy on tap, basically the girlfriend without the emotional attachment... Until what? He decides he is ready for a relationship and goes of running looking for his perfect match. Any woman that would agree to that arrangement is nuts!! Selfish! That's what that is, and it's only asking for trouble. What a foolish man. what he wants is a concubine maybe if men could trade us like a horse,perhaps they would love us without fear when reading this makes me see how men and women are poles apart and both sides expectations have caused disapointment
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RHP User
13 years ago
thank you, this was quite good.And you are right, the dance between male and female has to be performed, like between the animals.Look what the male does to attract the female, and when she is all charmed the female lets herself be fucked and then the male leaves. However we have to perform this dance, whether we want it or not. But is it learnd or is it our nature?So when it is learned then we both can unlearn it, but when is it in our nature then we never come to an agreement.......ohh bugger that.It is so much simpler fucking between males.Bugger that again.
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RHP User
13 years ago
OWN games.. Even when I TRY to be uncomplicated and on the level... I find myself ultimately.. playing.. OR.. I THINK I am level.. only to find SHE is playing.. and did me well... AND, I am ok with that.. Ok.. we MIGHt get.. or we MIGHT cause a little heart ache.. but, you know .. we get over it.. and move on.. "NEXT PLEASE"
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' Happened here?? Everyone got you Lovely Ladies all fired up.. then they pissed off and left me to take it all *chuckles* ledgend of the falls? where brad pit was not able to stay with a woman who loved him your like that, seduce and then get restless.not in a poke and go way more its time too move on down the road way. no one woman will suit you , you may dally for a while your notable to stay your to restless I think you do good spoon, without even wanting sex thats your control thing you play the fiddle the fiddle does not play you. and cavey your a big boy , you can handle the flack and no I dont buy that cute puppy look your more a wolf in wolf clothing, nothing sheepish about you but its not your fault women like meeka says will not believe your words, when your actions just open up emotions for some women. see a flicker of nice and women see wedding bells and a picket fence..now go et your white horse prince charm the pants off em
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RHP User
13 years ago
are just a manwhore cavey...... I think we have something in common.... I do like the bush :P
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RHP User
13 years ago
But I think that now I sort of do but not really. I think I'm a bit like the guys here but also not really. I want all of the trappings, the dates, out for dinner, weekends away, exclusivity (truth be told) and a little bit of the emotional attachment but not the demands or the living in each other's pocket or the but you said... I suppose I want the potential for a relationship to be there and frankly, that's missing from many rhp FWB thangs. It is the missing element that I've found in 'meeting offline' friendships. Sad really because on reflection some of the people I've met on here have actually more potential than those I've met through other means. Wish there was a way to be both.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Awesome71' But I think that now I sort of do but not really. I think I'm a bit like the guys here but also not really. I want all of the trappings, the dates, out for dinner, weekends away, exclusivity (truth be told) and a little bit of the emotional attachment but not the demands or the living in each other's pocket or the but you said... I suppose I want the potential for a relationship to be there and frankly, that's missing from many rhp FWB thangs. It is the missing element that I've found in 'meeting offline' friendships. Sad really because on reflection some of the people I've met on here have actually more potential than those I've met through other means. Wish there was a way to be both. It all comes down to communication. From what I've read on the forums, I am sure there are guys on here looking for something similar to what you want. The thing about potential is that it is just a potential if it is not acted upon. Good luck. Hope you find what you are looking for, or the person whom you are looking for finds you.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Note to self: don't post after a few drinks... You won't make sense!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Awesome71 I'm hearing you, for the past year or so i was so determined not to enter into a relationship or fall in love. I've met a handful of lovely men from here, and last year dated a handful of men from a traditional dating site and some i met in real life. i was sorting myself out. taking stock. My profile here reflects exactly what i was looking for and what you've described. I didn't find that here, although there were some fun times to be had. I think when the right person comes along things just naturally develop on their own, if you are ready or not. Or maybe it's a case of when that peson presents it triggers something that makes you ready! In any case, i do now have the arrangement that you speak about above, and it's just beautiful Quoting 'Awesome71'But I think that now I sort of do but not really. I think I'm a bit like the guys here but also not really. I want all of the trappings, the dates, out for dinner, weekends away, exclusivity (truth be told) and a little bit of the emotional attachment but not the demands or the living in each other's pocket or the but you said... I suppose I want the potential for a relationship to be there and frankly, that's missing from many rhp FWB thangs. It is the missing element that I've found in 'meeting offline' friendships. Sad really because on reflection some of the people I've met on here have actually more potential than those I've met through other means. Wish there was a way to be both.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You just want to be loved unconditionally and that's OK!!! Everyone does at the end of the day......many do not know how to and that is why I believe we don't want the traditional bullshit relationship with all the insecurities!
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RHP User
13 years ago
we really want all the same in a way.Why cant we accept we walk a bit beside each other, give openly to each other, part when it is time and have no regrets.Wouldn't this be just wonderful.Giving without demands, loving with all there is, not expectation anything, just give love.Hold hands, hug touch, kiss, make beautiful sex and be honest in what ever you do.OHHH MY DREAMWORLD.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Looks bewildered!!!!! Ok.. "All looks" wiped off face :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
True....the men have been noticeably silent! Is that because they don't know what their expectations are? Quoting 'Litonya'where are all your wing men????? Its a lonely road for a strong man.Wasn't the question mend for both sexes, so where are the men to answer? I believe many path by and read but are to chicken to write.I have nothing to comment on here the female agenda is quite vocal on this subject, BUT BUT BUT, I am very disappointed in the men's view on all this.Or is it, most men would think we keep all the names locked up in our minds and punish you with no sex when you are honest?Come on don't be scared let us hear your thoughts on it.After all how do women learn when men don't tell??????Ohh God so many questions.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You want a boyfriend! Nothing wrong with that. In my mind if you are asking for exclusivity it means you are in a committed relationship. For us wild people exclusivity is a big deal. Isn't it?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Communication. Not just talking and listening but understanding what each other is on about. Understanding what someone means even if they dont spit it out right.Misleading or misguided nah! Misunderstood is a word i would use.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' You want a boyfriend! Nothing wrong with that. In my mind if you are asking for exclusivity it means you are in a committed relationship. For us wild people exclusivity is a big deal. Isn't it? I'll stay with 'wild' please. I love my life just as it is. More fool the man/woman that attempts to tame a wild child. Instead, let's build that hippie commune ...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hippy Commune
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RHP User
13 years ago
I made a terrible assumption I think! Men do not have expectations?? So I thought.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Exclusive! Hmmmmmmmmmm........ The only way I would be exclusive if my "friend" fullfilled all my sexual desires including fantasies. Though that would mean he would have to be really special and be comfortable with the free spirit that I am. So... I ask.. if you are in an exclusive relationship does that actually mean you don't play with others AT ALL (I do mean with your partner with you at all times though) ..... ??
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RHP User
13 years ago
Means we play together with others as well.
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RHP User
13 years ago
This is slightly tongue in cheek, sort of... Men are very simple. They say what they mean, which is they only want casual, and it would appear from the male comments on this thread they are so simple that their feelings don't develop over time either!?! . Women over complicate a lot of things and often will analyse things to death. In fact we can often be our own worst enemy when it comes to this. I reckon lots of women just don't trust or get that men really are that simple!! I mean how can they be happy with a beer, a blowjob and the footy on the box. We look for hidden meanings when there are none there. I can remember many nights gossiping and discussing men in my 20's and 30's. He said this.... What do you think that means? Etc etc. A few years ago it really clicked for me... I believe what a guy says now until he tells me different. The most simple explanation when it comes to men is the right one.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I like that question Inspirit. You should start a new thread with that question... I bet lots of people have very different ideas on what that means.
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RHP User
13 years ago
When I mean play with others together that can mean we are under the one roof.... Somewhere. You know, nearby. LMAO!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Interesting isn't it?? That word. I have my own idea and I can guarantee many would not agree. May as well give it a go. Be an interesting topic... :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think i'll come and visit you on that Hippy commune from time to time! Quoting 'paintme' Quoting 'Meeka100' You want a boyfriend! Nothing wrong with that. In my mind if you are asking for exclusivity it means you are in a committed relationship. For us wild people exclusivity is a big deal. Isn't it? I'll stay with 'wild' please. I love my life just as it is. More fool the man/woman that attempts to tame a wild child. Instead, let's build that hippie commune ...
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RHP User
13 years ago
For me it's like the concept of Monogamish.... Persionally, i've just recently agreed to an "exclusive" relationship. Meaning, for now i'm having sex with only one man.....BUT, we have discussed it at length, and agreed that at some point in the future we may play as a couple, or even individually. AND if either of us wants to experiment then it will be discussed and the parameters agreed upon. In reality we've agreed to have the right to be a part of the experience if not the play? So i guess for me, exclusive, means that i will discuss with him who i /or we might like to experiement with, and under what circumstances, not that neither of us will never have sex with another person again. Emotionally we are a couple, and we do want to support each other to realise each other's goals, fantasies and dreams. I have a few fantasies i still want to live out Quoting 'inspirit'Exclusive! Hmmmmmmmmmm........ The only way I would be exclusive if my "friend" fullfilled all my sexual desires including fantasies. Though that would mean he would have to be really special and be comfortable with the free spirit that I am. So... I ask.. if you are in an exclusive relationship does that actually mean you don't play with others AT ALL (I do mean with your partner with you at all times though) ..... ??
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RHP User
13 years ago
Funny that I said I wanted that with a few wines in me. The reality is that I've not really been willing to offer that exclusivity. I'm not hiding it from anyone... I just like my freedom too. And... I don't want anyone to impact on my family life. So my 'friends'have to put up with me being unavailable for a lot of the time and also seeing others occasionally. I suppose the main point of my rambling is that I close myself emotionally from people I've met through rhp in a way that I don't with someone I've met in the real world.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think its rather easy say what you mean and mean what you say respect is a simple and little effort scruple and wen someone lacks those simple human functions to entertain any animalistic urges with them be it emotional or primitive ur just quietly begging to be treated like a fucking idiot simplicity Say what you mean . . .mean what you say. . . and always stand by ur convictions! weres the confusion ? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
For me, I have not expectations. I just want to enjoy the moment... I have to be so attracted and if I am, just the the moments that are and were are enough for me :). Of course I don't want one offs, I'd much prefer an on going arrangement, but both parties need to agree for that to happen...
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'd have to agree meeka
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RHP User
13 years ago
my wife met a married guy, vey compatible, for nsa sex. It was going along fine, but he asked for her to go camping with him, then go bushwalking in Central Australia, then to have the whole weekend with him in a hotel or wherever. I felt I had to call halt because it was out of balance. I needed her home, but she was away from Friday night to Sunday afternoon, wrecked from lack of sleep. His wife was not concerned as he often worked weekends. He expected too much.
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On_Safari
13 years ago
That love is a feeling to embrace and enjoy without it having to lead somewhere. Now that's a pure joy.". Good Lord woman do you have a depth of words and insight unparallelled or what!! I had to quote the words in case others had forgotten them. Oh how I wish my Lion was still here so he could have heard those words, he would've enjoyed them, that's how we were for 2yrs. I don't think there's anything wrong with expectations from a FB or FWB relationship. So long as you both understand each other, communicate openly about everything and respect each others boundaries. I have moments where this gets hazy but through open conversation with the focus of your lust this can be sorted. Words people backed up by affirmative actions. Can I also send out a huge hug and kisses to my guardian angels here. Yes RHP'ers this den of deviants also has it's fair share of heavenly bodies as well. Even Cavey let's his wings unfold on occasion I've noticed. Safari xx- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Well I think when you say relationship that means you want to get to know about some ones life (so its prety personnel and is a comitment of some kind) NSA fun means no strings attached so you talk about general stuff not about your life (that's out of bounse) one night stand once it becomes more than twice then you have a relationship so no longer NSA fun You can have NSA (one night stands) fun and get all your intimatcey your after you just have to find the right guy (same as what I'm looking for in a woman ) you just have to try and read the person the thing is when you enjoy it you want it again and like I said it turns into some kind of a relation ship Well that's how I see it
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RHP User
13 years ago
I can't agree with that summary, getwet. It's pretty far from my own experiences, and the experiences of those people I've spoken to. I've known NSA friendships, and that's what they are.... friendships, that have lasted years. DG
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RHP User
13 years ago
Agree with DG. Again. Sheesh must be the full moon or something. Getwet I think your expectations of RHP are little ambitious. I would say almost all women will want to get to know you a bit first. To be honest if you tell women this first up you are probably bit going to be very successful in meeting many women.
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RHP User
13 years ago
One Night Stands are only one form of NSA It is entirely possible to have a FB that you enjoy continued NSA encounters with over a period of months or years. I may be wrong, but i think, the majority of women prefer that kind of set up to a ONS. (unless of course they are acting out a stranger fantasy) Not saying you wont find a ONS, just that the pool will be realtively small.
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RHP User
13 years ago
It's great that you are being honest about what you want though. It's a good strategy as it will hopefully avoid complications down the track. Something that you seem to be keen to avoid. :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free... I suppose if a bloke is getting everything he wants, then he sees no reason to change the situation. And by everything I mean things besides sex like companionship etc.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Is this what they call a reverse gangbang? Aargh... This topic is doing my head in, there are so many definitions of a relationship. Then the relationship evolves into something different, but usually only in the eyes of the women... Do we really need regular evaluation meetings to ensure no one has the wrong end of the stick? Along with the contracts it's all sounding like a job... But then I think maybe some men would prefer it that way.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yep. I think people just plod along and they don't ask because they are scared of the answer. Most likely regular "chats" about expectations are probably necessary just to make sure you are both on the same page. It's tedious but probably the smart thing to do, especially if your arrangement seems to be evolving and you spend more and more time out of the bedroom doing coupley things. Now if I only I would take my own advice. But I am too chicken. LMAO!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have butterflies in my tummy thinking about having that conversation. Think I'll need a few drinks in me to get up the courage... Waaaa, too hard!!!Quoting 'Meeka100' Yep. I think people just plod along and they don't ask because they are scared of the answer. Most likely regular "chats" about expectations are probably necessary just to make sure you are both on the same page. It's tedious but probably the smart thing to do, especially if your arrangement seems to be evolving and you spend more and more time out of the bedroom doing coupley things. Now if I only I would take my own advice. But I am too chicken. LMAO!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Here is my $1 This is slightly tongue in cheek, sort of... Men are very simple. They say what they mean, which is they only want casual, and it would appear from the male comments on this thread they are so simple that their feelings don't develop over time either!?! . Women over complicate a lot of things and often will analyse things to death. In fact we can often be our own worst enemy when it comes to this. I reckon lots of women just don't trust or get that men really are that simple!! I mean how can they be happy with a beer, a blowjob and the footy on the box. We look for hidden meanings when there are none there. I can remember many nights gossiping and discussing men in my 20's and 30's. He said this.... What do you think that means? Etc etc. A few years ago it really clicked for me... I believe what a guy says now until he tells me different. The most simple explanation when it comes to men is the right one. Yep. I think people just plod along and they don't ask because they are scared of the answer. Most likely regular "chats" about expectations are probably necessary just to make sure you are both on the same page. It's tedious but probably the smart thing to do, especially if your arrangement seems to be evolving and you spend more and more time out of the bedroom doing coupley things. Now if I only I would take my own advice. But I am too chicken. LMAO! I've taken a bit of time to read through the posts on this topic and have tried to get a handle on things. I agree that there is a certain amount of gender bias towards relationship approaches and the expectations attached to them. That being said, I think we're no more bound by that than we are to our natural tendencies to want to break the neck of the guy who cuts us off in traffic. Feelings are not the engine in the train of our selves; they may be a coal car but are more likely the caboose! We make our own choices - choice is the engine... the problem is choice.We can choose to talk - to make ourselves vulnerable by putting our opinions, thoughts, feelings out there for another person to analyse, critique, ridicule, whatever - or we can choose not to talk - and have two people bumbling along amid a raft of assumptions and eventual miscommunications. I keep seeing that communication crops up time and again in these posts... I wonder why that is.Expectations are met in communication, by word and by action.For instance, I am not on RHP to make friends to go to the movies with, or form a book club with, or go to dinner with, or have drinks with. I could join RSVP for those things - hell, I could just go to the same bar more regularly than once in a few months, or join a CAE group. I'd like to find partners who enjoy having sex and who are open to having sex with me. If we all enjoy it, maybe more often! Friendship may grow from that but that's not why I'm looking for partners to have sex with.Years ago when I was living in Sydney I had a NSA arrangement with a woman who had a couple of kids and lived a ways from me. We met through a Yahoo chat room. I was tired of wanking to erotic stories on Usenet (dates the story much?) and she was missing having sex with someone who didn't require batteries or warming up in a bowl of hot water. Our shared commiserations led to meeting up for Maccas at 10pm and comunicating about our expectations of what a NSA arrangement might mean for us. We laid down ground rules about emotional attachment and extra-sexual activities, what needs we were hoping to meet and how we'd be helping one another. It worked great for about a year. By then she was sorting things out for herself in other parts of her life and eventually the day came when she wanted more. She met a guy on a dating website, told me a bit about how their dates went and we put our arrangement on the backburner (since we'd made an exclusivity arrangement and enjoyed some condom-free sex). They eventually hoooked up and we dissolved things between us. We were friends but not close. We would meet and have dinner beforehand but more as a prelude to sex or as a convenient fuelling time for the both of us. We might watch a movie or some TV together in between rounds. None of those things were why we got together, however.We had great communication and our expectations were revisited and openly aired. It was great, fun, relaxing, passionate, playful, expanding, sensual, enjoyable sex. That was what we wanted from one another.We both worked hard to keep things open, honest and (yes) simple. Expectations are fine - it's how we deal with them that matters, I think.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Great post PerennialBrowser. It is all about choice, although I think people are not clear in what they really want and go through a whole range of emotions, which in turns colour their choices.I also found that a lot of people cannot handle making choices well. I think they want the crutch of blaming someone else if things go pear shaped. Everyone wants to take the credit when things go well but no one wants to take the blame when things turn out badly.Expectations do change over time and you are right, communication is the key towards understanding, managing and accepting the reality of the matter. Better yet, the actions, words and personality should be congruent. It seems a lot of people hate having that conversation, but it has to be held, the sooner the better and periodically so that matters are cleared up and any hurt can be healed quicker.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, I have had fuck buddies for a year at a time too. My comments are based around FWB situations, where people do go out and spend time together out of the bedroom. And I mean a lot of time... They are friends. They may hang out all day and not even have sex. I think a lot of women confuse this intimacy for deepening feelings. Sometimes men even act a bit like boyfriends.... Then they act all surprised when a woman thinks things have developed a bit Being fuck buddies with someone is completely different to being good friends where you discuss personal stuff and are involved in each others lives. Again, it's the men that say "people", or should that really say women, don't know what they want or are not being honest. I say BS. Is it a crime that someone's feelings change? FFS. :-/
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Yes, I have had fuck buddies for a year at a time too. My comments are based around FWB situations, where people do go out and spend time together out of the bedroom. And I mean a lot of time... They are friends. They may hang out all day and not even have sex. I think a lot of women confuse this intimacy for deepening feelings. Sometimes men even act a bit like boyfriends.... Then they act all surprised when a woman thinks things have developed a bit Being fuck buddies with someone is completely different to being good friends where you discuss personal stuff and are involved in each others lives. Again, it's the men that say "people", or should that really say women, don't know what they want or are not being honest. I say BS. Is it a crime that someone's feelings change? FFS. :-/ ...but I believe that regardless of how one distinguishes between FBs and FWBs, communication in both areas is paramount. It's no crime that feelings change.My assertion is that feelings shouldn't be directing things in the relationship (whatever kind it is). Our consciously made choices should be. We can choose to give ourselves over to our feelings, yes, but my experience and observation tells me that doesn't always work, or not for very long.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What is ONS? You mentioned that in a post earlier. I bet it is something obvious but my brain is drawing a blank.Meeka, I agree with what you say about FWB, sometimes the line between FWB and boyfriend gets blurred. Communication does help to better manage any change of feelings or expectations. Not all the time though.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Again, it's the men that say "people", or should that really say women, don't know what they want or are not being honest. I say BS. Is it a crime that someone's feelings change? FFS. :-/
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RHP User
12 years ago
Feelings shouldn't be directing a relationship? Really? A relationship is a relationship because of feelings. So you believe that love is a choice. Well PB, one day a woman is going to grab you by the goollies and you will not know what to do with yourself! Sometimes feelings just take over. LMAO! Women are emotional creatures! That's part of our charm. My point has always been that men do not take responsibility for their actions. They want the sex, they want the cuddling, they want the friendship, they want the chatting to each other most days, they act like a boyfriend so in a nutshell, they want the GF, but low and behold when the woman says hey, maybe this is going some where they act all surprised and accuse the woman of not knowing what she wants! Come on boys, man up and take some responsibility for your actions. That's all I am saying. Zu7. ONS = one night stand.
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On_Safari
12 years ago
How apt that this thread has kicked off again. I have to refer to two old posts I made and quoted back in May. (Forgive the iphone and lack of para breaks!!). A relationship WITHOUT the traditional encumberances is what I offer. Meeks your explanation is sound. The sex is better when it's with someone who has become "not just a fuck" but a friend as well. Only had this discussion with a lover day before yesterday. Quote me: "I am fully versed in the rules of this liaison. It doesn't however mean that I can't find you very attractive or enjoy spending time with you. I will never ask for what you cannot give, it's not my place. This is a relationship WITHOUT the traditional encumberances.....like what I had with my lion before he passed. Do you understand? I will be honest with you and give of myself to you but I know there are boundaries. I'm not a bunny boiler..... I just want to enjoy you and have you as much as I can in the time that we have. I'm just living in the moment. You know I don't want to hurt you, I want to please you make you feel something...different......good.....alive. This is a win-win situation. You know you can have your way with me in return...... Trust as much in you as from you." Haha then I asked if he had a safe word yet ~insert the devil here~ Wayward Angel Safari Meeka: To love someone freely without the expectation of them having to love you back. That love is a feeling to embrace and enjoy without it having to lead somewhere. Now that's a pure joy.". Good Lord woman do you have a depth of words and insight unparallelled or what!! I had to quote the words in case others had forgotten them. I don't think there's anything wrong with expectations from a FB or FWB relationship. So long as you both understand each other, communicate openly about everything and respect each others boundaries. I have moments where this gets hazy but through open conversation with the focus of your lust this can be sorted. Words people backed up by affirmative actions. Safari xx Meeka Quote - Freya unfortunately love comes with expectations these days. Well actually it has always come with expectations and certain responsibilities throughout history. I tend to forget that people generally aren't accustomed to complete honesty about another's thoughts even if they haven't quite found the right words to say what they really mean. I understand there is love for a spouse, love for children and family, love for friends and love of one's self. Is it possible or excusable to have a love for a lover without it being seen as some kind of transgression? Wanting someone you've spent considerable intimate times with to care for and about you, and vice versa or for it to have meant something but not actually require anything tangible or have any expectation of any commitment in return.... is that plausible? I can love without the traditional "trappings" that word evokes, is that a bad thing? Lol maybe I shouldn't have bathed so deeply in the afterglow!! I had an embarassing situation around this very thing and am wondering what you guys and girls think? Is wanting some kind of acknowledgement that the time you spent with a person meant something and would be remembered so horrible? Why do some of us even let ourselves go there, I mean; sex is sex right lol forgive me for drowning in the lust and being intoxicated by your sweet ambrosia but did you really have to panic and run screaming for the hills? Everyone has said communication is key and I think that's true. What happens when the words come out wrong and are misinterpreted to become boiled down to a simple "you want what I can't give", ppffft I wasn't asking for a ring or ongoing commitment". And why do we women always have to dance around men's feelings? Is unconditional love such a rarity that people can't deal with it and why do thier have to be strings even if you decide to be "exclusive". Meeks I don't agree fully with your stance that it means the woman wants more especially if she's stopped meeting/seeing others. Maybe it's just wanting to make the most out the time available? I'm also not great at juggling multiple liaisons given my time is not my own anyway and am discovering that despite what most here say we usually DO prefer one on one with intimacy and a level of emotional commitment from our NSA FWB's. Thoughts? (I'm going to hate myself when I post this but fuck it I'm curious)
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RHP User
12 years ago
" To love someone freely without the expectation of them having to love you back. That love is a feeling to embrace and enjoy without it having to lead somewhere. Now that's a pure joy." Did I really say that? Hehe. Well, that doesn't mean that I don't want to be loved in return. I still want to be important in the other persons life. Unrequited love is a bitch! Have to say, considering that I have never had a serious exclusive relationship with anyone.... Nobody should listen to me! ⊂(◉‿◉)つ
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RHP User
12 years ago
You are dead right!LMAO Meeks, I call this the"the Ostrich Phenomenon" .When one buries their head in the sand, instead of addressing or taking responsibility of their OWN real relationship issue.When this happens to me...time to "run forest run".NOT FOR ME!FOXYQuoting 'Meeka100' Feelings shouldn't be directing a relationship? Really? A relationship is a relationship because of feelings. So you believe that love is a choice. Well PB, one day a woman is going to grab you by the goollies and you will not know what to do with yourself! Sometimes feelings just take over. LMAO! Women are emotional creatures! That's part of our charm. My point has always been that men do not take responsibility for their actions. They want the sex, they want the cuddling, they want the friendship, they want the chatting to each other most days, they act like a boyfriend so in a nutshell, they want the GF, but low and behold when the woman says hey, maybe this is going some where they act all surprised and accuse the woman of not knowing what she wants! Come on boys, man up and take some responsibility for your actions. That's all I am saying.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Must have been feeling all loved up that day! Although I sound kind of smug with that comment. I still don't think just because you love someone or are in love that it had to "lead" somewhere or you have to be exclusive of all others. Enjoy the feeling for what it is. :)
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On_Safari
12 years ago
No no nooooooo Meeks lol!!!!! And here I was finking you was profound or somefink. But important in the other person's life, not monumentally fair enough but enough to be considered. You do make me laugh though. :-D
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeka "To love someone freely without the expectation of them having to love you back. That love is a feeling to embrace and enjoy without it having to lead somewhere. Now that's a pure joy." I don't know if I am capable of loving someone with no expectations. I would find no joy in that arrangement at all. Maybe it's just who i am, maybe it's indicative of the greater female population. When i truly love someone, i want and expect to be loved back. I CAN have a warm fondness for a FWB's and have no expectations of it going any further, a liking, a respect and a caring, yes, that i can do. When it comes to love, i'm all in! I throw the life ring away and cast the lifeboat adrift and go with those feelings. Any man who can't handle that, doesn't deserve what i offer. Do i unleash those feelings here on RHP? No i do not. Because the arrangement i've sought here has been one of convenience and fun, not one of emotional attachment. On the odd occasion when i've developed stronger feelings for a lover, and that wasn't the original agreement, we've discussed the issue and made a decision together about how to proceed. Sometimes there is a happy ending, sometimes not. Communication is still Key.
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Spank me harder KarynB, perhaps what I really mean IS very warm fondness. Brain into gear before mouth!!! Fekkin hell, ah well lesson learnt. Onwards and upwards.....
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On_Safari
12 years ago
But I still love love. Lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
is that relationships are complicated, with each having their own needs and wants, changing over time. I think all agree that communication is vital. Karynb, putting a label on something does not make it so. At the end of the day, the best label for any relationship is "It's complicated".
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RHP User
12 years ago
AMEN to you brother!!! And that my friends is why I'm only here only for the Forums...I have given up all together with any sort of relationship with a man, as I find the relationships themselves "complicated". I am happy being just me. Happy on my own journey - growing, learning and working on making the right choices and right relationships for me, happy being surrounded by love of family and friends...That's the best I can do right now.. If I meet someone along the way - What will be, will be as long as its not "complicated". :) FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'I_N_D_A_G_I_N_E' Meeks your explanation is sound. The sex is better when it's with someone who has become "not just a fuck" but a friend as well. Only had this discussion with a lover day before yesterday. Quote me: "I am fully versed in the rules of this liaison. It doesn't however mean that I can't find you very attractive or enjoy spending time with you. I will never ask for what you cannot give, it's not my place. This is a relationship WITHOUT the traditional encumberances.....like what I had with my lion before he passed. Do you understand? I will be honest with you and give of myself to you but I know there are boundaries. I'm not a bunny boiler..... I just want to enjoy you and have you as much as I can in the time that we have. I'm just living in the moment. You know I don't want to hurt you, I want to please you make you feel something...different......good.....alive. This is a win-win situation. You know you can have your way with me in return...... Trust as much in you as from you." Haha then I asked if he had a safe word yet ~insert the devil here~ Wayward Angel Safari Thank, I don't need to read the rest of the thread now..!
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RHP User
12 years ago
More so me for being the fool I guess, holding out hope to find myself in a not so complicated relationship. Complicated I think I can handle, drama I can do without. Well, at the end of the day, we all want happiness. Some get it by being with someone, others are more happy on their own. I think the longer you are on your own, the more you get into a pattern of self reliance and find it harder to share a life with others. I guess this site is a good place for people to have some intimate connection while still living separate lives.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' Meeka "To love someone freely without the expectation of them having to love you back. That love is a feeling to embrace and enjoy without it having to lead somewhere. Now that's a pure joy." I don't know if I am capable of loving someone with no expectations. I would find no joy in that arrangement at all. Maybe it's just who i am, maybe it's indicative of the greater female population. When i truly love someone, i want and expect to be loved back. I CAN have a warm fondness for a FWB's and have no expectations of it going any further, a liking, a respect and a caring, yes, that i can do. When it comes to love, i'm all in! I throw the life ring away and cast the lifeboat adrift and go with those feelings. Any man who can't handle that, doesn't deserve what i offer. Do i unleash those feelings here on RHP? No i do not. Because the arrangement i've sought here has been one of convenience and fun, not one of emotional attachment. On the odd occasion when i've developed stronger feelings for a lover, and that wasn't the original agreement, we've discussed the issue and made a decision together about how to proceed. Sometimes there is a happy ending, sometimes not. Communication is still Key. I see a balance being struck there by Karynb that I absolutely empathise with. That's the kind of discussion I'm talking about...
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