F43
worst sex ever...
April 27 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
There is one I will never forget. He couldnt have got hard to save his life so to cover that up he went down on me. I swear he was down there for hours and I was like "what the fuck is he doing" because he just wasnt doing it for me. It was so freaking weird and I still get a confused look on my face when I think about it :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
I hate to be left wondering about things, recently stopped someone who seemed to be trying to do the 'motorboat' thing between the legs rather than the boobs. I said "Hey I'm really not understanding the purpose of that particular action" he explained that "it's the cold air on the wet clit" and I couldn't help but laugh. If you're expelling warm breath onto a vagina at nearly point-blank there's no cold air effect, all you get is labia flapping around like a parachutist's suit. Idiot.xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
When I'm alone. | I mean, it feels okay but they say only crazy people talk to themselves...right? | Oh well CM, you tight ass bastard...at least I don't get all miffy because you only ever take me to McDonalds. | Shut up, your a cheap date. *boink*...just like on Star Trek!
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DonnaBrett
15 years ago
Rather than one experience, there are several things that have made for bad sex... one girl who must have had teeth like a dolphin..cos getting head was like running my cock over a cheese grater!! OUCH! Then there's the starfish or T-Bone women..who just lay there..a blow up doll would be more exciting...oh and the really smelly nether regions, bad breath & BO...eeewww...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78'I hate to be left wondering about things, recently stopped someone who seemed to be trying to do the 'motorboat' thing between the legs rather than the boobs. I said "Hey I'm really not understanding the purpose of that particular action" he explained that "it's the cold air on the wet clit" and I couldn't help but laugh. If you're expelling warm breath onto a vagina at nearly point-blank there's no cold air effect, all you get is labia flapping around like a parachutist's suit. Idiot. xx Sarah Is the mental picture that just painted in my mind . . Naughtygirl , mine would have to be an old boyfriend, good grief he had such a lovely manhood but Im not even sure if I ever got to feel itHe would cum everytime just before penetration, I guess I can't call that bad cos how would I really know? it must have gotten in there once or twice surely. But what I do remember is cutting out as much foreplay as possible before hand, might as well have cut off my own nose
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RHP User
15 years ago
who would have ever thought he was a self harmer? God thats funny
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RHP User
15 years ago
If I survived the thread that nuked on instant posting priveleges?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'ChasingMidnight'If I survived the thread that nuked on instant posting priveleges? ... Not surprising really *eyeroll*
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RHP User
15 years ago
Here too
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RHP User
15 years ago
I've noticed this a couple of times with Overseas Guys who are very Intelligent and methodical.. I met him ,talked ,then shared a Massage with this Particular Guy. as I was finishing he said jump up on the bed and we can Fuck! I was thinking no I didn't hear that .!!!So I asked yes he said it well that was sorted that I don't Fuck but share Sexual Intimacy .He!he! Then he began to pleasure me startng at my neck ..It was like he was using a plunger on me wide mouth suction he was counting in his mind too ...123 Lips then 123 otherside ..The poor thing gropped his way down . I wondered what I'd gotten into here .His efforts were capped off when I asked if he plans to pleasure my Pussy I Love that .. He sat bolt upright said eeeeeeewwwwwwww I don't do that .. Well needless to say that was an end to the underwhelming experience....I felt so sorry for him knowing so little that he could be that bad. I asked if he had been with other Women what they thought .Aparently he had been in a Relationship for 18mths I remarked was she a Virgin didn't know any better.She had nothing to compare him with he!he!He was very surprised he wasn't an awesome Love I let him down gently then proceeded to Tutor him so he wouldn't try that on another Female. God it was Painful to think he was so inexperienced. Now he's a good Lover just needs practice ... Cheers Lu :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Once... when I was sixteen, I was so drunk I peed on a guy I was on top of... Soooooooo embarrassing... wonder if he's into that now...Worst was the dude that was so drunk he puked on me then passed out... CheersMrs J
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78'I hate to be left wondering about things, recently stopped someone who seemed to be trying to do the 'motorboat' thing between the legs rather than the boobs. I said "Hey I'm really not understanding the purpose of that particular action" he explained that "it's the cold air on the wet clit" and I couldn't help but laugh. If you're expelling warm breath onto a vagina at nearly point-blank there's no cold air effect, all you get is labia flapping around like a parachutist's suit. Idiot. xx Sarah Motorboat??????? Ewwwww and I get sea sick so what would happen then :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
A guy who seriously was SUPER FUNNY, everything was fun/funny, so it wasn't a complete loss LOL! His rational was all the funnymen of Holleywood got the hot wives thru their humour, coz most of them aren't nearly as hot as their wives. So he ran with that, but it wasn't to make up for his looks, it was to make up with the lack of 'hard times' (or the hard times he had having hard times..) Anyhoo so sexy time was a little like...yeah, hard-ish, yeah, nearly, no... s lot of patience required... so as a distraction i got 'performaces'!! One time he broke into the macarena dance/song/wiggle on top of me?! thank god i'd had a bit to drink that night! coz it was errrr 'different' to what i was used too... a few attempts, got there a few times, well for a little bit anyway So this other time, i think he was trying to rev things up maybe? Plus he is a sports nut, so he cut to a commentating bit role, and gave me a humours play by play of what was coming up (well hopefully, cuming and up) and what I was to expect blah blah Worst sex ever, but shit he was funny, one night we gave up and instead for ummm a LONG TIME? kept loading our favourite songs from youtube on the tv, loud as, and we danced on the coffee table/couches and acted like 5 year olds! I hadn't done that since a teenage slumber party, except he didn't bother putting any clothes on, so this was the naked kind... Guys dancing naked is pretty funny too hahaha! And regardless, he was a major slut, gave it all a good ole go regardless. He was a friend of a friend, so we knew some of the same people and were from the same boring town, so yes i saw him a few times, and let me tell u i never had sex up there as the reason why, he was just soooo funny during a tough time, plus he was going thru the same personal thing i was. So we were just a good distraction to each other with stuff in common and had the occasional REALLY BAD (yet sometimes funny) SEX! Eventually I had to call it though... No regrets.Plus it made my next partner a FUCKING ROCKSTAR OF SEX haha But I other than him, i can't recall anyone else? P.S. There was another thread something like this and what stuck in my mind was this VERY unfortunate guys post... I think it was a one nighter, he and girl go back to one of there houses, they are in the middle of some drunk stranger sex, then oh no!! She starts to vomit, on him.... then seeing her vomit made him vomit, and on it went... ewwwww NOW THAT IS BAD SEX!! Oh and one of my recent FWBs unfortunately liked to talk about his movements, and gave me too much detail, too often... should have been a deal breaker then and there really? Anyway, i was too scared to let him fall asleep in my bed, because.... just like that NASTY scene from trainspotting, where his one night stand had him wake up at the girls house (she lived with her parents), they were all eating breakfast when he woke up in his 'SOILED' sheets (i never thought that that was seriously a possibility just from being drunk or drugged or woteva), so he tries to bundle the sheets and sneak off, but the family catch him, the mum grabs at the sheets, he won't let go, they have a tug o war, and yep.... shit EVERYWHERE.... well this FWB said that he had woken up in that state b4.... i hope he was fucking with me! But he had me scared none the less... How shit is a fetish for some people i DO NOT UNDERSTAND (i’d rather the vomiting sex, over pooping on each other!!?)
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RHP User
15 years ago
PMSL at the above entries.... for the worst sex story EVER i have heard, my ex husband was with his first girlfriend, and while giving him a hand job she managed to RIP HIS FORESKIN HALF OFF. now dont ask me what she was doing, lol but the poor guy still had a big scar from it. and a phobia of women touching his cock. gee i dont know why.... : D
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'naughtygirl4310'PMSL at the above entries.... for the worst sex story EVER i have heard, my ex husband was with his first girlfriend, and while giving him a hand job she managed to RIP HIS FORESKIN HALF OFF. now dont ask me what she was doing, lol but the poor guy still had a big scar from it. and a phobia of women touching his cock. gee i dont know why.... : D Danger money!! ummm Im gonna take a wild stab and say, no lube perhaps? poor bugger though
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RHP User
15 years ago
I like this thread! To thow my 2 cents in:The worst (and funniest) sex was on a cold night in Canberra.... things were getting 'steamy' with a lot of rolling around and kissing on a bed.... the person I was with rolled off the bed and smashed her bedroom window with her ass! A gush of *freezing* air put a halt on proceedings!:P
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RHP User
15 years ago
Chilli - it sounds like you've done that on purpose in the past! lol :PQuoting 'HotSexyChilli' It's something that all of us have experienced in one way or another You know that crazy moment when you decide to change positions and on your way across your knee ends up grinding his groin in a police take-down kind of way... The guy lies there on his back groaning, but stays in the room coz he's still waiting to get his... The girl (if she's anything like me) has a fit of the giggles and alternates between "I'm so so sorry" being undermined with "baaaaahahahaha..."Chilli xx I still always laugh when I'm naughty...
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RHP User
15 years ago
A female friend once told me of a sex story which was pretty bad:She was wined and dined by a quite famous young stock broker, we're talking top restaurant, no expense spared. Suitably impressed she followed him back to his hotel room replete with million dollar harbour views. They start making out and removing clothes and all is going well until all the good wine kicks in and the poor girl starts feeling sick. Too much good wine and she's got her head over the toilet bowl puking her guts out. Now for the worst bit, stockbroker comes up behind her, to comfort her one would think? Noooo he tries to take her from behind as she's puking in the toilet!!!!!Ewww!!!So as soon as she catches her breath from the puking she's half dressed herself and high tailed it out of there!Oh I was having a hard time thinking of MY worst sex but recounting this has reminded me:I used to meet up with an ex-gfs friend for a weekly dinner at a cool little cafe that had live jazz every week. It was a very small place, very cool, very intimate. We would usually finish off a couple of bottles of wine between us over the night and leave very drunk. My place was close by so we'd more often than not crash there, very swanky with a single mattress on the floor!!!! This went on every week for well over a year, we'd shared this tiny bed so many times and never once thought about bonking each other (my ex was kinda my first love and I wasn't over her by a long shot which helped). Well one night after a bottle, or was it two, this friend points out with a laugh how funny it was that neither of us had put a move on the other. Well once we'd thought about it of course the next few weeks were full of a rising sexual tension between us and both avoided the sleep over. So yes of course on one subsequent outing and after more wine than usual we rolled on back to my place and it was on!!! We tore each others clothes off and went at it. Only problem was we were both so damn drunk that we succeeded in providing each other with the worst sex ever! We awoke naked in each others arms the next morning nursing huge hang overs. I looked at her and said "was that as bad for you as it was for me" or something to that effect, she whole heartedly agreed. We also agreed we need not repeat the performance. So we went back to the usual weekly routine and just enjoyed the cuddles. Mind you she was such a sexy little thing I wouldn't mind having another go in my old age :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
... the girl in both stories was the same!!!!! Poor thing, hope she's had better luck!
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