M38
why do so many girls join looking for a relationship?
June 25 2009
Comments
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playfulminx
17 years ago
I think you'll find that many people join RHP for many reasons. A lot of girls aren't looking for love or husbands but if they are, so what? You're allowed to tell them that you're not interested and move on to the next girl. I've also noticed that with some girls, they do go through a period of wanting NSA sex when they first join up but later start wanting something a bit more involved. Given a lot of people hook-up for the long term via RHP, it's probably reasonable for girls to think they just might meet Mr Right on here, particularly one that might want to play as a couple too. I do feel your pain... but maybe you should put in your profile that you're only looking for girls who are after NSA sex and not a relationship. That way, girls who only want relationships won't respond to you :)
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RHP User
17 years ago
Mate. Maybe when it comes down to it they're just being honest with themselves. A person can be in love and still enjoy all have fetishes so the two are not mutually exclusive. Also, lots of people that go looking for nsa sex... wind up meeting someone that connects deliciously and before they know it... it's too late.. addicted to one another ... an accident. Oops. Sorry... but I love you now so get used to it or I'll just have to become your stalker.... lol. People can also love more than one, say my wife and my boyfriend for example... despite what conventional wisdom tells you, it's emotionally reasonable to love more than one if it happens to you.... and from the outside the situation seems absolutely crazy if you've never experienced it. Any addiction is euphoric. Love is such an addiction. It's a natural source of dopamine that no amount of ghb can compete with. Little wonder that people look for it, even on a site like this. Pity it happens so often by accident.
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RHP User
17 years ago
i so agree with gaz life changes and people are all at different parts of there lives . dntclose it will all fall into place and it may happen to u .been on site has made me realise we are all different not all agree but in the true end we all lookin for that amazing person that we so click with so no matter how many people we meet on the way in time maybe not on this site but somewhere the person is out there life is a journey just take it like i do could be runover by a bus tomorrow as we all dont know how life will pan out
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RHP User
17 years ago
good points, it just seems so simple to join a pure dating site but hey who am I to tell people what they SHOULD do...
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RHP User
17 years ago
This is a rarity, very few profiles state anything along those lines. I've only talked to a couple of people and most of those were not even looking to meet anyone irl let alone anything else. So how many are you actually talking about. Maybe they just reckon you are a good catch. In any case just be happy that you have some here that are into you, but let them know what you want out of it.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Sometimes circumstances may change in someones life, such as the end of uni where they may have more time and are now able to concentrate on their love life. It could be a change in self esteem or confidence. Could be a change amongst their group of friends where more are becoming couples. Could be ya just a young chicky magnet lol. I wouldnt say this is something exclusive only to females though, it occurs in guys too. Nor can you say that RHP is exclusive to NSA fun and send them packing to RSVP, coz there are prob equally the same amount of people on that site more suited to NSA fun, then something long term. In fact there are quite a lot of people that seem to have their finger (or other bits) in multiple date/sex sites to improve their chances and this site also has a dating section btw as well. I also know quite a few, that were prob looking for NSA on here and now happily hooked up. So who knows where you will be, the one day you get shot in the butt by cupids arrow. I did chuckle when I read your post, as you reminded me of primary school when boys were petrified of girl germs and cooties, and would pull their jumper sleeves down over their hands, when they had to hold hands when learning the barn dance for school assembly. It's really not that bad yanno, you should be flattered if a girl falls for ya. But this is obviously not what you want atm, and Ms Sketti has sound advice in sticking..the not looking for bit up on your profile, so go with that. Good luck! xx Miss Honey xx <<<< hands DNT a large bat, in case of low flying naked fingies, wiv heart shaped tipped arrows strapped to their backs.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Sorry.... I mean Minx not Sketti. I didnt look at the name, and your pose seemed similar to one of Sketti's, and I am slightly sleep deprived. Ooops. :)
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RHP User
17 years ago
a commited relationship. when i asked them. they said "blokes on normal dating sites were not so open about sex and what they wanted".. at least here they knew what they'd get (roughly).. i thought it sounded like perfectly reasonable logic. LRE (commited to meeples and clean skin)
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RHP User
17 years ago
whats wrong with wanting to meet someone eventually for a relationship...most of us want that but we can't survive on air alone and need the entertainment to get us through...you never know if its going to happen and when...but then I don't go meeting people as prospective husbands, I look at it for what it is
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RHP User
17 years ago
Didnt know i joined to provide a service to you... Signed up for ??? excuse me !!! We wish you well in your endeavour to find anyone....dntcloseyoureyes now...you might miss what your looking for ...lol Leelee
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RHP User
17 years ago
Wish i was 20 again :)
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RHP User
17 years ago
I find this post funny, since I'm one of those girls who seems to think that getting to know someone isn't such a bad thing and who cares if two people who meet off a sex dating site fall in love. Your only 20.... yes it's the traditional time for you to sow your wild oats, but this site is not just about sex, as many of the success stories prove. If you look at the site description, it say's Adult Dating Service, not "Site for horny fuckers to find a one time sex fling, shag and forget about it." Yes it can be that, but I live in Hope, I tend to think that things can be many different things to many different people. If you want random one night stand type sex and just get your rocks off, go traditional and use nightclubs and drunk chicks. If you want quality mind blowing sex with someone who has an actual connection with you, try actually finding someone you are attracted to. Being in a relationship isn't so bad. We live in a society that now values how we look rather than who we are. It values sexual attraction over personal worth. No one chick wants to look like a slut, unless they are that way inclined, that they want to attract a man through basic sexual attraction. there is nothing wrong with that, but the meanings of the word slut are far more degrading than most men can possibly understand. I like sex.... but I'm not a slut. Study the etymology of the actual word slut and you will find that most of the women on this site only adhere to one particular meaning. They like to dress provocatively in order to get a guys attention. Thats because it seems to be the only way these days TO get a guys attention. So what you consider "attractive", lots of skin, short skirts, high heels, etc.... is actually "slutty" in the truest sense of the word. The true knowledge of something changes our perception of it. Maybe thats your problem .... you don't want to get to know a girl on that intimate a level. Thats why you only want NSA sex. Fear is a powerful motivator for peoples behaviour. Now I'm not judging you, just giving you something more to think about. Personally I don't think my search for Mr Right should be restricted by someone elses opinion. I have a good enough chance of finding "love" here or anywhere. I would suggest you open your eyes, rather than keep them blinkered by only one perspective.
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RHP User
17 years ago
ah.. 20 huh ;) You see, I wouldnt (at this point in time) want to have sex with someone who wasnt "possibly" relationship material. If thats looking for love, so be it. I think it is, but its also looking for great sex. I dont think you can have one without the other. Passion is something you will learn to enjoy, more than just sex, or even great sex. If they're looking for love, and you find them attractive... you could be missing out on the best thing you've ever had the pleasure to enjoy. Theres plenty of girls who only want NSA sex... go for it, just dont shut the door on the possibility of something possibly better. J
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RHP User
17 years ago
I am quite astounded at how many people have misunderstood what I meant... Firstly I don't have a problem with people looking for a relationship but I fail to see why anyone would join this site and be upset when horny guys ask for sex. My understanding of sites like this is for people to have one night stands, online talking, swingers and friends with benefits. I simply assumed those looking for love would gravitate towards a site that was not filled with guys looking for sex. And I know other sites have that too but in this scale.... GRAVNLEELEE65: I never said you joined to provide a service to me or anyone else. I am confused at why you are taken back at me saying you "signed up", I mean, how do you think you are able to post on this forum, by gee I don't know, signing up?
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playfulminx
17 years ago
LOL - Do you have any idea how some guys go about asking for sex on here tho? I don't blame girls for putting up the I-want-a-relationship wall to get those types off of their backs! Now, you seem like a reasonable and well-spoken/mannered young man so I don't think you'd say 'How 'bout a fuck?' as your opening line (trust me... many, many men do) but are you actually literally asking for sex? Sex site or not, I think you still need to at least pretend that you're interested in your potential shag as a person before broaching the sex thing. I'm as open minded as the next 30-something that's into freaky, random sex but the person most likely to get an invite over engages in small talk with me first :) Seduction is the key word and people are very much mistaken if the ease of using an internet site eliminates the need for it :P
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RHP User
17 years ago
Again, I ask the question, what is so wrong with joining a site for sex but still hoping to find a relationship. So many relationships go bad because of the lack of sexual compatibility. What is wrong with a girl looking for a nice bloke who rocks her world in and out of the sack. I didn't think that sex was thought of as a commodity to be traded. I had hoped that there where still people out there who thought sex was something special to be shared between two people who thought something of each other. Maybe it's the generational divide, maybe younger people don't get the idea of sex as a way of showing care or appreciation for another person. God knows I understand the need to get your rocks off. That doesn't mean a person can'tmake a connection with a person, even on a casual basis. Personally, I would be flattered that girls are telling you they feel attraction to you. A lot of the guys I seem to attract only want me for one thing. Maybe it's my photo, but personally I think it's the fact that I seem to not be "attractive" enough for guys who prefer fake women with no brains and no personality and no spirit. A real woman wants you to love her. Personally, I'll wait for the real man to come along before I give in to fake love.
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RHP User
17 years ago
well I originally joined to make friends as I was a homebody , very shy and knew no-one... but as it stated in my profile at the time, if Mr right comes along.... and he did, so now am only here for social stuff.... this webiste is for many things, not just getting a shag, or just for swingers.. it's a meeting place of sorts, an outlet to meet ppl with similar interests, wether it be for play or friendship or relationship, each to their own, if you dont want a relationship, say so!!! doesn't mean others cant... Lil
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RHP User
17 years ago
I'm interested to know what is it that dntcloseyoureyes thinks girls SHOULD realise they signed up for ...?
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RHP User
17 years ago
dntcloseyoureyes ... if 'horny guys' send flirts n messages with out reading the profile first, then tough titties when they get told hey your not what I am looking for.... RHP is not just for people to have one night stands, online talking, swingers and friends with benefits...AND as I said earlier, this is a dating site.... meeting place etc,, not just for HORNY MEN!! I for one know exactly what I signed up for....... Lil
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RHP User
17 years ago
lmfao... well since this is a swingers site. All girls signed up for a roll in the clover. Surely that's completely obvious. I mean, take a look at your avatars. While you are at it... have another look at his avatar... handsome young guy eh... don't pretend that wasn't why you put a response here.... so he could notice you.... lol. At least Mountainmiss was honest about her response. I so love this thread... if you wanna see ta~tas... come to this thead. The guy is a legend. He should ask more questions!
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RHP User
17 years ago
Personally, I'm getting more and more offended by men who think women who would like a relationship that may eventuate after a one-nite stand have no right to be on this site!! Just because women join the site doesn't mean they can't hope for something more from someone they might hook up with here. It's a tough world out there and this is one of many avenues available to meet somebody...and you're 20! Helloooo there are a lot of women on here who have been and done the marriage/divorce thing and would like to explore their options sexually but that does NOT mean they just have to be satisfied with one niters for the rest of their life. So go out and sow your wild oats and leave each individual to their own preferences. Cheers :)
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RHP User
17 years ago
I'm not sure what kind of commited, faitful relationship any girl would hope to find on here? It is obvious that probably most people join RHP looking for NSA sex. There are plenty of other sites to find relationships.
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RHP User
17 years ago
ExoticPussyH I found a guy on here and am in a committed realtionship, was never here for NSA sex, this site is not just for sex!!! There are real people out there, just have to weed out all the ones that only want sex...
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RHP User
17 years ago
i have been on here for a long time and well when i joined i joined to meet "likeminded" adults and what i have been looking for is playfriends ( my definition of playfriend is sumone i can make a friendship with ... u know hang out talk crap drink with the added bonus of uncomplicated sex ) alot of ppl confuse this with bootycall ... sorry but i like to be able to converse with the person im screwing and i cant be sexully open to anyone that wants to use me as a cumbucket but alot of men ( and some ladies) are scared off by this and still go ahead with the wham bam ... i also like to have the "playfriend" relationship as very open as it can be ( i screw other ppl the other person can to i dont care ... tell me your conquests i like naughty stories ) so u say that too many ppl are looking for relationships on here ... i say there are too many looking for notches on their bedheads one nighters arent cool either u know ..... how can u deem sumone sexually compatible from just a one off
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RHP User
17 years ago
I would have loved to have found NSA sex in this site. I've been here a few years though and have found I'm just not a good enough bull **** artist. The girls I have met are just looking for relationships. Others I'd likely be more interested in only go for a/holes. Over time I became more interested in the couples as they genuinely know how to have casual sex, well as far as the third party is concerned anyway lol. However even the more genuine ones have limited available time, the same desire for adventure but more opportunity and so unless one has the gift of the gab then meeting for sex on a even close to regular basis is a bit of a pipe dream. Even when it clicks circumstances change, still been some of the most magnificent fun, some of those wives... :) My fantasies turned to finding a lass like myself. Who thoroughly enjoys casual sex and yet would like a partner who not only understands but would like to share it with her. Basically finding myself one of those magnificent wives with which to share the lifestyle who already understood what it was about, I'd already had a bad esperience trying to teach an adventurous newbie. I've found such a one but we still have the stumbling block that so many typically shallow women who seem so adventurous are actually looking for one to call their own and so there are far more oportunities for her to enjoy the lifestyle than myself. Luckily I've been around enough to be able to handle that but I have to agree with some in here. Life would be much simpler if sex sites were sex sites and dating were dating. The looking for attributes, especially in casual sex, can be much more flexible but surely most of us know whether we are looking for commitment or care free fun, whether it be regular or ONS. The girls that come in here going on about "typical guys" because they're mostly interested in sexy fun really get my goat. Hell I may have found a partner in here but she, like me, wouldn't have been wasting her time in a dating site lol.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Yer well i'd just like to actully make some sought of contact .Ijioned up hopping to meet likeminded people too but if i found someone on here that i could click with i would'nt knock back a relationship infact i think it would be brilliant that i could find someone that i could truely be open with and not be ashame about my sexuality as i am not gay but not str8 but i find it very hard to find a girl that understands so thats why im here hoping to just click and sorry guy's but i am looking for girls but there's no harm in looking lol
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RHP User
17 years ago
Who are you to define a relationship? and what people come to Redhotpie for?...there are many different kinds/levels of relationship....I dont see anywhere redhotpie stipulating that this is a sex only site.... In my opinion it is you that are the short sighted one and you would do well to realise this instead of being "annoyed" If you dont want the same relationship as another person then move on to the next, it's not going to change just to suit ur allmighty desires....yes, this means work...if you dont want work then hire a prostitute...
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RHP User
17 years ago
I have not read every persons comments but i just wanted to say I am part of a couple (mrs sexy) but also play alone. l love NSA sex and that is all I am looking for when I play as a single girl but have found when men are asking directly for sex they really piss me off even though that is what I want, I guess because if they are just wanting sex - go to a prostitute. Just because I love having sex with new men does not mean I want to have sex with every new man I met. Also I have had the same thing happen to me but with single males even though I am very clear that I am married but can play alone. However I have men wanting to do "girlfriend stuff" with like going shopping, calling up just to chat etc. So it can go both ways
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RHP User
17 years ago
i agree in some ways as to not many guys on here are looking for anything more than nsa or a one off which pisses me off just a tad.. as to some people saying if u want a relationship go on a 'relationships site' well i am on them and i find the guys are all the same on there too they pretty much ask for sex straight up and say thats all they are after ..or maybe its all they want to offer me !! lol i want a boyfriend but i am also pretty horny so thought i would give this a go , u never know what will come out of it.. xx chrissy
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RHP User
17 years ago
Your initial comment and subsequent reiteration of that comment makes me think that I'm so glad I'm not 20 anymore. Sure, this may be a site where horny young men think they can just ask and they receive a one night stand.......but I can assure you it's more to do with HOW you approach the women on here as to your success rate. Why shouldn't people looking for more than just random sex with a stranger join this site.......does your view mean that people looking for maybe something more, don't have a huge appetite for sex? Life shouldn't be planned out.......live for the adventures that just spontaneously happen......who knows if that person you meet for a hot one night stand may turn out to be someone you just click with........ This site is here for many reasons....friendship, sex, possible relationships......I get the feeling you may be getting a little dark about it because your success rate may not be as high as you would have liked.......if that's the case, just relax a little bit and go with the flow. Hx
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RHP User
17 years ago
hi im 20 my girl is 19 now we meet on this site 8 mths we bother were not looking for a relationship so to speek but it just worked out for the two of us we both live together and love each other to aswell as still been on this site WE BOTH LOVE SEX
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RHP User
17 years ago
Interesting thread, I beleive the vast majority of the female population want the white picket fence, 2.2 kids , the dog, in short the whole package, or variations on that theme, regardless of what they might have you beleive in their profile. Thats just the way females are wired, of course there are allways the occasional exceptions to the rule. Doesn't mean they dont want sex, but NSA will mostly be with a view to making you husband material at some point! Alcohol and recreational drugs aside. Therefore a purely sexual site cannot exist as far as straight sex goes. Gay guys however seem to manage it so much better.
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RHP User
16 years ago
OK, Great conversation thread and a lot of valid points. But I have one question. Is love, commitment, a relationship and great sex contra indicated as a combined activity in the minds of the younger age group? Do they believe those aspects can not co-exist? Us "OLDIES" lol.....know that they can and often do work very well together.... or is that just life expieriance talking?
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RHP User
16 years ago
Welcome to the world of adult life sweet cheeks....grow up!!! You are only just beginning......its a shame there are not sites tailormade for the developing adults. Its your choice to pursue or not to pursue...if the lady wants more and you dont....back away gently with a simple thanks but no thanks.....if you dont want a relationship be honest at the get go and move on to your next conquest.
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RHP User
16 years ago
A healthy relationship is a very beautiful thing to experience. I've had a couple of great and would definately do it again. Bravo to Shedonist's comment you hit the nail on the head.
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RHP User
16 years ago
all i can say is.. do whatever makes u happy.. whether is for love or shag!!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
We're not all looking for a relationship, we're looking for the potential for a relationship. So if all your offering is a shag then no one will want to be with you, not me anyway. I'm not opposed to one night stands, but I want a guy to take my breath away and leave me begging for more. Too many of you guys just want to treat us like sex dolls and get pissed when you find out we have feelings, if you want no strings attached sex that badly go to a brothel! :-)SF
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Ringleader
16 years ago
Dontcloseyoureyes makes a valid point. This site isn't set up for dating, however no one here including him is against dating. I've never joined a dating site. Because I want the sexual aspect to have a clear and definate role to my profile. If women chose this site for a relationship, I'm sure they left and deleted their profile after the first dick photo came up in the quickmatch. There must be an identical topic like this posted on a dating site somewhere. Just with the roles and protaganist swapped by gender. Can you imagine how many guys there are on those site. That mention they're looking for a relationship. But instead want to play doctors and nurses? It's the clarity of our intentions that make us come here. The chance to express our desires without fear of some sort of stigma for sharing them. It's the same thing if I put on my profile that I'd love to be plowed up the bum by the entire Australian olympic team( and support staff, commitee members, friends and family). But then say:" No. I'm shy". Or: "Sorry, I prefer the American Olympic Team and etc..." The one thing we all desire on here is the honesty. And it's the one thing we rarely use. If you do wish for a relationship. Then that's great, but be aware that your telling an audience that would like you to be naked when you say it. Embrace the freedom that the site give you. That you can express your sexual desires to like minded singles and couples. And act on them, if you find a nice match Probably the best thing we can take from this topic. Is to always update our profiles. And read other carefully. And remember your word's always mean more whilst you perform oral sex.
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RHP User
16 years ago
hahaha you rock girl lol. Nah some are too cheap to go pay for it lol. I mean come on how many times you hear, hey wanna get it on this arvo asap, i mean shite i went for coffee once with a guy to meet him and i had to pay for my own darn coffee lol. Cant picture him havin the dollars to go to a brothel lol Nah seriously there is different types of people on here and to even start judging people is wrong. I mean ok im honest i wont answer an email that says lets get it on asap ...to me the guys cheap, nasty and tacky. To the next lady she may find that cute and funny...but this is a sex site so he has a right to email what he wants to me, then it is up to me to decide if i will answer or not. But noone has the right to turn around and judge the women on here and say that most are after relationships. Everyone is different and it goes the same way with the guys too. Some guys are on here to find friends with benefits, yet hoping they may also find that special someone. Not every guy is here just for a shag and 1 night stand. And i dont remember starting a forum on the guys and what are they doing here if aint purely after sex. Bit niave dontcloseyoureyes. But then you are only 20 so will forgive you. The beauty of this site is it does allow all types of people to find exactly what they are looking for. If you dont like what ya find with one woman.......simple. Be nice about it, treat the person with respect, tell them that is not what your looking for and move on to the next profile. i mean geesh you cant tell me ya just having constant bad luck, the site has millions of members. So if your finding the same problem, maybe you should look at what is written on your profile and see what your doing wrong.
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RHP User
16 years ago
you said in your comment that this site wasnt set up for dating well where does it say that it is soley n wholey a sex site ?????? i have found friendships and boyfriends , fuck buddies /friends with benifits ...i know people who have found there husbands on here and friends who have found themselves on here .........so i dont think anything should be ruled out you just never know what you may find if you open your eyes and your mind to the many opportunities that may present themselves to you here .... open your heart and open your mind ..... but always carry a can of mace
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RHP User
16 years ago
a can of mace?? is that not a big ball with spikes on it? or has D&D affected me all those years ago? <> LRE (in the leather armour)
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RHP User
16 years ago
"you said in your comment that this site wasnt set up for dating well where does it say that it is soley n wholey a sex site ?????? i have found friendships and boyfriends , fuck buddies /friends with benifits ...i know people who have found there husbands on here and friends who have found themselves on here .........so i dont think anything should be ruled out you just never know what you may find if you open your eyes and your mind to the many opportunities that may present themselves to you here .... open your heart and open your mind ..... but always carry a can of mace " I liked your comment to this, and would agree fully, sites like this a mainly for meeting up with people in todays world which is pretty busy and full of that ye old stress.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I swear, if i had the ability, the next person to say "blah blah blah, your only 20" would be struck by lightning. Do you honestly think that there isn't men in there 30's and 40's on this site who would have asked this same question if they'd had the balls to open themselves up to the ridicule and insults that dontcloseyoureyes has received?? I'm 21, and actually happen to be intelligent, empathetic and well adjusted. This was quite simply a genuine question about the women who state that they are ONLY looking for a relationship. And yes, it may well be an "adult" dating site, (as opposed to the non-adult ones?), but it's not GENERALLY used as a "looking for love and commitment" style dating site, which should be evident from the questions asked during the SIGN UP process. Aside from possibly some poorly chosen words i don't think don'tcloseyoureyes has cast any negative opinions on the people that are looking relationships, but is merely asking why they are doing it in such a sexually overt forum. And now that i've had my rant, i guess i should answer the topic. lol The way i see it is, for the most part there looking for regular sex with the possibility of something more. In some cases they may not want to appear like a slut for being on a *braces self, SEX site. Or maybe they really don't have a clue what RedHotPie is PRE-DOMINANTLY used for. And on a final note for those people who seem to think that RedHotPie ISN'T a sex site... Take a look around would you? This site was originally created as a sex personals/swingers site and just because some people choose to use it otherwise, doesn't mean the intention has changed. Hence the LARGE amount of sexual content. *runs to secret place to hide from the obvious torrent of abuse... kisses and hugs, Hungry
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Ringleader
16 years ago
Brighty made her opinions felt with: "you said in your comment that this site wasnt set up for dating well where does it say that it is soley n wholey a sex site " Well your right there. To a point. There is no billboard size banner on this site, that says:" This site is only for sexual encounters. Daters please go away!" But If the sexual aspect isn't expressed firmly ahead of(not without), then what's the purpose of the link on the main page to YES Dating? Why would they attach a link to a dating site, if you were already on a dating site? Yes RHP cater to many different lifestyles, as can be seen by the many and varied Clubs & Organizers on here: speed dating, travel clubs, social networking clubs, singles clubs,fetish clubs, gay and lesbian clubs and swingers clubs etc... But it's overtly a place to meet for a sexual experience primaly, then a emotional and whatever else your searching for.
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playfulminx
16 years ago
Really easy:RHP = Meet someone with view to having casual sex. Relationship a bonus.YES Dating = Meet someone with view to having a relationship. Casual sex a bonus.
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Ringleader
16 years ago
RHP = Meet someone with view to having casual sex. Relationship a bonus.YES Dating = Meet someone with view to having a relationship. Casual sex a bonus. Really, really easy! I would suggest dntcloseyoureyes, channel your efforts towards ladies that are searching for men & couples(MM). Most likely their in need of your 20 something stamina.
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