time for a Friday funnie.....

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  thanks curious,,, good to start the weekend with a good giggle

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Priceless! Goodonya ICCheers Nev

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  IC that was brilliant....ok il give it a go... naked man looks in the mirror and says to his wife "why do i always get a hard on when i look at myself???" wife says "cause even your cock thinks your a cunt" roxxy xxx

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  IC that was priceless,, roxxy,, i just choked on my cuppa tea!

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  nice one roxxy..... keep on laughing Nev.....its a good way to start the weekend And for more than just a few laughs...dont forget the Melbourne meet and greet drinks night tomorrow - Saturday 1st May at the new venue...Oddfellows in the city.....check out the details in events listing shameless plug I know.....hehehe

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.' The room erupted in applause! DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  The rain had eased to a fine mist, the crowd lowered their umbrella's as they made their way home. The widow shuffled along last, her body bent, the clip clip of her cane the only noise now. As she neared the line of cars, she turned to take one last look at the freshly turned soil that now entombs her husband. They had been together for over 70 years, raised children, seen them grow and have children of their own. She stood there, alone for the first time in her life, casting a forlorn image of love that is lost.The reporter, stood to one side, unsure of what to do. He had been tasked with this story, to find out what kept this couple together for over three score and ten years. Was it love, was it compassion, was it just familiarity. Whatever it was, he thought to himself, it was something that seems to be lacking in today's modern, materialistic world. He knew this wasn't the time nor the place to ask, but his editor had insisted he get his story here, now, whilst the smell of freshly turned soil was still heavy in the air.He walked up to the widow, and with head bowed, cleared his throat. The widow turned and looked at the young reporter. He noticed her eyes, they shone brightly, even through the veil of tears."Ma'am" the report stuttered, "My deepest condolences for your loss. I know this is an inopportune time but I was wondering if I could ask you some questions."Without waiting for a response, he continued. "Ma'am, you and your husband were renowned here as the longest living couple in the district. Everyone I have spoken to praised the love you had for each other. People of told me how close you two were, never an argument, never a cross word was heard between you to. Please Ma'am, my readers need to know what the secret was, how did your love for each other stay the same through all these decades."The widow looked at the reporter and smiled. "Please, help me to the car and I will tell you." Taking her arm, the reporter guided the frail lady to the waiting limo, and eased her into the back seat. Sliding in beside her, he pulled his notebook out and clicked on his pen, ready to transcribe the secret of everlasting love."Merv and I were married young" she said, "we were each others first love. At first, we were shy around each other, and although the youth of today would never believe it, we were virgins on our wedding night. Oh what a night that was, neither of us knew what to do, where to put things, it was now that I think of it, a disaster. But we didn't know better, but we knew it should be better than that. So we practiced, oh how we practiced. Before he left for work in the morning, as soon as he came through the door at night, we practiced. And I would like to think we got pretty damn good at it too."She was smiling now, the memories flooding in. "But" she said, " the years caught up with us. Soon we could only do it twice a day, then once a day, then only a couple of times a week. We knew it was normal, age does slow one down. So when were were in our 60's we came up with a plan. Sunday morning would be ours. We would stay in bed and make love until lunch time. But even then Merv wasn't healthy and I was worried the strain would kill him. Then one glorious morning it came to us. The church bells! Their gentle peeling was at the perfect speed and didn't go for that long. It was the perfect cadence, in with the first clang, out with the second."The reporter had now gone bright red, he knew he couldn't report this, but he was so intrigued, so delighted at the story."Ma'am, that is such a wonderful story, I am so humbled you have shared that with me. I know how you and your husband kept your love together for so long. I am sorry, I would have loved to meet Merv, but he did have a wonderful life. After all you did say that he hasn't been well for many years now. But tell me, will you still listen to the church bells on a Sunday morning?"With a fierce burning in her eyes, the widow sat up straight. "Merv was fine after his double bypass 15 years ago, hell we would still be at it if it wasn't for that bloody Mr Whippy van coming down the street!"

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND: A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.' NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  what does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs???.... a clitt around the ear and a flap across the face roxxy xxx

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  A few days ago, Japanese PM Mori was given some basic English training before his visit to Washington and meets President Barrack Obama. The instructor told PM Mori when you shake Mr Obama's hands, pls say "How are you?". Then President Obama would say "I am fine, and you"? Now, you should reply "Me too". After that, we translators will take over. When Mori meet Obama, he mistakenly says "Who are you?" (instead of "how are you?") Mr Obama was a bit shock but still managed to reply with humour: "Well, I am Michelle's husband..haha" The Mori replied "me too..haha" There was a long silence in the meeting room.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!' ... ALL NIGHT LONG. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It wasEmbarrassing.. I just couldn't get an erection.' The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed.' roxxy xxx

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