F68
no strings attached sex
June 29 2007
Comments
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Hey WildPandora, This is a great topic I think and I’m really looking forward to seeing the span of responses. No strings attached sex, I think, is SUCH a difficult thing to find, because I think you have to be in the exactly the right frame of mind with someone to achieve it. As you say, enjoy it too much and there might be an uncomfortable attraction. All I can say is that where it is worked for me is when there is almost a clear understanding stated right from the beginning that it’s only going to happen once. That seems to remove expectations, yet leave an underlying attraction particularly if you were friends and remain so. To this date, my no strings attached partners & I haven’t broken that - sometimes I wish it had been broken mind you, but with the particular people involved that really wouldn’t have worked. Looking forward to hearing from others!!
-
RHP User
18 years ago
thats a good question. i think it comes down to the individual. some people can accept sex as purely physical while others cant help themselves but to become emotionly involved. i think the key is to keep it casual and to be brutally upfront and honest. come to an agreement and stick to it, like once a month with no contact in between etc. good luck :)
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Hi wildnature, I feel I have been very good at the no strings sex in the past and I believe it has to do with your attitude and the way you view sex. I feel I am able to distinguish in my head very clearly the difference between making love, having sex and fucking. I felt that if I was only after a "fuck" and I was aware of my motives then I have always found it very easy to do the deed, thank the guy and say goodbye. I am a highly orgasmic person so I get a lot of physical pleasure from sex and sometimes that is all it is about. Not about feeling close to a man or validating myself or finding Mr Right but just pure hedonistic pleasure. I have been told by several people that I have a mans attitude towards sex. I have had "fuckbuddies" in the past that I have had a purely sexual relationship with. I dont care if they see other girls or dont want to go out on dates because the nature of our relationship was always clearly defined in my own head. I guess I also didnt like them enough to want a relationship with them so there was no emotional attachment. And finally, I also think that one of the keys is that you have to feel that you are worthy of being pleasured rather than "giving yourself" to a man. Having said all that I have now found my true love so it is all about lovemaking and emotions and that again is a completely different ballgame- (so to speak- hehehe) Anyway hope you can make sense of my casual ramblings and it helps shed some light. Goldy xxx
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I prefer no strings attached sex, as I have gotten out of a long relationship that was unpleasant.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Hi and thank you to all who have responded to my question so far. Goldy, I value your honesty and ability how to tell it like it is. I particularly like your point about believing its our right to be pleasured.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
My computer decided to send the last post before I had finished writing it. I am really pleased to see sexy boy 4 you and out and about's responses as the belief is that casual sex is something men are good at and women are not. Like you out and about I can do the once only though I don't usually stay in touch.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I have never had sex that did not have any feeling so for me it would mean that like my self we have been very badly hurt and are very scared to commit again... but if you look at it we would all be classed PLAYERS or SLUT'S to the non educated and none of us want that I for one want to make friends and if sex happens then hey that is a bonus but as for the no strings well that means to me that I am just too scared to commit to just one person, But it still has to have some feelings for me and not just a quick bang in the backseat. We all need to feel wanted by someone at some point in our lives!!!
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I agree with Goldy, it may be a fine line but there IS a line between relationships and sex. Looking for Mr or Miss (or MRS) right is an endeavour that most people look out for but there is also an alternative and Goldy described it well. (How do I do as line break on this thing?) So, in simple terms define what you really want and go for that. If it IS a relationship, knock yourself out. However, if you want 1 - 2 hours of HOT .... PASSIONATE .... UNBRIDLED sex and then go back to work, good on you.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
The mere fact all sex has strings attached even the "No Strings attached" is sort of sex with stipulations to it pretty much like an diposable razor's used once then throw away never to be used agian
-
RHP User
18 years ago
There is no such thing as no strings attached sex....... Sex by its very nature is attached.....Its how we deal with it before and after the fact that is what makes for discussion......Sometimes people just know what they are in for.....sex can be between 2 people without a word said and nothing more expected ...... That's chemistry.... Raw honesty...no words just open honest , non verbal, communication (i.e lust).. Honesty..what is that? ...You do see some real honesty on this site funnily enough..like it takes sex....the most primeval urge to get people talking at an honest, open level .....I think that for many people on this site what they are craving is honesty....By being raw, open and requesting what they want sexually, it allows an open forum for them to be honest in a way that they couldn't be in "normal" life etc.... For example...many of the people that get on here say that they got on here for sex but ended up more interested in the friendships they had with people where they could discuss anything... This post is great cos it asks me to look at myself....I am a very committed family man yet i crave no strings attached sex...why is that?? If I did it....would i feel like Wildnature?
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Sex is just sex and nothing more, apart from creating unwanted lives. People have a notion it's beautiful and everything, but it's just a human act to relieve natural urges. I know many will disagree with me and thats fine. I have learned about sex at a very very young age, and has been proven to me over and over again that sex is meaningless, other than to procreate or to get your rocks off from someone else, there is no spiritual closeness apart from physical body obviously.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Hi Wildnature, This has been an interesting topic for me too. About 10 months ago, I started sleeping with a guy from RHP in a purely casual capacity. He visits me for sex between 1 and 3 times a week. We've become great friends and we talk about everything there is to talk about it, including deeply personal stuff. Our sex is very intimate, and this is where our relationship stops - at friends and lovers. I deliberately went into this particular 'friend with benefits' scenario with a whole new frame of mind. I was just so sick of falling for every man I slept with and not having the feelings reciprocated, or having them be emotionally unavailable. A male friend of mine asked me what it is that I do before, during and after sex, that makes me start to feel attached to men , and after thinking about it, I realised for me, it's affection. For example, running my fingers through a guy's hair, or cuddles after sex. For him it was brushing a girl's hair.. he said that if he found himself brushing a girl's hair, he knew he was getting in deep emotionally with her. So, he said, if you don't want to get attached to a guy, just don't do those things! Be concious of what they are throughout the entire process and just don't do them! And it works too. I just didn't do those things, although it was hard initially, because they come naturally to me, but honestly, it enabled me to get through the first few months of our fuckbuddy relationship with my head intact, and no shitty emotions along with it. A couple of times there has been some lovely cuddling and snuggling after the hot hot sex, and yep! the next few days I was back questioning the whole relationship.. does he want more from me.. do I want more from him... OMG am I falling for this man???????? blah blah blah So much easier without that crap. And really, when you think about it, why have women attached so much power to the penis. Its just a bit of skin and cartilidge really. Why do we feel that we must have an emotional attachment to the person the penis is attached to before we have sex with them? We don't need to love the person the tongue is attached to before we talk to them, or the arms before we have a hug from someone. And f**king is an instinct at the very base of it all. Why does it have to become emotional every time? Eating is not an emotion, breathing is not an emotion, so why does f**king have to be an emotion? It doesn't mean you can't have the wildest, hottest and most INTIMATE sex with casual partners, you just have to have your head sorted going into the relationship, and keep it in check for the duration. Simple! :) :)
-
RHP User
18 years ago
My sentiments exactly! I have attempted to post to this thread a number of times but it never gets on. :/ I too like to affectionately run my fingers through a womans' hair and stroke her face tenderly because my intention in this life is to learn to love all sentient beings...and women are soooo easy to love. And I too get attatched when I do these things. But I am non-monogamous and this helps me because I don't rely on energy from one person. I observe my attatchments to the things that make me feel good and I try to have fun and GIVE rather than focus on receiving or taking from others. I don't currently want a "relationship" and this helps too. I do inevitably think about the person but I have to admit, the less I see of them, the less I think of them. I like my space alot and I like who I am. I can go without sex for three months with no adverse effects; I'm just learning to focus the energy in constructive directions. But I would like to experience the intimacy more often. I'f I ejaculate then the ideal would be about once a month because I lose my mojo when I do. If I don't (and I haven't managed to leave a woman without doing it yet) I reckon I would enjoy doing it every couple of days.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
"no strings atached" well that is an interesting topic, I read though the forum and to summarise we all agree there is really no such thing. Most of us would have sex to relieve a primal urge and it is sometimes hard to differentiate between lust and what we determine as love. Its been in recent times that people are more open about sexuality that if you go back in time intimacy was a wedding night thing and if a woman was to deflower herself she would be shunnned by society but men where heroes lol. The womens lib moment has paved the way for women to explore thier sensuality and men to be playthings I believe any woman can get almost any man but the not so the case vise versa but hey its Nature. More choices meaning that a women can have intimacy with a male but not have the emotional baggage that goes alongs thats is strings attached see ya all
-
RHP User
18 years ago
It's worth adding that if I find the "right" woman, I could most definitely see myself enjoying nights in, cuddling and massaging and nurturing each other without sex and without desiring a "relationship". I already have a similar friendship with a woman in Perth but alas she has a partner now. Desires are natural. Wanting more is inherently human. Facing ones' own thoughts, feelings and emotions makes us more than victims of our own imperfections.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
What is no strings anyway? If you meet people to have 'no strings' sex, there is a kind of a 'string' anyway. You meet because you need something from eachother: sex. The only commitment you make is to have sex, to have a good time. And if all leave with a smile on their faces, well, mission accomplished. If you are hungry you go to the baker, if you are thirsty you go to a pub, so what do you do when you are horny....you find someone to have sex.......
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I don't know about women but that's certainly true for many men. We are so simple aren't we. I think we men have a reputation for being simple minded but I think that can also be interpreted as uncomplicated. (That's not to judge complex or complicated individuals of course). This reminds me of a period that lasted a few years for me where I was discovering many new things in life that I never thought were possible. Most mornings (you know that state between sleep and waking where it seems like anything is possible) I had the belief that I could just walk up to any woman I fancied, take her in my arms and have my way with her and she would consent and be happy to oblige (and mutually enjoy) my primal urges. I was always disappointed to wake fully and realise some hours later that it just wasn't the case. But on some level I still believe it is possible, at least with some women. Just as the Fairytale is possible for others.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Hi folks, after being away from the computer for a week or so and coming back to see the responnse to this thread, I have to say thank you. I have enjoyed reading your opinions and ideas. I agree that many people on here seem to be seeking more honest relationships generally and I do appreciate the honesty shared in responding to this thread.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I take it all back. It all just fukks you in the head in the end.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Hi Soubriquet, This sounds like you have just been hurt again, which I am sorry to hear if it is true. You seemed to have sorted it really well for yourself. Take care of yourself lovely. Wild
-
RHP User
18 years ago
This might not be popular but I find it's useful to just not think about the people you are having "No strings attatched" sex with. It might be difficult when you're in close proximity, like same town or city though. I travel quite a bit and find it much easier to play with women in other towns. I rarely even think about friends in other towns. When we happen to be in the same place, we enjoy each others' company fully without thinking about the future and when we might see each other next. I don't think about them because I enjoy my life and need for nothing and I know that I will make the most of the time we do have when we come together. For me it's all about being comfortable with myself, in my own company. As I get older (this has changed considerably recently) I find my "cup runneth over" and pine for nothing. I don't even pine for sex but it is damn good nontheless. ;)
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Isn't it all just down to our individual natures? Some like to cut the cards and some to build a house with them, some like the merry go round, some the roller coaster, and there are all grades in between as well. I've been asked before "how do i get my partner interested in swinging", my answer "you don't, they either are or they aren't". If they change to suit you then it will become a thing that will not last and will hurt one or both of you in the end. Maybe this is why long term relationships are falling off, we all want our parners cut and dried with preservatives like our products, now, rather then look around and work for them ;). That sounds bad considering my reputation but not if you think about it. The woman i am looking for would be frowned upon by most, she would most definitely be considered a slut. She has her own mind but like me just doesn't put too much stock in what other people think of it. She would definitely be considered unpopular by her peer group, like me lol. That would be the start if i could find a woman like that we could build from there, but the point is we build, we are not cut and dried and preservatives don't come into it, we will change... Umm, aren't most of these things pretty obvious? ;)
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I have just read through all the responses to this post and one thing has stood out in my mind which i actually find quite sad. A lot of people on this site seem to be very hurt by partners in the past. (or wanting to hurt their current partners) It seems to be masqueraded with claims of being liberated or fiercely independent or "happy just as I am." Reading between the lines I can hear a lot of loneliness. Sure sex for sex's sake can be fabulous and I have definitely had my fair share of "no strings" fun. But it seems to me a lot of people are so closed to the idea of a partner and finding love that they never will. To those claiming sex is purely physical with no emotions involved- as I see it- you have never been with a partner that you truly love from the bottom of your being. To look into the eyes of your true love while you enter or are entered by him/her is a truly magical, exquisite experience. Its all good and well to say that we are animals and its all hedonistic but sometimes strings attached sex can be mindblowing and leave you feeling that you are on another planet. I have made love before and cried at the intensity. You will also find that selfishness is not at the forefront- its not just about getting your rocks off- Gentlemen you may even be able to- shock horror- not cum! As mammalion spoke of- to have sex often and not cum every time and then when you do its sooo intense. but with "no strings" sex you never know when youll be there again so you better get a shot off right? Sex is a dance and to dance with someone you care about- to dance with someone who cares about you. You may just find yourself wanting to dance every dance together. (I apologise for the Mills and Boon slant of this post) I guess what Im trying to say is that f**king can be fun but please dont be so hellbent on "no strings" sex that you close yourself off to something that can fulfill your heart and mind as well as your body. goldy x
-
RHP User
18 years ago
"It seems to be masqueraded with claims of being liberated or fiercely independent or happy just as I am" I'm sorry but that seems to me to be a bit of a projection. I'll be honest, I'm also prone to the odd projection, certainly against relationships. I'll admit that I'm no good at relationships but it's also true that I'm very good at being in my own company. Both are true. So not being good at relationships (nor liking them) does not necessarily mean that I am rebelling against them. And I am not lonely. That might also be a projection. I apologise if I'm way off. Hey I think I'd like to meet you some day to discuss things with time to really listen to each other at depth. I don't know if we would gel sexually, as we have vastly different desires but I'm coming to like you and would like to hear you out.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I would have loved to experience that in return goldy, but haven't! Am always hopeful that maybe one day I could, but doubt it. I have/had wished so much to meet my equal other half, but am afraid they don't exist and never will. Cause what I want and what is reality is 2 different things unfortunately, I just have to accept that I will most likely end up being alone all of my life. But at least I can rely on myself, and I can trust myself so at least I have that for comfort. But if by chance I am lucky enough to find and experience what you have describe, then I am all to happy to embrace it completely. Until then I am happy and relieved to be single, from my situation before I am free from pain and suffering. So am happy in that area, the only thing that makes me sad at the moment is my work and financial situation. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us goldy, appreciate it does give a little hope that maybe I could have my share of relationship bliss...... *am dreaming then the bloody alarm clock goes off grrrr*......lol xx Gypsy xx
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Sorry to get all The Secret on you but dont forget Gypsy that sometimes we do get back exactly what we are putting out there for the Universe to deliver. You seem like a kind, beautiful open person and Im sure there are many men out there who would be lucky to have you. Don't dismiss it too lightly. Dont get me wrong- I have been a huge party girl in my past and I have no regrets about that. I have had a wonderful life to date. But I came back from long travels overseas and many many adventures and put the thought out to the world that I was ready to meet someone. Not just anyone- someone amazing. Not long after that I did. I had met/dated/slept with/gone out with a lot of guys before him but I knew that none of them were right. I was seeing about 6 guys casually when I met my current partner and they all paled into insignificance. I simply didnt want to be with anyone else and still don't. I have always been fairly happy with myself and happy with my own company- i was never one of those girls who "needed" a boyfriend. There were two things I constantly reiterated in my own head. One was that I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be with someone I felt halfassed about and the other was that I deserved someone to love and be loved by. I met him in the most unlikely circumstances when I was least expecting it however I was open to it and it happened very naturally. Im not preaching monogamy and Im certainly not judging those that are not monogamous just merely offering another side to the story. Mammalian- thanks for your opinion - I look forward to discussing it further with you. Gypsy- You gorgeous girl- I hope you find whatever makes you happy. Wildnature I apologise for taking this thread on a tangent. Cheers Folks Always a romantic Goldy xxx
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Good on you Goldy.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
This post, along with any I put up, is to engender discussion. I enjoy people sharing their thoughts and feelings and beliefs. I consider myself to be a bit of a romantic too. This romanticism has sometimes really done my head in because I have fallen for guys who wanted "no strings" sex. The last "no strings attached" guy I fell in love with is now dating someone and its obvious there are strings. I would love to have a partner who I love and who loves me but until that happens, I'm taking your previous suggestion and learning to "f**k like a man". Cheers Goldy, Wild Nature x
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15100 Comments: 88200
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1416 Comments: 10246
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11711
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2503 Comments: 9775
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 998 Comments: 5088
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1302 Comments: 5773
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 780 Comments: 1985
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share