M55
my mate got stung
January 13 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Many males that live with their parents until a late age aren't always mature enough to accept that they have to share when another person comes into their lives. On the flipside some guys are too set in their ways to be able to make room for another person full time. The best guys are the ones that simply haven't met the right girl to settle with and are stable in their career. And the right girl will encourage those nights out and sporting activities and maybe even join in to a certain degree.
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RHP User
15 years ago
except we get told they are sorry for us and is there something wrong...like your mate I have never married...no children...and am happy with my life the way it is...so what if we are considered shallow or selfish ??...I learnt to share at an early age with my siblings...and I am known to share now but generally speaking I admit I am selfish and want my time to be about me...how is this a bad thing?? . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
what the hell was she going to do introduce him to the kids before she took him to bed for the night geez he should count himself lucky as the saying goes around here...he dodged a bullet as for the rest of it... i believe if you find the right person with a bit of compromise on both sides you can make it work there is always enough room in life for the right person roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
At least he got an explanation as to why she wasn't interested. Better that, than silence and a wondering what happened..... . As for making time for the right one? That just makes me smile :-)
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RHP User
15 years ago
What a harsh judgment, He is better off with out that woman.No kids and never married at 40? Hmm, so what if it is selfish reasons.....everyone has the right to make that choice, to discount someone on the fact they have never had a failed marriage? I know a man nearing the age of 40. No kids,not even a puppy and never married yet is one of the kindest mast giving and caring people I know.Funny thing is, if the woman had bothered to dig a little deeper (she talked with him for an hour!!!) She may have found out so many more interesting things that make him worth knowing.Her loss!
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RHP User
15 years ago
focus, It was not pity and we all make choices. Like myself, we have have travelled and not lived with our parents until last week. His and my path have taken different directions over the years and this is where he has found himself. As his mate, and I see through a male's eyes. His is a friendly guy, enjoys both male and female comany and knows how to treat a woman. I just thought it was a bit harsh, given the short time she knew him. As we get older, nothing wrong with wanting your own time. But if we are open to having someone in our lives, then we shouldn't be judged on out past history OR at least get to know the person before you judged them so critically. Isn't it hard enough to approach a member of the opposite sex. I am no body language expert, and from afar it all looked good until that moment. If anything she changed. Maybe it was the wind! Cheers
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RHP User
15 years ago
I've always wanted to find that one, marry, have kids. I'm 36 this year, I've had one 18 month relationship and one 1 month relationship. Everything else.... There's always something wrong with me and I'm not good enough. Women get it too. Grandma always asks about my lovelife.... Family asking me, I get looks of pity from relatives about my continuing single status. I'm not ugly, I cook, I have a good job, I'm funny, I love sex and I drive a great car. I'm big though.... Maybe that's my problem. Beats me why people discount us.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I've always wanted to find that one, marry, have kids. I'm 36 this year, I've had one 18 month relationship and one 1 month relationship. Everything else.... There's always something wrong with me and I'm not good enough. Women get it too. Grandma always asks about my lovelife.... Family asking me, I get looks of pity from relatives about my continuing single status. I'm not ugly, I cook, I have a good job, I'm funny, I love sex and I drive a great car. I'm big though.... Maybe that's my problem. Beats me why people discount us.
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RHP User
15 years ago
It is such a shame to constantly hear people complaining that their messages are not being replied to,or her reason for not liking me is shallow or wrong. Boo Hoo you sound like children. If they don't reply after they have read your message or flirt, they are not interested. Do you really need a polite sorry? or is it your own selfish desire to get attention. As for the OP. Was he upset because she was not interested, or that her excuse did not seem fair. Why oh why do you get upset, you know next to nothing about her. For all you know she just invented the excuse at the moment. But who cares, she was not interested, deal with it. I know we all have insecurities but to dwell on them when someone touches a raw nerve is just immature. Suck it up and move along. aniceone71 you talk about not judging people, but you have made a negative judgment based on hear say. Can you see how this may appear hypocritical. Even worse you say you know her thoughts (quoting you " Her thoughts were, that men his age........."). Her thoughts may have been, how do I get rid of this guy. Oh poor Frack_Me, Plenty of guys like big girls. As for the reason you cant find a long term relationship I have no clue, as I don't know you at all. But I know it has nothing to do with your weight.
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RHP User
15 years ago
We all have them. . . . in that moment its never nice, whether the conversation and hope have been going for an hour, a week, a month, 10 years. And sometimes we never know why we were rejected . . . . . . . Wildly contemplative
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes we have all suffered it at some point, I guess my point was she was ok until she learnt this fact. Just thought it was a little harsh.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have met many men who have never married. One wonderful friend is turning 51 next month, never married, never had kids and is a fantastic person. He is just amazing with my young son and is a genuine caring person. He just never got around to marriage and freely admits he would get married tomorow if the right one came along. He is responsible, hard working and mature. l I can understand her line of thought though as I have also met men who have absolutely no concept of sharing thier living space with another or the amount of time and effort a child takes. The amount of intrusion into your life that a chid can make. Yes Focus I can see you bristling but you grew up in a large family with kids everywhere. You are the ultimate Earth Mother who spends her time mothering friends instead. l What I do find harsh is that this woman made this snap decision based on conversation in a crowded club. I would say she had recently been hurt by a man who had no idea when it came to kids. I, personally, would hesitate as well if he had never had kids as my house and life is over run with ankle biters and teenagers of all shapes and sizes and they definately come first......always. My phone is NEVER switched off and always answered. l On another thread it was discussed if being a single parent would effect the decision whether to play with the person or not and a couple of people said it would. They didnt want to hear about the kids as part of the conversation. They didnt want to get a message interupting "thier time" because the kids were sick or you had to pick them up. They wanted their time to be about them and these people freely admitted that it was a selfish attitude. Maybe this woman has been tangled up with one such as them. l People who have never had children can empathise but can never fully comprehend the ties that bind you to that child.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Okay I am a little confused here. A woman rejected a 40 yo male because he was single (never married) and childless.So what!What is the difference from a guy rejecting a woman because she is a single mother, whether she has younger or older kids. Or a woman rejecting a male because he is a single father. God the list could go on and on. It is everyone's perogative to accept and reject anyone they want.Maybe this woman had a bad experience with a unmarried middle aged man before. Maybe she thought he had committment issues. Maybe she thought he had maturity issues, still trying to be in his 20's. There is a pethora of issues that woman might have come to a conclusion about, but whatever the outcome, it was her choice and her choice alone.Mooka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Your mate was talking to a woman who had her mind made up - probably before he even spoke to her. Could have been worse - he only wasted an hour of his life. It's a positive - if she thought he wasn't right, then he knows she wasn't right either. If she wants to make generalisations about people in his situation then that's not his problem - especially when the generalisation is not accurate.
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RHP User
15 years ago
So he didnt Score a fuck from this woamn in the end right !!! I may be guesiing but that was simply the end goal wasnt it ?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yep can vouch for that, Focus is definitely the Earth Mother type, she has a beautiful soul. She is a credit to you and herself!Cheers Nev
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RHP User
15 years ago
So what if she rejected him? Maybe in that hour that she talked to him she realised that they really had nothing in common. Why is it her loss? Why did he dodge a bullet? Better she tell him some excuse than give a fake number or get his hopes up! I say good on her for speaking her mind! Maybe and just Maybe SHE JUST WASN'T INTO HIM!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'mooka'Okay I am a little confused here. A woman rejected a 40 yo male because he was single (never married) and childless.So what!What is the difference from a guy rejecting a woman because she is a single mother, whether she has younger or older kids. Or a woman rejecting a male because he is a single father. God the list could go on and on. It is everyone's perogative to accept and reject anyone they want.Maybe this woman had a bad experience with a unmarried middle aged man before. Maybe she thought he had committment issues. Maybe she thought he had maturity issues, still trying to be in his 20's. There is a pethora of issues that woman might have come to a conclusion about, but whatever the outcome, it was her choice and her choice alone.Mooka I understand every part of that babe...it happens all the time...and of course people complain about it...I freely admit that I dont want to play with single dads, that I am selfish in wanting my time for me, have no intention of changing that...it is my choice who I play with and I have my reasons for it...as obviously this woman does too...the OPs friend just needs to go find those out there like myself (who would like unattached -in any way- guys) or a woman who can recognise the possible caring guy underneath. . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
I'm single, never married, no kids. I love my freedom and my independance. If the right man for me comes along it would be amazing, but I'm not going to compromise and enter into a relationship unless it would enhance both my life and the man's life. I don't see the point. Sometimes people do comment and assume there is something wrong with me. I have relatives who rabbit on at me to get married. They say anyone is better than no-one and that I shouldn't be fussy. My mother says she is envious of my lifestyle. | Some people think that people like your friend are selfish. Other people are like your friend. The people to keep around are the ones who want to know him as much as he wants to know them and who understand him and why he leads the lifestyle he leads. It sounds to me like this woman wasn't the right one for your friend to keep around. Good thing he found out in an hour and not a few years down the line.
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RHP User
15 years ago
i just think everyone deserves a chance and not to be judged so early. Isn't it innocent until proven OR not everyone is tarred with the same brush? But take your pearls of wisdom. Cheers
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RHP User
15 years ago
I know a guy who's 45 and still lives at home with ma and pa. Now... he's had a girlfriend or two but is obsessed with work... and for holidays he goes to far away places with one of his friends.... that kind of made me think that maybe he is gay... but then of course, he can't be gay because he has never made a move on me. *shrugs*. Then of course, as I shell out a bit more cash to one of my kids and watch them swipe the rear view mirror off my car when backing out the driveway.... I realise that choosing not to be permanently tethered to a family situation could have its advantages. I really enjoy time alone... you know.. when the whole family goes away from my home for a while and I'm a batching. Not that I take advantage of it... I probably don't get up to as much mischeif as i do when they're around... but the time to do my own thing rather than having to work within a network of other people's daily plans and unexpected emergencies, (you know... getting out of bed too late to go to work on time so need me to drop whatever I had in mind to do and drive someone two blocks that ought to have been walked) is sweet.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
agree 100% irresponsibility.. better an hour!
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RHP User
15 years ago
which is more relevant to us onliners. I cant believe he was so fucking foolish. Thank god not the same guy, but he lent a female some money before he had even met her or got more finer details from her. But as you would imagine,the mobile disconnected about a week later. Can you imagine!!!! Not that I think the regulars here dont have the sixth sense going, but beware. We are not talking 20 bucks here for a packet of ciggies. It was 50 big ones. When he told me, I almost knocked him to the ground for his sheer stupidity. The phone went off shortly before he was going to fly and meet her. He figured that because he was going to meet her and stay at her place, everything was sweet. Doh, one for the dumb male hey.
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RHP User
15 years ago
maybe she worked out in that hour that she just wasn't interested and gave him the easiest, most permanent explanation she could think of? Sometimes it's better not to say, "hey thanks for the chat but your breath smells like a dead mouse that drowned in a vat of beer and you don't seem to have noticed me pulling away for the last hour to try to get some fresh air because you keep getting closer and now i'm about to pass out... oh dear god there's not a clean patch of floor to faint on, I knew i shouldn't have worn a white skirt to this filthy dive!" \ OR maybe he just didn't do it for her? Just as a happily single boys-night-out-every-night kinda guy might make time for the right girl, a very choosy girl might throw her list of 'essential criteria' out the window for a guy that sparks enough interest. You never really know til it happens.
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RHP User
15 years ago
aniceone, it is unfortunate that he was rejected but it is every person's right to make a decision about who one wants to be with freely and...(I was about to say, "Without prejudice") but, of course, that is exactly what we are talking about. As long as the rejection was presented with respect and courtesy there isn't a problem. Perhaps this woman had some history which she based her decision on, so be it. I think we all make our decisons today based on our experiences of yesterday, but isn't that what makes us grow and evolve into (hopefully) better people. Better to make the right decision now than be stuck in a relationship which you may regret further down the track which causes misery and heartache for both parties (I have some experience of that). Unfortunate, indeed, for your friend aniceone but he needs to regain his confidence and keep trying.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'irresponsibility' They say anyone is better than no-one and that I shouldn't be fussy.Ugh. holy shit are they ever wrong! Even if you end up with the sweetest nicest most loving giving person on earth and everybody around you gushes about how lucky you are, you can still be lonely if it isn't love.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Your friend who sounds like he has been out of the loop for awhile has had one interaction with one woman? The fact that you say he came back to the huddle with his tail between his legs means for a start he has gone in with the wrong attitude. I have to win her over or else I have lost something or she thinks I’m this or that or she rejected me... mmm sounds like she probably would have been giving him indicators of disinterest before she came up with her theory? Her theory is less important than his reaction and attitude towards her to be honest. My attitude going up to her would have been, does she have some initial interest, is it worth my time if she doesn’t to see what sort of a person she is, I want to see if she has a fun positive attitude, I will give her little tests and challenge her. And guess what if she fails to pass my standards and tests then you can reject her... yes guys you too can reject women. My response to her comment would have been “ Your jokin right? Are you on crack or something? So your telling me that all guys who are single and haven’t been married cannot share and are selfish?” Goodbye and walk off.... or you could agree with her and say “Actually I am exactly what you say and guess what? I am having a great time do you want me to tell you how much I am enjoying life?. I could have played with her comment a million ways only I could never do that if I was coming from a I have to convince her I am a nice guy or I absolutely have to win her over frame. And he spent an hour with her? Did it look like a painful hour? What was he getting out of it? There are times when all of us need to be selfish.... Your friend just needs to come from a different angle And he will feel a million dollars better and he may move onto someone else alittle quicker.
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RHP User
15 years ago
mate, thanks for the feedback. I have to say he hasn't been out of the loop. Quite a social guy. Looks after his appearance and despite earlier comments he takes alot of care with hygiene. Now for a bystander, I was watching as she was smiling, flicking the hair, leaning into him and then bang. He put his head back as her body language changed. Maybe he didn't think quick on his feet as when he came back to where we were, I asked him what went wrong. That subject came up. I guess something happened in her past for her to react the way she did. who said NEXT! cheers
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RHP User
15 years ago
The faults she identified were things the guy couldn't remedy or make good on (without a time machine). She was either clever or critical or both. The guy has to harden the fuck up about it all. It's only an opinion and a viewpoint of another. You put yourself out there and occasionally you're gonna get shot down. Maybe she noticed the tail he had hidden between his legs?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Tonyerotic' Maybe she noticed the tail he had hidden between his legs?I'm sure somewhere out there, there's a girl desperately wanting a dude with a tail she can grab onto...
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RHP User
15 years ago
aniceone71 i think i have it sorted and worked out for your mate ............... the woman wasnt in to New ,,,,,,,,,,,she was after a secondhand bloke one that was run in and all the buggs worked out ,,,,,,,you know with a few miles under his ummmmm clock,,,, like a pre used car so to say hope that clears it for hm and you Andy xxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Andy, My mind drifted to a nice new car with that leather smell. I guess a near new one with a newish smell is ok also. But I will pass on anything unroadworthy. Cheers
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