F54
i have a parental problem
March 16 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
A few questions, though:How old is the teenager? I'm guessing around 13 or 14?How would the mother react if you went and told her? Or the teenager in question, and your own daughter?Would the teenager sit with you as moral support and tell her mother?Have you considered sitting down with the teenager first, and explaining that if she doesn't do anything (pill, condoms, etc.) you'll have to tell her mother for her own sake?At first glance, I'd be inclined to offer to sit with the teenager to have a discussion with the mother, although I think quite possibly you'd cop some flak from the mother....are you able or willing to do that?I think you're doing the right thing by providing condoms to her (good on you!!), but really it all comes down to her mother. Time for her to open her mind up that single parents are not things to be looked down upon, but are good people too, and listen to somebody who's been there.....and more importantly, realise that her daughter is growing up and has made a decision to have sex. Sorry mum, but you don't have a say in that - the only you can do is protect your daughter as best you can even if you disagree with her.I know I'm dreading the day.....
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RHP User
15 years ago
Oh dear. You really have interfered haven't you. I would never in a fit buy some other parent's teenage daughter her own condoms. No freakin' way. You're about to get shiner from the bitch from hell.What I would do in that circumstance is, if the matter happened to be raised in front of me, I would tell her by inference... using instructional information provided to my daughter, in the other girl's presence. I would say that boys do not deserve a root if they cannot buy their own condoms (or get a loan from a good mate). I would say that the simple rule for adults is, that if it is not on, it's not on. The same rule applies equally to teenagers, even virgins can, by having sex for the first time, get pregnant or catch an STD.That's all I would say to her. You are not her parent. You are not representing the Department of Community Services. It's really none of your business at all. Maybe her mother secretly wants grandchildren and the baby bonus will help them right now... who are you to interfere?HUgsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi Roxxy, I was actually having this discussion with someone the other day. To me the worst thing a parent can do(and i have 4 kids), is to have their child in a state where they cannot talk to them about anything. My children know, and will always know, that they can come to me about ANYTHING. I will never judge, but help as much as i can and guide them as much as i can. I grew up fearful of my parents, and could NEVER go to them with issues. Subsequently, the hurdles that i approached in my early teens were negotiated by myself, and many mistakes were made. I now wish i could have gone to my parents and said"Hey..i fucked up here, how am i ging to fix it." A great example is this.Last week my oldest and one of his mates decided to wander into an abandoned house , about 4 houses down from us, and one of the bright sparks thought they would see what it would be like to light up some of the dry, long grass around it. As a result the grass fire went wild, threatining to burn the whole house down.Now in my younger years, there is no way i would ever have gone and told my old man..Why?..because i would have been grounded for a month, and that would be the easy part. My son came running to me, at home, telling me what had happened.I was able to run up there, and with a little help,put the fire out before it engulfed the house. The motto being that he knew he could come to me, no matter how bad a thing he did, tell me and i would do my best to help him. He has now learnt a very valuable lesson. Mind you he did get a punishment, but it was done calmly, and he accepted that he had to pay for his stupidity...But just imagine the alternative..he runs away, the house burns down, maybe the neighbours, fire brigade, police etc. Its terribly sad that this young girl, who is essentially doing nothing wrong, has to seek help and advise, from someone other than her mother, on something like this. And as for the mother calling her a slut..well she is simpply an animal, undeserving of children. I dont see that you have done anythong wrong, although i can see the alternative point of view, that you shouldnt be interfering. You were just acting like a decent Human being, helping out a young lady that needed it. Cheers..Maxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Oh dear. You really have interfered haven't you. I would never in a fit buy some other parent's teenage daughter her own condoms. No freakin' way. You're about to get shiner from the bitch from hell.What I would do in that circumstance is, if the matter happened to be raised in front of me, I would tell her by inference... using instructional information provided to my daughter, in the other girl's presence. I would say that boys do not deserve a root if they cannot buy their own condoms (or get a loan from a good mate). I would say that the simple rule for adults is, that if it is not on, it's not on. The same rule applies equally to teenagers, even virgins can, by having sex for the first time, get pregnant or catch an STD.That's all I would say to her. You are not her parent. You are not representing the Department of Community Services. It's really none of your business at all. Maybe her mother secretly wants grandchildren and the baby bonus will help them right now... who are you to interfere?HUgsStalky ...but I must respectfully disagree. Except for the part about the bloke buying their own condoms, and of course, if it's not on, it's not on.(didn't even think of that!)Sex is a pretty big deal, especially at that age, and if the mother has her head up her own rear end, then it is better that the teenager at least get some advice from a trusted source rather than finding out for herself. If there's an issue of the teenager being afraid of her mother, wouldn't that same teenager benefit from having someone on her side, holding her hand? I agree, the teenager is not Rose's responsibility per se, but if the teenager has come to her in search of advice, or a confident, and has done so previously, should Rose just ignore it? I know I couldn't - yes, there's a line at which the teenager should be pushed to their own parent, but without knowing all the ins and outs of the situation, where exactly does that line lie?
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RHP User
15 years ago
The child can go to the doctor by herself when she is 16. It is confidential and the doctor can not inform her parents.That is the line legally. You did cross it by getting her the morning after pill...but would be forgiven anyway. Buy her all the condoms she wants or needs and if her parents say anything....kick thier arse for being so bloody stupid. I completely disagree with Stalky. I often say it and will say so again:- l it may only take two to make a baby but...... IT TAKES A COMMUNITY TO RAISE A CHILD. l Teenagers have been coming to me with thier problems since I was one myself. I have never hesitated to give them the same advice as I would my own children. This mother is not going to be open to you giving her daughter condoms. She is going to abuse you if she finds out but hey, someone has to do it. Go Roxy! I, for one, applaude your actions.
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RHP User
15 years ago
The child can go to the doctor by herself when she is 16. It is confidential and the doctor can not inform her parents.That is the line legally. You did cross it by getting her the morning after pill...but would be forgiven anyway. Buy her all the condoms she wants or needs and if her parents say anything....kick thier arse for being so bloody stupid. I completely disagree with Stalky. I often say it and will say so again:- l it may only take two to make a baby but...... IT TAKES A COMMUNITY TO RAISE A CHILD. l Teenagers have been coming to me with thier problems since I was one myself. I have never hesitated to give them the same advice as I would my own children. This mother is not going to be open to you giving her daughter condoms. She is going to abuse you if she finds out but hey, someone has to do it. Go Roxy! I, for one, applaude your actions.
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RHP User
15 years ago
didnt feel I could go to my mother at one time when I was younger...not because I couldn't - trust me Fionabee and I have had a very open relationship for just about ever (including talking to me about the menstrual cycle etc when I was about 9/10 yrs of age) but because of other mitigating factors at the time (major upheaval in our lives - for the record car accidents are not a good thing) this resulted in me not going to the doctor to get the pill...I didnt have anyone else I could obtain condoms from and subsequently took the medicare card out of her wallet and on her birthday not so calmly informed my mother I was pregnant...not a smart move...especially at 16...up to this point (no he wasnt my first sexual partner) I always had access to condoms and was able to chat with Mother about it all.... . Fionabee being the woman she is took it in her stride and discussed with me my options...supporting me through the whole experience and with the decision I ulltimately made . Roxxy - this poor girl needs someone to talk too - all teenage girls need that - and if she cant talk to her mother about what is going on she is lucky to have someone in which she trusts and can confide in . As Fionabee has said if she is 16 then she can go to the doctor on her own and get the pill and advice confidentially however the stickler for this could be if she doesnt have her own medicare card - thats a tough thing to be able to take out of a persons wallet without them noticing - I'm sure Fionabee knew it was gone. . Sure people will say you are intereferring in the raising of this child, its not your job etc but ultimately you are a caring woman and this is a child who has come to you for advice....the parents (as you have described them) will more than likely not be happy with what you have done (or secretly thrilled someone else did it because they are just too embarrassed or uncomfortable discussing the subject)..but at the end of the day the child involved is getting good sound advice from someone who cares about her...and thats all we all want at that age . Dont change who you are or what you are doing . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
I'd find out who the boy is, shouldn't be rocket science.. I mean it's Tassie, how many brothers has she got? Then I'd sit down with him and say "Hey little Johnny, I hear someone is having unprotected sex with Sally. I want you to do me a favour and find out who it is and thump him for me because I'm really busy at the moment and won't be able to thump him for a few days." . Stalky's approach is also good, particularly surprising from a post that didn't make reference to a lubed finger! . As for you MsTassieRose. You have gone waaaaayyyy too far. Justifiably probably, but no matter how right you are her parents are never going to see it that way. Hopefully the girl sees that you helped her dodge a bullet that could've lodged for a lifetime and is scared into being sensible. But that's pretty wishful thinking when hormones and naughty bits are involved. My money is that she'll be back for the morning after pill at least one more time, and guess where she's going to come running. Not her parents. I'd suggest biting the bullet and explaining all to her parents so THEY can tackle this issue how they planned to (I am an optimist and assume they will pull their heads out of the sand). What would you want if the foot was on the other shoe. . PS - At what age can a girl go on the pill without parental consent?
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RHP User
15 years ago
. PS - At what age can a girl go on the pill without parental consent? 16 Doc....if you have the courage to go to the doctors without your parents and then asking this person if you can have it , Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
i must say im amazed at you and i really hope that was said tongue in cheek not everyone has understanding parents i know this woman and i know for a fact if this child came home pregnant...she would be living with me this kid cant go to her mother...she is not a nice woman maybe this is why teens feel they cant go to certain people some adults just dont get it roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Go to the Mum and say None of my business but i think your daughter may be making Porn Movies and swallow copious amounts of cum from the free blow jobs she gives just to get the boys to buy her Cocaine. turn and walkaway and then stop and say I should report you to the authorities you fucken Mole Nah ... Kidding i think you have done the right thing and now Step back ... done your best
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'rcflyer69'A few questions, though: How old is the teenager? I'm guessing around 13 or 14? How would the mother react if you went and told her? Or the teenager in question, and your own daughter? Would the teenager sit with you as moral support and tell her mother? Have you considered sitting down with the teenager first, and explaining that if she doesn't do anything (pill, condoms, etc.) you'll have to tell her mother for her own sake? At first glance, I'd be inclined to offer to sit with the teenager to have a discussion with the mother, although I think quite possibly you'd cop some flak from the mother....are you able or willing to do that? I think you're doing the right thing by providing condoms to her (good on you!!), but really it all comes down to her mother. Time for her to open her mind up that single parents are not things to be looked down upon, but are good people too, and listen to somebody who's been there.....and more importantly, realise that her daughter is growing up and has made a decision to have sex. Sorry mum, but you don't have a say in that - the only you can do is protect your daughter as best you can even if you disagree with her. I know I'm dreading the day..... the girl is 15 not 16 til the end of the year if i went to this woman and told her her daughter was having sex...she would be nice as pie, then the daughter would cop it as soon as i left she hates my daughter...she is a slut, she wears short skirts and low cut tops and shows her boobs off she would kick her daughter out, if she went to her i have, i guess, threatened her and told her if she doesnt get the pill and use the condoms then i will have to tell her mum i dont care what flack i get from all this...i just dont want a pregnant teen on my door step when i could have prevented it when i gave my daughter the condoms and the morning after pill...it was on strict instructions that they say my daughter stole them out of my drawer hahaha roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
im sorry Max but all i could think of reading that was when i was a kid my brothers were playing with a lighter in their room when the room went up in flames and one of my brothers come running out with arms waving yelling "the room is on fire...HELLLPPPPPP"...the other brother was too busy crying to even move from the room, dumbarse he was hahaha . its good that your kids can turn to you, yes he knew what he did was dumb, but at least he knew you would still love him no matter what when i was a kid i couldnt turn to my parents either....it took me 4 years of having sex and praying before i finally told my mum i wanted to go on the pill and it wasnt long after that i moved out but having said that it was always my mum that my friends turned too when they needed help, yet i could never turn to her for nothing lol . i know im intefering and i know it isnt my child to tell what to do...but i cant just leave a kid to fend for herself on this one...all my daughters friends know where i keep my spare stash of condoms and they know they can use them as long as they dont use them as water bombs lol roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' The child can go to the doctor by herself when she is 16. It is confidential and the doctor can not inform her parents.That is the line legally. You did cross it by getting her the morning after pill...but would be forgiven anyway. Buy her all the condoms she wants or needs and if her parents say anything....kick thier arse for being so bloody stupid. I completely disagree with Stalky. I often say it and will say so again:- l it may only take two to make a baby but...... IT TAKES A COMMUNITY TO RAISE A CHILD. l Teenagers have been coming to me with thier problems since I was one myself. I have never hesitated to give them the same advice as I would my own children. This mother is not going to be open to you giving her daughter condoms. She is going to abuse you if she finds out but hey, someone has to do it. Go Roxy! I, for one, applaude your actions. thank you Fionabee i was hoping you would answer with something and you have never failed me yet she has asked me to take her to the doctor...but i said NO...i thought that was crossing not only the line but running a mile past it lol iv been trying to get her to tell her mum that she is having period trouble and the pill will help, but she wont even do that, she is just too scared of the shit she will get into roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes, there are too many people in the world... yes, our welfare system shouldn't have to handle it, however there are potential legal ramifications when taking matters involving other people's children into your own hands, especially if the child is under 16. Do you know if the boy is also under 16 for instance, I mean to say, you could be seen as an accessory to his crime... or you may be exposing yourself to a civil action from the parents... People, especially religious people, take these questions and rights very seriously and may prefer the consequences rather than your preventative measures. It's not your decision to make. It's not your right to act... you have effectively violated her civil rights, by reason that her decisions as a minor are required to be made on her behalf by her caregiver... which happens to be someone other than you, no matter how good your intentions. The most you could do, as a concerned model citizen, was to inform her guardian, but you didn't because I suspect you think that wouldn't be cool with the kids.... and if that's the case, you're not trying to be a parent, you're trying to be their friend... and that's a very big mistake in my opinion.Anyway... that's why I prefer to fuck first and ask questions later.... this stuff can be volatile.. and not very conducive to sex!HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
you are so lucky to have the relationship you have with your mum not many people have that iv always been honest and open with my kids about things and if others come to me and asked then depending on the question would depend on my answer years ago a friend of my eldest come to me after watching desperate housewives and asked me "what is an orgasm??" all i could do was laugh and tell her "thats a question for your mum to answer"...mind you the kids were about 10 at the time hahaha damn kids haha roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Google is not your friend... the potential civil claim against you is assault and battery. What I mean is that there is common law which protects minors against people who medically treat them without consent of their parent or guardian. This tells me that your ethics are misguided.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Yes, there are too many people in the world... yes, our welfare system shouldn't have to handle it, however there are potential legal ramifications when taking matters involving other people's children into your own hands, especially if the child is under 16. Do you know if the boy is also under 16 for instance, I mean to say, you could be seen as an accessory to his crime... or you may be exposing yourself to a civil action from the parents... People, especially religious people, take these questions and rights very seriously and may prefer the consequences rather than your preventative measures. It's not your decision to make. It's not your right to act... you have effectively violated her civil rights, by reason that her decisions as a minor are required to be made on her behalf by her caregiver... which happens to be someone other than you, no matter how good your intentions. The most you could do, as a concerned model citizen, was to inform her guardian, but you didn't because I suspect you think that wouldn't be cool with the kids.... and if that's the case, you're not trying to be a parent, you're trying to be their friend... and that's a very big mistake in my opinion.Anyway... that's why I prefer to fuck first and ask questions later.... this stuff can be volatile.. and not very conducive to sex!HugsS if i thought this girl wouldnt end up on my door step and it was in her best interests i would tell her mum without a second thought...some parents just dont get it...she has her hands over her ears and is singing "la la la la la" so she doesnt have to hear it the boy is the same age and yeah iv messaged him with a warning about safe sex and how stupid he was for not wearing a condom and if i see him il kick his arse im not a parent that wants to be "cool" i dont care for "cool"....i have yelled at these kids, if they do something wrong and im about il tell them off with my own.... i dont do "cool" im a parent... thats what i do...thats what i am...im not their friend and i never will be roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'wowwow09' Go to the Mum and say None of my business but i think your daughter may be making Porn Movies and swallow copious amounts of cum from the free blow jobs she gives just to get the boys to buy her Cocaine. turn and walkaway and then stop and say I should report you to the authorities you fucken Mole Nah ... Kidding i think you have done the right thing and now Step back ... done your best thanks WOWWOW roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Google is not your friend... the potential civil claim against you is assault and battery. What I mean is that there is common law which protects minors against people who medically treat them without consent of their parent or guardian. This tells me that your ethics are misguided.HugsStalky I do agree with you on the morning-after pill issue. My apologies, Stalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' i must say im amazed at you and i really hope that was said tongue in cheek not everyone has understanding parents i know this woman and i know for a fact if this child came home pregnant...she would be living with me this kid cant go to her mother...she is not a nice woman maybe this is why teens feel they cant go to certain people some adults just dont get it roxxy I get it.... but your actions effectively negate the need for her to seek her parents perspective, which I would think is more ideal for a daughter to do, regardless of what you might think of them.HugsS.
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RHP User
15 years ago
....have to agree with a lot of what has been written so far. And not a lot more to add. I think it's great that young people like to share their confidence with you. Yes, in an ideal world all parents would have an open relationship with their kids...but it's not an ideal world and we have to work with what comes our way. . I would tend to to talk about relationships more than sex with young people. Biologically, young people are ready to have sex when they are 14, but mentally they are still too young to make sensible decisions....and you have outlined this in your post. Relationship talk such as: how much do you like the guy? How did he make you feel afterwards? Are you now his girlfriend? Do you worry that you could get pregnant? Do you worry that you could get a disease, coz disease is random? So what are you going to do now? . Talking openly like this means that you don't give advice first up, you listen and guide. I apologise if I am telling you what you have already done. Young people like to feel valued, and it's obvious that you do this. . Don't worry be happy :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Yes, there are too many people in the world... yes, our welfare system shouldn't have to handle it, however there are potential legal ramifications when taking matters involving other people's children into your own hands, especially if the child is under 16. Do you know if the boy is also under 16 for instance, I mean to say, you could be seen as an accessory to his crime... or you may be exposing yourself to a civil action from the parents... People, especially religious people, take these questions and rights very seriously and may prefer the consequences rather than your preventative measures. It's not your decision to make. It's not your right to act... you have effectively violated her civil rights, by reason that her decisions as a minor are required to be made on her behalf by her caregiver... which happens to be someone other than you, no matter how good your intentions. The most you could do, as a concerned model citizen, was to inform her guardian, but you didn't because I suspect you think that wouldn't be cool with the kids.... and if that's the case, you're not trying to be a parent, you're trying to be their friend... and that's a very big mistake in my opinion.Anyway... that's why I prefer to fuck first and ask questions later.... this stuff can be volatile.. and not very conducive to sex!HugsS This girl is so close to 16 that even if her parents DID decide to prosecute nothing will be done. Also if the boy is close to the same age as her nothing will be done. It would be totally different if the man was say, 35 or so but as teenagers, the age is too close and relatively immaterial. If there were prosecutions for all teenagers having sex the courts would be back logged from here to kingdom come. l It is the girl's decision and she asked Roxxy for help. I would do the same thing. Infact I took my 14 year old stepdaughter in and put her on the pill and she was not in my care at the time. Roxxy and I know what it is like to be a pregnant teenager. l Plenty of kids cannot talk to thier parents, plenty of parents are gonna haul off and beat the crap out of thier girls for just this, others will just kick them out or worse, make them feel like a whore or a slut. Often this type of parent will spend years telling thier girls that they are filthy, dirty sluts, nothing but tramps and whores. Now I know that folks on here take that as a compliment but when a teenage girl hears it constantly from a parent it is degrading and demoralising and does great psychological harm. l In an ideal world, this girl could go to her parents, in an ideal world, Roxxy would be able to hold her hand and gently explain to the mother. This is not an ideal world. We can only play the cards as they are dealt. Roxxy you were so right to help this girl. I would do the same. And for those of you who think Roxxy overstepped the mark, I hope it is never your teenaged girl turning up on my doorstep for advice and help...or maybe this is part of the reasons why you are so against helping her.
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RHP User
15 years ago
the first thing i said to this girl was..."did you use a condom???" the second thing i said was "go and talk to your mum...you need to be on the pill" what i think of her mum doesnt matter...i have known this girls mum for as long as our daughters ahve been friends, i make a point of knowing all adults where my kids are staying the night i argued, pleaded, threatened this child....i told her she had to talk to her mother i begged her to go to the chemist and get the morning after pill...i begged her im NOT turning my back on her or any other child that comes to me like Fionabee said i know what it is like to be a teenager and pregnant and alone this child needed my help...so i helped if it happens again then il help again i told her i wouldnt help and if i found out she had sex again without using a condom and without being on the pill id tell her mum....but you know what i wont, she knows she is safe to tell me anything and i wont judge her unlike her mum roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' im sorry Max but all i could think of reading that was when i was a kid my brothers were playing with a lighter in their room when the room went up in flames and one of my brothers come running out with arms waving yelling "the room is on fire...HELLLPPPPPP"...the other brother was too busy crying to even move from the room, dumbarse he was hahaha . its good that your kids can turn to you, yes he knew what he did was dumb, but at least he knew you would still love him no matter what when i was a kid i couldnt turn to my parents either....it took me 4 years of having sex and praying before i finally told my mum i wanted to go on the pill and it wasnt long after that i moved out but having said that it was always my mum that my friends turned too when they needed help, yet i could never turn to her for nothing lol . i know im intefering and i know it isnt my child to tell what to do...but i cant just leave a kid to fend for herself on this one...all my daughters friends know where i keep my spare stash of condoms and they know they can use them as long as they dont use them as water bombs lol roxxy Thanks Roxxy... Jus a point..your actions were those of a caring human being, but i do have to agree with Stalky, on aprt of ewhat he says, especially giving her the morning after pill...Many women have had adverse side effects, with a family member of miine bleeding for about 6 weeks, and being in great discomfoort. PPotentially the girl in question may have had a bad reaction to it, and could have landed you in some hot water. Other thing too, its important this girl knows that u will NEV ER do that again..otherwise she may continue to have unprotected sex, thinking thatn "Roxxy" will fix it... Its a tough one... Maxy....
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Do you know if the boy is also under 16 for instance, I mean to say, you could be seen as an accessory to his crime... or you may be exposing yourself to a civil action from the parents... People, especially religious people, take these questions and rights very seriously and may prefer the consequences rather than your preventative measures. It's not your decision to make. It's not your right to act... you have effectively violated her civil rights, by reason that her decisions as a minor are required to be made on her behalf by her caregiver... which happens to be someone other than you, no matter how good your intentions. The most you could do, as a concerned model citizen, was to inform her guardian, but you didn't because I suspect you think that wouldn't be cool with the kids.... and if that's the case, you're not trying to be a parent, you're trying to be their friend... and that's a very big mistake in my opinion. Google is not your friend... the potential civil claim against you is assault and battery. What I mean is that there is common law which protects minors against people who medically treat them without consent of their parent or guardian. This tells me that your ethics are misguided.HugsStalky .. I'm with Stalky. And I am a little sorry Roxxy because as a parent of daughters, I get it, I really do. Good intentions and all that. However this is a very big deal and you are not entitled to parent this child. There are some major legal ramifications, despite suggestions above to the contrary. . I'd like to know if you checked the contraindications of that medicine before you gave it to your own child and suggested she pass it on to her friend? Ohhh I'm really sorry, but the possibilities make my mind hurt!!! You have definitely been complicit in what is effectively, a crime. Quoting 'fionabee' l And for those of you who think Roxxy overstepped the mark, I hope it is never your teenaged girl turning up on my doorstep for advice and help...or maybe this is part of the reasons why you are so against helping her. I can say with a great degree of certainty that neither of my daughters will ever turn up on the doorstep of another asking for advice and help in this department. I wholeheartedly agree that it takes a community to raise a child, and I am blessed in that my girls are fortunate enough to have a community of people in their lives who assist in raising them and advising them in an effort to guide them and advise them before the horse has bolted. This girl's parents have failed her miserably, but I hope for Roxxy's sake that she does not fall pregnant or contract an STD because they will be gunning for the responsible adult, not the irresponsible daughter! . My daughters will always be able to come to me about anything and I will be there, safe in the knowledge that I hopefully raised them with enough self respect and self awareness so as not to end up in this position in the first place. . I am not at all against the notion of helping this girl, and again, I am quite sure you did it with the best of intentions Roxxy, but it's my opinion that they were misguided. It is her parents' right and responsibility, not yours.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason' . PS - At what age can a girl go on the pill without parental consent? 16 Doc....if you have the courage to go to the doctors without your parents and then asking this person if you can have it , Kisses Focus It used to be that a child under 16 could not go to the doctors with out a parent in with them ... then the change was it was under 14 .... between 14 and 16 its optional and over 16 they definately dont need parents .. NOW it is based on the doctors assessment and whether the child meens a specific level on a predetermined mentality and awareness scale .. So in fact a child as you as 12 can legally go to the doctors on thisr own without parents / gardians in attendance provided they are deemed to meet the corect level of marueiry and understanding on the particular scale .. AS for the medicare card ... all doctors surgerys can ring medicare on 132150 and obtained the card number for the said person ... provided you have 4 identifying pieces of information . The morning after pill is now available over the counter without a script .. and condoms .. are friely available at most youth centres and sexual health clinics, and even from some school canteens. THE true legal issue here is that she is under the age of consent .... because that is still 16 for girls .. BUT i do have to say .. the way you have handled it to date is very appropriate .. If you require sexual health information .. then google .. Marie Stopes International .. they have clinics in Vic / NSW / QLD and WA ... not sure about Tas .... because i havent worked for them for at last 4 yrs and dont know where they have expanded to .. Hope this helps a bit Im lucky .. being one of 6 and haveing 5 children of my own ... there was never a time that any of us could not go to our respective parents for information and advise .. and vise versa ..
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RHP User
15 years ago
ok so i over stepped the mark with the morning after pill but im not a dumbarse....im in constant contact with this girl making sure she is alright and nothing is wrong im glad you have that relationship with your daughters Flirty...its a good thing to have and your right not all kids have it...if i thought taking this child to her mother and telling her was the right thing to do, then i would have but to be honest if another child comes to me with the same problem...i dont know if i could turn my back on them and feed them to the lions but i guess she isnt my child so why should i care...next time one of the kids comes to me, il tell them to fuck off not my child not my problem roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Roxxy.....whislt I agree that you could suffer the Wrath of the legal system for medically treating a Child without consent of their parent or guardian.I am however certain that it could be argued that it was " Your Duty Of Care" which is your legal duty to take reasonable care to avoid others being harmed, We all have this legal obligation.If you identify a reasonably likely risk of harm (which you did), you must take reasonable care in response ( which You partially did in my opinion)When a person chooses to do something which puts themselves at risk, but does not understand the risks, those around them still have a duty of care.It could be claimed that you were responsible for contributory negligence by not doing anything.It is a tough set of circumstances to have been in for all concerned, you did what you thought best at the time.Hypothetically tho,lets say you did not have the greatest relationship with your daughter and you found out that another parent supplied the things you supplied to this young girl to your daughter and you found out how would you feel or react... ?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose'i dont know if i could turn my back on them and feed them to the lions but i guess she isnt my child so why should i care...next time one of the kids comes to me, il tell them to fuck off not my child not my problem That's jumping from one extreme to the other. Please read what Morticiaaa suggested above. the only element of overstepping was to hand out condoms and chemicals to a minor. Counsel her that these things are available..... no issue. Go to the mother... don't go to the mother.... depends on your relationship with the mother.Nudie, although negligence law is very complicated, I doubt very much that a judge would say we have a duty of care to counsel someone else's child on teenage sex questions. "I am however certain that it could be argued that it was " Your Duty Of Care" which is your legal duty to take reasonable care to avoid others being harmed, We all have this legal obligation."You neglected to consider that the action (or inaction) has to be the cause of the harm. It's an extraordinarily long bow to argue that by not providing the morning after pill Roxxy could be held negligent.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'celebree'NOW it is based on the doctors assessment and whether the child meens a specific level on a predetermined mentality and awareness scale .. But Roxxy is not trained to make that assessment, nor is she qualified to dispense pharmaceuticals, let alone to minors.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
All this high faluting legal crap being spouted over someone helping a kid in need. Bottom line...... l What's done is done I would do the same Nobody will get sued At the worst the mother fnds out and gets angry. She yells a bit, and kcks her daughter out. At 15 people we can survive on our own At 15 we can work and live independantly from out parents. At 15...DOCs won't even take a child into care unless mentally disabled. l Roxxy...you did good.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' All this high faluting legal crap being spouted over someone helping a kid in need. Bottom line...... l Roxxy...you did good. If Roxxy's original post was just intended for us to pat her on the back then perhaps she should have stated that, and those of us who excel at just saying 'good job' could have done their thing and those who differed could have just sat on their hands shaking their heads. When you ask a question, you will receive an answer. And some of the legal shmegal responses here raise potential outcomes that Roxxy did not consider at the time. Sometimes doing what we have convinced ourselves is 'right' gives us tunnel vision. . Re - Age of consent. I agree, the police aren't staking out kids parties and the backseats of the school bus to catch kids under 16 fooling around. But the law remains the law and you can be prosecuted as a result. I mean if I knew the age of consent was like speed limits (open to interpretation) I'd be hanging around the local high school more than I do already. . Re - Duty of care. Shit we're going to be busy little beavers if our duty of care is suddenly a responsibility as widespread as Nudie makes out. I'll be spending all day warning people about the dangers of smoking, drinking, sun exposure, bad posture and excessive masturbation in the chat room. . Re - Legal Shmegal. Sure it's unlikely the cops will pursue a prosecution. But if the childs parents wanted them to, they would have to. When you act, you should consider all the potential outcomes and assess the risk to yourself AS WELL AS the person(s) you are 'helping'. . We know you're not stupid Roxxy and I like to think you asked the question so you could hear some views and opinions, not so that we could pat you on the back.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Nudierudie2' Hypothetically tho,lets say you did not have the greatest relationship with your daughter and you found out that another parent supplied the things you supplied to this young girl to your daughter and you found out how would you feel or react... ? id be thankful that my daughter had someone she thought she could turn too and someone that would help her if she needed it....even though i have a great relationship with my daughter now we didnt always have that...teen girls, stubborn mother sometimes it ends in a world of hurt lol....id be very greatful my kids had someone i have disagreed with this mother a few times because of things she has said....i watched this girl walk out in jeans and a tank top and get told to go put some clothes on because she looks like a slut, this woman wasnt happy til the kid came back out with a jumper on and heaven forbid if she wears shorts...yeah that wasnt pretty so if this parent found out her daughter was having sex, she would be out the door and who knows what will happen if she ends up pregnant roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Tough question Roxy and really hard to give good advice without more info, BUT, if the girl has started having sex of her own accord then you must try to do something if her mother is not approachable. I would however step very carefully. If the guy involved is much older you should definitely be discouraging it! f they are of similar age then I would be trying to encourage her to only say yes if he supplies a condom each time. You are not going to stop her having sex, but you at least need to educate her to do it safely. A pregnancy or disease at that age needs to be avoided. I agree that you need to do something but do not expose yourself to potential legal problems either. The girl may well be only 15, but has to take some responsibility for her own actions! Most Doctors will see a child of that age without parents present and give her professional medical advice, otherwise I gather there will be a Health clinic nearby that she can speak to with some gentle encouragement from you. Tread carefully.
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RHP User
15 years ago
forget legal crap and what the tv says. in the end it means shit, when shes pregnant and alone?? what you have done is great, be there for your daughter and her friends if they need guidence or help. I took my 14 year old gf to children by choice when i was 16...best move ever. B
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' All this high faluting legal crap being spouted over someone helping a kid in need. Bottom line...... lAssuming that it is a civil wrong to peddle pharmeceuticals to minors.... I think it is fair to say that our society has decided that it is not acceptable behaviour, regardless of how you feel about it. These sanctions against harming others aren't made willy nilly.... our freedoms are very important to us. The common law sanctions behaviour only when it is considered inappropriate behaviour so far as our society goes. We can't have people thinking it's alright to trot along thinking fuck that I'm right and everyone else can get stuffed I'm doing it anyway... then doing anything they want to.... that's anarchy..... helping some kid indeed... what lesson does it really pass on to that kid? It's ok to dis your parents?HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
We know you're not stupid Roxxy and I like to think you asked the question so you could hear some views and opinions, not so that we could pat you on the back. . JG i dont do anything for a pat on the back...im not a man....i do things because i think its the right thing to do and i do what i can to survive i wanted some advise but i guess i should have known better if this girls mum wants to take me to court...im fine with that this child tells me all the time "if mum kicks me out im moving in with you" she knows il look after her but she also knows il do whatever i can to keep her at home and if that means trying to prevent her from becoming pregnant...then thats what il do roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Roxxy, What you have done is good supplying condoms, talking to her about the pill all good stuff but try not to go any further. We know this girl who at 14 her perants got phoned by a 35 yr old guy pretending to be a perant to stay the weekend. The result being child changed, defyant, no school, drugs,ran away, we feared for her life, overdosed in hospital, pregnant. At 23 she is coming right now but has only learnt how to get hand outs, no education its sad! The do gooder social walfare system. Her perants, went to the police and local politicions, apperantly there is no law against 35 yr old predetators doing that to your 14 yr old daughter, any adult can put your kid up and its the kids choice because apparently they have to safe from perants sexually abusing them. There are states in the USA where its illegal for kids to run away and other adults to put them up, the way it should be. We say let her perants take over now, by all means give her advise but support her perants. Now Jean, Your three points on what the police will do, Have you witnessed them do it in real life? I suggest they dont its merely lip service eg, a girl at 15 does not tell the police who she did it with, she says it was mutual the police know the judge is going do nothing....from experiance. even after going to the minister of police. Hell the police officers have the same problems with their kids!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sorry fbee Stalks is right here on the Legal situation and lets hope it would never come to that but the parents could seriously go to town if they so desired
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RHP User
15 years ago
My mum was never in it to be cool but she just can't turn away someone who needs help. However, she's a classic 'rescue parent'. Caring too much means she steps in and does it FOR you when you really need to do it yourself. Saying this girl WON'T do it for herself is enabling her to pass responsibility to you. . This girl needs to get to the doctor, yes, but she doesn't need to be TAKEN to the doctor, she needs to go there herself. That doesn't mean you need to abandon her completely, give her the phone, get her to book the appointment and give your kid permission to accompany her as moral support if needed. Just make sure the doc she's seeing is one that will give her help AND lay the facts on her. . She needs to start learning to take responsibility for her own actions rather than getting you to take on that responsibility. Giving her a little gentle (supervised from a few steps back) push from the nest now might be the best way to help her start gaining a little maturity and independance, it's sad that at her age she needs it, but if her mum's not willing to step up, you'll be doing her a great big favour in the long run. . xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
Ok so I don't have a hell of a lot of experience, but my best mate has two kids both boys 13 and 16, and being a single dad who works away regularly he relies on our community, i.e. our mates to make sure they're not getting into too much trouble. And trust me being young surfers in a tourist town there is always plenty of opportunity for that.Having seen very first hand what these guys get up to, and its not that much different from anyone else here or our teenage years,there really needs to be a massive shift in the way that our governments ( i.e. US) deal with these issues.There is no doubt that young teens and tweens are having sex in one form or another. Therefore legislating about parental consent on taking the pill at 14 or 16 ridiculous. It should be legislated that doctors can make their own assessment based on a case by case scenario. This however is going to have no impact unless there is a serious and effective education campaign directed at kids from say 12 years old or so right through school. And this education must explicitly teach the kids that there are avenues that are available to them that they know are confidential to them. I think this is particularly important to girls, this is not an equal society that we live in and girls have more to risk, you can argue that point as many ways as you want but the simple fact is boys don't end up pregnant. Additionally most boys don't have a brain until their late teens / early 20's, or mid thirties in my case. A further important part of this education is web based, there must be easily accesable channels for these kids and parents for that matter to find out reliable information. I googled the question about parental consent for getting the pill and all that came up was a heap of blog crap that was not reliable and full of "I think" and "Maybe" answers. When I was at school in the late eighties / early nineties we did have sex education. I went to a public school and it started in about grade 9 from memory. Then I went to a private all boys school and it was virtually non existent and quite frankly treated as a joke, this is a significant problem that must be looked into.I know that the people of RHP are probably a hell of a lot more liberal than most other people out there, but because of that we do have the ability to get closer to the situation than probably most parents as such YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE YOUR FEELINGS AND OPINIONS HEARD.As BJ saysJMO.............................................
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RHP User
15 years ago
.......For purchasing condoms. They are in the supermarket, on the shelves, freely available to any age group to buy. They give ten year olds lessons in sex education including movies of masturbation. The make small condoms for 12 year old boys to use. If this is what the world is coming to then please think about it before giving your kids friends a panadol for a headache. What about chocolate and cake? Maybe we could be sued for contributing to thier weight gain and obesity. If a 15 year old is standing on a bridge about to jump off, dont grab them and save them. Remember you may be overstepping the mark and their parents may want them to jump. You may get sued for assault here after all you did forceably remove them from the edge of the bridge. Yes Stalky and JGyou are entitled to your opinions BUT dont make mountains out of mole hills. And JG if you started lurking around school yards there will be a problem as the age difference is just too great. You cannot pretend to be a 15 year old schoolboy. The majority of 15 year old girls will not buy condoms for themselves, they will not discuss personal issues with thier doctor, and they will not stop having sex either. Most of them just can not talk to thier parents about such things. They have to talk to someone they trust. In an ideal world that would be thier parent but nine times out of ten it is not.
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RHP User
15 years ago
As much as i understand why you did what you did Tassie, you DID cross the line.I was bought up in a very strict catholic household, (Common theme anyone??) and could never discuss the intricacies of sex or relationships with my parents. I vowed i would never put my kids in that position, and to date they have always been very open and honest about what they are up to. Our daughter told us that she was getting serious about a guy, and we did discuss everything with her, put her on the pill, and bought her condoms. We are realists and understand that abstinence is a crock, and usually only works if you are religiously brainwashed.If i had found out that someone else had taken out a script for one of my kids, forget going to the cops, i would hunt them down myself.I understand your case, that she "Couldn't" talk to her own mum about this- Thats bullshit to put it bluntly- She made a conscious decision to lose her virginity, some may say this is a coming of age, and with that comes increased responsibility. This includes fessing up to the parents and dealing with the repercussions!It's called growing up!What Stalky has inferred in his first post is absolutely spot on!By all means offer advice, especially when it comes to safe sex etc- But that is as far as the involvement should go!Yes her parents may have their heads up their asses- but that is their prerogative!
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RHP User
15 years ago
so many stupid laws are a joke..where would i start why would you follow them? bowing to Pressure from the media and do gooders, makes us no better than OUR parents, who hid sex and drug use, shunned anyone pregnant or "out there" because their govt taught them sex and drugs and FREE SPEECH are bad. (then they sell us the most poisonous drug ever- tobacco, and hit us on head for marching in queens st mall) we are so lucky to be in a situation to teach our kids MANNERS, right and wrong, the truth about sex drugs and rock n roll. Iam never going to let some stupid law made up by hypocrates guide my life Berns
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'AdventureTime' so many stupid laws are a joke..where would i start why would you follow them?Iam never going to let some stupid law made up by hypocrates guide my life Berns Hey Berns, I quite like the current situation as it stands. If you think its a great idea that anyone should be able to dispense pharmaceuticals to minors then you should write to your politician about it to change the common law by statute.... That's the system we live in.. and if you can convince our governments, then I'll happily and contentedly live by the new rules.... but if you dislike that system, then you should try and see how you get on in Libya. I mean to say, when your 15 year old daughter comes home spewing her guts up, and complaining of abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, dizziness, and breast tenderness..... and you haven't got any idea why... perhaps you'll remember your take on this topic, and a little bell will ring in your head.... otherwise, you're going to be seriously concerned.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' We know you're not stupid Roxxy and I like to think you asked the question so you could hear some views and opinions, not so that we could pat you on the back. . JG i dont do anything for a pat on the back...im not a man....i do things because i think its the right thing to do and i do what i can to survive i wanted some advise but i guess i should have known better if this girls mum wants to take me to court...im fine with that this child tells me all the time "if mum kicks me out im moving in with you" she knows il look after her but she also knows il do whatever i can to keep her at home and if that means trying to prevent her from becoming pregnant...then thats what il do roxxy Erm... I was giving you credit. And I believe you were getting advice, so maybe elaborate on why you should have known better. Do you not like the advice? I think some of it is particularly good. Maybe re-read some of Stalky's posts with an open mind, because he makes some very good points, not just the legal shmegal ones either.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee'If this is what the world is coming to then please think about it before giving your kids friends a panadol for a headache. What about chocolate and cake? Maybe we could be sued for contributing to thier weight gain and obesity. If a 15 year old is standing on a bridge about to jump off, dont grab them and save them. Remember you may be overstepping the mark and their parents may want them to jump. You may get sued for assault here after all you did forceably remove them from the edge of the bridge.........................The majority of 15 year old girls will not buy condoms for themselves, they will not discuss personal issues with thier doctor, and they will not stop having sex either. Most of them just can not talk to thier parents about such things. They have to talk to someone they trust. In an ideal world that would be thier parent but nine times out of ten it is not. That bridge analogy is just plain obnoxious, Of course, if you could, you would hold them to prevent them from jumping. What I'm about is making sure it doesn't seem that you are doing the pushing!Learning that you can trust your doctor and talking to your doctor about personal issues is all about growing up.... the sooner they learn that, the better for them. If you take the responsibility, choices and decisions away from them and let them sneak a root up behind the garden shed... hell, you may as well be implicit in the whole thing and just buy a box of tissues and wipe the cum off their sticky little pimple riddled faces.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose'.this child tells me all the time "if mum kicks me out im moving in with you" she knows il look after her I've had the exact same situation Roxxy. Seriously, the dramatic stories we got from a 15 year old miniskirt clad half drunk victims of child abuse whaling in our spare bedroom ... mum's new boyfriend is a freak etc and so forth... I've seen it all, been there and done that all and much worse... I still phoned her mum, the bitch from hell, and daughter wasn't kicked out at all.... the perception of these youngsters is all hormonally fucked up.... I really doubt that 15 year old girls who lose their virginity routinely get kicked out of their homes..... and I wonder, how you would know that is actually going to happen..... I mean to say.. you can't know that for certain because parents put on a show of wrath and fury these days because we can't slap the rotten little bastards! :pHugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Agree with Stalky. Watch out for those 15 yr olds, They will get a bruise from Friends or Brothers / Sisters and it will be reported to the Do Gooders Govt depts as Mum or Dad did this, they beat me up, sexually abuse me. For what reason? So the get a living away from home allowance from the govt thereby escaping disapline or rules. Send them back home to their perants no ifs or buts. Still be there for them. PS Really wonder controlled corporal punishment at school and home, didnt hurt us.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose'this child tells me all the time "if mum kicks me out im moving in with you" she knows il look after her but she also knows il do whatever i can to keep her at home and if that means trying to prevent her from becoming pregnant...then thats what il do roxxyRox, I agree with most of what you are doing BUT you need to tread very carefully here. If this girl knows you will just take her in any time there is not a lot of incentive for her to even attempt to improve communications with her own mum, whether it is possible or not! By all means be there for her and give her the best advice you possibly can, but watch and see if she actually takes that advice on board. If you give her good advice and she disregards it, e.g. continues to have unsafe sex etc. then step away. I am sure that most of us try to do our best for the people around us, but ultimately if they continue to do what they want regardless, that will only end in tears for everyone. There IS a time to step away, don't hesitate to do so if you think it has reached that point, or you will be the one being blamed for any consequences.
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Letsgetcrazy09
15 years ago
Regardless of what you may think of the law, Stalky has merely been stating the facts that Roxy has put herself in the way of a possible legal situation on two fronts. Firstly there is the criminal aspect from not being the legal guardian of the child and secondly the civil aspect as to damages. Whether the second can get up would be a long drawn out affair. The first however, if the parents wished to proceed would stand a much better chance of success as they are the legal guardians. The child is legally under age, albeit in some states for medical treatment the age can be adjusted to as low as 14. As to legal guardianship of a minor, this is still 18. All I can say is that people who tread on the toes of guardians of children do so at their own peril. The law is on their side and to prove ones intentions honourable and justifiable, extremely difficult. Laws are there to prevent anarchy. Some are good, some are bad, depending on individual perspectives. Some are based on Christian beliefs - for example Bigamy......so how to avoid it.......don't marry a second.....just have sex......hehehe JMO Lets
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RHP User
15 years ago
.......With an open hand and using reasonable force BELOW the shoulders. l I do know that teenagers are ruled by thier hormones but not all are scheming, back stabbing, lying little toads and not all parents care about thier children. Many care about appearences and many just dont care at all. Roxxy knows this woman. This is not some random strange child that her daughter dragged home one day. She has been in and out of Roxxy's home probably for many years. l Yes learning to trust your doctor is part of growing up but many need the guidance, reassurance and comforting presence of a trusted adult to make that leap. Sending her in alone will not do it at all. We do whatever we can at the time to keep the kids we know safe. If one of my children felt they could not talk to me about such things I would be more than happy for them to talk to someone else about it. l How many of you gave your kids alcohol before they turned 18? How many of you gave thier mates kids a beer before they turned 18? Just one sip? I mean they need to learn responsible drinking dont they? Where better to learn it safely at your place, with your child where you can keep an eye on things. And what is the difference between a bottle of beer and the morning after pill?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Stalky says Roxxy overtsepped the bounds for assisting this 15yr old with contraception but has Drunk 15yr olds in his home . luvitruf was unable to talk to his/her parents about sexual matters growing up but thinks its bullshit that this child cant . I wonder would you all have been saying the same things if it wasnt the 38yr old Mother of a friend but the 18-early20's sister of a friend?? and if the question hadnt been posed as a parenting one but just an "OMG you should see what the kids of today are getting up to" type thing?? / As one who wasnt able at one time of my life to discuss these sort of things with my mother I wish I had had someone like Roxxy around... . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Quoting 'celebree'NOW it is based on the doctors assessment and whether the child meens a specific level on a predetermined mentality and awareness scale .. But Roxxy is not trained to make that assessment, nor is she qualified to dispense pharmaceuticals, let alone to minors.HugsS I clearly said it is based on the DOCTORS ASSESSMENT ... Roxxy does not need to be trained because she is NOT making the assessment .... NOR is she dispensing pharmaceuticals ... The pharmacists dispenses .... she is only administering .. there is a clear and legal difference between the two ..
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason' Stalky says Roxxy overtsepped the bounds for assisting this 15yr old with contraception but has Drunk 15yr olds in his home."overstepped" ..... I never said I was complicit in the consumption of it, merely omitted that it was her condition on arrival.I fail to see the relevance to the reference to a 20 year old sister.... my position on dispensing pharmaceuticals to minors doesn't change. I am not and have never said not to provide an adult perspective to the child's situation.Quoting 'fionabee' .......Smacking with an open hand and using reasonable force BELOW the shoulders. lWell, if you were to try that on any child of mine I'd give you a swirly.HugsS.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' the girl is 15 not 16 til the end of the year if i went to this woman and told her her daughter was having sex...she would be nice as pie, then the daughter would cop it as soon as i left she hates my daughter...she is a slut, she wears short skirts and low cut tops and shows her boobs off she would kick her daughter out, if she went to her i have, i guess, threatened her and told her if she doesnt get the pill and use the condoms then i will have to tell her mum i dont care what flack i get from all this...i just dont want a pregnant teen on my door step when i could have prevented it when i gave my daughter the condoms and the morning after pill...it was on strict instructions that they say my daughter stole them out of my drawer hahaha roxxy .Dear Roxxy,.Hopefully your advise has been taken onboard and appreciated as its hard to help those who wont help themselves..It seems you've not only given the good advice but gone even further. One could take it to the nth degree and buy her a vibrator and encourage her to use it as a substitute to satisfy her libido. But why should these things be coming out of your pocket?.If its peer pressure forcing her to open her legs, then the young stud also needs to take responsibility for his cock..Does this girl not have a father? Hopefully he can be supportive..It seems its the female who has to stop herself from getting pregnant, rather than the impregnator?.How far is a woman to take it? Labia piercings of the chastity variety?.When all else fails, people sometimes have to learn the hard way, including closed minded parents..Its unfortunate if you and your daughter are being perceived as immoral… if in fact you are good caring people with a realistic attitude to sex. The mother seems to be in denial and judgemental, so not sure if putting yourself in the firing line is going to resolve the underlying problems that reside in her household. I suspect she'll only use you as a target, maybe even accuse you of being a bad influence on her daughter. Causing her promiscuity?.Big hugs....Eunuchxxxxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Quoting 'focusliason' I fail to see the relevance to the reference to a 20 year old sister.... HugsS.Hang on... who's sister? where? Is she a hottie? Maybe they're using her as bait to get me to stop loitering around the high school...
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RHP User
15 years ago
The morning after pill is available over the counter...so is cough syrups, panadol, nurofen, antihistamines...alll of which can have an adverse side effect with someone in the wrong circumstances...if a minor in your home has a headache are you not going to give them something to assist??? . I know we dont all see eye to eye on the forums...but how many of you who were teenage parents (either male or female) wish someone like Roxxy was around for you then??? Especially if you had noone else you felt you could trust . My question about a younger person posing the question is this - would you have been so harsh, so negative, insisting that the OP had done something so worng and overstepped their bounds or would you have been more sympathetic?? Laughing it off??? All because they are younger and THEORETICALLY not as experienced in life as a 38yr old mother of 100's??? , Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'celebree' I clearly said it is based on the DOCTORS ASSESSMENT ... Roxxy does not need to be trained because she is NOT making the assessment .... NOR is she dispensing pharmaceuticals ... The pharmacists dispenses .... she is only administering .. there is a clear and legal difference between the two .. No professional made an assessment. That's exactly my point. Roxxy is dishing out pharmaceuticals to minors... without their parent's knowledge.... and some of you are in favor of this.. that much is perfectly clear to me... and I say that's going too far... AND it would seem, is contrary to the common law... something you choose to ignore, because you think you know better than the laws of this country. If you know better, then convince our government to legislate for people to hand out pharmaceuticals willy nilly to minors. See how you go.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason'My question about a younger person posing the question is this - would you have been so harsh, so negative, insisting that the OP had done something so worng and overstepped their bounds or would you have been more sympathetic?? Laughing it off??? All because they are younger and THEORETICALLY not as experienced in life as a 38yr old mother of 100's??? , Kisses Focus I would insist. Ive made that clear. I've only ever said that Roxxy was wrong to dish out condoms and the morning after pill in the absence of consent from the child's legal guardians. The rest of what she did is what I would expect of any reasonable person confronted with the same circumstance.... I'd have the same opinion on every occasion. It's really not that complicated and the circumstances not so uncommon. In the same way, I have a zero tolerance to domestic violence. I am exposed to it often in my line of work and simply call the police and report it. It's not rocket science. There is no moral dilemma.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
i am really surprised at most of you so you are all adults but half of you dont have the balls to tell your family and friends that your on here because they wouldnt understand, Stalky is happy to tell the world that he has trouble containing himself with half naked late teen/early 20ish kids roaming his house and Jean is joking (well we presume he is joking) about hanging around the local high school and no one batts an eyelid yet i ask for advice and i have two pages of arguing....you lot are worse than my bloody kids if i wanted to hear this much arguing...id take off my headphones and listen to my kids yes i have heard plenty of kids say "if mum kicks me out im moving in with you" but sometimes when kids say it, they have a damn good reason to say it this woman kicked out her 16 yo boy because he had the nerve to sleep with a girl...worse still she hasnt spoken to this same child because he was low enough to fall for a girl that was 15 (he was 18) and pregnant...heaven forbid if he raises some bastard child (her words not mine) as his own so im sorry if going to her mum was not an option....i tried to convince her too but i totally understand why she wouldnt i got this girl the morning after pill because she WILL be living at my house if she falls pregnant i dont give a fuck if this woman takes me to court...i dont give a fuck if this woman yells and screams she doesnt scare me but she does scare her daughter so could you all please either give me usefull advise that i can use...without criticising me would be great or SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE ON thanks all roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Technically Roxxy gave these pharmaceuticals to HER OWN DAUGHTER. There is absolutely no crime in giving advice or condoms to a teen. They can (and do) get these everywhere. That is not the issue and should not even be included in this debate. What people are objecting to here is the morning after pill......but Roxxy did not give it to this other child. She gave it to her own daughter. Friends give thier friends all sorts of things.....including life threatening diseases.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Fiona that's bullshit. Take a look at the original topic... Read it..... Then read what you just wrote.... Then come to the surprising reality that Roxxy's little story introduced the daughter defence only after I suggested she done wrong. Hugs Gaz.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hey Roxxy,I have read everyone's comments and everyone has valid points. I certainly understand why a parent would hate for their child to go to someone else for help and advice but the reality is that when you are a teenager your parents are often not the people you go to for help or advice. So it is fantastic that they feel comfortable with you and they trust you. To be honest they are lucky that they have an adult like you that they can talk to - particularly as you are so open minded.As for your question "how do I help these kids without crossing the line". I think what you are doing is great, however for the reasons stated above you probably should not give her the morning after pill again - just to protect yourself if nothing else regardless of whether you agree with the law or not. Let's face it, would you really want the hassle if the parents found out & wanted to take things to the police? As far as I can see, you have done everything you can possibly do, if she continues to have unprotected sex there is not much you can do about it. I can't understand parents that would kick their children out of the home if they got pregnant. What kind of parents are they?? xxMeeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
I don't understand why she would continue to have unprotected sex. I was terrified of becoming pregnant when I was younger. Why would you risk it?
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RHP User
15 years ago
I was one of those troubled young teenagers who couldnt go to my mother ... I turned to my best friends mum because I knew my best girl friend could talk to her .. about everythig. she gave me the advice I needed .. not only about sex and how I needed to protect myself but also about all types of life issues. She was there for me when I needed her and now many years later .. I thank goodness Marie was there to keep me safe where my parent NEVER could. She would give me the adivce she would her own kids... Its all well and good to say what you would do etc etc but what if you were really presented with the issue and you knew that the child was in danger and could turn no where else would you really abandon a child in need ? I would hope not. I now find myself in the same situation as my girl friends Mum.. My daughter and I have a fabulous relationship, very open and honest ... and I am now the Mum the other girls turn to when they can't tell their mums .. Now they are 19 and 20 and still turn to me for advice and support in all life issues ... . How wonderful it is that you are there for her Roxy. A child needs suport and you have given it. Remember everyone life does not come with an instruction manual .. some things are down from the heart. Roxy given the same circumstances... I would have done exactly the same thing ... In fact I do believe I already have. Sassy xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' i am really surprised at most of you yet i ask for advice and i have two pages of arguing....you lot are worse than my bloody kids if i wanted to hear this much arguing...id take off my headphones and listen to my kids so could you all please either give me usefull advise that i can use...without criticising me would be great or SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE ON thanks all roxxy And there vanishes the last bit of interest in your threads. In the future specify the advice you'd like. Best make it multiple choice so noone dare offer a different perspective on things
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RHP User
15 years ago
You asked for opinions on how not to overstep the line.... and I told you my opinion. Frankly, I'm surprised at you for taking this attitude towards my comments. I've attempted to present an alternative perspective to your own, one that is just as valid and just as caring, and for all you know, just as effective. If you just wanted me to agree with you and your "mob of mothers", I would have told you to fuck off. Seems you beat me to it... but never mind. I suppose you're going to delete me from facebook now... hahahahaahahaha!HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'I don't understand why she would continue to have unprotected sex. I was terrified of becoming pregnant when I was younger. Why would you risk it? Many teenagers see pregnancy as a carreer option. Life as a solo parent is not that great and the money is not as good as many people think it is BUT to a 16 year old $700 a fortnight sounds a lot. As for asking what kind of parents are they? Well I have seen kids kicked out of home for less reasons than that. They get sent to people like me just because they dont get on with Mum's new boyfriend.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Of course we are going to argue...it is the nature of the forums especially when someone starts a topic that can get emotional. It is good to see that there are some fathers out there that care about what happens to thier kids. Stalky and JG have given valid opinions and yes, in the extreme circumstances what they have discribed could possibly happen. Not very likely but still needs to be considered. We know you acted in the girls best interest and did what you thought was best at the time and I for one, would (and have) done the same. However, you wanted a father's opinion as well and men tend to get protective of thier little girls. Mainly because they were once a pimply faced youth and know what they are like. You have been around the sandpit long enough to now the routine. Just pull up the couch, break out the popcorn and relax. None of us have been nasty so it is more debate than argue. All good.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' You asked for opinions on how not to overstep the line.... and I told you my opinion. Frankly, I'm surprised at you for taking this attitude towards my comments. I've attempted to present an alternative perspective to your own, one that is just as valid and just as caring, and for all you know, just as effective. If you just wanted me to agree with you and your "mob of mothers", I would have told you to fuck off. Seems you beat me to it... but never mind. I suppose you're going to delete me from facebook now... hahahahaahahaha!HugsS you dont think much of me do you Stalky...seeing i was commenting on your FB last night hahaha this wasnt just aimed at you...it was more aimed at the arguing and the shit that was going on i read what you had to say and i took it on board but you and your "mob of men" have just been repeating yourselves...im listening but everyone is sounding like children but i have noticed as you say the mothers seem to get where i was coming from but the fathers dont do you think thats because we are girls and boys dont get the whole pregnant teen thing??? boys/men can just walk away if they dont want a kid....girls/women cant roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' I don't understand why she would continue to have unprotected sex. I was terrified of becoming pregnant when I was younger. Why would you risk it? she isnt now ....she still is refusing to go to the doc because she is too afraid her mum will find out...but she is now making sure her boyfriend is using the condoms...so at least there is some protection my own daughter has a docs appointment next week and im thinking she needs to be introduced to the sex clinic too...so im thinking if this kid tags along with us then there isnt much i can do about that...is there???? roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
i wish i had of had someone to talk to when i was a teen...maybe then i wouldnt have been all alone at the hospital at 16 about to have an abortion, or i would have had someone to hold my hand when that abortion went wrong and the doctor was telling me at 16 that i may never be able to have children thankfully he was wrong i managed 100 so im doing well hahaha....but id like to think if my kids dont think they can come to me then they have someone to go too...someone that will help them my step daughter is 19 and she still comes to me for advice even though mer dad and i have been seperated for nearly 7 years roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Many teenagers see pregnancy as a carreer option. Life as a solo parent is not that great and the money is not as good as many people think it is BUT to a 16 year old $700 a fortnight sounds a lot. As for asking what kind of parents are they? Well I have seen kids kicked out of home for less reasons than that. They get sent to people like me just because they dont get on with Mum's new boyfriend. Ha! You are exactly right, but also the kids will make a career out of the living away from home allowance. To get it they have to prove that home is not a option. Like perants saying to 15 yr olds, you have to be home by 9pm not 3-5 am. But the state has given the kids too many rights to early. Agree with Roxxy up to having the kid living with her, unless she gets the perants approval. Convincing a 15 yr girl to take a morning after pill or go on the pil has to be good, rather than reality of a baby. I would like to see perants being able to get the police to charge other adults who put up our kids (under 18) without the perants consent. Also charge those perants / over 18 yr olds who supply our under 18 year kids with booze who then bring it into other kids homes or supply other kids.
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