anniversaries...and what ifs....

Comments

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  So many thoughts Jose....   From my point of view...   I think if she had been having sex with a woman then you would have perhaps felt less cheated on...in so much as it was something that you couldn't offer and it wasn't as much of a threat to you as a man and a husband?  Probably would have even been a little aroused *giggle*.   You had to deal with a double edged sword Jose...not only was your wife having sex with another man...but also that man was your best friend.  Basically, the two people who you should have been able to trust without a doubt you lost them both in one foul swoop.   I am curious (and you did bring it up)...why hadn't you had sex for 8 years?  Did you honestly not consider that she may have been/might cheat on you when you weren't intimate together?  Wow!  8 years man!  Didn't you ever consider going elsewhere yourself??

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  You probably would have felt less threatened by a woman because you could still offer something that she couldn't...

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Mate, some say time heals all wounds, but I bet the arseholes that say that are the ones that are never hurt!   All you can do is get on with life, I know that sounds hard but you can't go on living on "what ifs".  Your wife made her choice to cheat on you, you can hold you head up high that you were not to stray.   As for your "what if", does the gender of your wife's partner make a difference?  If she was doing it behind your back, it is still cheating, no matter how erotic the thought of two women together is.   Jose, consider that episode as just a chapter in your life with more new and exciting tales of womanising yet to be penned!!!!   mooka

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Some people will never accept the same sex attraction thing as a legitimate sexuality... for them... you are either left or right... and never ambidexterous. From what I know of you in these forums Jose, I guess for you it was not so much the gender of her chosen lover that upset you. I think that if you have found her in bed with another woman you might have been equally as disraught and less trusting. You strike me as a one woman man, mate but only you really know the answer to that.   Whatever the situaiton or self assessment, I highly recommend looking forward to tomorrow. :P   Hugs Stalky

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Quoting 'Sonsie' You probably would have felt less threatened by a woman because you could still offer something that she couldn't... yes, of course it would have been something i couldn't offer, hadn't thought of that...mooka,..yeah, am enjoying the next chapter in my lifethanksjose...

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Honestly, from my POV, if it was with another woman, then although it is still cheating, it would not be as bad as with another bloke. I could work hrough that.But with your best mate, i understand your pain bloke. You had TWO people cheat on you.Don't know how you do it, but rest assured, karma works in very weird ways

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  ....I like how you say that Jose .   I have never been cheated on so I don't understand the pain of deceit, I can only imagine.   A little story that may be of no use whatsoever...when I met my ex fiance/defacto 6 years ago, we had both been married and divorced.  Unfortunately, his ex wife had run off with the Bridesmaid 9 months after they were married (because he is my ex...I find it very funny!).  Consequently, he was absolutely paranoid that I was going to run off with a woman...and used to wait up til I got home from a "girls night out" LOLOL.  He got over it the end...and then I got over him  :)   Dress up cheating anyway you like....but deceit hurts.   Hugs Jx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Heya Jose' I watched back to the future last night....got lost in the movie as per usual..and wondered off into 'what if' land. What if it had been u cheating? No wouldnt happen? What if? We do a helluva lot of internal dialoguing...& drive ourselves to the point of distraction trying to solve the unsolvable. Re write the script Jose' and this time try Stalky's suggestion and focus on tomorrow....the tomorrow you want.. We got ya back

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Jose....I made light of something that perhaps I should have been more sensitive to.  Sorry.   What I perhaps should have said was, my ex felt incredibly inadequate as a "man" when his wife left him for another woman.  He saw the signs before he got married but chose not to follow them.  The consequent paranoia (of me running off with a woman)  impacted in a negative way in our relationship...and that was 10 years on!!!    He finally got over it when he knew he was losing me.  But by then, I was tired of not being trusted (in terms of relationship integrity).   So..please just ignore my personal banter over my ex...I have to laugh at it cos it moves me forward.   Hugs Jx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  yep...head screwed on straight now...get a great view of my butt though....yep myname...thinking on the unsolvable...does tend to do ya head in sometimes...how about all these people who are yearning for that planet in avatar...sigh!...and onebrightstar...i didn't take it that way...as in light...thanks for bringing some perspective...cheersjose...

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Ya know something? It's perfectly normal to feel pain...to linger longer over the things that people do to us...its just when we hang on to it...allowing it to consume us....that it becomes corrosive. One trick of the trade I've learnt over the years is...when I feel myself going back into the land of pain (it's familar, I know what to expect...so why not?) I visualize a HUGE stop sign and actively DO something to distract myself until the desire for self battery dissipates. Distractions can be a whole lot more fun than the other stuff...lol mwuah!!!

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  16 years ago

  hey Jose..i know how it feels to have the most trusted people cheat you...it does hurt deeply...only with me it took many years to get over it and to trust again...then once i started too bam..it happend again..The first it was the girlfriend..who id been with for a few years..cheated on me with a guy...she ended up married to him.Then again..When i was younger...the guy i was with...cheated on me with a guy..and while we were at it..came out and saidthat we had to stop..cause he couldnt continue because he'd prefer the other guy....well me thinks..wtf..not againThen again just before i was on the verge..my ex called me by an so called friends name....oh wtf..yet again..my world crashed....i sunk even deeper again thats when i tried to end it.but i had my baby to care for(had to have op on tubes) to have her.after losing two before her.So for me it wouldnt matter which sex it was that would cheat on me.....Hence why im sooo anti bull...big on trust n honesty,,,and communication.You and others that that get over it with out ill affect....i greatly admire and applaudxoxoxomumma G..

  reply

  like