M66 F63

Worst Joke Week

February 19 2008

Heres a few to kick it off :- Girls goes to sex shop says to guy behind the counter " I want a toy that really works - none of these vibrators do the job for me " Guy reaches under the counter and says "try this one . guaranteed to work everytime, its called the VooDoo vibrator u just turn in on and say "Voodoo Vibrator my Pussy" and it will do u like u have never been done before." So the girl takes it home, says"Voodoo Vibrator My Pussy" all day long and has mulitple orgasms but when she has had enough she couldnt get it out no matter how hard she pulled so she decided to go back to the sex shop and see the guy who sold it to her. Shes having orgasm after orgasm and is driving eratically when she is pulled over by a policeman, he says "can u tell me why u are driving so eratically" she sobs "oh police officer" i have this voodoo vibrator and i cant get it out it wont stop giving me orgasms" The police officer looks at her and scoffs "pfft Voodoo Vibrator My Arse!.............." Little boy walking along the road when a car pulls over, the guy in the car says "if u come in my car i will give u a lollie" Little boy says "if u come in my mouth i will give u a whole bag.." The farmer died, his wife couldnt handle the farm alone so hires a handy man, young handsome .. On the first day he does such a good job the wife sends him to the pub to relax and have a few beers. When he returns the wife is sitting up waiting for him, she says "come here" he goes and stands in front of her and she says"take off the shoes" he does. She says "take off the pants " he does. Shes says "take off the shirt" he does. She says "take off the undies" he does. She stands up and picks up all the clothes, storms off into the bedroom and says " and if u ever wear my clothes again - ur fired !! "

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RHP User

18 years ago

So a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde all leave work at the same time and get in the elevator together. The brunette looks down, notices a small whitish puddle on the floor, and exclaims, "Ew! Is that sperm?" The redhead looks down, and says, "Yep, that's definitely sperm." The blonde looks down, leans over, and scoops up a little bit on a finger. She licks off her finger and looks puzzled for a moment. Then she says, "Well, it isn't anybody from our office."

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RHP User

18 years ago

One morning in a sex shop the boss came out to the young guy behind the counter and said "I want you to really start pushing those dildos, we've got too many dildos and I want to start selling them. Do whatever it takes, but I've got to get some of those dildos out the door." Later that morning a white woman came in and asked to look at the dildos. "We have this white dildo for $20, and this black dildo for $50", said the assistant. "I'll have the black dildo", replied the woman. A bit later again a black woman came in and asked to look at the dildos. "We have this black dildo for $20, and this white dildo for $50." "I'll have the white dildo", replied the woman. And a little bit later again a woman of came in and asked to look at the dildos. "We have this white dildo for $50, and this black dildo for $50." "How much is that tartan dildo?" she asked, pointing to a shelf behind the counter. "The tartan one is $100." "I'll have the tartan dildo", replied the woman. After lunchtime the boss came into the shop. "How've you gone selling the dildos the morning?" he asked. "Well," said the assistant, "I sold a white woman a black dildo for $50, a black woman a white dildo for $50, and a woman my thermos for $100."

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RHP User

18 years ago

Egads, I used the less-than and greater-than signs in the joke and they got zapped out, probably because the system thought it was html. Kind of makes the joke scan a bit strange so I'll try again. ----------- One morning in a sex shop the boss came out to the young guy behind the counter and said "I want you to really start pushing those dildos, we've got too many dildos and I want to start selling them. Do whatever it takes, but I've got to get some of those dildos out the door." Later that morning a white woman came in and asked to look at the dildos. "We have this white dildo for $20, and this black dildo for $50", said the assistant. "I'll have the black dildo", replied the woman. A bit later again a black woman came in and asked to look at the dildos. "We have this black dildo for $20, and this white dildo for $50." "I'll have the white dildo", replied the woman. And a little bit later again a woman of (insert ethnicity) came in and asked to look at the dildos. "We have this white dildo for $50, and this black dildo for $50." "How much is that tartan dildo?" she asked, pointing to a shelf behind the counter. "The tartan one is $100." "I'll have the tartan dildo", replied the woman. After lunchtime the boss came into the shop. "How've you gone selling the dildos the morning?" he asked. "Well," said the assistant, "I sold a white woman a black dildo for $50, a black woman a white dildo for $50, and a (insert ethnicity) woman my thermos for $100."

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RHP User

18 years ago

Q: what does a peroxide blonde and a boing 747 got in common A: both got a black box a pony walks into a bar looking real sad , the barman asks why the long face ? the pony replys im feeling a little horse. Q: why do blondes were sheep skin knickers? A: to keep there ankles warm

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RHP User

18 years ago

The first Blonde guy joke. An irishman a mexican and a blonde guy are working on a scaffolding on 20th floor of a construction site. Lunchtime Irishman opens his lunch box he has corned beef and cabbage, he says "if i get this one more time I'm gonna jump of this building'! Mexican opens his lunch box - Burrito's "If I get this one more time I'm gonna jump of this building'! Blonde guy opens his lunch box he has polony " if I get this again I'm gonna jump off this building too'! Next day lunch time comes. Irishman opens his lunch box, corned beef and cabbage, he jumps. Mexican opens his lunch box, Burrito's, he jumps. Blonde guy opens his lunchbox, polony, he jumps to his death too. At the funeral Irishmans wife says "if i had only known., i would never have made him corned beef and cabbage'! Mexicans wife says "if i had known how much he hated Burrito's i would not have given them to him ! Blonde guys wife says "Dont look at me ! he made his own lunches !

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RHP User

18 years ago

3 office girls . 1 a blonde 1 a red head the third a raven haired goddess are all standing around bitching how the manageress always has long lunches and every Friday knocks of work at lunchtime and how unfair of her as she makes them all work through there brakes never pays them any overtime and never allows them to finish early . the girls come up with the plan that next Friday they will all leave as soon as the boss is out of site . well come Friday the boss leaves the girls all go home early the following Monday all three are discussing weather they should do it a gain the next Friday . the raven haired goddess explains that she wants to do it as she was able to go home and make passionate love to her hubby before the kids get home the red head explains that she was able to get home cook a scrumptious meal for her man then spend the rest of the night in a embraced in her lovers arms the two look to the blonde who is shaking her head in a panic no way she says to the girls do i want to do that again i Nealy got court and then explains she cant possibly do it again because she went straight home to hear loud wailing noises coming from her bedroom window and and after looking in the window she saw her boss in bed with her hubby

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RHP User

18 years ago

if so... what do you call a musical soft drink? a piano-a-cordial LRE

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RHP User

18 years ago

Funny stuff peeps ~~F~~ **Sorry, I cant participate cos a: I have NO friends, SO therefore don't get to hear any jokes, and b: if, on the rare occasion I DO hear a funny, i forget the fukka straight away, anyways...soz**

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RHP User

18 years ago

Q: How do you give a woman an orgasm? A: Who cares? Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747 Q: Why do blondes like Sunroofs? A: More legroom Q: How does a blonde spell Porsche? A: P - - - - - - - - - Oh it doesn't matter Q: Why do blondes like BMW's? A: Because they can spell it Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she's pregnant? A: Gee, I hope it's not mine. Q: How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer? A: Liquid paper on the screen. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only need to punch information into a computer once. Q: What does a blonde say after sex? A: So, are all you guys from the same team? Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? A: Open the car door. Q: Why do blondes like height adjustable steering? A: More headroom!

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RHP User

18 years ago

2 men are at the opposite side of the world but are thinking the same thing. 1 is walking a tightrope between 2 skyscrapers - the other is having a blow job off a 95 year old woman...........what are the both thinking ? dont look down, dont look down, down look down!

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