Where do our sexual preferences come from?

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  LiveLifeNow28

  one year ago

  I’m not sure I agree that the majority of submissive persons are women. Perhaps an assumption? In my experience, most men who contact me are either submissive or want to experience being submissive and are looking for a dom. Definitely a lot more out that than I had realised. It’s rarely in their profile but something they share quite early on. I do agree that men in positions of power do need to submit as a way of escaping their responsibilities and enjoy following instructions and not having to think/make decisions. Where preferences come from probably varies including opportunity to explore with someone you trust. To find out about your own interests and needs. Being with a dominant man previously, I never got the chance to explore my dominant side which is actually my natural preference I discovered later in life with the right partner.

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  NeoAndTrin

  one year ago

  Great topic BB! As for myself I'm a soft Dom. Meaning my preference is to be dominant but not one that's enforceable and I'm happy to submit to Trin or another fenale if they want to dominate me in some form. Though I'm fully resistant to being pegged as much as she asks to...brown town is a no fly zone for me!

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  Ex007

  one year ago

  In all of my years here I have only ever come across 3 dominant men. Many many men pretend to be, stemming from a lack of a sense of self. But the majority of men both here and on other platforms are submissive. If I was a dome I could have made a killing. I've been offered A LOT of money over the years.

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  MrandMrsEss

  one year ago

  Great forum post and something I think about a lot and for myself I find pulled in many directions and for reasons not always so clear. In life I am the decision maker on most of work and personal life and yes I do love to switch the brain off when I can. I have loved a few organised holiday tours that provide this but most often here too I have to plan my own itineraries. As far is in bed I consider myself a warm, caring, considerate lover who prefers to give pleasure over receiving. When younger painfully shy and still can feel this way around new people but am quite good at faking it (well that seems to be carder to do these days). Mostly I love soft, loving sex but also have strong desires to push boundaries and relish when a lover wants something different. I never labeled myself as a Dom but have had many people I’ve been involved with tell me that I am. Early on I paid a Dominatrix for a session and had her flip roles mid session saying my energy was too strong for her, I was obeying every command but she was new to the Dom role so this may have had something to do with it. Now to MrsS, a woman who will intrigue me till the day I die. A complete introvert and good Catholic girl for way too long, I have been lucky to be there for her awakening and the long slow ride into her desires. She openly admits how introverted and submissive she is but even though I see these sides I see strengths in her that would topple me any day. I have seen her switch a few times and feel her submissiveness is both a very much enjoyed conscious state for her but also due in part to her lack of sexual confidence. As time goes on she has gone from letting me direct to her telling me what she wants, I find that mix of submissiveness and assertiveness intoxicating. When she comes to bed and presents a flogger out of nowhere and asks “Please?”, well that just does it for me and also helps me switch off my controlling brain. I think this is called controlling/dominating from the bottom. Now where does all this come from? Gee I think we’d need months of therapy sessions to work all that out. Personally I think a lot of things shape what we desire and then the people we are able to interact with shape what we can express. For me a main desire for opening ourselves to others is to experience different dynamics than is possible with us together. One day I hope to meet someone I can completely submit to and also see MrsS find someone who takes her to new places too and of course I’d hope she’d bring her new bag of tricks back to try out on me. Overall I feel sexuality is something that can be constantly evolving so long as we let go of indoctrinations and prejudices so I try and maintain a “never say never” attitude to this and the rest of life.

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  RHP User

  one year ago

  Good topic. I, MrFun, was married for a long time and we had a good sex life but were only sexual with each other. After we separated I met women who were bisexual so I experienced FMF and one woman then introduced me to swinging. I instantly enjoyed the sexual experiences with an open mind. This led to me trying all sorts of new experiences. Pegging, oral and anal sex with men, and experimenting more e.g. bondage, golden showers and BDSM. I have sometimes dressed as a woman to meet others and find the other women enjoy that as much as the men. What I found is that I am open to new things without judgement of others or myself. I also realised boundaries. For example I had a partner who enjoyed being punished by caning or whipping and being choked. I simply could not do that for her. Either mentally or safely. So we had another man who could do that for her. MsFun is ADHD and is hyper sexual. Apparently there is a strong correlation between ADHD and hyper sexuality. For her it is a positive experience as she controls her desires and safely pursues them. I enjoy being her partner as she can be herself with others with my support. The women I have partnered in this lifestyle team up as we both know we can trust and support each other. It’s all in the mind.

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  AlphaMale

  one year ago

  This post is pure gold. Sarcastic, honest, and way too relatable. I’m here for real vibes — deep chats, seductive tension, and people who don’t take themselves too seriously (unless we’re roleplaying that way). Not a bot. Not a cult leader. Just a man who knows how to listen, tease, and deliver. Snacks optional… unless they’re body-temperature.

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  AlphaMale

  one year ago

  Brilliant post. I’ve seen the same — power dynamics in the bedroom often mirror what we lack in daily life. I lead in both spaces, but in the bedroom? That’s where I refine my craft. Sensual dominance becomes sacred. Desire, for most, is a reflection of the subconscious — an echo of unmet needs, past patterns, or hidden truths. That’s where the real intimacy begins.

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  Notice_Me

  one year ago

  I accidentally watched too many Samurai movies & developed uncomfortable feelings of interest about Shibari :)

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  RHP User

  one year ago

  I (Rachael) have really early memories of various kinks. Not in a grubby way, but in a normal, developmentally appropriate way. I do remember social disapproval and shaming, just for normal, innocent stuff. My understanding from research is that our sexuality is determined early and there’s a strong, genetic component. Makes sense. Not to mention I do think any”genetic” component is inextricably linked with the social construction of gender, sexuality and sexual politics. So the social construction of sexuality creates a whole minefield of “nature/nurture” polemics that will probably never be truly defined or categorically determined. As an aside: I remember when I was in primary school getting told off by a teacher for sitting with my legs open. I remember feeling so confused because the boys weren’t getting told off and they had all this junk between their legs … so why weren’t they asked to hide their bits when there was more to see? I remember asking my parents about it and getting told off for being facetious. After looking facetious up and discovering that the word did not have faecal connotations, I felt very confused. So I stopped asking adults anything because they seemed to know nothing. As an adult I can confirm I know nothing. So … after all that… I think it’s multifaceted.

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