F63
What makes it stop ?
June 30 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sassy and Sweetiepie, I think it is alot to do with the mental state and the inner drive..I have always been a one dog one bone man..Sorry if that sounds blunt but ..i like the expression ! But it hasent always worked for me due to alot of the times me wanting more sexually, although my ex wife was very active sexually and it was more me knocking her back ..FOOL ! But that was some years ago, i think you learn more about yourself and your needs and to maybe relax more and deal with the day to day workings.. I know sex is as important to me as well as my partner now so the next relationship i get into, my mindset is different ..Not because it has to be , but because i want it to be.. Great topic Sassy lets have the sex tap running all the time ! life will be sooo much better..
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yep, Motherhood seems to put an end to endless enjoyable afternoons of sexual exploits, at least for one of the partners. :p Stress is another libido killer. Anxiety is also a performance inhibiting affliction, at least so far as guys are concerned. Illness of course. The presence of Mother in laws can cause a minor setback. Overstaying relatives, A divergence in sexual interests, drugs and alcohol.... really the list is endless. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Great topic Sassy, There are so many people who have been there at some stage in their relationship, but I have recently been in touch with a couple whom I admire very much. They are in their 40's and I have to say they seem to be having lots of fun both together and with other people. Maybe we should be asking the couples what the secret is... Good on them I say!
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RHP User
15 years ago
maybe theres too much mothering and not enough parenting going on....... They say women need to feel loved to want sex and men need to have sex to feel loved. Making that equation work in a long term relationship is complicated. Both parties having the exposure and safety in their upbringing or early relationships to learn how to be intimate with another...to trust them emotionally spiritually psychologically as well as sexualy would influence success rates in long term relationships. Boredom....and the accumulation of all the minor slings and arrows of a long term relationship did it for me. step 1.......place hand on her breast....................step 2.......squeeze nipple......step 3......ask if she is awake.....step 4 ............................................................................................. I think you get the picture no Im comatosed miss b
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RHP User
15 years ago
Damn missbowpeek... I was going to try that move at the meet and greet. Thanks for the heads up bebe. :p Love the one dog one bone saying.... And the "women need to feel loved to want sex and men need sex to feel loved" paradox. Seems to me, if you combine the two pearls of wisdom some self gratification is in order. :p Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Longevity of lust is an inhibiting factor. The honeymoon period lasts only for so long. I had it last over 2 years in my last LTR. Thiswas a live in one as well,with kids, both working fulltime. The real deal. Eventuallyit all faded and continued to fade to the point there was little left. I've had the privilage to talk to her recently. I found out it was the mundane life that killed it off. Yes I did take out the garbage do the laundry house work and cook 50% of the time. We had an outing most weekends, returants and picnics often. But still mundane life of going to work coming home looking after the needs of kids killed it off. Also staying up late watching telly to get that escape. Often luck y to go to bed before 1 am. So no telly kids. Now I hardly watch it at all. To little too late I guess. Oh and another thing. We had a promise that we would never deny sex on a non school night unless one was ill. So kids get sleep eat right do something special often. Turn off the telly. Enjoy each other. Girls don't be afraid to initiate. Make it fun. Lol. Fab.
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RHP User
15 years ago
My previus relationships the sex has died for any number of reasons which could be listed - hell why not: 1. My need for variety - I do enjoy the spice of life not necessarily with many partners but sexual experiences 2. Work-a-holic - not time for me, for us 3. BBW fetish - ok so I was scoffed at at the time but have since been proven right (I lost alot of weight and no longer really fitted that catergory) 4. I have a very high libido and needed someone to keep up I recognise that list does say a lot about the fact that it was me wanting me I fully admit that. With no children I dont have that as an excuse I truely did want more than my partners could give. I am greedy and selfish. I now recognise how important sex is for me in any long term relationship so any future partner has to keep up in my areas with me. A tough one to please but lets be honest - its all about me. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
In my last LTR it was his low self esteem about his cock size that didn't want me to do it anymore. Although he was a great lover and always got me off with penetration...I always knew what was coming...everything but the cock... which I craved and wanted so much. In the end his low self esteem in his manhood and in himself turned me off him sexually. My other LTR's never did go downhill with the sex..but they did ask for a night out with the boys every now and again...just to give their cock a rest hehehehe. xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yep more sex sounds good to me. Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sex in a relationship (like the relationship itself) requires effort and work. In my past relationship the sex only really died when the relationship was over.In this one we never had a 'grace period' as i already had two kids but we made time for each other while dating and made time for sex and it is a habit that has carried forward through the years (OK so we haven't been married for 20-30 years) but we have had some hard times and still managed to maintain a healthy sexual relationship,( in fact we tend to get a little narky with each other if we go too long without it) That is not to say that we haven't had slight lull periods, after my 3rd child i had a stage of about 3 months where the pill i was taking zapped me of ANY drive at all and that was no fun for anyone. I think that if you are in a stable relationship where you both share the load and as a woman you remember to feel like a woman not just a wife/mother/caregiver then you have more chance of keeping it going.All relationships have their ups and downs sexually and otherwise but if you communicate and work on it you get through it, we did find that the excitement factor of swinging did great things for us and the trust and communication we share doing this makes for even more intimate sex all round, for us this is in addition to an already great sex life it's not a replacement of intimacy with each other and like sweetiepie says if you get into on the right foundations and for the right reasons it will work for you but if you think it will fix an already troublesome marriage/relationship then you are in for a nasty surprise.Anyway great post, will be keen to see what others have to say on this one.Mrs GCxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I can not say that motherhood killed it for me, perhaps in the early stages of babies, my post baby body and pnd, with my ex the sex was regular but lacking and over time I found I was no longer attracted to him but doing it anyway, wifely duty and all that. The problem there was I began to hate sex with him and resent him for it. We tried some stuff, camming was where it started, then swapping with friends...these just lead to jealousy on his part then Andy came along and we were so open with each other about we wanted, we talked and realised it was ok to want the things we wanted and that we could find a way. Now we have the kids 50/50 with our exes and sure some of that lust and passion gets lost in kids and bills and exes and all of that and sometimes even the lure of play can come in between but somehow through it all we find our way back to each other. xx Salina
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have a two yr old son and for 9 months after having him I had no interest in sex however my partner at the time had a lot to do with that. The last thing a new mother wants is pressure to have sex and when I was already being asked 3 weeks after giving birth "how much longer", well you might as well dip that thing in concrete cos it ain't getting touched. Nothing turns me off more than pressure and expectations when it comes to sex.However when my son hit about 1 and a half I suddenly got my libido back and then some! I think it was a combo of turning 30, ditching the ex and making time for myself as a person, not just being a mother 24/7.Personally the reason for the lack of sex in the beginning was due to my utter fascination with this small being I had brought into the world. Sex simply wasn't important to me at the time. However - that also came from having no attraction whatsoever for my partner at the time. He simply couldn't (and still can't) understand how someone can simply fall out of love..sorry I've gone off on a tangent here haven't I...lol blame the nightcap...
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RHP User
15 years ago
it takes two to tango,,, like anything else in a relationship,, as well as care ,understanding and experience. our first relationships of 15 years and13 years respectfully was totally vanilla,, to young,,no real experience and just doing what we thought was suposed to be done.....some single time after a breakup,, getting to know ones self better(like kids in a lolly shop)then meeting "the one" and having such a better time of it,,more experience,,allowing yourself to be selfish enough to be our/yourselves,,now ten years down the track its still to good,,, even tho we have 7 kids between us we still go @ it like a couple of rabbits,,, altho,,, mr peek has been known to ask if he can "phone a friend" ,,we think its all about being a grown up kid,,,, if it aint fun ,,, it aint fun,,, sneekypeek
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RHP User
15 years ago
sexual attraction has a lot to do with polarity - the attraction of masculine energy to feminine energy and vice versa (not about men and women exclusively, but about masc/fem energy). When people first meet they are often at their most heightened - so their most feminine, or their most masculine - because this is part of the flirting/courting that goes on. Over time, they make a little less effort, get a little more caught up in the minutae of daily life, become a little more same same, and the polarity (opposites attract) is not as strong.The woman is less feminine, less delightful, joyous, spirited, light, happy in the eyes of the man. The man is less enigmatic, strong, clear, visionary about his life etc in the eyes of the woman. The electricity has faded. Overcoming that needs to be a conscious choice supported by conscious actions. Doable, but lots of people don't bother - they get caught up in blame, dissatisfaction, imagining the greener grass ...lilmiss x
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RHP User
15 years ago
geeze Stalky...........thats just plan lazy....................making me do it all myself !!! trying hard to remember not to call stalky sta;ky at the drinks miss b
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RHP User
15 years ago
Lolz little miss fussy. I'm such a narcissist that I'm attracted to people who are like me..... Stalky energy... hehe. I agree there could be something in the polarity idea. Our brains seem to generateclittle pulses of electrical energy that can be measured, so why wouldn't it be possible that people are subconsciously attracted by another person's aura? I wouldn't be so quick to put a gender based definition on the polarity though.
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RHP User
15 years ago
It means I've fallen out of love with my partner. What makes me fall out of love? Selfishness, lack of emotional and practical support, his insecurities, lack of acceptance of my children, lack of initiative, refusal to have a shared social life, feeling smothered, inability to grow in the relationship, etc etc Once I've fallen out of love there's no turning back and I eventually leave. I don't see the point of staying where I am not happy and fulfilled. WILDly independent
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RHP User
15 years ago
In a word.. communication. Keep it high in the sex arena as well as life. Having the "will" to do sexy things will follow as a result of thought and talk betwen you both. People get lazy, familiar and problematic about their sensual selves and the down hill begins.... Not with me though!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Who really knows. Bettina Arndt ( Clinical psychologist, sex therapist and social commentator ) has alot of answers though. She has written a great book called 'The Sex Diaries' . Basically she had heaps of couples keep a diary over 12 mnths or so of there sex lives. Was a great read getting into the sex lives of couples around australia The sub title for the book is ' Why women go off sex and other bedroom battles'. The answer to this post's topic :-) Its a very interesing read. There are alot of reasons why ppl lose there libido. There were some people who lost there libido and didnt know why either. They really really wanted there sex lives to be how it used to be but just couldnt get there mojo back. In short Bettina told them to try the ' Just do it'. Once they stoped worrying about why they lost there libido ( kids,work etc ) and just 'did it', there libido came back. Sure there are some women, as well as men who just lose there libido for no apparent reason and just never come back. There were plenty whos come back when they just stop worrying and just did it. One interesting fact in the book, according to these diaries is that out of all the partnerships where the female lost there libido the male would put up with it due to the love he felt for her and the mind set that males are always over sexed.There were several in this study who ended up having affairs or leaving the relationship. But the interesting part was where the male lost there libido and the female had a high libido,the percentage of women who ended up having affairs or leaving there partners was much higher. Going by these dairies there are so many reasons why ppl stop having sex. Too many to list here.Reading this book opened up my mind heaps. My 2 cents worth ;-) Mr G
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky'Lolz little miss fussy. I'm such a narcissist that I'm attracted to people who are like me..... Stalky energy... hehe. I agree there could be something in the polarity idea. Our brains seem to generateclittle pulses of electrical energy that can be measured, so why wouldn't it be possible that people are subconsciously attracted by another person's aura? I wouldn't be so quick to put a gender based definition on the polarity though. there isn't a gender basis to it, I just couldn't be bothered going into the detail ... but will take the extra time now :) It doesn't matter what your gender is, you will typically have a mix of masculine and feminine energy, and in fact, at different times in your life you'll have more or less of one compared to the other. And if you don't like the terms masculine and feminine because they seem gender based (which they are, but in a universal sense), you could replace them with sun and moon energy, dark and light energy, stable and variable energy ... etc. Basically, masculine energy has certain characteristics and feminine energy has certain characteristics. Among other things, in humans masculine energy is largely housed in the genitals and feminine energy in the heart (which explains a lot methinks ;) ) So ... masculine energy is attracted to feminine energy and vice versa ... in exactly the same way that opposites attract on all sorts of ways in this world we live in. Typically, the more opposite the energy is, the stronger the attraction is, and consequently, for humans, the stronger the sexual desire. Of course other things are also necessary to create sexual desire, such as other aspects of attraction and compatability. But ... even if all of that works, without some masculine/feminine energy polarity, sexual desire fades. It's an interesting concept I think, and something I experiment with in my life, observe in others etc. Regardless if you're straight, bi, or homosexual, the more your energy is the same as your partners ie both have highly feminine, highly masculine or very even energy, the more the sexual attraction fades. The more your energy is the opposite, the higher the sexual attraction is likely to be. I've asked a lot of men what they love about women. Nearly all say things like when they smile, when they dance, the way they laugh with joy, their femininity, their softness, their deeply nurturing and giving natures. Men tend to hate it when women are harsh, blunt, controlling etc. What they're basically saying is that they're attracted to feminine energy. When I ask women what they love about men they say their strength, their protective instincts, their power, their control and focus and so on. Women tend to hate it when men are passive, indecisive, unreliable, lack vision or direction for themselves etc. So, the women I ask are basically saying they're attracted to masculine energy. What I find really interesting is that in a relationship, if you want to, you can play with this energy to heighten the love, desire, romance etc. I've talked to my partner about it. When I'm being a pain in the ass, he has a bunch of tricks - things he says, ways he looks at me - to invite me back into my feminine energy. It works a treat, I soften up and dissolve in his arms, he feels great and happy and at peace. He knows that sometimes I need help dropping into my feminine. I like to let him know how magic I think he is, how much I love it when he's confident, strong, taking care of business etc. It reminds him how awesome it is to be a man. I've never talked to anyone who is bi or homosexual about these things (a little, but not enough to really test the theories), but I bet the answers would be fascinating, enlightening, educational ... feel free to educate me some more :) lilmiss xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
wedding cake lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
Recipe : too familiar' predictable' none creative' ignorance' unwilling to explore' and a dash of in laws... add a lil salt for taste and you have the perfect recipe for a dull existance with uninteresting sex life. Solution : Open your mind ' drop your inibitions' explore what excites you both' listen' act on it' guaranteed kick start and the excitement returns... Just my opinion ?
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