F73

The guarantee

February 02 2012

I get a lot of men saying to me, “So will we have sex when we meet?” Why they ask it is beyond me, I guess they want a guarantee that they do not waste their time with having to talk over coffee all for nothing. I live about hours drive from the big smoke, its a straight line on the Free way but I can understand for some poor fell with dick in hand that it could be quiet a hike. Let alone the cost of fuel, (depending on the car) it may even peek at ten bucks round trip. Then there is the cost of the coffee but I do go Dutch so that could be 4.50. Total that its nearly a whole 15 Dollars! far enough I think they should be guaranteed a root. I will work out said document so please feel free to add any clause you like. I guarantee that I will turn up in stockings and ten inch heels, and no panties. This is despite the heat wave at the time, and the fact that the heels are so high my nose bleeds. I do not mind taking the risk of slipping over and showing my nether regions ,to all and sundry after all I live in a holiday town so they expect a bit of entertainment. I shall however yell out to the mums and dads with ice cream licking kids in tow to avert their eyes as I do my best laurel and hardy slip on a banana. I guarantee you can plug up my arse hole, that has never had the privilege of a cock in it for you, just cause your spesh, and I want you to rip me a new one. I guarantee you can cum on my face, my tits my pussy and the curtains if that takes your fancy. I guaranteed that after you are finished and and say do you have a girlfriend, that I will dash next door and get my neighbour who is has never gone past the missionary position and will convince her to fuck you and me and the parrot you bought with you. I think ladies and gentlemen this legal document needs a few more clauses in here. Ya Think?

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RHP User

14 years ago

You are funny . When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, you ask - . "Why do you want to know?"

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RHP User

14 years ago

.....and I guarantee - When we meet, and you talk to me with "stand back two steps" bad breath, are 4 inches shorter than your profile says and have 6 handfuls less hair, despite me having NO physical attraction to you, that we will fuck in the alley, cause I talked a little dirty to you in a message once when I thought you were a hottie :PI get it ALL the time. We like to meet single guys or couples at ci, and we always get asked for a guarantee of play! Go to a hooker if you want a sure thing, I am a sexy horny happy swinger (!) but still require some level of attraction and seduction to get me into bed.on a real note..anyone who even hints at " guarantee" I don't meet, I don't do well under pressure, I'd be such a shit root as a guy!

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RHP User

14 years ago

You have to agree, that with the kind of flirting going on around here, some of it at any rate, there is that expectation... Don't you think? Whilst it is not really my "thing" to hook up on here (too much like hard work!) for the guys that do go to the effort, and receive the come fuck me kind of flirts, only to attend and discover all is not what it seems, or worse, nobody shows up, then the question is surely one in mind. If a bloke is then stupid enough to say it out aloud, then I suppose, it let's you know, should a relationship develop, you had better wear the pants and hold the purse. :)HugsStalky

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RHP User

14 years ago

I do not flirt, and do not advertise unless I am going to deliver the goods. I have an add in the paper for my photography work and get a lot of men asking me if I will be nude when I take the pictures. I say sure , if you want to loose your hard on I am your girl. Some call and say baby come over now, and I say sure just let me get my zimmer frame, and I am bit tired cause my girlfriends and I drank to much sherry at my 70th birthday bash last night. I am a bit sad as my friend Mavis fell and broke her hip, but I did warn her about naked twister at her age. Relationship? I cant even grow a plant let alone one of those. My panties belonged to Bridget Jones :) My purse has moths in it I want you bad, Stalky sexy monster. I get a moist on just reading your posts. ( shit I just flirted) Looks like I have to read flirting 101 again right after I thumb through shagging 101 and positions you should not get into after you turn 50. Kindle readers are soooo coool.

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RHP User

14 years ago

The term "I will contact you again" is subject to the following clause(s). 1. That "will" is defined as the confirmed possibility of a definite maybe but most likely in the negative and is dependant on a) how horny I am b) how horny any male friends or relatives happen to be c) whether I can get a leave pass from any partners whether they exist or not. 2. The term "you" covers your own person, any female relatives or neighbours or any woman that walks past your house be they living or dead and may also include any female pets or domestic livestock. 3. That the world "again" is defined as meaning never!

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RHP User

14 years ago

...even with all that stuff, where's the guarantee that you won't be a dud root anyway? | .....it does happen.

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RHP User

14 years ago

I can guarantee that! Its down the bottom of the contract see have a look Section 69) the Star Fish Clause. it says ...... and further more....... and....... see its in the small print. I think there is a Midnight amendment: where you do all the hard work, to wake up said dud root, and turn a dry sows ear into a wet silk purse.

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RHP User

14 years ago

I've picked myself up off the floor and am still chuckling...If anybody asked me for a guarantee, I'd tell them I ain't for sale and they ain't buying LOL. If they don't wanna meet first find another, I know I'm worth knowing... it'll cost em the time to find out. tuscanred...who are you saying hi too??????

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RHP User

14 years ago

Well Tuscanred what age are the men that you arrange to see? Maybe they feel that they don't have many years of rooting left so they don't have time to muck around anymore. They might be dead tomorrow... You know, the type that don't dare buy green bananas in case they don't get a chance to eat them. ;-) xx Meeka

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RHP User

14 years ago

Quoting 'Meeka100'They might be dead tomorrow... You know, the type that don't dare buy green bananas in case they don't get a chance to eat them. ;-) xx Meeka LOL- Shit I bought some nectarines today... still a bit firm, which is ok for some things - but not for nectarines... I like them soft, a little squishy and the juice to run down my lips and chin, maybe with a little yoghurt (which is also ok for some other things)! Never considered that at some point in the future I'd be thinking twice about putting part ripe fruit in the shopping trolley next to my tinned dog food (or whatever I can afford to eat when I'm old - well really old...)

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RHP User

14 years ago

A person can always make use of a good firm banana no matter the age. Hugs Stalky

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RHP User

14 years ago

Quoting 'Meeka100'Well Tuscanred what age are the men that you arrange to see? Maybe they feel that they don't have many years of rooting left so they don't have time to muck around anymore. They might be dead tomorrow... You know, the type that don't dare buy green bananas in case they don't get a chance to eat them. ;-) xx Meeka Egads woman your right! its slim pickings at the old folks home, and with one finger typing and not being able to see the screen it takes so long just to write me. Those old blokes need to know that they can take the blue pill with the prune juice so they can cum and go at the same time. I think I will have to go younger, bugger now I have to take lovers under 25...sigh! Just to be on the safe side so they do not die on my nest.

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RHP User

14 years ago

...now why didn't I think of that, Chilli? That almost guarantees that we'll have fun...well, I will anyway. As for the psycho ex's....they don't worry me much at all, seems a lot of ladies have them...just wonder what in the hell makes them all that way? Maybe there should be an island set aside for them....you know, just Exile them along with their female counterparts. Christ just imagine what the next generation will look like on the island. | Oh well, maybe somebody will push them down the stairs when they are leaving church...their parole officers usually insist that they "find god" or some other excuse for the way they act. | ......ropes, the "no guarantee" guarantee.

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contemplating1

14 years ago

Quoting 'tuscanred' Quoting 'Meeka100'Well Tuscanred what age are the men that you arrange to see? Maybe they feel that they don't have many years of rooting left so they don't have time to muck around anymore. They might be dead tomorrow... You know, the type that don't dare buy green bananas in case they don't get a chance to eat them. ;-) xx Meeka Egads woman your right! its slim pickings at the old folks home, and with one finger typing and not being able to see the screen it takes so long just to write me. Those old blokes need to know that they can take the blue pill with the prune juice so they can cum and go at the same time. I think I will have to go younger, bugger now I have to take lovers under 25...sigh! Just to be on the safe side so they do not die on my nest. Hehe...Welll at the end of the day.. (Or should that be time?) at least you will end up with a "stiff" of some sort! Have a good 'un!

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RHP User

14 years ago

Quoting 'RubyV'I've picked myself up off the floor and am still chuckling...If anybody asked me for a guarantee, I'd tell them I ain't for sale and they ain't buying LOL. If they don't wanna meet first find another, I know I'm worth knowing... it'll cost em the time to find out. tuscanred...who are you saying hi too?????? I also am still chuckling. too much to type properly and get out the "guarantee". What a top thread TR. There is always the guarantee if you now go for the under 25's that they could get a thick ear if they are a dud, *looks back at* CM and TR.

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RHP User

14 years ago

Very very funny, thanks for bringing tears to my eyes.

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The guarantee

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