M51 F47
The Shag Window
February 14 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Another classic case of a lack of communication. It is imperative that you and your partner establish the ground rules, and that both of you should not deviate from these agreements. Just saying, lets swing, is a recipe for jealousy and resentment. If in doubt, don't. From personal experience a night planned to be a sexual adventure can become a emotional rollacosta with out the ground rules.Show respect for your partners wishes, compromise if you can, but being a swinger does not mean anything goes.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I don't think it is jealousy that struck you Andy. You're not that kind of guy, although you don't like missing out. I just think that you are annoyed at the lack of common decency and courtesy and you ought to feel that way. For instance, had it been me there with you and Sal that night, I certainly would have woken you up for a shag too. :pHugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
edit:... I mean.. "your friend".. as in.. it's not you and Sal we're discussing..... of course not!HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Even as a single person with no desire for anymore than one on one I can see the fault in this scenario. You guys met and she bowed out in about half an hour BUT was sore from shagging ALL DAY? If the man cums in five minutes obviously not him she has been shagging. Not you either as you only just met. A bit rude there...going to a meet all worn out from someone else. I'd say you had a right to be a little pissed off. The other partner could not be all that annoyed as it was not her waking you for more and she was the one who bowed out.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sorry to hear that Andy, It wouldn't be the first time similar situations have happened to us either. We had a couple with whom we would meet socially and then kick on to either Utopia or elsewhere and after a while she always made excuses as to why she couldn't/wouldn't play with my man while here man always hit me up. We had made a pact that if we go out as a couple to 'play' with other couples, if one of the other couple doesn't play ball we back off and say goodnight. It works well for us. Not to be confused at parties though where it is an orgy all in situation. We all aren't accepted by the other people as we would like and we must respect their wish not to take part however in a couple/couple meeting we will not play if both don't play. It has caused angst with other couples but, believe it or not, some couples have no intention of both playing, one of their motives is to draw a play for their partner and when we back off they get all hoyty toyty and ansi but we just stick to our guns. You must have your rules and stick to them.
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RHP User
15 years ago
When we decide to go out swinging, whether it be with a couple, single person, party, club , or whatever it is a free for all. We find that if you have to go through a checklist of rules a mile long it kills the moment. A lot of the time we play together but other times we high five each other passing in the hall way. I find nothing sexier than to wake up to the noise of my girl getting a good fucking. It does not take long to rub the sleep out of my eyes and join the action. Then once we are at home or said swing partners have gone home we have the sexy debrief chat about what had gone on and end up fucking again. If you cant relax enough to let go maybe the life style is not for you.
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captainkaos
15 years ago
I am assuming that she was there to still "help". There are many ways to pleasure a man. Hand, tongue, so on. If there are 3 other people in the room having sex, what was she doing? One would hope that she would still be there to stimulate things.................
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RHP User
15 years ago
why didnt "she" wake "him" up and just make sure it was ok?Why didnt they fuck when everyone was awake??is there an unspoken agreement between them that if one is asleep the other can fuck whoever anyway??Seems this couple needs to go over their rules again.
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RHP User
15 years ago
In my opinion, not based on any wealth of experience or knowledge in these matters, I think that the key here is that feeling of 'devastation' you mentioned. Personally, I don't think missing out leads to devastation, merely disappointment. I think that perhaps you were feeling so devastated because the male approached your girl whilst both you and his partner were asleep, and uninvolved and unaware. So I could assume you'd feel like this is essentially the same as a guy trying to go 1-on-1 with your partner, without your knowledge. Sure you trust your partner, but it is easy to still feel betrayed when you weren't 'part' of something so intimate. I like to assume that one of the key components to swinging, apart from trust, would be the mutual enjoyment of both partners. He enjoys seeing her pleased, she enjoys seeing him pleased (regardless of who is pleasing them). Being involved, even if just watching, seems to be at the heart of enjoying swinging.So personally, if I were in this situation, I would be angry too.
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RHP User
15 years ago
The common denominator here appears to be that your ( or whoever) is seriously missing out Shag Time and yet your partner is rather happily just rolling along having the shit fucked out of her. Sounds like you might need to gets a few balance and check in order as the underling tones sounds like one of you is seriously not happy and the other is getting spoilt rotten and this will only end in tears
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have to say if i was in that situation id say no simply because id feel like i was cheating even tho it may have happened earlier in the night... or if i wanted to id wake up my partner & ask....This stuff needs to be talked about before meeting or it can end up bad for 1 or both partners...
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RHP User
15 years ago
im with everybody else, its needs to be comunicated before hand what can and cant be done to me the problem there is they went out for a NIGHT of sex...the night ended when everyone went to bed...to sleep she had morning sex with another man...if that was to happen it should have been spoken about before hand seeing that id never be in that situation im probably full of shit and have no clue at all....but thats my opinion anyway roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
that your friend let you open this up to the forums. I think there is a shag window too, and now we all get to learn from our friends experience. He was devastated and surprisingly so because I never realised he cared so much about his partner to end up feeling betrayed in a situation like this. I know she is sorry, was sorry....said it alot and I know she knows how it feels to be in that position, she confides in me too, and I know there have been times she has felt terrible and unwanted in these situations by her partner, but there was no malice on her part, just a massive lapse of judgement and a moment of selfishness.Everyone is right, it was unfair of her not to clear it was ok. But if he was really just jealous because he did not have as much fun that night then that really is not quite as big a deal as being betrayed. I think he needs to be honest about his feelings for her and express them more so that she realises she is actually loved and he really does care.xx Salina
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think that is just a "swinger window" a time when it was almost part of the whole play over the night.The big question is if the shoe was on the other foot, what would you have done?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'MzTTs'I have to say if i was in that situation id say no simply because id feel like i was cheating even tho it may have happened earlier in the night... or if i wanted to id wake up my partner & ask....This stuff needs to be talked about before meeting or it can end up bad for 1 or both partners... in these situations. We recently went to Bundaberg and met a great couple, we had dinner, spa, played nicely with our new friends and then went home to our motel for more fun together. The next morning we returned to their home for breakfast yet as saucily dressed as she was, it would have been totally innapropriate for Mr. Ty to make advances to her without being given a general clearance to do so not only from me but also both the others. There is protocol.
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Mr_MrsJones
15 years ago
I think Sal's comments here show that there is more to this situation than Andy has let on in his original post. Wether we like it or not there is always an element of emotional stuff hanging around somewhere. There are not a lot of people out there who don't have some kind of agenda going on at least SOME of the time. Just because you have a solid relationship doesn't mean everyone else does, and sometimes people are playing because they are looking for that fulfilment they can't get from their own partner. Once we spent a night with a very close male friend of ours and long after Lord was asleep Lady was awake chatting with him about issues he was having with his partner who he was separated from at the time. When we finished chatting we fucked quickly before going to sleep. Was this a misdemeanour? Probably, but we don't have time to go into the complications of that situation. The point I wanted to make was that this guy needed that connection with someone to make himself feel whole in some way so he took it where he could get it. Every situation is different. Nothing is ever black and white. And NOTHING is EVER exactly as one party involved says it is.
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RHP User
15 years ago
some great answers. rules are good, but they shouldnt be set in stone..swingers should have OPEN minds .. if iam tired and my partners ready to go, id say no problems , have fun..(if i was comfy with the couple/single) We always play as a couple..as its all about US having fun.. but as tyanddeb said , partys can lead to seperate room play (because theres no room on THAT bed etc) The guys often get less attention , mainly because the girls can "usually" play with the girl or the guy. (unless the guys bi) The scene is never black and white, sometimes she will get more attention and sometimes she wont like the guy, and i will get more attention.. When its all about the girl, thats when its a problem..(unless your happy to sit back and watch your girl play with girls and do nothing)...again, YOU deside whats right for you/both of you. Bernie
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'lord_lady69' The point I wanted to make was that this guy needed that connection with someone to make himself feel whole in some way so he took it where he could get it. Every situation is different. Nothing is ever black and white. And NOTHING is EVER exactly as one party involved says it is. Sometimes an intimate moment is exactly what a person needs even though they do not expect it or seek it. I think it is very special when two complete strangers meet each other's needs... it's always very memorable sex and such a prize. The "swinger's window of opportunity" is surely not a line in the sand reached by prior agreement.. I mean.. it needs to be flexible enough to cope with the circumstances as they arise.... and that decision is one that we make as individuals. I fail to appreciate how those decisions can be made on your behalf by your spouse.... I mean, only you really know if your needs are being met at any particular point in time.... For example, while you are asleep, then they are being met. Simple stuff huh!The question here however, is that one parties needs were apparently not being met during this little interlude... and individuals in a relationship ought perhaps be more mindful that their partner's needs are being satisfied.....HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
this scenario proves yet again that swinging is NOT about sex....its about communication...respect...honesty....and your relationship with your partner.If you have those things...the sex is easy.JMO...BJxxx
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