M70
Submissive women...
November 14 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
The windowless soundproof room scares the fuck out of me. There are a lot of terrible sick fuckers out there and one should be very wary of questionabkle Doms. While I dont mind a playful smak on the bottom with a hand or wooden spoon or even a cane [spoolboy memories lol] I woiuld never leave myself open to danger. Mars
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RHP User
16 years ago
The questionable Dom * A good costume * Awe inspiring apparatus * Unfulfilled primeval urges * A windowless and sound proof basement * A good imagination * Well versed in the jargon * Aspiring to be a gynaecologist * And a good source of impressionable women ........ If it wasnt for that last one, I'd swear you were reading my resume. Actually Ive seen this go stupid. I know a girl who knows a guy... well the guy gets into the zone and he lives the life of the Dom... I mean, it's not role playing for him... he seriously thinks he's the master. lmfao. Pass the valium, the dude can't distinguish the fun from the reality.... he's not everybody's master.. lol... when he started phoning my friend's husband to tell him what she can do... my friend told him to clear off... lol. I think submissive women are very strong minded and very brave. Accepting a submissive sexual role gives them a chance to ... errr.. "rest" from responsibility! Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
I like that last sentence gaz.Its been a firm belief of mine for some time that just because a woman submits sexually does not make her submissive. I have actually gone way the other way and wondered (just wondering people) if some of these women are not in fact quite dominant and releasing the reins of their own minds and bodies for a while?? Either way , the power of asking for and getting what you want sexually seems to me to be very strong. I have known several submissive women over time, all clever, smart and strong willed women :)BDSM is something I'd like to explore more,l in theory anyway !!!before all the "serious lifestyle masters" get busy emailing me.This could be an interesting post if we were to get some view points from the sub and doms themlselves.Cheers Dev
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RHP User
16 years ago
We are not into BDSM but have a great Dom/Sub sex life.I'm the dominant one and my girl is very submissive to the point where she descibes herself as "My Fuckdoll". There is no pain or humiliation in our sex life. She basically likes to be lead and guided. This allows her to be free and open to experimentation. My word is her command but I do not abuse that power. We have been together for a long time and I do know what she likes and how far I can go.It works for us and I'm sure there are many couples who like the Dom/Sub sex life without the bondage and spankingsD&C
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RHP User
16 years ago
When it comes to B&D, which I adore, I am extremely submissive but I am not "dammaged goods". In fact most submissive women are strong, intelligent women and they do infact have control over their dom to the point where they can stop the play at any time by use of a safe word. They infact give the dom his power and any relationship with a dom involves total trust and communication by both parties. For me even though I can orgasm from pain, B&D to me is not sexual - its more a mind release and to able to go into "sub space" is a wonderful thing. After a session I feel cleansed and rejuvenated. Those so called "doms" that think that all a submissive woman is after is being tied up and used for her own good are certainly not understand of the true reason women submit!
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RHP User
16 years ago
You've hit the nail on the head in that her submission is her gift... and in the power relationship she has that degree of control over events, assuming a safe word is in place and the Dom fits all the appropriate criteria. Though I've had lengthy conversations with a woman from overseas who indulges in Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) as opposed to Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC). In her case she analyses the risk, to decide whether to accept that risk. In doing so she was up to some frightening things, which in my humble opinion is close to a death wish. Glad for you if you're getting some benefit from this... In my case I'm more an observer than a practitioner... fascinated by the many practices people indulge in. Much appreciate your feedback...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Is eunuch's research for publication????
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well said Pussycat and me agrees with all you said. For me it is a perfect escape, and a relief to give the power to someone else. It is a fantastic thing to share if you find the right Dom. They are so difficult to find too grrr. So many fill my msg box with rubbish of what they think it entails. Yanno the "ya need a spanking ya norty girl" (yawns) to stuff I dont think I will repeat, and ya have to worry about the mental state of the person..but just hit block. I think in the few years I have been on here, only two messages were worthy of reply. Yup Eunuch it is a gift. xx Miss Honey xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
i always thought i understood the true meaning of a dom/sub relationship...but this thread has given me a wider perspective on how a person feels...thank you...now i have more food for thought...hehecheersjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Trishl you are clearly a very brave person... and I can appreciate that role play for fun, retreat and exploration of inhibitions is very different from the reality of physical, mental and sexual abuse. The essense in this game is release from responsibility, pressing the issue of trust and exploring the meaning of self empowerment (without day, nobody would understand what night was), in my opinion. Also, I agree with you on the predictability thing. Only naughty and unpredictably disobedient people should be punished... hehe. Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
I wasn’t going to reply to this thread becuase it’s such a complicated subject. But Pusscat’s perfect reply and Trish’s confused one (forgive me honey… but it’s true) have inspired me to reply and paraphrase some stuff I’ve read and have also experienced first hand and completely agree with. People who practice D/s in any of its trillions of forms are doing it voluntarily, for fun. It's a way to explore. Everything that happens in a BDSM relationship is consensual. It's not just about the dominant getting what he or she wants--it's more about the submissive getting what he or she wants. An abuser has no regard for the feelings, needs, or limits of the victim. A BDSM Dominant is concerned above all else with the needs and desires of the submissive. The dynamics of a BDSM relationship are often driven by the submissive, not by the dominant. The submissive sets the limits; the submissive decides what places can and can not be explored; the submissive has the ability to call a halt to the scene. The dominant, in many ways, is simply a facilitator. It's the dominant's job to create a setting where the people involved can explore the submissive's fantasies. A victim of abuse doesn't get a vote; the victim can't tell the abuser what to do, or how much to do it. A submissive sets all the limits--what kinds of things can be (and can't be!) done, how much, and for how long. For the most part, people who are into this kind of thing are remarkably well-adjusted and not AT ALL “damaged goods”. People involved in BDSM generally are neither abusive nor come from backgrounds where they were abused, because people with that kind of background aren't likely to be sexually turned on by giving someone else power over them. The fact is, the psychology of a BDSM power exchange is vastly different from the psychology of abuse; and in a BDSM relationship, the psychology is frequently driven by the limitations of the submissive, not the dominant. Typically, it is the submissive who says "This far and no farther"--which is entirely contradictory to the psychology of abuse. And, a submissive does often give mind, body and soul, Trish, much more often than not… it should never be about mindless submission… a good submissive with some experience is like a good Dom… she knows exactly what she’s doing…. and why….and is not just a passive, lifeless body… she contributes just as much, if not more, to the power-exchange role-play.
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RHP User
16 years ago
So well said Sophie!!! Agree with everything!
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RHP User
16 years ago
...I know you always have your tongue in your cheek babe, and in lots of other yummy places too lol... mmmm :P But a LOT of people confuse D/s with some sort of "abuse" or "damaged goods" type comments and it's just not true... and, unfortunately, too many men think that simple violence and mindless submission are what D/s is.... they're idiots.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well done for clarifying that Sophie, I was trying to choose the right words this end. Trish I did sort of clench my teeth reading your post. The sort of questions you raised are what some idiots think it is about, and again some of the messages I get in my email box. Sophie explains it well to bring the real meaning back to the thread. We are not abused or damaged goods. Babe your husband is an idiot, I think enough have said that. Don't be a victim, take the step forward and reclaim back your life. Band aid solutions will not heal. Perhaps it is time to seek professional advice and get that ball rolling. Help is available for those that want it. Don't be scared, look at it as the first day, to a fantastic life!!! Wooohooo. xx Miss Honey xx <<
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RHP User
16 years ago
What a refreshing and interesting post - a welcome change from the posts that have been done to death (ie squirtng and dogging)! Thank you Eunuch! Love reading your posts! Would love to hear from a male dom side point of view on this one! Cheers Everyone!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Better button your shirt up before you head to work as well.This BDSM gear sounds too complicated for me to even consider getting involved with, lol.
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RHP User
16 years ago
the fact that there are endless possibilities and the complexity of the psychological dimensions are what make BDSM and D/s relationships endlessly fascinating to me :P but the fact is that if you've ever blindfolded a girl, or been blindfolded... or used fluffy pink handcuffs... or used ice or a feather (impact play), or done a million other "soft" games of this sort of role play... then you, too, have experimented with BDSM.... there are so many many levels that this game can take.... it's heaps and heaps of fun!!!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
good lord.... you people have got me all worked up now.... I meant "sensation play".... obviously "impact play" is slightly different LOL :P.... but no less fun with the right partner ;) resistance play is also something that many people have tried without really realizing that it also falls under a BDSM heading.... as does teasing your lover and not letting him/her cum right away... it's not all leather, latex, bull whips, ropes, chains and branding ya know ;)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Knot that there is anything WRONG with that sophie !! lol Although BDSM LITE is my preferred way of doing things too......heavy play is for experienced practitioners both into it but Lite play can be enjoyed by everybody ! Dog.
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RHP User
16 years ago
In my time communicating with people, who were mainly located overseas, very few were are well centred, mature and stable as the type so well defined by sophie. Sophie has described the ideal whilst pointing out the pitfalls. Even those who were stable, were still subject to other factors such as ego and motivation. Some seemed like perfectly normal people whilst others seemed to have an agenda. I guess one must ask by what route one finds their way to BDSM? And what form it takes. * A couple in a perfect loving situation who become bored and venture increasing into experimentation. * An individual who comes under the influence of a powerful personality. * As a result of peer connections, whether they be lost souls seeking answers or mischievous minds wanting added excitement in their lives. * Realising one's sexuality is different and now seeking answers. * A fascination with various fetishes. * Via a route of abuse or self abuse. There are a myriad of reasons people become fascinated, but then it often needs one of the above as a catalyst to take it that step further. How far it is taken also varies. Some indulge for recreation purposes whilst others desire for it to embrace their whole being.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Ohhh...so much to absorb here.... Sohpie you have pretty much cleared up some questions that have been on my mind lately...Thanks! yummy kisses sweetpetite41
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tamworthguy46
16 years ago
Firstly with the Submission thing, Sophie did a pretty good job of explaining that simply, so i probably don't have to much to add.......apart from the confusion that allways seems to come up between Band D ....and abuse and violence.....Its true that our childhood experiences can have impact on many parts of our lives, from future relationships, Raising of our chidren, sexual orientation, to what we mainly talk about on here....our sexual experiences and fantasies ! Some woman will enter into a violent relationship , with someone of questionable charecter....a lot of the time knowing full well, that it is destructive of mind, body and soul......but due to their own feelings of self worth and so fourth....feel that it is where they belong .......Worthless, but maybee usefull abuser...... I to was was exposed to mental abuse when i was young, but by carefully and logically examining all the psycollogy and experiences of all the people involved, I arived at the outcome that you are in command of your own destiny to a large extent.....An That my experiences have made me Strong in charecter and understanding ,and of other people !...and real world psycollogy. I believe all relatonships, Including ones with your children.....And yes even casual sexual relationships B&D or otherwise!!!.....Should have Understanding,respect, compassion etc..... Love and Peace Tam
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RHP User
16 years ago
You might have to hold ya breath a little...if you are looking for a reply from a TRUE dom, but there are as Eunuch describes the "Questionable" ones who might pop in for comment. The couple of true doms I have met on here at meets etc, it is a lifestyle, not weekend roleplay. Absolutely fascinating people, but me thinkies some of the comments on this thread, would have had them roll their eyes and click off by now. They don't tend to need to validate who they are or what they do. What say you Eunuch, does that also fit your True Dom criteria? Missy would also like to know Eunies forts on the the Female Dom. (they scare the hell out of Missy eeeeekkkk!) xxMiss Honeyxx <
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RHP User
16 years ago
Eunuch....I don't think Sophie has described the 'ideal', but simply the way it is (and very well written too Sophie xox). To be submissive is a concious decision and only people who are 'well centered, mature and stable' are able to make that decision - anything less and it is abuse (be it by others, self-abuse or even subconcious abuse). As far as having an agenda like ego and motivation...well hey, don't we all have an agenda? Miss Honey...I don't even pretend to know much about this stuff (lead a pretty sheltered life *giggle* and I still have much to learn), but I do think you can be a true Dom (or sub) without it needing to be a lifestyle choice. A Master/slave relationship, well that is generally more a full time lifestyle choice. I guess like most things in life, things are never black and white and there is a vastness of grey. I consider myself submissive, but that doesn't mean that I submit to anyone and everyone I have sex with (hence I haven't listed it on my profile cause I know there are twits out there who just don't 'get it' and will expect me to do as they say and get off on it), nor does it mean that I don't have just regular/passionate/vanilla sex sessions with those I submit to either. It takes a great deal of trust and mutual respect to take that step of becoming D/s. 'Damaged goods'? Well, given what has happened to me in my past, I'm sure there are people out there who would consider me as just that. Has it affected me in such a way that I am submissive? Honestly, I don't know how to answer that. There is something about knowingly putting myself in a similar situation but one where I willingly submit (as opposed to just being abused) with someone I trust to take care of me, knowing that I can stop it all at any moment if it gets too much that makes me feel so friggin powerful - it's like I've taken that power back for myself. Oh, I really can't explain it but it makes sense in my head LOL.
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RHP User
16 years ago
It's been three years since I last ventured into this culture... so the current scene I'm not fully conversant with. It's not something thats bandied about and being outed is not welcome. I assume the dungeons still exist in the outskirts of Perth, which can either be hired, or are venues for club like activities. Demonstrations and the like, where a strict protocol applies for people who are onlookers or wish to join in. I'll leave it to others more involved than I to private message details of Muchies and the various sites and forums, if they so desire. Over the years, I've communicated with submissive women, some living the lifestyle in loving relationships, whilst also adhering to various norms such as maintaining a job, and raising the kids. Some lucky ones have vanilla husbands who are understanding and consent to their wife participating with a Dom. In many cases the proceedings are of a non sexual nature, but the average person may read sexual connotations into their activities. In other cases this causes problems where the husband cant handle it. Carried on long communications with a couple of ladies who could be described as chronic pain sluts. These ladies had a background of abuse, and it seemed at times they were doing penance. I'm not qualified to analyse the psychological aspects of this behaviour other than to say they willingly subjected themselves to considerable torture. Whippings were most common, though some allowed their genitals to be perforated extensively. A lady here falls into this category, I'll leave it to her to comment if she so desires. One such lady became a professional sub who lives off the proceeds. Providing her services to some of the pillars of society. Professional Dommes (Dominatrix) also service the needs of submissive men. I was following a movement in the US where there was an argument over people being real, rather than the so called weekend role-players. They wanted to identify the proper life-stylers by using a special character to define their handle. Lots of squabbling took place over the rules to adhere to and who fit the profile. Doms are one thing I haven't had a lot to do with, though some exhibited considerable humour and were charming people, others acted as if their excreta did not stink and were in my humble opinion a pain in the proverbial backside. One Canadian Dom was highly regarded by most people I encountered, though he was more into the over the knee spanking, rather than the ceremonial garb with whip in hand. He was very much into mind play using anticipation and other techniques to create electrifying situations. He also was a teacher in the craft whilst being a highly educated, self employed professional man with lots of empathy. The Dommes I spoke with were a varied lot... one insisted that no man can resist her vigorous prostate massaging techniques with various tools... I kept telling her my arse was exit only. I few attempts were made to get me playing a role, till the message sunk in that I had no submissive tendencies. Though not adverse to a little switching with lady on top. The pressure was off once it was realised I was more interested in learning from the culture, rather than being an active part of it.
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RHP User
16 years ago
D/s and BDSM is available to all like everything else.it does not have to become extreme.It does not to subscribe to existing codes and formula.Few will manage to find the experienced partner who is happy to select them or to be selected.Fewer will find that person wise , sane & decent enough to lead the way and illuminate the dark.Those who are good at it do not always teach.Those who teach are often not too good at it in practice.I find that it is more compatible with intellectuals or alternatively for those who have attention to detail and consistency in focus. They will retain creativity and find the right ways of doing just about anything.In their hands anything becomes the improvisation to enhance more pleaure.In the end, those who know need not to be told.Those who don't cannot be told.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Sonsie, I agree with what u say, I am talking about the people I know, just fink it has been wrong, hmmm perhaps I needed a comma in there somewhere heehee. I know one in particular sort of see's the weekend roleplay fingy as a bit of a mockery. Goes back for another look see. xx Miss Honey xx <<
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RHP User
16 years ago
Oh sweets, I knew exactly what you were saying *cheeky smile*, but I just wanted to clarify that I don't believe all 'weekend roleplay' Doms are 'questionable' by Eunuchs definition in his original post.
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RHP User
16 years ago
EscapePod.... I don't know what it is about you but I always read your posts very carefully, even when I disagree with them (often)... Sometimes I wish you'd show up more often because it's very very nice to have someone who makes one think about the why's and what for's of their existence. And I agree with your comment here completely. Those that find their right-matched partner, where the intensity and the passion and the desire are equal, are very lucky. A good Dominant will push his submissive. An outstanding Dominant will always be there to catch her when she falls.
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RHP User
16 years ago
So interesting to hear such diverse comments on what is a most intriguing topic. Speaking as a submissive woman – I think the misunderstanding of BDSM is most frustrating, so thank you to all for posting such well constructed opinions and definitions. I did not wake one day and choose this way of life. Thankfully I had the pleasure of an acquaintance that helped me learn – understand – and respect the lifestyle. Instantly I felt I had found my true self. As many others have mentioned – this is all more than sexual gratification – far more than the experience of pain – it is a deep desires within my soul that even I sometimes struggle to understand. What I do know is what I desired in a partner was so hard to find. Quoting a line from a famous movie, “ With great power come great responsibilities!” A true Dominant is a gift to the seeking submissive. I think the idea of having a women to do with as you please, is extremely tempting to many men but this is not make you a Dominant. Nor does laying down for any man, make you submissive. Although there is no such rulebook you can buy or manual you could read, I believe being honest with yourself and what it is you do desire to be happy is the first step. If this means that you do get great pleasure in being blindfolded and whipped, then so be it. If you get more pleasure in kneeling at your Masters feet, then you do having and orgasm, then find the one that is suited to you and be pleasured. I now am blessed enough to have found my ONE and although we do still have children at home - and both lead normal everyday lives – we do lead a BDSM life together and I am hurt when people don’t understand the intensity of commitment and trust that goes into such a life. He may cause me pain – but he does not hurt me. He may make me do things I do not want to do – but I am not forced. He may make me cry – but they are tears of love. I would not have it any other way.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Replies to this topic have provided me with a Eureka moment. My last intimate friendship was with a girl who liked to be spanked and her hair pulled during sex. At first I wasn't into it as I thought I would hurt her. But, as our trust developed I tried it and the pleasure she derived from it spurred me to explore more. At the time, I thought I was playing the role of the Dom and she the sub and I was always mindful of nottaking it too far. Thanks to Sophie's and others posts, I now realise that she was very much in control of what was happening. Even though I think I did slightly hurt her at times, it was always in her control to stop and I now know that I wasn't being abusive to her (I loved her too much for that). Thankyou to all.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Not that scarey is it now Mickle...Missy knows best hehehe
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RHP User
16 years ago
I've been bi for years and become more and more of a sub when I'm having sex with men.This sort of screwed me up when it came to having sex with women until I discovered sub-women. I found that when I was having sex with a sub-women, I could sort of switch. Not with every sub-women, but with sub-women who like the same things I like. I didn't have to worry about if they were "enjoying it or not". I didn't have to understand why they enjoyed what we were doing because I enjoyed doing the same sort of things. (And, fuck knows, I don't know why I enjoy it anyway).
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RHP User
16 years ago
Here is something that was written by a Dom, and i would argue that he is a true Dom, not one that is using that title as a way to get what they want without having to give anything of themselves in return.But it may help explain the changes in mindset that one could go through.It was always going to happen. You know it deep inside. It has already begun. I am the inevitable destination of your predetermined journey. I am the real deal, no fakes or frogs here. I don’t have to swear at you, insult you or offend you to take full control of your mind. Sure if that what you want fine, but that would be for the benefit of your fantasy, it’s not a necessity. It’s just going to happen anyway and there is nothing you can do about it. That is the mark of a TRUE Dom. He doesn't have to chase he is pursued, he doesn't pounce he waits to be approached. I don’t have to ask you your kinks, in time you will want to tell me anyway. You know I’m bad for you but you can't help yourself. You know its happening. It’s already started. You know it’s true. Sure you can walk away but you won’t, its already nagging in the back of your mind. No escape for you now, nowhere to hide. Your already picturing it in your mind. Being right here at my feet. You may try to resist but you know it will get the better of you. Submission is no longer a possibility, just a matter of time. I am a black leopard in the darkness, by the time you see me you are already screwed. Your impending outcome total undeniable addiction. I’ll take you the edge and keep you there, your picturing it now I can tell. You are inexplicably drawn to me like a moth to the flame. You know you are going to spoil me and that I will use you, I don’t have to beg, but you will do it anyway because of the deep seated desire to serve me dwelling and growing deep inside. You want to worship me and obey me you have already decided within you just need accept your fate.
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