Stood Up, Ghosts, Cancellors

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Changes Change of dynamics, circumstances...and life gets in the way sometimes. We don’t “ghost” people but we had to cancel things few times after we had family emergency and a distress call from a close friend. Some things you can’t control. However, misleading people is a very different thing and it’s wrong. Ghosting is done to us occasionally, why they do it? Lot of people act on their urges when they join these sites. Some of them get cold feet and freak out. Our profile get lot of attention but most of these people are what we call “window shoppers”. They are not really interested in meeting us, they just like the idea or to play with the idea.

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  MsSuperFoxy

  6 years ago

  They changed their mind and lost interest with you. That or they were a catfish and catfished you. Ms Foxy

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  LetsFrolic

  6 years ago

  Basically they're just losers. Honestly it's more of a self respect thing so it's a reflection of them. And happens way too often these days. You're lucky to get someone message let alone meet.

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  SSExplorer

  6 years ago

  Definitely not good form to make a date and not just show but as this all falls outside most people’s “normal” lives cancellations are to be expected. Another thing to consider...for us we do this very occasionally so when the time is right we put our feelers out to see who wants to meet. We invariably get a few offers and have to make a choice. What is annoying is we seem to choose the ones that then cancel at short notice or go quiet. What to do? We have only ever made definite commitments to meet one other party but somethings we think we would be better off saying we will meet multiple people and go with the first that shows, this would then have us no showing for others. We won’t do that but maybe that’s how it works and why this happens to so many?

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  I'm just thinking that these people are chatting to multiple people, keeping their options open and the first one to say that they can meet up with gets to be lucky. Meanwhile the others are left hanging and then ghosted. These people are just looking to get a quick shag to satisfy themselves and once satisfied, they disappear until the next urge. Genuine people do not ghost or not turn up. I'd say people who justify such behaviour are the ones behind this behaviour

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  It's really poor form. No excuse other than an accident on the way or something like that. Otherwise, we're all grown ups, a simple text to cancel is all it takes. Did you do the usual checks, speak to them on the phone etc

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  I have a LOT of cats....

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  So your excuse is that you chocked on a fur ball ?:) Hugs Q

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  To me there is a difference between being ''ghosted'' or ''stood up'' and ''cancelled''. Cancelled implies that they let you know. I have no problem with people cancelling, but I have only ever had this the once - as in, they messaged me the day before and let me know they were cancelling. They gave me a reason, which they didn't really have to do - I was just grateful that I didn't go to the effort of getting ready and driving somewhere only to sit there waiting (like all the other times). You can mitigate the disappointment of ghosting or no-shows by arranging to meet somewhere you like beforehand - your favorite bar or pub, that way if they don't show up you can turn it into a sort of date with yourself. I have learnt that if they haven't shown up and haven't responded to your ''I'm here'' message within half an hour, they are not going to show so just forget about them and relax. Have a beer and maybe some dinner then go home. There are a myriad of reasons why people ghost, most of which have been mentioned here already (and numerous other similar forum topics here). I do feel a bit of sympathy for those single types who get all excited at the prospect of an encounter with a virtual stranger, but then when it gets close to time nerves start to kick in. Some people get on here after the breakdown of a marriage or relationship, determined to do the old rebound thing - but again when the time comes they realize their hearts aren't in it. I dare say though that most ghosters are just people who are doing what they shouldn't be doing and know it (due to being partnered or married usually) and are just getting their jollies by dancing close to the flame. The problem with ghosters is that you never hear from them again (and sometimes you find yourself blocked by them which absolutely fucking infuriates me) so you can never tell why they do what they do.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  I learnt the hard way never to agree to meet someone who lived more than 20 ks away.Because they either didn't show up or because they had an expectation(and I am a polite woman:)) that I would listen to them bang on about their lives as if I was an unpaid therapist and I was not attracted to them in the slightest. Confirm with them before you leave home,tell them you will do this if they don't respond within a half hour then assume they are a no- show. Good luck Hugs Q

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  MsSuperFoxy

  6 years ago

  I agree! I might add too, sometimes if a meeting place is arranged the person one is going to meet, is (sometimes) there looking from afar. If the person is not like their photos etc. So that person leaves and the person waiting is left there. So it is a double edge sword. Be as truthful as possible so no one is left in any awkward embarrassing situations. Ms Foxy

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Q... No I stand people up cos at least 1 week die ....

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  I’ve ghosted people out of pure weakness, I’m terrible at telling people “sorry but I’m not that into you”, but that’s always been after we’ve met and I’ve had the same done to me after a meet. I’m fine with that because obviously I understand why they’d do it. I was working on being better at telling people I’m not interested but then ended up landing me a partner which pretty much put an end to all that. I’m sure I’ll cop a bit of judgement for telling the truth but so be it, that’s what was asked of me. I’ve never set up a date & not attended or had that done to me though so I can’t comment on that.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  sometimes thing just pop up and you can’t make it. but on that some people talk the talk but when the time comes to take the next step excuses come up. i’m proud to say that if i say i’m going to be there at a certain time i make sure that i stand by my word and turn up. i do understand that family and work comes first. at the end of the day it’s all “fun” and there is always a next time!

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Eh?..what's "1week die"

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  I regularly get flirts of the, “your what I want contact me” variety and occasionally “my number is listed contact me”. Click on the profile, nothing, blocked ? I figure it’s; A) rhp fishing for a membership B) cock teasing C) spite D) alcohol induced What do you people think ?

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Age difference, new profile, little summary. Any of these rings alarms bells, all of these in same profile means we refuse straight away. I never had anyone under 30 keep their word or continue a proper conversation. Be it singles or couples, so we avoid them. As the age gets closer to 40, people tend to get more reliable too. I think it has to do with maturity, credibility and knowing what you want in life.

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