M48
Some Advice
March 26 2010
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
Maybe your just not pushing the right buttons yet. I think you will find most couples libidos and sense of adventure wax and wane, and not always at the same time.My recommendation : get off this site and any other similar sites, before you get busted and you have no wife/gf .Go work on your relationship and come back here as an equally interested couple.Cheers Nev......hope you guys can work it out.
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RHP User
16 years ago
OK, you do what you gotta do.... but you're young.... just show her your butt plug collection and give her a demonstration on how you'd like them to be used on you... what's the worse thing that can happen? :p Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
16 years ago
darlin, discreetly looking, never happens. you either get hooked up in attention from other people, and take stupid risks, or your guilt gets the better of you and you give yourself away. talk too her, explain how you feel, if the relationship is worth as much too her as too you, she may very well agree too experiment. STALKY: trust you to come out with something like that! pmsl, u are such a deviant (but a sexy one!)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Nev and Scottish I see both your points, thanks for your help. Appreciate the advice regarding butt plugs too Stalky. Given your experience using them, maybe you could tell me of the worst that could happen.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well havent you got yourself in a pickle ! Many a relationship goes bust when we start looking at the greener grass across the road..I suggest you smoke it and lose yourselves in groundbreaking new sex..If that fails give Stalkys butt plug a run on yourself !! Good luck
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RHP User
16 years ago
There are probably hundreds of guys on this site in exactly the same situation who are just dabbling with the idea of an indiscretion. If you are genuinely wanting a discrete encounter you may find what you are looking for here, just be courteous to the women you approach and make sure they are ok with you being attached. Be careful and be aware that you may get caught. If you play with fire you have to be ok with the consequences which may include hurting someone you love. You should continue your attempts to spice up your sex life together, although I'm not sure how you do that delicately..... maybe Stalky's right just go for it and see what happens! It's a two way street you both deserve to get what you desire, but be realistic - if she's never been very adventurous and you've been cool with her passive role in your sex life up to now, you can't be surprised that she's reluctant. There's always the possibility she doesn't get fired up because she's not feeling the fireworks?
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RHP User
16 years ago
You arent compatible. Instead of cheating do the right thing and find someone that is more compatible with you.
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RHP User
16 years ago
You said you have spoke to her... she became a bit more vocal but that is about it.Have you asked her if she has any fantasies.... if there are things that she would like to try but thought that you wouldnt be in it? And experimental... is that just with other people or doing different things in the bedroom?If she is more just for the one on one and nothing else... well that is the way it will always be ~ honestly nothing will change from that.As others have said... be careful. Once you have tried something without her.... you will either think... omg so this is what I have been missing out on and hence leave her... or you will feel very guilty.. tell her and then she will probably leave you.Unfortunately you have to tell her what you are seeking, or what you would like to try. And as I said, if she doesnt want any of that, it would probably be best, that you seek someone who is more capitable in and out of the bedroom.Communication is the total thing in any relationship, open honesty. And if people seek outside of that without the other partner knowing... whether married, defacto, ongoing relationship (when not an open relationship) or not... it is cheating.Good luck.
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RHP User
16 years ago
get her to watch porn with you, let her see what gets you going, it took a litlle while but i eventually had my ex doing lots of things she learnt from the dvds, she even watched by herself in the end.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have been in the same situation..................... My advice....baby its over. Life is short, go out and get what you want. You can waste time trying all sorts of things but if a happy sex life is what you want then no amount of temptations are ultimately going to change her. She is who she is and you are who you are. You might be able to change things for awhile but if she aint into it nothing will change in the long term. Your choice Good luck xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Ah the things that people say and do in the name love..pffft...all the lies and deception that goes on.if i seem pissed off i am...going through a second divorce..and another stuff that has me disappointed me greatly.If you don't treat each other the way you want to treated,eg trust,openness when communicating with honesty,understanding by seeing each others point of views,thus hearing where each is coming fromyou got zip....and if you knew that about your girl...why stay did with her for all that time,an to do so now?Ask her why or what she likes...with love and understanding and gentle reasoning..things can be over come in timeand patience..
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RHP User
16 years ago
Do everything you can together, never critisize her. We would suspect if you do this alone without her knowledge and you are found out it will take years to mend. Even if you tell her and she approves of you playing without her there will be problems. We feel if you are married you do things together as she is your partner, lover and best friend. On the porn side, most women dont like straight out porn as much as guys, they need a bit more like a storyline but not too many of those around. What we do is overlay porn with sexy music where the porn matches the beat of the music. Then add captions suggesting how the evening will go, how great she looks and how you feel about her having sex with others. Maybe a MFM is a good starter where all the attention is on the ladies pleasure and she wont feel threatened by another woman. This will develope into couples mfmf because eventually she will want to please you as well. We tried uploading a porn movie edited this way for a contact here to download, we figure it outlines what type of night we would like to have, suggests our rules in a positive way and confirms we are not meeting for a dinner party or coffee. But sex is on the agenda combined with those nice things to get know everyone like dinner, chatting, cards ...strip of course....... We are waiting for their responce. Just our thoughts....It does take effort and time on your part. Cheers
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RHP User
16 years ago
Honest path: Talk and explain your feelings, needs, desires, fantasies. Ask her to do the same. Ask what her dirtiest thought is. Show her this website (ffs DON'T show her your profile) and tell her you can join up as non participating members to read the forums and talk to people in the same situation. Tell her you really want to explore your sexuality and who you are and that you'd only feel comfortable doing this with the woman you love. When she does the Ovarian Fliperoo (and she will) And says either "so you'd do it without me if I say no" or So you'll leave me if I say no" or "Aren't I good enough for you?" Just be nice and reassure her that you wouldn't do anything without her ever, but that there would be a little piece of you that would be unhappy and unfulfilled if she didn't at least look into it, even if it were a token gesture. This path will possibly get you what you desire, and might open her up to explore herself. Probably won't end in seperation. Devious path: Do whatever you want whenever you want. Fuck the consequences. hook up with girls and set up a confrontation with your woman, where you get a girl to agree to a threesome on the proviso she can pick up your woman at a bar without her knowing it is a set up and kiss her. And more. Take them home. This is the path of pain. You will get caught and your relationship will either become overly strained or will collapse completely. You will regret ever stepping foot in RHP. Hopefully you won't do this to the next girl, or, if you are extremely lucky, you'll meet someone just as perverted as you in here who will fulfill all your desires and you hers. I'd take door number one if I were you. Sex isn't everything. Random
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'randomtip' Honest path: Talk and explain your feelings, needs, desires, fantasies. Ask her to do the same. Ask what her dirtiest thought is. Show her this website (ffs DON'T show her your profile) and tell her you can join up as non participating members to read the forums and talk to people in the same situation. Tell her you really want to explore your sexuality and who you are and that you'd only feel comfortable doing this with the woman you love. When she does the Ovarian Fliperoo (and she will) And says either "so you'd do it without me if I say no" or So you'll leave me if I say no" or "Aren't I good enough for you?" Just be nice and reassure her that you wouldn't do anything without her ever, but that there would be a little piece of you that would be unhappy and unfulfilled if she didn't at least look into it, even if it were a token gesture. This path will possibly get you what you desire, and might open her up to explore herself. Probably won't end in seperation. Devious path: Do whatever you want whenever you want. Fuck the consequences. hook up with girls and set up a confrontation with your woman, where you get a girl to agree to a threesome on the proviso she can pick up your woman at a bar without her knowing it is a set up and kiss her. And more. Take them home. This is the path of pain. You will get caught and your relationship will either become overly strained or will collapse completely. You will regret ever stepping foot in RHP. Hopefully you won't do this to the next girl, or, if you are extremely lucky, you'll meet someone just as perverted as you in here who will fulfill all your desires and you hers. I'd take door number one if I were you. Sex isn't everything. Random Are you really a girl in drag???lilmiss :P
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RHP User
16 years ago
sex isn't everything, but long term sexual incompatibility can be a relationship killer - I speak from experience. Having healthy sexual desires that you can't express or explore because your partner isn't interested breeds frustration and resentment.I think you have 3 choices:- talk about it, find a middle ground and explore what you can - things that interest both of you, things either of you is willing to explore because they interest the other etc- talk about it, realise there is no middle ground and agree to some freedom for each of you to satisfy your needs / desires in other ways - maybe in an open relationship or similar- talk about it - or not - don't reach an understanding, let the frustration and resentment build AND / OR cheat - watch your relationship disintegrate or come to a spectacular sudden end.Good luck :)lilmiss x
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RHP User
16 years ago
Chap, all the above is interesting advice, given in a vacuum of course because there is an enormous amount of information about your relationship that you have not divulged... However, important though it is to talk openly and honestly to her, the message I get is that she is quietly and passively resisting you. She is resisting your attempts to make her less sexually conservative, and of course she has every right to. I applaud your reluctance to blame her for any perceived wrong on her part. She is what she is. Do you really think you can change her attitude? Do you think talking to her is going to change her attitude? Of course it won't, and contrary to what some of the correspondents here may think, all talking to her will achieve is help you to leave her with a clear conscience on the grounds that you did all you could to (a) be honest about what you wanted (b) try to keep the relationship together and (c) give her a fair chance to put right the sexual imbalance in the relationship. Forget the advice about surprise picnics and foot rubs. As if that is going to make a woman more sexually adventurous after months or years of passive resistance. Lordy. Don't get me wrong: you definitely SHOULD talk to her. Not because it will make one iota of difference to the boring sexual relationship, because it will not change her at all, but because it would be the RIGHT THING TO DO. Remember, you have to be able to look yourself in the eye after you realise she is not the one for you. You achieve that by being a man and acting with some goddam integrity. Not by sneaking around behind a woman's back. Now go back and read ChikyGirl's reply once more. Then talk to your girl and explain why you feel so frustrated. When you finally decide you have had enough of being unsatisfied, at least you will have a clear conscience. But whatever you do, don't cheapen yourself and your relationship by fooling around without telling her.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I do agree it's probably over, I don't agree it's definitely over. I know from experience and from some close friends that it's absolutely possible to change / discover your sexual self after years and years of being conservative. This is especially so for women. Usually there is an unmet need that a woman has that is emotional, spiritual or similar, that hampers physical intimacy. Of course there can be much deeper problems as well.I recommend reading Way of the Superior Man by David Deida and / or checking out www.tantricblossoming.com.aulilmiss x
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RHP User
16 years ago
mate i gotta say that a lot of people here have given you some good advice , and thats a remarkable effort considering they know nothing regarding the sex except for its boring,, she may think your boring, we wouldn't know how about tackling the pieces of the puzzle that we have to work out for ourselves, the most important pieces you only leave us to think it is her fault because of her lack of sexual appetite or experimentation , assumptions are made due to lack of info, so fess up, she may be sick of getting something that resembles a cock shoved up her, it fucks blows and rolls off, who are we to assume anything,, granted that she may be the type of woman that needs a hell of a lot of foreplay to get where you need her to be, she may also be the type of woman that needs a good lover to get her there , one that gave her the type of hot sex she was used to before you came along,, now these again,, are only assumptions, but how can you say that the sex is boring if you yourself let the sex life get to this stage in the first place i think you said you spend hours doting on her with lots of foreplay to get her in the mood and she loves it but only then does she respond with any gusto,, oops, no you never , sorry, ,is she the type that loves lots of foreplay, and you have become complacent, selfish, and now you want her to be the bedroom slut and cant figure out why its not happening??? mate before you run off armed with all the informative tips from here,and jump the fence for a quick fuck, think about it, thats what you got now, so whats with that? spend the day if you have to, prepin her for sex, foreplay that you haven't tried before, and keep trying till it works,every day,, there is a button there , you just have to find it, even better, i'll challenge you to find it, now get the fuck of here and go home and look at your missus and if you think she's worth it then make the bloody effort mind you these are only assumptions and i could be wrong ' bren ,
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RHP User
16 years ago
Went over like the perverbial lead balloon. Hence the reason I'm now getting divorced. It wasn't part of our early relationship and to all of a sudden bring up the subject is relationship suicide. However I now have a partner who is on the same wave length and it's a good relationship. Sweet Desires
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have a real problem, with that, no wonder the divorce rate is so high, people won't work at it, being a couple is treated as a disposable commodity. Divorce should be a last resort, not an easy out at the first sign of trouble, especially when children are involved. What kind of future society are we creating where dysfunctional families become the norm, where are the role models of future generations going to come from!Personally i feel sad whenever i hear of yet another breakdown of a family unit.Cheers Nev
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RHP User
16 years ago
Have a look at a book store or two for something along the lines of new sexual things to try every day. There are playing cards (for random selections) and books with something new to try every day. You want something more romantic than the Karma sutra. There are plenty in shops and online. The can include very light bondage, sexual massages, sexual notes/texts leading up to a special night. Date night ideas with a sexual bent - alternate the choices - first she chooses an option then you. Whatever she chooses be enthusiastic and positive - contribute 120% (even if it is just washing dishes and ironing in just an apron - with no sex after ...). Worst case senario make up your own playing cards. How you propose it is up to you but the best way is to be straight. That you feel that the two of you could be more passionate and more interested in exploring intimacy so that you can strengthen your relationship. Plan to do something once a week or worst case once a month - you don't want overkill. You can always increase frequency later. Have her mark the book/cards with ratings - love to / like to / may be / never. If the book is marked as all never or she will not even consider it (not even to strengthen your relationship) then you have a serious problem. Most likely you will have a number of interesting things to try for a while and discover a bit more about what she likes and what she doesn't - I bet you have not even had an in depth talk about it. Remember - many women have more interesting/experimental sex lives after they have separated than during their marriage. A woman will live up to what she feels is appropriate behaviour - for her. She does not want to be considered a slut or dirty - however she does want to be desired and to feel more in control. Even a wild quicky is because she has the power to enflame your desire not because you have dominated her had your fill and moved on. (mind - that can be a great role play down the road)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Big questions, tricky situation.My 7 year relationship just ended due to similar scenio.The big take away for me was that the sexuality thing is probably not the problem, its just an indicator (probably one of many) that points to the real issue. Look at the indicators, and you may find that they all point to an innate personality trait that no amount of gentle reassurance will ever fix. On the other hand, you may be able to deal with the real issue together. Fixing the sex issue is just a bandaid fix. The real issue will rear its head again, and manifest in a different way. Look for the indicators.She'll say that she feels pressured, and that turns her off. You'll say that she's too reserved, and that you have no alternative but to be more forward. What came first... the chicken or the egg?Its a difficult situation, but indiscretion is probably not the answer.Talk to her. Be open. Look for the indicators, and they may tell you that you're just not compatible.... or that you just need to work.Best of luck.
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RHP User
16 years ago
mate, if you are sneaking behind her back, even, just to look, you already know her answer.unfortunately, you actually don't. and you will never know until you come clean.i have come to the same crossing, even when I have being upfront about my sexuality/desires,and after three times, i finally found someone who was totally honest with me too.needless to say i married her as soon as I could :P2 cents is not the same as making sense.PS i like the idea of getting her to rate some cards, and the idea of doing the washing with just an apron on :P
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