M47
Should it be this hard? ...maybe it should.
June 29 2017
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yep, this one is a difficult situation. I would guess most out there don't want to get involved in what could end up being a big mess, especially should your partner discover your indiscretion and decide to go after the person you have been with. I hear what you say about not being preached to, I respect that, but I would suggest all other avenues first, counselling, talk to your partner, potentially discuss you finding others for sex and see if she is open to that? I have found that in general, most people in this lifestyle are VERY big on honesty and openness. Most (myself included) will not want any part in deception. But there will be some that aren't bothered with what you are doing. I would say though, definitely be honest about your situation with any potential partner :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hey Oliver78, I am in a similar situation but it's my husband that is looking. He has been for a number of years now. He keeps it secret but I find out..... Anyway I'm only wanting to say that to find that connection with someone other than your spouse is going to be a very hard thing to find. Personally, I'm not the type to just have sex with someone for the hell of it. I am sorry for the choices you are making with your life, but it is your life! Good luck with your adventures
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
There are others here seeking the same but will take time and perseverance. Important thing you have been honest and up front so that others may make decisions based on that. Odds are stacked against normally situated single males let alone attached ones. So good luck, no judgements from me.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have seen profiles of women who prefer attached men. So there are possibilities. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
kudos for being honest, everyones journey is different.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You're in a large pool of men, compared to a teensy pool of women, in here. You have single guys, attached guys with an ok from their significant other, then other guys. Without the ok from your other half there is clearly going to be limitations on time, places, etc. Clearly less appeal than a more available and open fella / situation. So, to answer your question - yes, it is going to be hard and it's a common dilemma
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RHP User
9 years ago
There are women on here and more than a few in similar situations, particularly in fifo states. You can try your luck though I wouldn't count on the forums much, the action is in the profiles. In all seriousness though I doubt it's worth the time, angst and potential to blow up in your face, just visit a professional. Situations like yours are their bread and butter, no bullshit and no judgement.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Unfortunately you are up against it on here. You will find it hard to find someone who will play with a cheating husband. That's not to say you might get lucky, but you are certainly at the bottom of the list for many women on here. I have been the victim of a cheating hubby, he lied to me about his marital status. His wife had her suspicions and had his phone tapped and had him followed as well as Google searches. Women have a way off finding these things out. Be honest with her, try councilling and if all else fails leave. If she finds out you will end up separating anyway. Good luck with your Rhp journey. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Lying, cheating or deception and ladies like me, in a truly open relationship with all permissions granted are your best option. However, you offer us absolutely nothing, sorry it's brutal and I'd give the same advice to a woman in your situation! You only offer a world of hurt for all, WHEN your wife finds out! My advice is get off RHP and work with your wife towards a solution and restoration of your relationship, sexual and otherwise. If that fails, then with counseling, put in an open option that you will seek sex outside the marriage and you require her support. At the least, she can let other women know that if they play with you, your wife is aware and won't become a bunny boiler. Only then in my opinion do you offer something, at the very least if it's honesty and integrity at least :) I'm not saying your situation isn't happening but many people here, men and women use the disclaimer of my 'sexless relationship' or 'faulty relationship' as a reason to be here. Invest in that relationship first, as much as you can. You've come here first as a solution (you've not indicated any other actions you've possible taken) and you really haven't explored why your marriage is sexless ... you are aware that you're part of the problem of the sexless marriage, right?????? Be part of the solution too :) Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
We all have our own paths and stories... As others have mentioned, you are up against it just as a male, numbers wise, and then add in the limits your situation brings... You looking for someone who wants a connection, but don't want to offer anything, other than sex (unless I'm misunderstanding and you are happy to emotionally invest?), but you are attached, which limits your availability, cheating, which further limits your availability, and you smoke, which cuts out most non smokers... Your profile isn't bad, but could use some soul. Also, perhaps change your profile wording a little... "open to taking on the right lover" insinuates, to me, that you feel you would be doing someone a favour. Lose the "Warning" blurb, its useless and is a distraction from who you are, which is what profiles should be about. Good luck, there is someone for most folk out there, just a matter of finding them.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You state protection always for intercourse, but then say you like sex to be raw? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
- Talk to your GP about the how's and why's of feeling you need a bit on side. It could be you.- Follow up on any recommended mental health plan offered.- Don't trash your marriage unless you are ready to pay the price. Other than that.... good luck always. CM
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Lovinit28andKC72
9 years ago
I'm not saying your situation isn't happening but many people here, men and women use the disclaimer of my 'sexless relationship' or 'faulty relationship' as a reason to be here. Invest in that relationship first, as much as you can. You've come here first as a solution (you've not indicated any other actions you've possible taken) and you really haven't explored why your marriage is sexless ... you are aware that you're part of the problem of the sexless marriage, right?????? Be part of the solution too :) This was a wonderful read and I believe a lot of us (men and women) need to realise this. It takes two people to make a relationship work along with honest communication. My advice would be the same as Hotwives_Inc KC72
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RHP User
9 years ago
To risk it all.?..I have been the cheating wife,I have been with men who cheated on their wives.I ended my marriage ..that was over thirty years ago.Based on my experiences ,even if you find someone ,the guilt will kick in your wife will probably guess that you are seeing other women,there in itself is a whole world of pain. You say that you can't leave I assume you have children but children survive divorce,it no longer has the stigma that it used to.Perhaps your wife is ill,no matter the reason you need to be aware of all the potential consequences.. Never having sex again is obviously not a situation anyone wants to contemplate,but you and your wife do need to sort through your relationship issues..IMO sex is never just about sex. Good luck OP Q
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RHP User
9 years ago
could possibly go wrong?
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MsJonesy
9 years ago
There will be a woman out there who is looking for a lover, looking for a man who is going to actually live up to the promise of developing - and sustaining - a connection. Some practical advice...well more a practical risk assessment 🤣😂 Have you thought through how to sustain contact with your lover - does that mean a separate "play" phone? Where will you keep it, how will you pay for it? How to arrange meets (not all women are comfortable hosting)...if using a hotel how to pay for it...and no, you cant ask her to pay for it and give her cash on the day/night. Think of the connotations that carries 😔 How do you plan to cover the time away from home?? How much time can you offer your lover... in the context of the number of times you can see her, and the length of time together? Condoms....do you use them at home? Therefore have any ready and easily explained supply? If not, where are you going to stash your supply? Cleaning yourself before returning home....women have an acute sense of smell. You can't return home smelling of sex....or a strange soap perfume. Nor can you smell of nothing if these activites are the end of the day....none of us stay free of scents which accumulate during a day's work. How are you going to hide the aura you will carry...you know...fuck, I just got a fuck aura....the bounce in your step, the secret smile...the overhwleming urge to get some more real soon. How are you going to keep yourself...and your wife/partner/children...safe from women who may decide to share your interludes? There is a significant risk. Do.not.under.estimate.this.risk. Gawd...there are so many ways you can get caught out....I could list about 1000 more things. But...ultimately you must be ready to take the shitestorm that comes your way if you haven't discussed this with your significant other. Be prepared for the inevitable...and proceed with this plan of action if you can live with the consequences.
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Sawadee
9 years ago
Us humans are a funny bred.. We're led to believe that once we get married happiness and contentment automatically follows and it does, at least until the pressures of everyday life starts to take its toll and the sex begins to dry up. We know we're still sexually able but by the time we realise all this , we've become labeled never to be allowed back into the mainstream or enjoy the pleasures of the flesh ever again.. You are deemed damage goods and expected to toe the line.. You are the dreaded married man.. But really ' it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks , ultimately it's your call. You know the risks and how as a married man you will be viewed . To my way of thinking , everyone deserves a happy sexual outlet , man or woman. I think it's a big expectation to deny anyone this right. I don't beleive anyone purposely wants to hurt their partner because they need a sexual outlet. That's why we have many members here happy to have a FWB or fuck buddies, to have that itch scratched. Besides , some have lovers for years and are still maintain a happy home life .. Like I said , it's your call..
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Seachange73
9 years ago
I won't condone cheating as I've been on the receiving end n it is soul destroying. Wrt hook ups, like any here, just read their profiles and if they are seeking same as yourself, then politely message them and hope you can catch their attention and get the response you want. It's a numbers game so be patient. You are most likely not going to cop it easier than the 1000s of single men here. So unless you offer the couples or women something extraordinary, it can be tough. Best wishes to you and your relationship. I hope you find a resolution that would both satisfy your long term needs, whatever it is.
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RHP User
9 years ago
A lot to digest here. Once again this community of people has come through with some really amazing thoughts and advice. Thank you all for sharing. I don't want to destroy my relationship, and it's true that the course of action I'm currently taking will blow up in my face. I don't want that. Reading all this makes me wish how much I was part of this scene and able to be here with my partner. Yes, children are a factor but our sex life was on the decline ling before that. I have owned up to cheating in the past and it has not been easy, she has also strayed. I have talked to her about the possibility of a more open and honest relationship with not a great deal of positive response. When I have confronted her with the issue ( IE the lack of sex) her response is that it's just not exciting anymore and that this is just a normal course of a relationship...even to the point of saying "I thought it would just be platonic" ....to which I was horrified. Well, horrified is a strong word but I was very upset by that. We still love each other so much and I take every opportunity to tell her how attracted I am to her after all these years...but still nothing. Sex seems like it is mostly a favour to me these days. I know many men who are in the same situation, and I'm sure there's plenty of women out there too. Maybe I just need to take my opportunities as they come? I think this was an attempt to create contact with women who were in the same situation or willing to be be a part of my life. I hope that I/we can resolve this and move into a bright and exciting future. I have said to my partner if she is bored with me she is free to seek other people but she says that she doesn't want anything. We haven't sought counselling on this issue but I have suggested it and maybe we need to find the time to do that. It's really difficult and I hope no one thinks I'm taking it lightly, once again thanks for all the feedback , it really is invaluable to me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I couldn't provide more detailed and directed responses but there is a lot here. It's made me realise how much I need to talk about this face to face, there is so much to say. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
As you can see, many of us have been on one side or the other of cheating. Not judging you, just sharing experience. Been there myself and no way l want to go there again. Just go to the brothel. Easier. No emotions. You go on your terms and more readily explained when you get caught.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Oliver says he wants a good connection, which I think means intimacy. Emotional/physical intimacy which I assume he isn't getting from his relationship. So a sex worker may not be what he needs. Mind you when you speak to sex workers it's surprising how many of their clients want to spend a lot of their time talking. Their wives no longer see them, they've become invisible in the relationship. That's my thoughts about it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Nice comments op. I am a little different to most women in the respect that I think regular monogamous relationships are doomed from the beginning, why? Because we develop and change sexually throughout the years, but not in sync, and it's only natural we'll be attracted/turned on by other people, and need that inspiration to get off, be satisfied. But love is a strange thing
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RHP User
9 years ago
sorry posted before I was finished. What I meant to say was it's never easy, there are no easy answers. Hoping it works out for you 👍
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RHP User
9 years ago
I had one partner who would always instigate conversation/text, then delete when we were done, I would never contact him first. Not foolproof but made me feel a bit more secure. Also have sent and received messages in code lol talking about a job that needs doing or whatever 😊 but as Ms_Jonesy pointed out, there are so many ways you can get caught, women are very alert to the smallest changes in behavior, routine, scent etc as already said. She will eventually know, if for no other reason than that smile you can't wipe off your face, I've been there and couldn't physically stop smiling. I cheated for a very short time, because I couldn't lie and because I was hopeless at hiding my euphoria, but also because I thought permanent change would ultimately benefit us both, which it has. I wanted to be free to fully explore this new sexual awakening. That was met with respect, I was lucky, we had tried, it just wasn't going to work for us. Different situations, different people, at different points in their lives, very personal. Just to add to my above comment about getting found out, I have received a few messages "who is this" to which I never replied. And have heard worse on here from women who have been flat out abused and threatened, not a situation any of us want to find ourselves in. I had the wife of a couple abuse MW once through messaging on here, I wasn't even attracted to her husband, had no intention of meeting him, but she thought I did and turned really abusive. Anyway, dribbling on here, just food for thought, your situation will need to be resolved at some point 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Im not preaching, as we are all different and have different situations. But this is what happened to me. My partner of 15 years walked out after meeting a much younger girl. I was devastated and my life changed dramatically. I joined RHP, made many new male and female friends from the site, and I realised that I could be happy again. I was talking to someone from here who told me about another adult site which I had a dabble in, and found the guy Im with now. I have never been happier. I love my friends and my man. So if a relationship fails, its not always the worst thing to happen. It could in fact mean that both of you can move on and be happy again, with people more suited to you. I hope you can sort everything out, whether if means you are single again and find your soulmate or you and your partner realise you have something worth holding on to. Also, I know modern times scoffs at monogamy, but Ive seen it work with people so its not at all unattainable. x
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RHP User
9 years ago
I do Oli, I'm basically the same, and a lot older which makes me less of a catch! What these peeps don't seem to understand, is we have an itch that just has to be scratched. It has to be scratched for at least two reasons. For what we crave. And so we understand ourselves, is it us? Is it our wives? Despite our life experiences, we let our kids make their own mistakes and learn. Likewise peeps on here who tell us they have been here and done that, can give us the benefit of their experience. It doesn't make our need any less. What if we find we are the dud root? We at least know something we can do to help in our relationships, not continue with the same shit, blaming the wife, or the change etc. That's how I see it anyway. I have never felt another woman hold my body, and as I hurtle towards 60, I simply want to know if I excite another woman, or if my wife was the only woman, ever to find me attractive. Or is God or a guardian angel simply watching over me? M_D4 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mask_007
9 years ago
Usually is arou 6 guys to agirl over hear. And if you are not they wanted kind, just don't have what they are looking for or not really a expert in pick up, guess what happens... Is very very hard. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Do yourself a favour and check out r/deadbedroom on reddit. Lots of experiences and advice from people on your situation. I am in the same boat. It really sucks and I think only people in the same situation can understand. One thing that really surprised me about that reddit was that it seems like there are just as many women who complain about the same thing. I thoroughly recommend spending some time on there, you will find comfort with people with the same issue and you will find tips on things to try to fix it. Either way you don't deserve to be in a sexless relationship and her denial of the problem is disrespectful to you and disrespectful to your relationship. Whatever you do, don't let her or anyone else convince you that you're just a "typical horny male" or that "you're just after sex" - that is a myth and complete bullshit. A marriage without sex is not a marriage. You need to think about it and carefully articulate to her how the absence of sex makes you feel (unloved, detached, depressed, low self esteem etc). Hopefully once she realises how it affects you she might acknowledge the seriousness of the problem and the realisation that it will be terminal for your relationship if left untreated. If finding a fwb or fb works for you then give it a shot. Difficult problems usually have difficult solutions. No judgement from me mate. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
In my opinion if you have a serious heart-to-heart with her and she still doesn't understand and accept there is a problem and agree to fix it, then you need to make a decision. Either: 1. End it, move on, find someone with a matching libido 2. Accept it. Stay. Be celibate and miserable 3. Accept it. Stay. Get intimacy elsewhere with or without her blessing. Make the best of what yoy can Neither is an easy decision. I have run through them all many times. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
When I joined RHP I was very judgemental of attached guys. However, after talking to a few, I began to piece together a picture of their situations Most of them were looking for not only sex but intimacy, cuddles, closeness and talking to each other. Their wives were not interested in sex and were quite happy watching their soapies in their PJs and Ugg boot slippers. I had coffee with a guy who had had no physical contact ( sex, hugs, cuddles, kisses ) for 20 years, and when I hugged him after our coffee meet, he became emotional. Ladies....men need physical affection and intimacy. If its not forthcoming then you need to talk it over with your man or there will be trouble. Really....if you deny your guy sex do you expect him to be happy about that for ever??????
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks to the people who have contributed, my marriage went sexless after children, we went to counciling of several different types, it helped us get on but didn't help with the sex, rightly or wrongly when the internet came along I turned to porn, cheating never crossed my mind. Then she got sick and I moved out of the bedroom, upon her recovery she left, it was a great relief in the end, amicable 50:50 split 50/50 care of the kids, nearly a decade on and everyone is doing fine. Especially the kids with two happy homes they are spoilt and thriving. I question monogamy these days, I think our social structures are undergoing immense change and whilst some thrive some struggle. I don't know the answers you just have to follow your gut, my only advice is that in order to look after others you have to look after yourself you will never please everyone. Don't play the blame game, own your decisions and there consequences. Good luck to everybody. Sb.
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RHP User
9 years ago
But we are only getting the OPs version here, we get very little, till later on about his situation. ... we all read into his situation based on our own experiences ... The OP doesn't say he is in a sexless marriage, he says 'virtually sexless' Is it mis-matched libidos, if so, why? I might make the outrageous presumption that the OP is an arrogant prick and is neither supportive of his wife, that she works inside and outside the home and the OP just wants to fuck all the time. Without all the details, from both sides, all we are doing is responding to a biased, one sided view of a relationship :( Only he can truly reflect (starting with himself) and ask When did this marriage change and why? But why the fuck anyone thinks - Let's fix a marriage by being on this site, what a great idea? NOT!!!!!!!! Mr T - I read a tonne of arrogance in your post - that the OPs wife should just accept and change to what the OP wants. Sorry, marriage is a two way street :( The biggest area of concerns is your views is that a sexless marriage isn't a marriage. Really, marriage is more than satisfying your cock I'm afraid ... maybe this is what your own relationship needed, the realisation that your partner was more than there for sex. I have spent time in my marriage where we didn't have sex (nearly 12 months at the longest stretch). The reasons ... medical such as ovulation pain, fibroids, heavy periods but not easily diagnosed, the struggle between the mother-whore diochotamy ... rediscovering my sexual self after my children were born, culturally that sex wasn't critical etc.... Similarly, when my gorgeous man had his kidney removed to cancer and his subsequent recovery ... I may not have been having sex but I still had and still do an incredible marriage to an understanding, patient and sexy AF man. The difference in approaches was selflessness as opposed to selfishly meeting your own needs :( I'm going to steal my BFs theory here ... he argues that for many things in a relationship it's about compatibility ... if you were compatible once with your wife OP, try to recapture that by addressing the issues with your wife. If you discover you weren't really compatible but that one of you thought it could work, then move on, but do it by communicating :) Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Im sorry if you misinterpreted my post, perhaps your perspective comes from your own experiential bias or something? I dont know. In any case please dont mistake my brevity and matter-of-factness for arrogance. That is certainly not my intention. In my situation it was caused by her medication killing her libido about 5 years ago. Not her fault. No solution other than to go off the meds, which was not an option. So it was actually her suggestion that I seek elsewhere. It wasnt my preferred course of action and I still am not quite sure how I feel about it, but it is a start. Early days with that so far... You also unfortunately have fallen into the trap that many women do in assuming that sex for married men is about "having our cock satisfied". You know what - thats not the problem at all, and its really quite a thoughtless and insulting thing to say to be frank. If all I wanted was to get my cock satisfied, I would just go to see a prostitute. Easy. In fact I did try that but it just felt empty and kind of boring. It is also proven to be a false assumption because when you look at the statistics of a dead bedroom, its actually just as likely, maybe even more likely, to be the female who is dissastisfied. Is it just because she is being selfish and wants her pussy satsified? I doubt it. It is the intimacy and raw connection that we are deprived of that we miss the most. It feels like having a housemate who we share a mortgage with. Thats what I mean when I say "a sexless marriage is not a marriage" - legally it might be, but it damn sure doesnt feel like it. If youre interested perhaps it would be worth checking r/deadbedrooms out to see for yourself. Then theres the old "perhaps if you do the dishes once in a while" thing. That could well be the case, and if it is, that is fantastic because its such an easy thing to fix. It certainly wasnt in my case because we have no kids, I do the cooking and my share of housework, I do the groceries, renovated the house, earn the highest salary, work the longest hours... my contribution to the relationship was never an issue. Oh and just as a side note, a sexless marriage is often clinically defined as a marriage where the couple has sexual activities less than 10 times per year. (Not necessarily intercourse) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I would do anything for my wife (and do) and I would do anything to fix our issues, so please refrain from making assumptions about our relationship. Its bad enough dealing with it without having strangers having their 2 cents as well. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
For what its worth I would have given the OP the exact same advice had they been female. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thankyou (genuinely and heartfelt) for sharing your story, I'd imagine it wasn't easy sharing. Try as I might I wont ignore your 'attack of me' in your subsequent post, I don't appreciate the 'anger' you respond with. My name is Mary, I sign off on all posts as that and if you want to address me in posts, do so following basic communication protocols. I will not stand corrected on refraining from sharing my views on any issue. We make decisions to discuss on the fora based on what information we are given by posters, we 'fill in the gaps' with our own experiences. You may say 'you're different to all the other selfish people here, men and women, exploring beyond their relationship ... and you may be! But, I've been here long enough to know that many people lie about their circumstances and I will always be sceptical and not take information at face value ... that's a life lesson for us all. I'm offering ideas for discussion here, and I'll continue to do so, whether you like it or not :) I'd appreciate in future that you don't point the finger at me about making 'your situation or relationship' worse ... if you don't want discussion (positive or negative to you, then don't post). I'm sorry but I won't say anything to appease a poster, I'll question everything put in front of me ... you've taken offence by my posts and subsequently added further information about your circumstances by posting in more detail. Before then, you gave very little away and so I read and interpret it with my bias ... it's what everyone does. Your relationship is what it is and I'm truly sorry however I haven't contributed to that at all. i certainly don't appreciate your implication there at all. I'd be more than happy to 'agree to disagree' here ... I will offer concluding advice and ignore if you like: Many women, if that's your target audience, watch and follow the fora. You will continue to make it more challenging for yourself to garner support/dates/sex if you continue to attack posters and play the victim. By all means address posters and discuss in a non threatening way the issues at hand. Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
I did base some of my discussion based on what I see in your profile ... Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Good on you Mr T. I agree with your posts above. I hope things improve with you and your wife, she is lucky she has you.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I should have added that I also found comments about getting "dicks wet" thoughtless and rude also with little regard for men's feelings. Those are my thoughts about it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am genuinely sorry if what I have said came across as threatening or attacking. It wasnt intended that way. I tend to be a bit terse when typing on my phone but its mainly just because typing on a small screen is not much fun and I want to get my point across succintly. I guess my situation wasnt really the subject of this thread, I didnt make it a topic of discussion but after your comments I felt the need to respond. It wasnt fair of you to make assumptions like that in my opinion. The reason I mentioned my situation was to show solidarity with the OP, not to open up a discussion about it. But it's out there now I guess... Nonetheless, I am all for frank and fearless discussion, and whilst we're giving each other advice, my little nugget of advice would be if you don't know about someone's situation or if you feel like an OP hasn't provided enough information, its probably best to ask them for more info, rather than make assumptions which may unnecessarily inflame an otherwise good discussion. Making assumptions about people, especially negative ones, rarely makes for constructive discussions. As a young engineer I was taught that "assume" makes an ass out of u and me... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Mr T ... similarly just as I shouldn't assume, you espouse great communication, it should start with a post that has the necessary details required for people to 'understand' your situation, in its entirety :) Its not easy for people who don't know each other, to ask personal details, hence I didn't go there and went with the snapshot you offered initially :) Candy ... did anyone use those words specifically? Or are you paraphrasing in you typical style and manner to incite discord amongst this topic? Mary xx
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Seachange73
9 years ago
I feel for you as I have been in sexless relationship with my ex husband due to me suffering post natal depression on my second child. It was something I didn't expect as my first pregnancy went well. I didn't get emotional support from him an to some degree contributed to further worsten my PN depression. I tried counselling but he refused to ' air our dirty laundry' and as he is in the medical field, he thinks he knows better than the shrinks. In the end, we never got to resolve some of our issues that eventually lingered on for years after my second pregnancy. I sought help and got mentally stronger from my PN issues. Life went back to normal, I went back to my job n child minding. But you know what, the emotional scar lingered and after I've felt abandoned and ignored by him, I lost my sex drive. But only with him. I hated him touching me and lost interest in him. There were many opportunities where men asked me out and I refused as I didn't believe in cheating. I didn't want to break his trust. In the end, I didn't think I could go on and we amicably separated. Not long after deciding the separation, I found out he had been cheating with his much younger student for years but didn't have the balls to be honest. broke the trust and respect in our relationship. Broke my soul. You see, I would have preferred honesty than cheating. the latter is soul destroying. Mr. T. - at least you have been honest with your wife and tried to resolve it. This is part of your journey. My hats of to you and her. My best wishes to you.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I also was offended by the tone of your comment, so full of judgment. I also don't think Mr_T's comments on the forum, including within this topic, will give off a negative feeling, quite the opposite, it's shown us the person behind behind the profile, a warm caring person, a fine individual. Sad that all you can see is in your words a 'selfish' person. Not what I see, and I think he has gone someway to helping the wider audience understand not only his situation, but others too. I have much stronger, much more personal feelings I won't share, being that it's a public forum, but what's right for one, isn't right for another. Your life is great, and my comment to you here isn't a personal attack, you know I respect you, but in this case, I didn't like the judgement and name calling, sorry
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think we can all agree in summary that communication and emotional intelligence is important in maintaining a good relationship, and especially important if you find yourself in this type of situation. To the OP, if like many men (including me) you find it difficult to talk about your feelings, you could try writing a letter to your wife. That way you can think about it and make sure you get everything down without putting your foot in it. I have a masters degree in engineering and can stand in front of a room of people talking about the ins and outs of how a solar thermal power station works, but when I tried to talk to my wife about this the words just didn't flow. So I understand how difficult it can be. But it is critical to get them out somehow. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I posted a comment which seems to have vanished?saying I didn't like the 'dick wet' part of Mary's comment to Mr_T, her words, not mine, I was just making reference to it and indicating I didn't approve of the offensive nature of that comment. Said I thought that was sexist and offensive to M_T, an ignorant comment IMO commenting on the comment, in a responsive and non-offensive/non-abusive way, and it's reported, why? Was that you Mary? Who is reporting my comments. Come on mods, this is an open forum right? 👎
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't often post in here... but ... I don't think your post was at all offensive. I also think your responses were courteous and measured. Good on you for having the courage to offer first hand advice to the OP I wish you both the best x Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have never reported anyone's comments ... ever and I'm not about to start! It's ok to have a differing of opinions ... and you and I have before and we move on ... it's all good from here. In terms of Mr T, I'm still cynical ... no one will make me see otherwise (unless of course MrsT confirms the story) because my 'gut' tells me something isn't true or correct here ... but it's my opinion and I'm allowed to have it :) I know I always bring a reasoned approach to the discussions here and will always endeavour to do so. I completely appreciate everyone's life is different, and mine isn't perfect by any stretch ... There was a comment made by candy delicious about 'getting dick wet' which I didn't say. If it was inferred like that, that's not my problem but someone else's interpretation. I specifically commented on that to her through the forums ... someone is playing silly buggers here .... could the mods be playing us against each other????? Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Please cut and paste where I use the words 'get your dick wet' specifically ... please I implore you all who've criticised me on that! Not 'words to that effect or where you've implied I've said that ... the actual words!!! Ive reread my posts , if you've inferred that meaning ... that on you!!! Just like I've inferred meanin in all the posts here as well! Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
It's disappointing that a conversation between two posters became a vehicle for 'ganging up' on another forumite, but it's true to form of some. I addressed all of my concerns to Mr T, they DID NOT NEED validation by anyone else! He and I discussed issues, yes on a public forum, but I addressed my concerns to him. No one has to like any comments others raise but I won't have others quote me incorrectly or use anything I've raised in the past as a weapon against me. Note to self - steer clear of cheating forum topics :) In the true spirit of transparency ... mods do your thing. This isn't ok! Mary
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RHP User
9 years ago
Welcome to my world.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Firstly, I didn't mention anything you've said in the past, so not sure who that was for, secondly, no-one was ganging up, just a common reaction to your posts or alternative thoughts. I and the others who have responded here IMO tread their own path, albeit not always popular with one or two of us 😇 Yes you were misquoted but it was taken to mean the same thing "marriage is more than satisfying your cock". That and getting your dick wet, not a great deal if difference to me, but I apologise if the different terminology mat have misconstrued what you were saying, not my intention to twist your words. I commented purely on the harsh tone, almost angry demanding tone of your comments, the bitterness carried in from your own experience and resulting judgement, didn't sit well with me and I commented on that, nothing more, nothing less, but definitely my own feelings, not fueled coming off the back of any other comments. I would never want to gang up on you so please don't be thinking that about me. I respect your right to have your opinion, responses to your opinion also need to be respected, particularly when a forum poster is being told to get off the site and go fix his marriage, then also told his thoughts here will harm his image/chances whatever. I disagreed with that along with the demanding bitter and angry tone of your comments, and I'm sorry but I still do. Your way or the highway also isn't very flattering, remember that. Your posts are angry, whatever your past doesn't give you the right to speak that way to a man who has been courteous and polite in response to the op and to you. Think we'll have to agree to disagree. The topic is fine btw it would be nice to see it continue, allowing people to talk openly about their situations without being hammered for it. This is the one place they should be free to do that. Giving your opinion and lecturing and I use that word again 'hammering' someone, are two different things. Anyway, nothing personal, not at all, happy to move on 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sorry I am moving on lol but just wanted to clarify one thing. My comments are commenting strictly on your comments within this thread only. I think you must have thought I put that in as an overall comment about your posting habits/history. Absolutely not, God no, I'm sorry if that's what you thought I meant. The penny only just dropped. I love reading your posts, well usually 😀 but that's okay, we're not always going to agree. Anyway just wanted to clarify that 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
When i read the subject line I thought this was an erectile type question...Boy was I wide of the mark !!!!
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RHP User
8 years ago
I've enjoyed reading the thoughtful comments in this thread I know I'm not alone in this situation - there will be many more for sure. Honesty would destroy our happy marriage in an instant. I adore sex and love pleasing a woman. I'm not whining about "my loveless marriage", or "my wife doesn't like sex" or "I'm bored with my life". I just live with someone who is incapable of enjoying any sort of sexual activity whatsoever. Interested in anything constructive...
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RHP User
8 years ago
My sister is an experienced counselor. Quote "Long term monogamy isn't for the faint-hearted"
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RHP User
8 years ago
With you buddy :) It's the intimacy we want
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RHP User
8 years ago
I would have thought that of all the places on the internet, this would be one of genuine open-mindedness, especially when it comes to relationships and sexuality. Largely it is, but some obviously harbour feelings so deep that no amount of logic and explanation can expunge. I can't think of any reason why I would make up a story like mine, if I wanted to lie I would just say I'm single. It doesn't make sense. Anyway, I know when an argument becomes futile and that point has been reached from my point of view. I hope the OP finds sustainable happiness. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
Quoting 'Mr_T_4cpls' I would have thought that of all the places on the internet, this would be one of genuine open-mindedness, especially when it comes to relationships and sexuality. Largely it is, but some obviously harbour feelings so deep that no amount of logic and explanation can expunge. You have to understand, there are many of us that been negatively affected by life experiences. In short, we are fucked up. Accept it and we will get along fine........ Not our fault. Annie
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RHP User
8 years ago
Mr_T There are many who have passed through these halls, some multiple to,es under different guises, who have indeed fabricated very elaborate stories. Most of us are very tolerant and non judgmental, but have learned, the hard way, that some people are just seriously fucked up. Even that is all good, until you mess with one of our own 😉 Long story short? Be open, don't judge (and yah, you judged), give people a second and third chance... Welcome to the fray 👍🏼
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RHP User
8 years ago
To,es = times (totes obvs 😁). Sure there are more - work it out, ask, or make it up 😘
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islandkinks
8 years ago
I replied to this post but it seems it was deleted, why???????
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RHP User
8 years ago
Feeling your pain there brother. Plenty of mine end up dusted off the shelf 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
You want people to tell you how to be a cheating asshole? While asking not to be judged? While playing the victim? Grow some balls and stop treating your wife like a piece of shit. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Mate you need to speak to your wife about the situation, attend counselling sessions. There is a reason for her lack of want and you need to find out why before moving forward. - Posted from rhpmobile
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islandkinks
8 years ago
Im in open relationship, in Melbourne tomorrow 27th July and free to hook up, well hoping to anyway:)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Im bi curious is that a turn off 4 women? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'curious41guy' Im bi curious is that a turn off 4 women? - Posted from rhpmobile Obviously, all women are different, so I can only answer for myself... No, not a turn off for me at all. I think (hope) you will find many women on Pie are open minded, sex positive folk who aren't limited by labels. As for those who are less open minded, I wouldn't waste any time/energy worrying about them. Be true to you and treat others with respect and enjoy the ride P.S. Add more info and some photos to your profile - it really is worth the time x
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RHP User
8 years ago
My ex wife....no I didn't cheat on her. But I wanted to, so badly. I wasn't the perfect partner, I was snappy and cranky from work and had no idea I had sleep apnea. My ex wife would reject any form of physical intimacy with me, including just cuddling, and give it to the dog. This taunted me to no end. I grew incredibly resentful but still maintained my loyalty. I was constantly being accused of fucking women on the road, but try driving 5500kms a week and just merely sleeping when you could, you'll understand I had better things to do with my time than fucknother wimen. I offered to take her with me in the truck so she could see exactly what I did, and how hard it was as not many people truly understand the toll interstate truck driving has on you....even before you add in the emotional roller coaster of what was happening at home. Needless to say, I broke...exhausted both physically and mentally, I was having nightmares that weren't very nice at all, I'd wake constantly with a racing heart, I was living off coffee, V energy drinks, and fast food. I ended up a sobbing mess in front of my GP and family after 3-4 years of this. I ended up on mood stabilisers and a mental health plan. Driving home I said to my ex "it feels like you've already left...". She reached over grabbed my hand and said "we all love you and we're right beside you...and we're not going anywhere..." She left 2 days later. Why am I telling you this?? Because the first thing you need to do, is to be honest with yourself....if you're unhappy admit it to yourself, then do something about it, what you do about it is entirely your decision, but do something.....
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RHP User
8 years ago
Oliver, In a very, very similar situation. My wife and I have had lots of discussions about our lack of sex life, have even seen a therapist. We both live each other, and dont want to separate. We have discussed that it is not fair for her to have sex with me if she does feel like it, and it is not fair that I dont get sex. A rock and a hard place (very hard at times). Neither of us have strayed. She says she just doesnt feel like sex at all, so why would she. After a lot of time trying to address why she does feel like it or want to, we dont seem to have gotten anywhere. It is hard, either to make the decision to cheat or just keep trying to make it work. Sorry I dont have a perfect answer for you. If I ever find one I will let you know. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
That was very compelling and highlights the pain, psychological and physical. I felt both and had already left by the time I did. I felt every word, every bit of your pain reading that. I also wasn't perfect but I couldn't live with an emotional void. Big apology to my ex for putting this on here but too bad, it was a black hole of love and affection and my message to him is nobody is perfect. Yes I made mistakes but so did you. Difference was I owned mine, you hid yours. He wasn't my soul mate. One day I'll find a person who really cares about me, that person will be worth waiting for. Meantime I'd rather be single. I won't compromise. Great post though. Opening up and being really honest and, as you say, true to yourself, is very therapeutic, essential for good mental health. Bottling stuff up is a time bomb. Decisions do need to be made when marriages/relationships are going South, for the continued wellbeing of both 👍
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RHP User
8 years ago
When hope is all you feel you have left, it's enough to try battle on...but yes I hid it, it became cancerous for both of us...
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