F41
Sex without emotion
February 18 2012
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sex without emotion? Can you do that? It must be pretty ordinary! Even with a random hook up you can get some emotionally stirring good vibes out of a sexual encounter. That last fleeting snuggle before you both come to your senses and recognize the person you're with is a total stranger. :p But a regular fb? Now that leads to expectations... which, if not met, cause you to feel unhappy. negative vibes. Someone is always (ultimately) disappointed. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
I personally think it has more to do with the mind set that you enter your liaison. If you are lonely and are meeting people to fulfill this need then you are at a higher risk of being used. However, if you can take a step back and look at this as experiencing new things than you can use any new encounter as a step toward finding a life partner or partners. Your question is about trying to distance yourself from emotional sex but what you need to do is embrace the right emotion going into the encounter, not is he the one, but is this a step to finding the one.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Stalky'Even with a random hook up you can get some emotionally stirring good vibes out of a sexual encounter.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Emotion is such a strong word, I prefer to have sex with someone who I have some chemistry with, I like their smile, or their body or their voice there needs to be something there. I have had sex with someone that I didnt fancy and I found it very clinical yes I orgasmed several times, but it was like going through the motions. I suppose it really is a very personal thing, Stalky if your ever up this way, I think we could have some fun and a snuggle afterwards. Hugs Meggy
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm with him. I'm a huge fan of tag and release. Of course i get emotional...dreadfully fond....deeply in lust....even....gasp....the F word! Yes! Friends, heaven help me I have made friends of my lovers!!! Meep! Never thought it would come to that. People don't realise that THEY actually have control over their emotions if they choose to. I am dreadfully fond of a lover/friend of mine and could quite easily fall in love with him .......if i allowed it. But, I'm just out of a 15 year marriage/relationship, he is also separated and frankly staking a claim to anything except the WHOLE bed and ALL of the hanging space and the shoe space is out for me...that would be just stooooopid! Believe it or not, you control your emotions, they don't control you and when they do we have the tail wagging the doc and that always ends badly. I actually "allowed" myself to fall in love with my hubby when i met him. There came a point where i allowed the love, i felt it but kept it under control to a point that i could walk away any time and not stake a claim. When it felt right and safe to do so,I allowed myself to love him. Well, that was 15 years ago and now although we are not together we are thinking of getting appartments in the same complex. He's adorable, i love him, i always will but he shits me to tears and i offer the same service to him......not in the same house is good
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'goodgrlzsayplz' I'm with him. I'm a huge fan of tag and release. Of course i get emotional...dreadfully fond....deeply in lust....even....gasp....the F word! Yes! Friends, heaven help me I have made friends of my lovers!!! Meep! Never thought it would come to that. People don't realise that THEY actually have control over their emotions if they choose to. I am dreadfully fond of a lover/friend of mine and could quite easily fall in love with him .......if i allowed it. But, I'm just out of a 15 year marriage/relationship, he is also separated and frankly staking a claim to anything except the WHOLE bed and ALL of the hanging space and the shoe space is out for me...that would be just stooooopid! Believe it or not, you control your emotions, they don't control you and when they do we have the tail wagging the doc and that always ends badly. I actually "allowed" myself to fall in love with my hubby when i met him. There came a point where i allowed the love, i felt it but kept it under control to a point that i could walk away any time and not stake a claim. When it felt right and safe to do so,I allowed myself to love him. Well, that was 15 years ago and now although we are not together we are thinking of getting appartments in the same complex. He's adorable, i love him, i always will but he shits me to tears and i offer the same service to him......not in the same house is good
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RHP User
14 years ago
leave the emotion in the bedroom. Let's face it good sex and emotion encompasses each other. it's all about detachment. l feel the emotion when there has been a disaster in someones life though l am detatched so it doesn't effect me in so far.....Just my opinion
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RHP User
14 years ago
...but they make miserable masters. There is nothing at all wrong with being emotionally available and yes, even men are capable of that if they want to be and you allow them the privilege. Many simply choose not to be...even on the level of being a true friend, much is the pity as you can love your friends and hold them in the circle of those that you will want to keep in your life forever. | Quoting 'goodgrlzsayplz' wagging the doc... | Was your Freudian slip showing there,GG...I hope you really don't doc the puppies tail? What were John Bobbitts first words to his wife after she sliced him and he had it surgically reattached? Lorenna...that's not what I meant when I asked for a trial separation! | Love is not a singular emotion but the compilation of many...and rests on a fulcrum so delicately balanced that a thought that would weigh less than a grain of sand can tip it one way or the other. | We always find...what we are truly seeking.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Stalky I will fuck your arse with plenty emotion ... Promise. :p I have met people through RHP, men and women, some I have bonked, some I want to continue bonking, & some others that I plan to bonk. I have regular contact with most of those people, some every other week and some almost every day. Do I love them? I suppose, don't know but I do know that I care about them and if they ever needed anything they could ring me anytime I would try help in anyway I can. They are good friends ... Who I like to fuck. :-) For me to have good sex there has to be chemistry between us, a good sexual attraction, or I just have to be damn horny on the day. LOL. If that isn't there the sex is boring or just plain bad and I don't go back for seconds. Sorry, really blabbering this morning. To answer the question, no I don't need emotion for good sex and I don't feel used when I have sex with people and it's a one off. Although, I assume by emotion you mean feelings of friendship, or love or fondness of the other person, not sexual chemistry which you can feel with a complete stranger. Xx Meeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
Did I even answer the question then? I think my starting point is different to yours Cupcake. I kinda bonk people first then ask questions later. Therefore I rarely have an emotional interest in the person first up. That probably says something about me .. But I hate to self-analyse. :D
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QLDtwo4fun
14 years ago
We play as a couple, the emotional bond is between us, it's just sex with the other couple. But we do appreciate and respect our parters. We don't play with just anyone.
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RHP User
14 years ago
“If any women have found the solution, please let me know” this is my solution I love one man, always have always will. I am a swan I mate for life, even though I am divorced. but I have sex with other men and I have no attachments to them at all. I can separate my heart ,mind and soul from my lust it works wonderfully for my needs. Each person is different, it comes to emotions In all fairness men also become attached , it happens The irony is hon the less you care the more they want it, stuffed if I can figure out that one. The reason I can separate these parts of me, is that all my other needs are taken care off. I surround myself with people I love and who love me. Its not the emotion so much its attachment, that causes problems for all humans.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Agree mmmmhot. :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm with you Kate... detest NSA and the whole concept. I am a woman, I have a woman's makeup. If I could be dispassionate about it (sex)... I would become a hooker. If I am going to fuck without some emotional content - I might as well be paid for it. As it is, I am a warm, loving, funny, generous, tender and beautiful person who deserves to have at least a modicum of care shown back to me in return by a would be lover. Not settling for less... unless you want to tempt me with a handful of crisp $100 notes and you supply your own condoms .
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RHP User
14 years ago
Recently hooked up with a very loving guy from this site, he said all the right words and the sex was out of this world. Thought this guy might be the one but after a few dates he decided he needed some time apart to get things straight in his head. His loss yes I know but I am totally smitten and cant stop thinking about him !!!I try but I just can't keep my emotions out of the bedroom or my head.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Did I even answer the question then? I think my starting point is different to yours Cupcake. I kinda bonk people first then ask questions later. Therefore I rarely have an emotional interest in the person first up. That probably says something about me .. But I hate to self-analyse. :D I also usually have sex with someone pretty quickly but if I see the person more than once (which is generally the case) my emotions will get mixed up in it all.... Someone once said about me that "I fall hard for people but fall apart even harder".... Dunno what this says about me lol...
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RHP User
14 years ago
With everything put together that everyone has said its an opinion and mine alone " but I sure dont have sex with anyone I'm not attracted to" with that being the case, a slight emotion has already been brought to the mix. Its best to know this part and what you what to do with it then. Recently I was with someone and at first didnt think I could handle it, but things were ok, then something was said about another etc. My emotion at that point kicked in so Game Over for me. He doesnt understand that and I'm not into denying him his own, so I let go. By the way he made his directions clear and I was good with that, but if it became to much I took responsibility for me and what his requests were. Ouch little bit sore but it was a nice time
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RHP User
14 years ago
hey how do i unlock my account?? only new to site and wont let me private message any says its locked??
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RHP User
14 years ago
I agree with what Chilli has said! I share this view in its entirety. Thankyou for managing to articulate this so clearly. If I had have tried, we all know I wouldn't have done it as succinctly as you have . Flirty x
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RHP User
14 years ago
We are not all like that Chilli, not all of us have this desire to only be with one other person or in committed relationships. Not at all. And why have you placed so much importance on sex? Who says we are supposed to only have sex with one other person and it has to be someone you are in a committed relationship with? Who decided that? You know in some cultures sex is considered something you share with friends. Look, I understand that is what you are after at the moment however this too could be a "phase" you are going through. Who is to say that you will always feel this way? Personally I think you are placing far too much importance on sex. I know most of my friends do... I think one day alot of women will wake up and think. Why the hell did I waste all those years not getting any, waiting for Prince Charming or the one? I include myself in this too. We were all taught as little girls that this is what we should do... and I have come to the grand conclusion that it's complete bollocks. And yes, seeing someone on a more regular basis can lead to expectations, but you know what. It doesn't always. You can have connections with people, friendships with people... it doesn't always have to lead to something serious. Just enjoy what you have without always worrying about what is going to happen next... or what you think should happen next. Enjoy a friendship for what it is. Cupcake, your question sounded like a number of men have bullshitted you to get into your pants by telling you that they wanted more, when in fact they only wanted a one night stand. That sucks and I would feel upset by this too... nobody likes to be lied to. In my experience, limited as it is, I don't get attached to people because I have sex with them... I get attached to people when I get to know them. I don't know, maybe you will all tell me that I don't put enough importance on sex. xxMeeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
I don't necessarily think you should place more importance on sex at all. I do think you probably should've placed more importance on this line of what you just said though: Look, I understand that is what you are after at the moment because I suspect this was the point of view Chilli was trying to communicate and it was her angle of response to this topic that I was agreeing with above. . As a believer in the philosophy of non-monogamy, and having had an open marriage that when it worked, worked well, I can safely say that it is possible to have sex without attachment, but I don't think it's possible to have it without emotion. Not as a female anyway.I'm content with owning this and I don't much care if anyone views it as a weakness or a fault in my character. As Inspirit says, good sex and emotion encompass each other. I enjoy sex with emotion infinitely more than the alternative! . Not attaching seems to be the challenge most women have, you and I included if we are honest. Apparently there are women out there who can do it, but I think they're a minority because we are programmed differently to men. In fact Stalky has a saying about this minority of women, but I cannot recall how it goes ... . I don't even think that Kate is necessarily saying she's been used and abused but she is doing that thing we women do at one point or another, where we process this liberating notion of sex without attachment and how we can do this successfully without leaving a little piece of us behind when the other person says next. . ... Just my two cents that turned into ten cents *eyeroll* . Flirty x
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RHP User
14 years ago
i dont want to pay for this, anyone wanna speak on facebook ?
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RHP User
14 years ago
oh so there is supposed to be emotions ?? Fuck must of missed that class
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RHP User
14 years ago
the "Science Show" (abc radio) from this week had a great discussion/portion of a lecture on humans, monogamy, chimps and bonobos. It was really interesting - podcast can be downloaded.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Another Podcast Series worth listening to are those that come from the Journal of Social & Personal Relationships.There's a good one (number 4) that discusses a similar issue to the one you're talking about sydneyboy. . This one here discusses milestones in attachment theory and research on the interplay between attachment and sex http://spr.sagepub.com/content/27/2/suppl/DC1. They're all worth a listen though. . Flirty x
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Sexspurt'I'm with you Kate... detest NSA and the whole concept. I am a woman, I have a woman's makeup. If I could be dispassionate about it (sex)... I would become a hooker. If I am going to fuck without some emotional content - I might as well be paid for it. As it is, I am a warm, loving, funny, generous, tender and beautiful person who deserves to have at least a modicum of care shown back to me in return by a would be lover. Not settling for less... unless you want to tempt me with a handful of crisp $100 notes and you supply your own condoms . Arousing or characterized by intense feeling.> definition of emotional I get thos intense feelings, but just south of my heart. ohhh my god I am a hooker! and damit I forgot to charge em ohh wait, maybe I am suposed to pay them?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Eventually, I want to connect with a special someone sexually, mentally, socially, spiritually, emotionally, psychically with heart, mind, soul and that delicious factor LUST. I actually do have it all, except for the last part and that’s fine, I get that last bit in a healthy way. I'm not convinced that compartmentalising yourself is entirely healthy or leads to a fulfilled and happy life where you're comfortable in your own skin and loving living each moment right now, today. Actually compartmentalising for some is the smartest thing to do, I am very happy in my skin and very true to myself it keeps me sane. One thing we all need to consider when giving advice here, is that if you look behind us all there is a set of baggage. Notice how everyone has a different set of luggage? That’s because we are all going on individual trips. I promise not to tell you how to pack if you promise the same.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I find it impossible to hide my emotions. The physical & mental connection with a guy is the most wonderful feeling on this planet.When it turns sour.....I crash and burn.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Somewhere it's hardwired into the female brain that we have to have some kind of attachment to have a sexual relationship. Whether this attachment is the result of physical attraction, mental compatibility or just inexplicable chemistry makes no difference. This initial attraction often triggers an emotional attachment which can lead on to you wanting more from the encounter.Nature's programming can be hard to break but not impossible. Once only encounters, playing with guys that are already attached and avoiding f/b's until you are able to be attracted without attachment can work. However none of this will work if you are emotionally receptive to being in a relationship because it seems that every encounter could lead on to something more permanent and you feel let down when it doesn't.It's one of those situations where you have to be in the right mental space and you are able to separate attachment and emotion.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Only my 10 cents worth Personally speaking I always have an emotional connection with someone i'm going to sleep with, its the icing on the cake that gives the moment the real kick it deserves, I cant imagine being a tag and release guy without any emotion what so ever, gone are the teenage days of bonk till you drop without a conscience!!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
And so that's why cleavage looks just like a butt crack.HugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Stalky do you have a man Crush ?
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have sex with a whole range of emotions: Happy, Thrilled, Delighted, Relieved, Satisfied, Confident, Courageous, Eager, Excited, Relaxed, Comfortable, Fascinated, Awe-Inspired, Surprised, Humorous, Playful, Energetic... and life would be boring without the occasional bit of ANGRY SEX! Fuck that "love" business tho. Ewww. I can do without that one. :Dxx Sarah
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RHP User
14 years ago
star fish for nothing ya know.
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RHP User
14 years ago
"Women need to feel loved to have sex, men need to have sex to feel loved. ....We're fucked to begin with!"
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RHP User
14 years ago
When we play as a couple, it enhances the relationship.
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RHP User
14 years ago
We rather a good friendship than a quick fuck.... Friends can have a lot of fun in and out of the bed...... Dont like one night stands or or just there to fuck that makes us feel very used...
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RHP User
14 years ago
There is a time and place for everything. And we all experience different journeys that evolve what our wants and needs are in life. There is definite scientific evidence on the differences between the male and female brain. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is actually a really good guide to understand these differences. Generally speaking, men tend to be more visually aroused where women are aroused with feelings. Although past experiences can completely reverse those roles. Some say that zodiac star signs can also affect the emotional side of the intimacy. Which is just hilarious when so many profiles lie on their birthdate. Surely there really arent that many Capricorns in Australia, people putting 1st Jan As we all know, communication is the key to success for any relationship whether it be personal, professional, family, friend or complete stranger). So it is important to be clear and clarify in the initial contact, what your hopes/expectations are. And particularly if those expectations change at any time to avoid confusion or disappointment. But if you do experience confusion, disappointment or heartbreak, there is always a safety net of likeminded people in the RHP family that can listen, offer their wisdom of advice, soothe you with a hug, or help you get over it and back in the saddle!!!! Mwa xxxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sex without emotion??? Doesn't exist, not even for hooker/gigolos. Even if the emotion is just the delight at more $$$. As was said earlier by a wise lady, sex without an attachment is probably what was meant by the initial question. Even for those guys who will fuck anything that moves (and if it doesn't, they push it, so it has moved), there is still emotions in play. Lust is an emotion. One cannot orgasm, without emotions being involved. For me, I have to have some feelings for the person, for anything to happen. There has to be some form of attraction, even if the attraction is only for whats below the neckline and above the footprint. Also, for me, its hard for my partner/s to tell the difference between making love, and just having sex. I do put a lot of emotion, into each and every sexual encounter, because, I allow those emotions to come out and be part of the play. Not all men do tho. A lot, prefer to hide them, but they are there regardless.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sex with out emotions is like a old saying:: I just fucked a wet blanket.... Yes everyone has their own reason being on here. and male and female dont think the same way when it come to sex.... Meybe some of us males are different as to me if I have sex, there must be some feeling there not just a fuck.. Thats probably why we have not fond the right people yet, had plenty of offers but they are only looking for SEX, we are looking for friendship and then sex if we all click... So yes emotion do play a big part in what we are looking for, as we would like someone who is fun to be with and they enjoy being with us.... So if that looking for the impossible so be it........
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Sexspurt'I'm with you Kate... detest NSA and the whole concept. I am a woman, I have a woman's makeup. If I could be dispassionate about it (sex)... I would become a hooker. If I am going to fuck without some emotional content - I might as well be paid for it. As it is, I am a warm, loving, funny, generous, tender and beautiful person who deserves to have at least a modicum of care shown back to me in return by a would be lover. Not settling for less... unless you want to tempt me with a handful of crisp $100 notes and you supply your own condoms . Totally agree with the above. However, in the past I have met and done the deed with quite a few guys I didn't feel anything for besides animal attraction - they were just notches on my bedpost! Having moved on from that, I want more. I actually need to LIKE someone and have a friendly fellow feeling for them these days, before my knickers go arcing gracefully through the air. I've been married, thought myself 'in love'', but know nothing matches up to the emotions stirred in me by my current lover; that was LUST at first sight and two years later, the sex is still amazing, because we know each other so well - it's warm, intimate, caring, filthy, everything I need. That's not saying I'm IN love with him, but I do care for him deeply and love how he makes me feel. I think we all know, deep down, where it counts, that a fuck is just a fuck, but when you find someone who makes you tingle all over, who you can't stop thinking about for one second, then that is dangerous territory to be in. As others have said, we ARE in control of our emotions. If you can't keep a lid on your feelings, someone's going to get hurt and we all know how painful that is. ONLY when you both feel the same thing, can it ever work out, and that's rarely 'forever'. Just sayin'...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Believe the reason play with there exes -familiar and want sex release
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RHP User
14 years ago
sure u can have emotionless sex... if u get out of an encounter what u want and then walk away, then hell, hello... no emotion required, but CONNECTION is a must (see below).lust is lustsex is just sexpassion is passionlove is loveconnection is the be all and end all of amazingly gr8 bind blowing sex, and when its with someone u love, then hell, uve found something rare. if that person just happens to be a gr8 lover (not many around) then OMG HOLD ONTO THEM WITH ALL UR POWER!!!!!!!!i grew up when men used women. then about 10yrs ago, i left my marriage and met a cpl of women who had so much power, it was awe inspiring. the power they held was: they tuned the tables, and were using men.... and thats when i realised, that times were a changing and women held power. SO WOMEN WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES....WE HOLD THE POWER!!!!!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
if there no click we just dont enjoy it. hubby just cant get into it, he likes to kiss and touch but without emotion of some sort its just so hollow. we have made friends from this site and the friendship will last as long as the sex will. hopefully longer xoxoxo L and R
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RHP User
14 years ago
Read the book - it's all there :-)Men need sex - and the rest is not important, they fabricate emotion and attachment to get to the sex part and then float away.Women have a need for realtionship - theytry to build it, so fo them agreeing to sex is part of that process.The mutual benefit is nlyin agreeing to explore the fun side of friendship - and that way there is still something in it for the woman (even my old friends with benefis are stll friends nomatterwhat) and for the man (yes - regular hot steamy sex sessions great for both ofus )One more term that I came across recently-"loving attachment" which is what both men and women want in the long run. Sometimes women (or men) can't let go of the exclusivity of this, which i called jealousy ad thatbecomes a poblem, too, bu thatwuld b another discussion
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RHP User
14 years ago
sex without emotion is almost and in my opinion sex gives us pleasure so in one way you experince a emotion even if it not a attachment emotion to the other person. But me personally like to b pasionate and show some emotion with my play partner/s, if only at a friendship level. sex without emotion is more likie having sex withya paid sex worker who only does it for money and does not engage mentally with the sexual acts. To be mentally stimualated by your play partner adds to or heightens the sexual experience and to do that emotions are part of it but as i said before at freindship level. sex is very intimate and that adds to the mystic and excitement of it all. It could easliy lead to more heavier emotions of attachment arising so it is a thin line between just pleasure or falling for your play partner. tread your path carefully.
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RHP User
14 years ago
lovely comment about 'attachment' you put forward... when people have a low self esteem or self worth it's hard to get your emotions in check, especially if your looking for love.... hence it's so easy to become attached for all the wrong reasons.... i've learnt this lesson myself! Having said that, sex without some form of emotion would be dead boring... i want it to be beautiful everytime, it's just having clarity on what your really "feeling' about that person, then start questioning what your hoping to gain through the encounter... sub-consciously you might be wanting more without knowing, that's when emotions become confusing.. hehe.. With all that said and done who in their right mind would want sex without emotion anyhow.... that's what makes it fun and emotions is what makes us humans tick! It's our 'feeling' centre and where we learn our lessons and gain life experience... so i say have sex with lots of emotion, just be solid in yourself and know what it is you want :) Your obviously a lady who has all your emotions in check!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I personally have no trouble with it. Though there are a few here who keep saying they will show BUT DONT. Time for the players to be identified.
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RHP User
14 years ago
There must be care and concern otherwise there is not effort to give pleasure.Emotion however tends to fuck up the excitement and remove the spontaneity.I do wonder how many real people there are on this site however so it is good to see these messages.
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RHP User
14 years ago
No doubt we are all different, but for me, sex without having a level of "buy-in" with the other falls way short of what it should be. It doesn't have to be love, not even a relationship of any depth, but some sort of chemistry that triggers a level of emotional interest.A bit like a wank with someone else in the room really...
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RHP User
14 years ago
i am the female half of our coupling, been together with my man for 14 years.... prior to meeting him, when i was young and single... i had no trouble enjoying/wanting one night stands, "tag and release" as some called it on here...:) however,after having been with the same man for this long, i now do desire intimacy and connection...i am very fortunate in that my husband still makes me feel, like i am the sexyest thing on Earth....he is a wonderful lover,and i can feel with every touch, kiss, stroke, lick...hmmm...how much he is getting off on pleasuring me...my satisfaction is his prime concern.... so now, even though i have many, many dirty fantasies i'd love to live out (especially MFM play)...i find i need a mental connection, a build up, a little flirting, etc....i need to desire someone mentally, before i can /want to pleasure them physically...it's a bit like...if one is willing to put some effort into sweeping me off my feet...good chance they will be putting some effort into pleasuring me too.....i am no longer happy to be just one in a dozen for someone, just to get their rocks off.... i already have great sex at home, so i am not desperate for a root...so why would i lower myself to be just someone's recepticle? ( sorry) you guessed it right though...this mentality of course means, that i get very little swinging action...(at least with single guys...lol)..sometimes i scare them away, by my neediness for mental/emotional connection...sometimes i say good-bye, cause i am not getting, what i want..... i understand, that it is hard, for a single guy, to relate to why a married woman wants more , than just a stunt-cock for the night...i am already married, and that's that... but for me....i can only be a giving, passionate, dirty, kinky lover...if i know, feel that my playmate cares about me to some degree...if you care about me , as a person.... it's more likely you'll care about my pleasure too.... hasn't been the most succesfull approach, for getting layed, i admit...lol but quality over quantity, i say....:)
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RHP User
14 years ago
i am the female in our coupling....we've been together for 14 years... before we met, when i was young and single....i had no problem with emotionless one night stands, for the mutual gratification of all..."tag and release" as someone called it....lol but now, after having been with same man for so long...i am used to/need the intimacy, the connection... i am very fortunate in that my husband still thinks i am the sexiest thing on Earth...he is a wonderful, giving lover....and i can feel from every touch, kiss, stroke, lick..hmmm...that my pleasure is his main priority...how much he's getting off on getting me off...lol so now, even though i have many, many dirty fantasies, that i'd love to live out (with MFM right on top of my list...lol)...i find i no longer can/want to be just the next in line for someone... i need a connection, a little mental foreplay, a little flirting....i need to desire a man mentally before i want to pleasure them physically....i have a wonderful sex-life at home, and so i am (thankfully) not desprate for a root....and i am not content in becoming just a recepticle for someone, to get his rocks off.... the way i see it...if someone is willing to put some effort into sweeping me off my feet...if they care about me, to some degree,as a person, too....good chance they will put some effort into making sure, that i am having the time of my life, in the bedroom, as well...:) i understand, that it is hard to relate, for a single guy, to why a married woman wants more, than just a stunt-cock...why she need some mental/emotional connection...i am married after all, and that's that....and so needless to say, i have not had huge succsess so far in realizing my fatasies....perhaps i have the wrong approach...but quality over quantity, i say!....lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
When it comes down to it, lust is an emotion. I'd say we rarely have emotionless sex, but does that mean we have to then marry the person we shag?Ever been walking down the street and had a strange smile at you, you smile back, you feel good, they feel good... Maybe you're nearly walking into each other and you both keep having a 'minties moment', you both laugh it off and walk away with a smile on your face. You've had a brief and enjoyable emotional connection with a stranger. Are you now going to enter a committed relationship? Sex can be the same thing. 'Making love' with someone you have strong, deep feelings for can be a wonderful experience. Heck, I remember an ex gf crying during sex, I started panicking, but it turned out it was because it was so nice. I dunno, I don't quite get that, but emotions are funny things.By the same token, seeing someone you've never met before and having a mutual attraction, you might go off for a brief, intense fuck and come away happy, thrilled, exhilarated, there's a whole lot of emotions running, but there does not need to be an emotional attachment. I'm a fan of no strings. I don't particularly have time for a girlfriend and wouldn't want to get into a relationship where I'm going to neglect her. I would still like to have sex though, and I think it's possible to find women in a similar situation. It can be frustrating when you've decided beforehand that it's just casual sex, and then afterwards the woman is wanting a relationship, or even just assumes you're now in one. A woman I know had been chasing me for sex for quite a while, but she was someone I thought I really shouldn't go near. (That whole being unavailable thing attracts women too!) In a moment of weakness (okay, horniness) I did pay her a visit. Long story short, next day she tells me she's realised what a wonderful guy I am, she's developed feelings for me... you know the drill. I even got a nice long email explaining how she hasn't felt like this in a long time, and I'm different from other guys, and well.. you get the idea. She was going to take a long time to get over these feelings.Well obviously she had sex with someone else a couple days later, because she was announcing to the world she was deeply in love with her new boyfriend less than two weeks after. I praised whatever gods there might be and breathed a big sigh of relief!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Gnah! hit click post and lost everything. Basically, I don't think emotionless sex is a thing. There's always emotion with sex. If I pass a stranger in the street and we smile at each other, I feel good, they feel good, we've shared emotions. If I message someone on RHP, we meet up, spend a fun night, or even a fun couple hours together, yes, we've shared emotions. We're both (hopefully) coming away happy from the encounter. Does it mean we have to have an emotional connection? Do we need to enter into a relationship? No.Making love with someone you care deeply for is a wonderful thing. This is not all sex. I'm always wary when I see in a profile, "Just looking for fun, but would be happy for things to develop." No, if you're just looking for fun, NSA, casual sex, you're not happy for things to develop. If you're happy for things to develop you're looking for a relationship and should possibly be on RSVP, not RHP. There's absolutely nothing wrong with developing feelings for someone you have sex with. But if this happens a lot then perhaps casual sex just isn't for you.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i am glad i wasn't the only one , who ended up writing out the same comment twice !!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I realise you can have emotion-free sex.... Ive had it... but it only turned out this way because I was seeing someone else at the time who I was emotionally involved with....
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RHP User
14 years ago
My thoughts too! meggiesgirl. Women are simply more Emotional then Males ,one of lifes facts! Could have something to do with Hormones lol I'v always said... Only women bleed. If your on this sex site you have to be detachable, have fun with it ! Dont let the emotions take over . It's like writting a book ! New chapter, New people! Tarlisa XX Quoting 'meggiesgirl' Emotion is such a strong word, I prefer to have sex with someone who I have some chemistry with, I like their smile, or their body or their voice there needs to be something there. I have had sex with someone that I didnt fancy and I found it very clinical yes I orgasmed several times, but it was like going through the motions.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think that very broadly, we as human beings can experience sex in two different ways...the variables are abundant so these are probably generalizations but it has been an interesting thread to follow thus far. | We can have a purely physical experience that we then justify rationally with our emotions...there's that word again, and if you can say it was without emotion then I would question the value of the experience. There are also a few far less serious definitions of" rational lies"...we use those to protect ourselves from showing or experiencing our own emotions at times, it's only human. | We can also have an emotional experience of varying degrees with someone that we express in a purely physical way...perhaps as part of a friendship or just an extension of who we are and what we want to share with that person. It is highly possible that you may even love your friends and again, to varying degrees. It does not necessarily mean that you kick the door shut, go shopping for rings and look longingly at houses with white picket fences around them together. | I think too that Flirty really did (and not unusually by the way) say something that is very true...it's also about how we relate to and cope with the attachments, again all related back to our feelings and emotions. Feelings are never right or wrong...they are just that, our feelings and hopefully we can express them freely. | You always get what you need or want...life's funny like that.
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RHP User
14 years ago
emotion free sex is what you have in the toilets of the local council park.... if you 'know' the person...theres always going to be some 'emotional' investment...sex without 'attachment' is what you are talking about i think... this is difficult on its own...as familiar surroundings foster all sorts of emotions....comfort, security, confidence etc ...are all emotionally based feelings...........and try as you may...an attachment invariably occurs....even in the simplest of forms......its how we are made....
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think there is an emotion even with casual but you have an understand of the intentions. 'Intentions' seems to be a word that isn't talked about much. The purpose of coming onto a site like this is to relax and let go. It's an opportunity to give the emotional side a break and live in the short term. If you're seeking a relationship the intentions are more based on a long journey, getting to know someone and sex isn't (or shouldn't be) even on the agenda. :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Great post!!!!When emotion is mixed together with large doses of stimulation and chemistry, its a very different elixir that takes some control in ignoring the cravings. ...and often the pain of denial opposed to the gorgeous pleasure of fulfilment leads to addition. That's a rare combo for me, but great when it happens.As we know everyone is different, living / are open to different levels of experience, but I need to have some connection with who I have sex with. I can't have sex with someone I don't relate too, or disrespect. It doesn't mean I want to feel attachment, I can easily fuck and walk away from a once off pleasurable experience, there just needs to be a bond at some level....otherwise the disassociation is too strong. The sexual experience can be amazing, beautiful, kinky, whatever....but mentally I can except it as purely an "experience". It's no different to a wonderful day at a undiscovered beach somewhere, when your travelling..... at the time you know you will probably never visit that beach again....so you just want to enjoy it. You don't have to own the beach, just the experience....one you will always have a joy filled memory of. Hmmm the joy of adventure....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Sexspurt'I'm with you Kate... detest NSA and the whole concept. I am a woman, I have a woman's makeup. If I could be dispassionate about it (sex)... I would become a hooker. If I am going to fuck without some emotional content - I might as well be paid for it. As it is, I am a warm, loving, funny, generous, tender and beautiful person who deserves to have at least a modicum of care shown back to me in return by a would be lover. Not settling for less... unless you want to tempt me with a handful of crisp $100 notes and you supply your own condoms .
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MrJingles
14 years ago
Quoting 'HotSexyChilli'Post sex hormonal chemistry for women works an evolutionary trick to induce bonding, nesting, reproducing and ultimately nurturing young For men, it's simply to deposit their sperm far and wide Unfortunately women get emotionally involved in this process more easily than men do which is why guys flock to the very rare no strings single females on this site I really don't think they can help it The challenge is anticipating this process and strategising to avoid the emotional roller coaster of being crazy horny and needing a fuckbud while staying detached emotionally If any women have found the solution, please let me know Chilli xxChilli you must be the most knowledgeable person on this site.....who needs wikipedia! Knowledge is power...power is sexy!!!!!!!!! Chilli is sexy..
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'meet2plzu' Quoting 'Stalky's embrace the right emotion going into the encounter, not is he the one, but is this a step to finding the one.Even with a random hook up you can get some emotionally stirring good vibes out of a sexual encounter.
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johnnyp
14 years ago
to take the step to engage with someone who you have not courted for the "standard" time you must feel an emotional connection or else it is meaningless and empty. Of course all emotions are relative to the individual and situation. Trust your heart and instinct to allow your emotions to guide you
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RHP User
14 years ago
From personal experience I hooked up with a guy once a week for over 6 months... I started to have feelings for him of course he knew that but he didn't end things with me. I thought he felt the same way. He would hold my hand, kiss my forehead, etc. In the end he called me clingy and attached. I found out later he had lied to me about everything. I'm all about having fun but isn't there a line where trust is important when being intimate with someone?Like others have mentioned women are more prone to develop emotions while as men they can turn it off. Everyone's different though. Just recently I've had 2 guys bolt on me. One i gave a bj and he left saying that he couldn't go through with it another left me in the shower and drove away. The guys got what they wanted and I was left with no satisfaction. Lesson learnt. I just advice to be careful and in the future when developing feelings be upfront and most of the time its best to walk away and move on
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RHP User
14 years ago
I just figure people are in different head spaces and have varying reasons which I can't know so I wont bother wasting energy thinking about it and I wouldn't take it personally. I would project it onto them- it's where they are at etc :)Quoting 'tuscanred' Its not the emotion so much its attachment, that causes problems for all humans.100%agree Sure people can have sex without emotion, IF THEY ARE DEAD (see list of emotions below). Both M and F are wired to feel emotional responses to mental stimuli it is impossible not to feel some of these when meeting someone for sex; lust, passion, pleasure, desire, interest, surprise, satisfaction, arousal, curiosity etcTo me NSA doesn't mean no emotions attached (NEA.) What I have learned is not to get attached to my own feelings and get carried away with my emotions- but not to the exclusion of them. I care for and have varying degrees of love for my friends especially ones that I am sexually intimate with. I relate a lot of emotions (detailed below) to a play date. But will I need to see/feel/taste/hear or smell anyone again- NO with the exception of my man.EMOTIONSAffection Anger Angst Anguish Annoyance Anxiety Apathy Arousal Awe Boldness Boredom Contempt Contentment Curiosity Depression Desire Despair Disappointment Disgust Dread Ecstasy Embarrassment EnvyEuphoria Excitement Fear Fearlessness Frustration Gratitude Grief Guilt Happiness Hatred Hope Horror Hostility Hurt Hysteria Indifference Interest Jealousy Joy Loathing Loneliness Love Lust Misery Panic Passion Pity Pleasure Pride Rage Regret Remorse Sadness Satisfaction Shame Shock Shyness Sorrow Suffering Surprise Terror Wonder Worry Zeal ZestCass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
In my opinion is nothing wrong with opening yourself to the person you are in, in the moment that you are together.....I make it my personal practice to be as open and available to any person that I have decided to be intimate with.It is silly to be intimate and not have a connection....That is the whole reason to be intimate !!!!!That wonderful feeling to os union and loosing boundaries....The whole principle of TantraThat does not mean that I am becoming attached to that person.....That is another choice a lot more risky and serious.Attachement is the issue here.......it creates expectations.....and that usually creates pain (lots of)Paris
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RHP User
14 years ago
well it's dead easy ........... think of something else whilst ya getting a good hard root...seriously people we are all on this site to get fucked be fucked watch people to be fucked and just fuck some more ..... how can you have emotions in sex if its just a quickie with random people you have chatted with for a short time ..... emotion causes pain and heart ache so you just switch that button off and go for your life to fuck anyone and everyone.... join the other dating sites if you want emotions with sex call i think thats called being in a relationship
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RHP User
14 years ago
that men have sex to feel connected and women need to feel connected to have sex,
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sometimes these damned emotions us women have...... just get in the way.... oh to have mad passionate fucking with no emotions involved.... pure sex.... for the sake of sex xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
emotions .. and Sex Yeah Somtimes ... Like I am Sad we couldnt have fucked before the cricket started
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RHP User
14 years ago
theyre telling you sweet lies then they ARE using you arent they , they can fuck right off , glad you found a real man not a a fucking retard , on ya
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RHP User
14 years ago
those guys that just arent very emotional, for whatever reason , and this is not limited to men btw , well thats just up to you if you want toplay with them or not , in your case at least for now , I think NOT even if theyre HOT
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RHP User
14 years ago
just looked cupcake , youre HOT and nice , choose whoever you like baby , make em beg DONT SETTLE FOR RETARDS EVER!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think if you feel like sex, then emotionally you do it for yourself and use him for a f*ck. For example, I find myself feeling sexy when I kiss someone and dress up in nice lingerie. That feeling sexy feeling for me is enough to make the sex worthwhile.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi all, I have to agree with Stalky on the Tag and Release idea, not that it works all the time as some females and some men do become emotionally attached especially if they see a fb regularly...it's hard not to when you start sharing more than sex. I myself have chosen to remain emotionally detached when it comes to sex on this site and in general at this point in time for my own perhaps selfish reasons and to date have not suffered for it due to my mindset, I do however have my favourites as with a bag of lollies. Fortunately my mindset frees me from the used and abused feelings that some get but I suspect they may be looking for more than sex to even go there in their mind or they suffer from some other hang up about sex that stops them from enjoying it for the sheer joy of enjoying sex with a stranger, the excitement of not knowing anything about the person and the first date jitters etc is what makes me go back time and time again...there could be a small problem there but lets not self analise in case someone spoils the fun
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