F55

Relationship status ??

October 31 2007

Hi All, my first post and rather nervous to say the least but I'm confused and thought I'd throw caution to the wind (very unlike myself) and "vent" so to speak, with all thoughts and opinions most welcome. Just over 12 mths ago I met a guy from this site, I'm fairly confident in saying that neither of us had any expectations beyond a hello, drink and possible friendship .. certainly sex was not on the to do list at that point in time (Yes maybe I am on the wrong site afterall ! LOL) Nor were either of us looking for a "relationship". But we hit if off rather well, very well infact and started seeing each other. His words "I only see one person at a time, it's not just about the sex for me, I have to like and connect with somebody to sleep with them, etc etc". Me being me found that sweet, I was a little unsure but rather liked this guy so I removed my profile immediately and aside from ocassionally continuing to chat to existing chat buddies never considered messaging, chatting or seeing anybody else. I assumed he would do the same or at least similiar (You should NEVER assume). After spending quite a lot of time together, dating etc I was introduced to his family and his 2 gorgous children and I thought that meant this was going somewhere as that's not something neither myself or the guy in question would take lightly. Sorry for the drawn out story, trying to keep it brief ... Despite asking on numerous occasions, sometimes even "nagging" sometimes even trying to ignore it he never would remove his profile and the whole of the last 12 months he has continued to flirt and or message others and make new chat friends. Why ? With the potential of what ? Obviously you're not getting all the details, but the gist of it would be what is right and what is wrong in this type of situation because it's doing my head in as I thought "I only ever see one person at a time", meeting the kids and the family offered some sort of commitment, but what's with the must have RHP and potential other options? Whenever I try to discuss it with him he turns it back on me, as yes occasionally I will get on here to read the posts in these forums (which I've never tried to hide from him) as I'm rather reserved and not overly "worldly" and I find alot of what is said here very informative but again I repeat at no time whatsoever have I tried to meet anybody new. My profile has been and is still is hidden now. Help if you can please ?!! lol ... I just don't know if I'm completely wasting my time as this is important to me, I really thought I'd met somebody special but it seems they're not willing to try to understand that I feel almost a constant betrayal of my trust, it seems as soon as I turn my back or I'm not with him for an evening or 2 he's on here trying to hook up with others ... what's the go ?? Thanks for bearing with me and reading through this. Hope you're all doing well and enjoying the day ... Curious x

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RHP User

18 years ago

I met someone from this site, who also happens to use another adult dating site. We were together for 18 months, and in that time she continued to use both sites, although she did change her profile to attached. She would come in and chat to her friends, and view peoples profiles. As for me, I would probably pop into the sites and look at the new peoples pics every few weeks. However, we were close enough and had talked about this, and the fact that she liked to keep in touch with her friends on the sites, and as i trusted her this was not a problem. Our relationship has since ended, but it was definitely not a trust issue. So I guess in my case, we had clear boundaries, talked about it, and so were both happy with it. So, if you think he is trying to hook up, then clarify it with him. If he cant or wont give you a clear answer, then maybe you need to look at what you want/need more closely and make a personal decision as to what is the best for you. G

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RHP User

18 years ago

Hi curious Firstly, under what pretences did you meet? His profile, yours? Has he been consistant? Have you? He obviously likes you and alot of guys on here jump on just for a thrill...believe me, they back out on meeting as much as women do.... You do what all women do, when is it a "c" word?......lol...only he can answer that. Enjoy the time you have with him and if it goes on and on and on...lucky you. Hugs.. CK

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RHP User

18 years ago

What we say we want, what we say we will do, who we claim to be and then of course what we do and how we do it ... Actions really do tend to speak louder than words more often than not. None of it's ever easy but as it was said above with trust (which obviously comes from being open and completely honest) along with communication there is not much we can't handle and or survive. I don't know Curious but it doesn't sound right to me although as you've clearly pointed out we don't know all the details. But suffice to say if it was me I think i'd drop him like a hot potato .. It just does not sound like he has much if any respect for you or your feelings, if he claims to be a one woman guy then why the need for the ongoing connection to RHP ? If it's not harmless chat and perusing the forums and he really is flirting and messaging then something definitely just doesn't seem to ring true & Yes I'd also have to agree with you about the meeting the family and the children as I too would have thought these things to have been of relevance and importance and definitely not to be taken lightly. Perhaps it's just plainly simple and true ... men and women are so very different ??!! I hope you find the answers your looking for Curious and if it doesn't work out well screw him I say ... he probably doesn't deserve you anyway LOL

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RHP User

18 years ago

Casually leave this page open on your computer and hope he will read it. Could start world war 3 or it could be an eyeopener for him. Although now my post will be on here so that may ruin the spontaneity and surprise of it all. Ummmm. Stick to your guns- you dont want to be constantly second guessing him. It will turn you into a bitter person. If he wont talk to you about it- next!!! goldy x

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RHP User

18 years ago

to those who replied, it would seem it doesn't matter anymore as he's now decided that my "telling him what to do all the time" no longer warrants me being a part of his life. All because of me wanting an explanation and wanting to understand. wow ... did i sure get that one wrong ! Should have stuck to casual or just not gone there to start with as it's got to be much easier than having your heart stomped on. Thanks Goldy, not bitter just yet but completely bemused and thoroughly misunderstood ... MEN ! take care all, Curious x

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RHP User

18 years ago

I had the exact some thing happen. Unfortunitly men just dont know whats good for them sweetie. Dont worry about him. They will learn one day and look back and think gee I shouldnt have done that. And by then they will be to late because you would have already met someone else who cares enough about your feelings to do whats right by you. Join me in my positive thinking. lol...... It helps :-)

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Relationship status ??

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