Poly relationships can they work ?

Comments

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  But onto the topic of polyamory.... Lets see, in my family I have: One brother who is gay and happily married to his partner One brother who is bisexual and happily married to his wife And me....twice divorced - but happily on the level again :) (I had politically correct parents maybe?? lol....actually, it was very shameful for my mother - being a practising catholic an' all..) Anyway, I reckon you can love anyone at anytime. Love has natural boundaries. They occur as a person grows through life. Too often we try to change those boundaries rather than going with them. I guess this is where commitment comes into it. As for polyamory and me...the opportunity has never been afforded to me to know. Just happily renovating :) Jx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  ..ooh Brae I am meant to be doing house work todayTo me swinigng and polyamorism are two different things Swinging when a couple has sex with other couples with little to emotional connect maybe friendship but nothing more. Polyamroism is where people can have romantic love or have more then just "friendship love" or "family love" with more then one person. Often there is a primary relationship and those two people have additional partners who are more then just fuck buddies, (although that is not the only way to have a poly relationships). Many people believe that you can only have romantic love for one person but I just don't buy that. Why can the heart love one child and then stretch to love say five children???? People who have children tell me they love all their children equally and not less becuase they have more. Yes I know the love someone might have for their own children is very different from romantic love but at the same time the concept of love is still the same. I think every thing can end badly - swinging ends badly for a lot of people, driving the car ends badly for a lot of people but that does not mean that is the only way it will end. I also think that just because something is hard to find does not mean we should not look for it. Love at first sight is often not how people fall in love in but it is still held up as an ideal in the non-swing world so why can't finding that one perfect couple be held up as an ideal in the swinging world???

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Wouldn't that be a friend/s with benefits? I mean if it's an on going relationship with someone... ? (who doesn't live with you?)I think that there are going to be 1 bazillion definitions of what a poly relationship is / works for the couple / individual?Brae, how did you define a poly relationship vs an open relationship vs a fuck buddy? Is the something specific with in the relationship dynamics that determined this?

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  the feathers get in the way and probable screwin a gala is just wrong, ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha Earl

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Yes we have talked here about different types of love. I see the love we give to more than one child very different to romantic love because that love is what we give having no expectaions for the return of it. It can be given out without fear of what the person who recieves it will do with it. Unconditional. In true romantic love we give and expect to get back. It requires us to trust another person. The complication of being poly is that we rely on our primary partner to trust us to love someone else without fear of losing or diminishing the love we have for them. An imbalance from any one participant can add jealousy and resentment. It does require some participation from all members. There lies the complexity. Miss K

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  So... a poly relationship involves 3 people who share a deeper romantic love and probably living under the same roof?(I get the three peas in a pod deal)Wouldn't a regular "fuck buddy" who you see 3 - 4 times a month be a friend with benefits? (as they don't live with you) It only turns poly when you have deeper feelings for your FWB and he/she moves in? LOL*blinks*So yeah, I was wondering where you draw the line between poly, open relationship, FWB... it all boils down to emotions involved and if you all live together?laughs,Rainbow

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I don't think a poly relationships means you need to be living together, i also think it can be more then three people otherwise the term would be "tri" (meaning 3) not poly (meaning many). My question or comment is how would "society" take to that? So many people are in the closet when it comes to swinging, would they be brave enough to be open about a poly relationship?

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  There is a reporter from the UK that has done a series about women and love. one was on Polyamory and worth having look at if you get hold of it on google... she has done other shows on Lesbians, Geishas, Polyamist marriages, mail order brides... Recommend having a look.. Might even answer some questions Sassy xx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  i cant handle one man what the hell would i want two for??? roxxy

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  It does seem to be a fantasy a lot of people share...Alot of the romantic porn I read on my kindle has that kind of relationship. A primary couple (M/F) with a M/M couple where one is Bi,the other gay. Plus a legion of other combinations. I think in some ways the search for this elusive couple is because while in part we accept that one person is unlikely to furfill all our wants & needs, we are still basically hanging on to the concept that there is a perfect match for us out there....we are just slightly more realistic in accepting that the mix of 4 or 5 people is more likely to furfill us. For us, we are hoping to find 2 or 3 couples who complement us & our lives...to make making love easy. A regular relationship where friendship has evolved from sex. We have a young family & busy lives...it makes more sense to search for people who attract us in the bedroom as well as at a BBQ. Who can fill my need for socialising & friendship as well as make me soggy with lust. MrsH xx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  We once tried it with a single girl. She defined herself as bisexual leaning towards gay. Had some awesome times but in the end she kept having deeper feelings for one or the other of us and was never going to share the bond we have together. Even though she thought she was primarily in it for the girlie fun she seemed to end up shagging me more than Mrs Pup. We had some great fun times but it just got too hard. We've also found other regular meetings with single women are hard as even though they say they are not after a relationship they still feel like the 3rd wheel and crave more. This is why we moved to couples. We've had a couple of very nice ongoing friendships that lasted several years, one only distance prevents regular contact. I think these friendships can work where both couples are completely happy with their partner. There are some though that do this as in reality they are not happy with their current choice. I've had discussions with a few that class their relationship as polyamorous and on more than one occasion the chat has lead to the woman expressing that she'll be better than Mrs Pup and take me away from her. Go figure! We do like the FWB type of thing, much better than one night stands but since in reality we only meet very few couples then statistics are against us in finding couples where all 4 gel nicely. It's fun meeting new people though so we see no harm in trying.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  But I have never seen one that lasted or seemed to work. Once emotions got involved then things seem to go astray. As for who shot JFK - the butler did it!!

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  reply

  like

• 

  Mr_MrsJones

  15 years ago

  I was having a conversation with Lord about this very thing only this morning!!!!!!! Recently we met a couple who we clicked with and spent a WHOLE lot of time with. After a while Mr and me (Lady) got along very well. We emailed or spoke every day, sometimes twice a day. Due to things which really had very little to do with Mr's and my relationship Mr and Mrs split and I continued to spend time with Mr supporting him, as you do a very good friend who is having a hard life. Lord is the most fantastic and understanding man and was very open minded during this whole episode. But there were times when he wondered if he was going to be superseded. We communicated openly about EVERYTHING with each other and our relationship remained the primary relationship. Sometimes this meant having conversations that were very challenging. In the end I called it quits with Mr, who as a single male, was pursuing relationships with other single women. These women who were not well acquainted with swinging felt threatened by my existence and gave me all sorts of grief. The answers to your questions Brae; I believe in my heart that it works. The arrangements, frequency of meetings, amount of solo play, frequency of contacts, living arrangements etc all need to be tailored to meet the needs of the individuals concerned. Although not everyone is capable of having the relationships or understanding the possibility of having feelings for two people at the same time. I believe that the key to things is to communicate. I don't know if the 'primary relationship with add ons' model is the best or a more equal status model is better. Again probably horses for courses. One of the things I think needs to be kept in mind is that if you are spending time with your new "FWB" it is more likely to be easier and way more fun than your primary partner as there is no baggage like kids, history, in-laws etc getting in the way. It is easy to think that your new relationship is better and for your primary partner to feel like they are the work horse while you go out for fun with your new thoroughbred. Don't know if that helps or hinders but just thought I would share my experiences and opinions.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I wish I had a poly relationship. I have it all worked out. Mr Primary will be a kinky switch leaning towards dominant and a bi top. Mr Secondary will be bi, and a bottom. Hopefully I'd be enough woman to keep them both satisfied and the times I'm not, then they can take care of each other!!! ;) I know of two poly relationships that are "successful"... I think it boils down to actually including the third party into your "family" and there being mutual love and respect and common viewpoint. Good communication skills on all parties required as well. Letting things fester is a sure way to make poly fail. Good luck with it Brae & Sara if that's the way you're headed. xxx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Lord_ Lady I think you summed it up magnificantly. I especially agree with your last paragraph about Primary being the old work horse & thinking the grass is greener on the other side cos its new & exciting. It is easy to be an exciting & caring partner if you dont live together. Its much harder to be a loving, sweet & caring spouse if you have a mortgage, kids, baggage ect. One of the times I got jealous (pre swinging) was when he used to go on lunch date with his friend who was young, skinny & fancy free once a month. He would come home gushing on how fun she was, how much they had in commen ect. It was easy for her..she didnt have to nag him to pick up his jocks or put the seat down. Or weed while he mows.I was more threatened by that, than by anything we are exploring now. Im also older & a bit more trusting. Big on communication! But I do think age may be a factor too. Im much less emotional & flighty now (who knew!?) I dont think it would have worked for us 5 years ago...but now...maybe. I would be hesitant about a younger couple though (very early 20s).That said age doesnt make us all wise and sensible...does it Brae. lol Mrs H xx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Can I thank you all for this , some amazing reading here. I have been reading this on a daily basis and each day I learn more. We have played around with the Poly idea - but more on that later .........just wanted to let you know I will be back to answer some of the questions about what I am actually asking ......... SO busy this week .....NO MrsH you dont need to be young to be foolish ! Brae ...............

  reply

  like