Once a cheater always a cheater???

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  worrying about this is about as useful as worrying about when you're going to die. if its going to happen it will happen. but more than that no i dont believe once a cheater always a cheater. its such a stupid thing to say. its like saying no one changes from the moment theyre born til the moment they die. everybody changes all the time. people change. change their tastes, their style, change religion etc...we're evolving all the time. so to say a leopard never changes it spots is ridiculous. and how do i know? i have cheated. plenty of times in varying degrees. but when you're with the right person you wont. i have done it before and i wouldnt do it again. not only cos i feel this time its right but cos i have learnt now from past cheating experiences that if things change, like i no longer want to be with this guy or i accidentally meet and fall in love with someone else, that i would first and foremost the moment i realise i have feelings for someone else-break up with the current one. then there is no cheating. there is no need or reson to cheat i dont think.

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  This really makes me laugh (not at you Princess). With all the talk about how great monogamy is, there are so many people who cheat and others who are into something akin to serial monogamy. I personally believe everyone deserves the opportunity to do things differently. Cheating is wrong but he obviously has been honest with you; surely that's a massive step to admitting he was wrong and is not proud of it. And he obviously loves and respects you. So much of our time is spent worrying about what might happen in life and actively avoiding pain. There is no avoiding pain so we might as well live like nobody is watching. . :P

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  deltoid

  18 years ago

  There was a time when I held the same view that you do and that is that cheating is never alright regardless of the situation. Over the years and having been in a long term relationship where the sex went from being fantastic to absolute crap or none existant and knowing guys (and women) in similar positions, my opinion has greatly changed. Admittingly it still does not make cheating OK, but I can also understand why someone who is in a relationship with someone where there is no passion, crap sex or worse still no sex and the other person shows no interest or desire in improving this part of the relationship would lead a person to cheat. Sure if the relationship has got this bad, then maybe the best alternative is to end the relationship, but for various reasons this is not always easy. So people seek outside the relationship what they are not getting in the relationship, where ever they can. No relationship is perfect and without problems from time to time, but I do see a difference between someone who justifies cheating on the smallest of relationship problems or cheats when they are no real problem at all. This type of person in my opinion is likely to cheat again in future relationships Compared to someone who cheats on a relationship where there are major issues and problems in that relationship. Being in a relationship like this can leave a person felling as if there is something wrong with them, feeling lonely and desperate. In my opinion this type of person is far less likely to cheat in future relationships.

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  sasha4antonio

  18 years ago

  Hi Pincess, I like Deltoid used to hold that opinion, I no longer do.I have been cheated on and its very painful so I know what I am talking about. One thing I have to share with you is people can and do change. Your partner stumbled in a past relationship but he was honest enough to share that with you and honesty is the cement that holds relationships together. Dont punish him or yourself its not fair to either of you. Your partner may actually be a better partner to you as a result of what he would have learnt about himself and about relationships from this stumble. No body is the same person today as they were yesterday life is one long journey of learning, growth and as a result change. We all make mistakes and hopefully we all learn from them and grow as a result of them. Life is too short to worry about the past or about things we can't change. lOVE YOUR PARTNER AND ENJOY YOUR LIVES. I hope I have helped a little. I wish you lboth love and hope things work out well for the both of you Carpe Diem Sasha xx

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  How about my position then, celebate for several years due to wife's illness after many years of great sex. She has now given me permission to look elsewhere, am I cheating ?

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Times have changed alot and so have morales. I am on the opinon that if someone cheats they have no respect of real love for the person they are with. Some will say people cheat for reasons eg poor sex life or no sex life,lust or animal instinct. But their is a reason to all of this. I think we have lost the key to communication. We all live busy lives but supposely dont have the time to sit down and talk openly and honestly with the person we love. Sometimes all that is need is a new spark in a relationship to set the fireworks going. Could it be that we get ourselfs into a routine or we we just to scared to be honest with our partner. If we have fallen out of love isnt it better to communicate this and then take the next step in our lifes Cheating is an easy way out and i think if they do it once they will probably do it again.. Relationships have to be worked at. They are a two way street.

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Couldn't have said it any better. I completely agree. :)

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  YES!

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  typical womens worry ,, ffs get over it or get a new b/f

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  RHP User

  18 years ago

  Personally I think that you are wasting your energy on what someone else did in a time you were not part of! Too me it shows he trusts you enough to share his past faults and his shame, which is not an easy thing to do for anyone. No-one really likes to show their imperfections, their secrets, their shame, their guilt; Even though we all have them. We all have made our share of mistakes in the past is how we learn and that is what makes us who we are today! I can see where a lot of people are coming from and how they perceive this topic, each person has their beliefs and their views because that is where they are today. Doesn't mean their beliefs and views are wrong or won't change in the future to come, through experiences that life delivers to them. Is always easier for another person to have a complete solution for someone else's life, it is always easier to judge another person than yourself or to be judged by someone else, is always easier to see another persons mistakes than your own. The reason being is because you don't have to live their lives, you can simply walk away; they are the ones that have to deal with their own lives in the end. Point being if you can't be supportive and non-judgmental of his past life, imperfections, or mistakes then maybe you need to walk away and live your own life. After all he is a mere human being like you, me and everyone else that is born, lives and dies on this planet everyday. Be open minded, be empathetic, be supportive, be compassionate, be non-judgmental, be his lover, be his friend, be open minded, and most importantly just be there for him......and if he can do the same for you, then you know he is the one for you. Your mind is what creates your reality, if your mind believes it then that will become your reality. Life is too short and too precious to worry about ... Will he? Wont he? Should I? Maybe? What if? Just live life and enjoy with what pleasures and joys you are fortunate to experience and share! If there is love between you, embrace it, enjoy it, share it, breath it, live it, show it and that is what will become your reality. xx Gypsy xx

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