Negotiating what it means to 'swing'

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I dont think your concern is related to the definition of swinging but will briefly cover what swinging is: It originates from USA air force bases as in couples getting together and swapping partners. Then evolved into a couples sport and couples that play together are known as swingers. These couples can play with single males or females and the couple are swinging and are swingers the single guy or girl is not swinging or a swinger they are playing with swingers. As we read on some other threads here a couple turns up at a club, they dont play together with another couple or a single so they are not swinging. They are engaging in Casual sex / Group sex / a orgy? So are these three activities swinging? We say no unless the couple is doing the playing together. But it dont matter really as long as everyone is having fun. Maybe if you grant your husband 2-3 FFM / FMF 3 somes, he may then want to make you happy and open up to a MFM 3 some. If not we think quietly to ourselves shhhh! selfish so and so think you know what to do.....but we have to stay positive here dont we!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Its the jealousy part that he needs to confront. Jealousy is a manifestation of the emotions associated with the fear of losing something you treasure. This is not your problem apparently. I think you should let him know. There may be some ground rules that you can both come up with that help him get over it. No repeat business would be a good start.... as he might recognise or imagine your affections for the introduced fucker. Of course, as time goes by, I think couples tend get more comfortable with their situation and each other... they realise that emotions are not being invested in the fuck.. they're just another tool for sexually getting off and he risks losing nothing. Early explorations are usually pretty hit and miss.... often because he sees she getting really horny of the fuck... making him feel challenged and perhaps less adequate.... of course, he doesnt realise that it's not usually about the skills of the introduced dude or his lack of prowess... more so just the situation of being unusually surrounded by all that hard, muscular pounding flesh, cock and manly sweat that inspires women to get extraordinarily horny. HugsStalky

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  if you have to 'negotiate' wouldnt it be easier to just not play?? if he's not into the idea of mmf or mfm ,then to push the subject may be a really bad idea? wouldnt it? if either of you is uncomfortable, its best to not go there at all.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Be careful Escapist, if there's jealousy issues just talking about things then maybe this kind of fun isn't for him. On the other hand I think it is common and pretty normal for a guy to have a little trepidation with seeing his lover with another man. But real jealousy can and will pop it's head up in a MFF too, like how's he going to feel if another woman makes you cum better than he ever has?Our story: we started as we both were interested in the FF bi stuff so naturally enjoyed the MFF (side note: in a MFF YOU the femme are giving up exactly the same trust letting him be with another woman as he would be giving letting you be with another man). Mrs Pup had no great desire to sample other men, she's a very contented soul, but we found single bi femmes somewhat problematic (rare, many with attachment issues or just plain jealous of us) so we tried a couple. I was very nervous about how I'd feel as I rooly, rooly love this girl! I was amazed that the sight of her with another guy blew me away, she just looked so damn sexy!!! I loved the fact that all my fears (jealousy?) melted away and I just appreciated how sexy she was when she was in the throes of ecstasy.I find now when we're on the hunt for a couple for some playtime that I'm more concerned about the other guy and whether he will treat her how she likes being treated. Anyhooo the upshot is that for successful swinging there can't be any jealousy and there can't be a one sided "I'm happy with having another girl but you can't have another guy" thing. If you're both happy playing only with girls then that's cool but if you really would like to try other men then you have a problem!Good luck and have fun!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  He sounds like typical male. I know that's what I was most interested in when I first started. I wasn't going to say no to my GF at the time to her desire to have MFM. It's got to be everyone's fantasy. I was not interested in MFM when I first started, but now I enjoy it just as much as FMF. To see a woman in the throes of passion is fantastic no matter how she gets there. Maybe a club or a larger party might be a place to start. Just agree to a bit of voyeurism for your first visit. Meet some people and have a bit of a chat get to know a few swingers and what makes them tick. I have always found typical swingers to be extremely friendly and down to earth(aside from the few nut jobs which are easy to spot).If he will not get over his jealousy it will never work.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Establishing ground rules is a logical place to start. He told me yesterday that he had established a persona on this site using my stats with a view to finding us a female play-mate - without my knowledge or permission (he didn't know that I had an account here - the difference being that I am open and honest on this site about my purpose here - which is to explore this facet of sexuality that I am attracted to). I think that the fact that he did this without my consent is inappropriate and premature - at best! - specifically BECAUSE there are huge things still to work out in order for this to work. AND because 'playing' needs to be founded on openness and honesty, which I feel he compromised. My instincts are saying to pull the reins in on this and establish some ground rules. And there are now these trust issues that I am facing, y'know?... All in all, I think I'm going to follow the advice of HotSexyChilli and MikeandShel - Hold back until all parties are happy; if that doesn't happen, don't start to play whilst in this relationship.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'puppy'Be careful Escapist, if there's jealousy issues just talking about things then maybe this kind of fun isn't for him. On the other hand I think it is common and pretty normal for a guy to have a little trepidation with seeing his lover with another man. But real jealousy can and will pop it's head up in a MFF too, like how's he going to feel if another woman makes you cum better than he ever has? Our story: we started as we both were interested in the FF bi stuff so naturally enjoyed the MFF (side note: in a MFF YOU the femme are giving up exactly the same trust letting him be with another woman as he would be giving letting you be with another man). Mrs Pup had no great desire to sample other men, she's a very contented soul, but we found single bi femmes somewhat problematic (rare, many with attachment issues or just plain jealous of us) so we tried a couple. I was very nervous about how I'd feel as I rooly, rooly love this girl! I was amazed that the sight of her with another guy blew me away, she just looked so damn sexy!!! I loved the fact that all my fears (jealousy?) melted away and I just appreciated how sexy she was when she was in the throes of ecstasy. I find now when we're on the hunt for a couple for some playtime that I'm more concerned about the other guy and whether he will treat her how she likes being treated. Anyhooo the upshot is that for successful swinging there can't be any jealousy and there can't be a one sided "I'm happy with having another girl but you can't have another guy" thing. If you're both happy playing only with girls then that's cool but if you really would like to try other men then you have a problem! Good luck and have fun! Bravo! I sat on this one for ages, trying to word it so as to explain the whole "you should both want to see each other pleased and desired and be turned on by the aspect of sharing this together". Anyway, I'd given up because it wasn't coming out right. Trust Puppy to nail it for me! Well said. All of it. . Flirty x

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Hi honey do u know any couple parties in around perth

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  swinging is a double edged sword....u gotta be fair. we r in a diff situation i prefer FFM but my bf prefers cpls...u also have to go into it with and open mind and no jealousy other wise some one will end up gettin hurt and make rules that some things u do only with ur partner eg kissing ect

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