M47
Married
May 14 2015
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry mate but there isn't a magic pill to fix problems like these and takes time and hard work but also have so many questions? What does she say when you talk about how much sex you have/don't have ? Is she apologetic or has she called game over on her sex life (and by default, you in a monogomous relationship), does she want to work on it together with a couples counsellor? How open and honest is your communication together ? Are there anti depressant or other medications at play with hormones that can flatline libido? Have you suggested getting hormones etc checked by a doctor? How much priority do you place on a healthy sexual relationship with a partner. Is it worth putting the relationship on the line with options of open relationship, or if it can't be fixed and have exhausted all avenues then ending the relationship. Only you can answer how important it is for her. I may get canned for this by the anti cheating brigade but ..... If all ethical options (and recommended reading the ethical slut and also openning up by Tristan Tarirmino) have failed, there is the option of cheating. If she has put an end to sex for her (and you by default) and and is not flexible with some sexual accommodation for you or is prepared to work together on it for you then yes cheating is an option as is ending the relationship. Just depends on how much you value a healthy sex life in a relationship. Cheers, W. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have experienced something similar, long time ago now.....and in my experienced there is a reason for something like that to happen, usually (or I should say, in my case) the reason behind had nothing to do with sex itself but it was a consequence about the dynamics and everyday interaction between us.Things did build up and feelings got congested creating a place where intimacy and closeness was not an option any longer. It is my advise to have a hard and honest look at what is going on and why there is a lack of demonstration of affection. I am not saying that it will be easy, but small changes, care and attention can create a new opening, specially when there is no expectation place (towards her) in your changes. Good Luck
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RHP User
11 years ago
Talented ladies only need apply.And you are married and a guest..States your profile..When I read your post OP I had some sympathy for your situation,but ya know it doesn't matter how good looking you are with that sense of entitlement I doubt it will get you far...now I have sympathy for your wife.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm not sure I want to get married lol. She'd have to have a high libido. I'd rather be exhausted from having too much sex that I didn't want than have none at all. Seriously though I'd exhaust all my options first, if she doesn't want to attend to any of my needs, then I'll have to talk to her and look else where if nothing comes from it. Could be her lifestyle, her job affecting her which isn't quite fair. Tell her to go to the gym, that increases the body's blood flow. If nothing works I'll probably start seeking out brothels or if the love fades, divorce and start hitting the bars again. Life isn't perfect.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is she agro at youUnhappy about being marriedMental health Physical healthThe sad part is if she wont talk it over your screwed.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Cheating is hell in disguise. If you love your wife, stay work it out. If you don't, time to move on. If either of those options do not appeal to you then maybe you should have a look at what happens when you betray another's trust. Its not a pretty thing. You may think its possible to have the cake and eat it, well, maybe for a while, but it will turn to shit, taste like shit, and be shit. Why, just ask anyone you know that has ever been betrayed. I would sure hope it was not your dick that convinced you to get married, so why entertain it now. If it was, do the lady a favour, and move on because you will only end up hurting her, or if you cheat and manage to keep it a secret you will have to be very good at lies and bullshit. Nothing worse than having a great time and not being able to talk about it ever. Oh and to put the icing on the shifty cake, maybe she is already cheating. I say that because most people would consider that even logging onto a site like this is cheating. Think about how you feel if she is??? Hint for making it work. Romance her like never before, from the tiniest little detail to the outlandish. Dont expect anything in return, just keep at it, never give up.... When you have made up your mind come back and ask again, just drop the I am married, zero sex, need more story. its been done to death and does not put you in the best possible light. Hope you work it out.
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RHP User
11 years ago
That's up to you, OP. And everything Freya said.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Tell her to go to the gym?! Brilliant plan.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'chevtrek' Is she agro at youUnhappy about being marriedMental health Physical healthThe sad part is if she wont talk it over your screwed. Yes. I agree Chev. I would actually suggest counselling Beachboy as there probably is a big miscommunication between the two of you. There is a reason why she doesn't want to have sex with you... it is up to you to find out why but looks to me like you are just focusing on your own needs and haven't really tried to understand what is really going with her and your relationship. You are hounding her for sex and she gets upset because you are not asking the right questions. JelloSandwhich. LOL. I had to check your age a few times! I have a couple of girlfriends who give their husbands a bonk at Christmas and for his birthday so twice a year!. I personally think it is absolutely outrageous and I don't know what they think will happen in the long term but their reason is........... THEY ARE BORED OF HAVING SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS. So you know what, maybe you should look at yourself whether you are keeping things fresh and exciting in the bedroom and more importantly romantic and exciting out of the bedroom too. Sounds like lots of blokes get complacent and do the same old tired moves night after night. Look, before you all have a go at me I am just relaying real life situations that I personally know about.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Araps' How much priority do you place on a healthy sexual relationship with a partner. Is it worth putting the relationship on the line with options of open relationship, or if it can't be fixed and have exhausted all avenues then ending the relationship. Only you can answer how important it is for her. I may get canned for this by the anti cheating brigade but ..... If all ethical options (and recommended reading the ethical slut and also openning up by Tristan Tarirmino) have failed, there is the option of cheating. If she has put an end to sex for her (and you by default) and and is not flexible with some sexual accommodation for you or is prepared to work together on it for you then yes cheating is an option as is ending the relationship. Just depends on how much you value a healthy sex life in a relationship. Cheers, W. I really disagree that opening a troubled relationship is a viable option. I think people that want an open relationships need to be in a very secure, loving and sexually satisfying relationship for it to work successfully I think. In this situation, not that I believe for one second Beachboy's wife would go for it, he will go off and have relationships with others. He will fall more and more out of love with the wife and one day he will really meet someone who will rock his world and then what? Cheating is an option and in some instances I don't blame people for cheating. But I see this as short term solution that can really blow up in a person's face. I think being in divorce proceedings and being labelled a cheater, liar and a skank with all your friends and family wouldn't be fun and unfortunately nobody actually cares that one person has decided they don't want sex any more and in fact have also broken their wedding vows and promises. That is how I see it anyway. In today's society it is always the cheaters fault. Hey Beachboy, ever thought that maybe your wife is cheating on you or maybe in love with somebody else? Hmmm?
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RHP User
11 years ago
We're not that smart when it comes to maintaining a partnership . individual needs wants and expectations change the whole dynamics of what was once thought to be a life time of harmony. .. Your damned if you do and damned if you don't.... Is it fair ? Nope.. But you're expected to take it on the chin anyhow.. No one can guide you... That's something you have to decide for yourself.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' JelloSandwhich. LOL. I had to check your age a few times! I have a couple of girlfriends who give their husbands a bonk at Christmas and for his birthday so twice a year! Actually the age is wrong haha my mistake.. it gets worse though, I don't look my age . That's terrible and poor form from both the husband and wife. If it were me I'd do my best to mix things up. Try and keep dating my wife, instead of "going out for dinner again". That's true, she could be cheating..
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RHP User
11 years ago
Start by talking your wife..... not when you want sex, but at a differeng time . In my view/experience, there is always an underlying reason (perhaps resentment, perhaps something else) why wives loose interest in sex with there "fit hot husbands" (as you describe yourself). Start by being more sensitive to her needs, rather than yours. ....and I agree with others here, it sounds like it may be time for marriage Counselling. Open and honest communication is the key for a successful long term relationship in my experience.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Points taken. I do think though that if they have put all the options out on the table and nothing is working at all and the only option is divorce then sure why not try opening up as an option. What's the worse that is going to happen .... Divorce which was just around the corner anyway ? The success rate for relationships being opened from a last resort position is indeed quite low but there have been some that have worked because of it. Other option when all other options are exhausted is just to talk about options with partner on opening up as a dialogue. She could be bored and craving some variety as well for all he knows. And absolutely agree Mia that no one looks at the cheater who was constantly rejected over the years from a partner with low/zero libido and thinks yeah, there was extenuating circumstances and it takes two people to get to that stage in a relationship where cheating happens. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
cant read user names tonight :-P - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
When you are young carefree have a good social life, career and probably have a hobby or sport you play every week. Take care of your body and are able to be a little time selfish. You meet the love of your life and your life as you know becomes part of someones elses. Now you have a life together and you may or may not give up small things that you used to do for yourself. Just because you want to make your partner happy. You get married everything still great, then comes the children. This is where things change, as women and Im speaking of my own experience and possibly other women will feel the same. We become a vessel for a child and for some pregnancy can be a tough gig to deal with. Our bodies changed and its does things invlountary we are not happy with. The baby finally arrives and OMG you think your wife is the most amazing woman to go through so much pain. Few weeks in and your thinking what have I done, no sleep everyone grumpy and frustrated. Shitty nappies and the house is a mess. For the wife she has become a milking machine a body no longer belongs to her. She still has her PJ's on at noon and there is baby spew on her shirt. Hair is dirty or not brushed and you hardly recognise her. There is no post sex for a while and possibly no sex prior as seriously is there any room left for a penis when the babies head is so far down your groin that it hurts to sit on your arse. You both finally get the baby to sleep and all she is thinking about is how good it would be to just have some peace and quiet to herself. This is were you walk in and dying for just a little bit of attention and sex. Your feeling unloved and 2nd best in the house. She is thinking no fricken way my boobs hurt and I smell and I just want to go to bed. The first and more years go by and now she is has become a wife, mother, house cleaner. She is no longer this strong indepandant woman you fell in love with. She thinks sometimes your selfish and you dont appreciate all the many tasks she does in the home everyday all day 7 days a week. This is where most have forgotten to be lovers and now just appear to be good friends living and sharing the same life. What you need to do is both start being a little selfish. Play a sport go to the gym do something on your own without each other. Take turns in looking after the kids so you both can do this. Then make a promise that you will have one night a fortnight where you both go out together without the kids. Get to know each other again and have a conversation that doesnt involve kids, money or annoying inlaws. Fall in love all over again because you start to recognise who you both used to be. Women appear to be complex but its simple we need to feel happy to want to have sex. Men are driven by there hormones too you are very sexual and would have sex anytime of the day. Give her a treat send her out for the day on her own get the kids baby sat. Clean the house so she comes home and feels like she can relax in her own home. Go out get drunk get horny and have some awesome sex again. You just need to figure out what you both need to reconnect before its too late and you give up. Get divorced or have an affair. Make it work. If it doesnt well maybe its time to think seriously about whether you both still want to be together. Note: this is just coming out very quickly on the page so excuse the spelling mistakes. As I said this may not be relavent but if it is I hope you may get something from it.
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RHP User
11 years ago
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks I think alot may see this and think oh yer its just like that. We would never say I wish I didnt have kids. But we miss our lives as they once were. You now have to wait till the kids leave home to have it again. By then were old and have wasted too many years waiting for it to happen. The point is to make it work for the here and now. For the singles dont do it lol just get married and have heaps of money to travel and see the world.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Not enough information to make an accurate assessment OP. Ms Silk does, though, raise some really relevant points. Been there, done that although a lot of people don't appreciate that a committed husband in the same circumstances also goes through a hell of a lot of stress and agro, and putting up with a lot of (perceived) uncalled for bullshit just trying to keep the household in order. My ex had clinical depression for a number of years. It was shit. Every day driving home I'd think 'what am I going to walk into tonight?' If I'd told her to go to the gym I doubt I'd be walking around today! From what you say there are a number of options: 1. Depression or some other medical condition; 2. She's bored with sex at home; 3. It's a conditioning thing reinforced by older relatives (yes it happens); 4. She's cheating on you; 5. To use the corporate term, she's 'managing you out'; or 6. She's not into it any more. Or some or all of the above. IMHO, and I know said you've been shut down trying to talk about it, you really have to have that talk and try and work out what's underlying it. If she's really not into it, she'll see candlelit dinners and all that as an attempt to get into her pants rather than an expression of love. If you're still in love, that is. Going straight on to sites like this may not be the first option, depending on how keen you are to stay married. Good luck bloke. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Beachboy.... check your email. Im not going to offer public advice on this matter..... lessons learned there.... people often have agendas of "me me me" that interfere with the "us" part of marriage and the reasons people often shut down emotionally and physically, and their ego is none too interested to see that played out on a forum. And those who have given concentrated bullshit advice don't like it pointed out. I will send you a private message. DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was the wife in your situation OP and it was because I had no interest in my husband sexually any more. I had lost respect for him as a person for certain reasons and when there are problems within a marriage or relationship they filter down to your sex life. It's hard to get back amorous feelings when they have gone! If these things aren't resolved then intimacy becomes non existent and before you know it you are roommates and not lovers. I am very happily divorced and very happily single now and look back with very few good memories of the marriage. If your wife will not discuss with you reasons for not wanting sex and is defensive then I hate to say it, 'she's just not into you anymore!' - period! You are on rhp asking what to do - I think you know the answer. Life is way to short to be stuck in any situation. Move on. You may be doing both of you a disservice in staying. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Couldn't have said it better myself. Also have to agree with Meeka .... I got bored having sex with my husband. From my own experience it think its a combination of the above two points. After looking after the kids all day long, and feeling tired and unappreciated by my ex ... who then wanted his time with me too ... when was it my time to be me? Absolutely agree that both partners have to have some independence or activity they enjoy doing outside the marriage/family framework which will encourage the feeling self worth and a genuine wanting to be together for those special times you put aside for each other alone. OP - The key I think is that your wife needs to feel appreciated and communication has to be non-judgemental and open. Good luck. LG
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sweetgem
11 years ago
A fit, hot, good looking and fun husband, I wouldn't want to put him away on the shelf (adopting your own description) at all! Therefore, for your wife to lose all interest in having sex with you only after 5 years of marriage, there has to be more to your story Beachboy19787878. Q) What do I do? * Talk to your wife at the right timing and ask her if she feels the same way as you feel about yours relationship, instead of bringing up the sex subject so early and bluntly. Patiently listen to what your wife has to say and then calmly tell her what you think and feel about yours relationship. If nothing still can be improved after a serious discussion with your wife, then perhaps seek professional couple's counselling together. Q) Do I explore on here? * I wouldn't if I were you, but hey, I am nobody to tell you yes or no, it's your call because only you will know the consequences if you continue to explore on here before sorting things out at home. Q) Do I hire? * Again, it's up to you. However, I am curious to know if you would really be willing to pay for sex if we told you to? Q) How does it end? * Not too sure what you mean exactly by asking this question OP, but my question is what is the "it" representing here? I can assume what it is that your referring to, but that would be my assumption only, not what you're referring to. Hence, I wouldn't know how does it end for you Beachboy19787878! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Either leave her or try and fix the issues. Don't talk to her about sex. That's not the issue. Something else will be going on for her. Shes sick, unhappy, angry, whatever. Not being intimate with you is a result of an underlying issue. Fix that, and you'll fix your sex life. Be a man and leave the marriage if you want to have sex with other people. If you honestly want to fix your marriage then talk to your wife. And for gods sake, do NOT try and make her feel bad for not wanting sex. TRUST ME, you will only make it worse. Because then when she does want to have sex with you, all she will thinking about is how you made her feel bad about it before. Good luck.
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RHP User
11 years ago
..... act 'now' to address this ...... what ever the consequence ...... as time does not fix this I promise you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Seemed unnecessary to state how good looking you feel you are. This might indicate your story has a lot more to it. Either way - good luck on your mission to find an answer.
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RHP User
11 years ago
A surprise orgy may do the trick
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RHP User
11 years ago
With the judgement again. Mate it could be a number of things but one path I'll suggest is get your wife to make an appointment with her gyno and go with her. Loss of libido may be due to a physiological condition due to hormones. Check all avenues before taking a leap. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
For me you lost the interest in this post with the words I'm hot I'm good looking??? Here's an idea ask your wife to join as a couple ? Just my own view is all.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've never been married so perhaps my observations mean little. But when I hear married couples say 'our sex life is non-existant, but every other part of our marriage is great', you have to ask yourself whether that person or couple are simply lying to themselves. If sex has dried up, then I don't see how other parts of the marriage are fine. It's usually an indicator that the relationship is not ok in quite a few area's.......you just need to be more honest with yourselves to see that
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RHP User
11 years ago
That cheating is normally and acceptable. I don't get it. If you don't have kids and you are not a millionaire and would loose out financially.... WTF is the point of staying together? For what? So that you can enjoy another blissful 40 yrs pulling your own pecker and chasing women in secret. I am starting to think the people that advocate his way of life just enjoy the seedy side of it and get their thrills from fooling people. Just my opinion before someone has a go at me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
you feel like you need to cheat, she's better off without you. And vice versa.
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RHP User
11 years ago
then the music dies...been married ten years, wonderful sex life to this day and I feel we are stronger for it....been in relationships where the sex fizzled out and well it was over for me - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'll not be judgmental, as one paragraph can hardly provide anyone with enough insight to be such. My only observations.. From the comfort of my happy sexual life, I'd suggest you don't cheat - it won't fix the underlying issues (apart from your own need for sex) & when it's found out - and it will be - everything will turn real bad real quick. You've a right to be happy - so you need to know in your mind whether, if this situation continues unchanged, would it be something you can live with ? If it isn't, then your marriage is at stake here, so your wife will need to know that at some point; but be very careful how you make your feelings known Try by yourself, or with counseling, to find out why your wife has lost interest & to discuss the feelings of both of you. It quite fair to discuss the issue & fair to expect to be told how she feels ! You might not like the answer, but at least you'll know where you both stand. It'll either be something either/both of you can fix, can't fix or don't want to fix. Maybe your a 100% dickhead - maybe she's a manipulative selfish bitch - maybe it's somewhere in-between - no-one here knows, that's for sure. If it's all going to hell in a handcart (i.e. you are heading toward separation), you may as well lay everything out on the table - you can't make things much worse
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RHP User
11 years ago
This very same thing has recently happened to me. Due to depression, work, home life, kids and my father passing I had let my "duties" as a wife slide. My husband of 18yrs decided that he would find someone who could give him what he was missing at home. He never once talked to me about how he was feeling or asked how and why I was feeling the way I did. No, he decided to cheat on me with a 24yr old girl from his work. He started the affair and then weeks later told me that he needed a break from us. It was only after two weeks that I found out about the girlfriend. My whole world ended there and then as I never thought he would leave me for another woman. I was totally devastated and I tried everything I could to win him back. After 6 weeks I gave up trying as he wasn't showing me any hope of returning. But 2 days later he asked if he could come home. Now I thought that I could never stop loving this man, but the hurt has gone too deep. He is home with me again but I can only remember laughing once since he's been back. I am now in a marriage without trust and I'm sorry to say without the love that I thought I would never lose for him. The damage is too great. If only he had talked to me and told me about his feelings then maybe we would still be happy. Just really think things through before you make a choice you can't come back from........ Kizzle
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LifeUnscripted
11 years ago
I am assuming you have had an open and frank conversation about your situation. And I am assuming that she has told you why she doesn't want to have sex anymore. If not....why haven't you asked? Communication is key. Sometimes if you can't communicate then a counselor can help. But ask her and listen. Honestly if she just doesn't like sex anymore, then you have a choice. It does happen. People change. But I am not an advocate of cheating, I am an advocate of being honest and communicating. So tell her that you need more sex, and ask to be open. See what she says. She may say never, and then you need to decide if that is a deal breaker for you. Or she may agree. Or it may be what she needs to kick start her libido again. You never know. But talk. Find out where she is and what she is thinking. Cheating is rarely the right answer. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Beachboy.... check your email. And those who have given concentrated bullshit advice don't like it pointed out. I will send you a private message. DG OP.. seek professional counselling apposed to a dating siteyou can hold your head high when you reflect backif or when.. the "bullshit" will follow!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Who really cares. Life is too precious to stay in a sexless marriage, if you happen to just like sex.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I would try and remember why you fell in love with her and the things you used to do and get back to basics.. Take the time to sit down and listen to each other. Being open and honest about everything even when The truth might hurt is the best thing you can do.. If your open and honest about everything and it don't work well then it wasn't meant to be and at least you gave it everything.. Being on here isn't going to fix things unless she is on here with you.. All the best mate.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
once the trust is gone, the love is gone... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'spides' once the trust is gone, the love is gone... - Posted from rhpmobile It just isnt - It is never as simple as words
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RHP User
11 years ago
Go get a root - feel the guilt if any the let world war 4 break out internally and externally. Just be strong and KNOW what you want. As for all the councilors on here........... take what you need and ditch the rest. Life is too short for WHAT IF's.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Ulysses42' ..... act 'now' to address this ...... what ever the consequence ...... as time does not fix this I promise you. Married man on RHP hahahahahhahaha some one slap me
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RHP User
11 years ago
its not words, it's facts.... Someone going through your phone, doesn't believe a word you say, all this stemming from a cheating past You call that as still love....wake up woman! But they say love is blindness so there's some words I guess!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
You can lose all trust in a split second, though you can not fall out of love in a split second. That my dear Watson is a fact. I do believe that, if you fell out of love in a split second - then you may of never loved in the first place. Amen to that ey.
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RHP User
11 years ago
so your partner cheats you'll take them back and forgive them? I'd call that a doormat who does! A leopard doesn't change its spots. They do it once, they'll do it again. If you can accept that then good luck to ya......welcome to a world of hurt - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Maybe not out of love in a split seconds, but love can turn to hate in that fraction of a second. That is the price of betrayal and hate can be very nasty.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'spides' so your partner cheats you'll take them back and forgive them? I'd call that a doormat who does! A leopard doesn't change its spots. They do it once, they'll do it again. If you can accept that then good luck to ya......welcome to a world of hurt - Posted from rhpmobile That is a very simplistic view. To cheat once does not mean you will do it again. Some people need to find out the hard way how bad cheating can hurt a loved one, some may have very unique circumstances. Forgiveness is a rare quality not something I would sully with words that are easy to say from the outside. It is hard to forgive, and for all us imperfect humans that stumble our way through life's maze, something we should treasure. So I would say one spot does not make a cheater, two spots then I would start to worry, three and its time for a good lynching.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I feel sorry for your wife. Chances are there's a reason why she can't be bothered having sex with you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why do you call that a doormat? I think that is a very unfair assumption. I would call it brave, to have the foresight to believe you may be able to move forward and in time forgive the act. I don't think you ever stop loving some one you "married" them. I really don't. Even if it is just a tiny part tucked away in your heart some where. Can mankind be so jilted they have learnt to turn love into complete hate. I don't understand why you are so negative. People do forgive and get along in life just fine.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes I am well aware. Love easily turns to resentment which in turn can turn to hate. However, all this does is make you unwell both spiritually and physically.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Tell her to go to the gym?! Brilliant plan. It's another way for them to bond. Plus the benefits of exercising increases your libido. But if the problem is the same old vanilla sex then that's another issue all together.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Difference between someone who habitually has sex with other people without their partners knowledge and a one off indescrection that the person has true regret for but each person,each couple,each situation is different.....If there are only two people involved that is quite different to when there are children involved...and sex is rarely just about sex....if a couple is able to move on and repair their relationship that can only be a positive thing surely xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'xoJulesox' Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Beachboy.... check your email. And those who have given concentrated bullshit advice don't like it pointed out. I will send you a private message. DG OP.. seek professional counselling apposed to a dating siteyou can hold your head high when you reflect backif or when.. the "bullshit" will follow! Im a dating site? Who knew! Ive said this before.......The road to divorce court is littered with the crumpled and burning remains of people leaving counselling "professionals" asking for a solution. You will waste hundreds of your hard earned $ receiving "advice" from people who mostly have no qualifications, and NONE of them who know anything about you or your partner. Only an extremely small handful know anything, and can actually offer any real benefit.
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RHP User
11 years ago
75% of men, and 50% of women have cheated during a long term relationship, the interesting part is that half the men who cheated will get caught, and a quarter of women will get caught. Women are much better at picking up in changes in a mans behavior. Another tool in management is the investment tool. To maintain a relationship you need to invest 5 to one withdrawal. To build a relationship the investment needs to be 8 to 1 withdrawal. What does this mean. Help around the house. Tell her she's pretty, buy a small gift, pick flowers from the garden, tell her her hair looks nice, promote her cooking, say thankyou i appreciate you. Touch her, hold hands, leave messages to her, build her up, talk to her😊😊😊 Sex can slowly return, but ensure its about her not you. Otherwise the following typical spiral can occur, she denies sex, he withdraws emotionally. He tries to touch and create intimacy, she responds, yay sex is on tonight, too soon. Fail!!!, response is to pull away further. The spiral can get worse until there is no sex, no communication, both loose. Break the cycle, invest time learn what women want, its a lot of hard work, sorry. It maybe that sex with you may be unfulfilling, are you. A premature ejaculator, it effects 50% of men and can lead women to think your selfish and the sex unfulfilling. As others have said get professional help, but you must be willing to work at it and invest in your wife. Listen to her point of view, see and feel it from her viewpoint. Very very hard to do, I know when all you want to do is loose yourself in sexual bliss, you have blueballs and a hardon. The statics for marriages staying together after getting councelling is about 25%. As a couple both have to work at it. Not assume the other is at fault. Keep invested in your beloved 😉
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Quoting 'spides' once the trust is gone, the love is gone... - Posted from rhpmobile It just isnt - It is never as simple as words Quoting 'spides' so your partner cheats you'll take them back and forgive them? I'd call that a doormat who does! Not the same thing at all. If a partner cheats, still loving them doesn't have to mean you want to take them back. I think you didn't fall in love with them just because they were committed and honest. The fact that those traits aren't there anymore, doesn't mean their other qualities you fell in love with have automatically disappeared as well.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'JelloSandwich' Quoting 'Meander' Tell her to go to the gym?! Brilliant plan. Gym? why not? It's another way for them to bond. Plus the benefits of exercising increases your libido. But if the problem is the same old vanilla sex then that's another issue all together. You weren't suggesting the husband and wife work out together, but that he tell her to go to the gym. That is yet another way of saying that if a woman is not interested in sex, something about her needs fixing. So let's tell her to join the gym, learn to relax, get her hormone levels sorted and watch some porn. That should get her issue sorted. As other have said, it's very possible that it's not the lack of sex that's the issue, and it's merely a symptom of a troubled relationship. If there is anger or resentment, sex is usually the first thing that goes out the window, and it may not come back until these issues have been resolved.I don't really want to give a blowjob to someone I don't particularly like, funny huh? To me personally the OP is not making himself sound like a very supportive and caring guy. He says he tries to talk to his wife about the lack of sex, but is it a "What can I do to make you feel safe, loved, appreciated and utterly desirable", or a "You never want to fuck me and I'm fit and hot and fun, so what is your problem" kind of talk? I could be totally wrong of course OP, but I have a feeling I know the answer.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Wife doesn't want sex, blows up at the mere mention, I think Beachboy you arescrewed! Go see your accountant and Lawyer and work out an exit strategy thatwill protect your assets as far as possible. Get off this site before she finds out.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think you are missing the point. The OP is not asking for advice, he is using an age old strategy of fainting an injury to lure in the prey. It is our job to distract and provide him cover as he readies him self to pounce. Surely you have read his profile and noted his boastful nature in the forums. T-girls And you can hear the violins play as he pleads with us...Paraphrase OP "What should he do??? Should he explore?, Or hire? What? "How sad, I am almost tearful, but lucky he is..Quote OP "fit, hot, good looking and fun."(really OP "hot and good looking" tautologically redundant, just stick with hot, it's in keeping with your brevital style) I am left wondering....Q; "But how will this end?" A; With his pecker getting wet, how else. With a handle beachboy, location near the beach, age and birth year splattered on his profile and a willingness to openly pronounce his conquests. Also super fit (super fit generally comes in pairs when married two super fit). All but the super fit bit I believe I suspect the OP is far from married and is actually feeding us porkies. Married men generally do not boast about who they have fucked, or ask if they should hire on public forums. While men pretending to be married and not getting any sex is an all to common ploy here on the RHP plains. Don't tell as we are playing along. Isn't it OP's turn to post?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Quoting 'xoJulesox' Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Beachboy.... check your email. And those who have given concentrated bullshit advice don't like it pointed out. I will send you a private message. DG OP.. seek professional counselling apposed to a dating siteyou can hold your head high when you reflect backif or when.. the "bullshit" will follow! Im a dating site? Who knew! Ive said this before.......The road to divorce court is littered with the crumpled and burning remains of people leaving counselling "professionals" asking for a solution. You will waste hundreds of your hard earned $ receiving "advice" from people who mostly have no qualifications, and NONE of them who know anything about you or your partner. Only an extremely small handful know anything, and can actually offer any real benefit. Just maybe the partner will be open to discussing whatever issues there may have to a third personand recognizes he is willing to put the effort in to resolving whatever those issues may be. (has been a while since i went down the divorce court road and counseling/mediation was a prerequisite not an option prior to a hearing,the cost to both was more than a few hundred dollars i can assure you)
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's a symptom. Inevitably you're not aware there are any other issues, perhaps you're missing something. Cheating is only a bandaid, but I can suggest be honest with yourself, if you really truly take a good look, you may find something to fix. Perhaps it's too late. Nagging at her because she doesn't want to have sex will never work... it means there is something more the problem. Good luck!! Hope you work it out. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Jules.... so in your case, I was right about the counselling being a waste of $... as, you're in here, and single. ....... @ Blind.... I didn't read his profile.... I really didn't need to. My comment was very deliberate.... more than just the offer of information in a forum. The OP has read my message, and not replied. That was half of my purpose. It tells me..... he is not at all genuine in seeking anything for 'them'.... but only for him.... if the him is even real to begin with. Mission accomplished. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just throwing it out there but your resolution to this issue involves her, so shes the one who should be working through it with you..Ask her to accompany you to a sex counseller about these thoughts: Have a third party mediate the issue and: Best case scenario : you find your wife turns into the firecracker you want her to be Worst case scenario: you work through the issue with a mutual thirdy party, with an understanding that its not that you dont love her any less.jsut need more.. (unless ofcouse turns out you don't love her, then get counselling, give it a crack and when that still fails... leave Try to minimise upsetting others in arriving at a happier tomorrow (inc/esp. wifey)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Jules.... so in your case, I was right about the counselling being a waste of $... as, you're in here, and single. ....... @ Blind.... I didn't read his profile.... I really didn't need to. My comment was very deliberate.... more than just the offer of information in a forum. The OP has read my message, and not replied. That was half of my purpose. It tells me..... he is not at all genuine in seeking anything for 'them'.... but only for him.... if the him is even real to begin with. Mission accomplished. - Posted from rhpmobile as the OP hasn't commented other than his original post .. who knows and what did you accomplish? as for me, no counselling wasn't a solution but i didn't go in "asking for a solution"as for my daughter who struggled to accept her parents separation counselling did help her so i cant agree with you that counselling is a waste of dollars.also I'm not so @ blind as to not notice that your in here with me be it single, attached, or whatever.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Agree with the lack of sex being a symptom of a different problem, rather than being the problem. If you want to fix things, go on reddit and read the subforum 'deadbedrooms'. Hundreds of guys and gals in your scenario with plenty of great, and some shit, advice. Leave it in your browser history too, no great harm in having her find out that you're trying to fix things, is there? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
You need to talk to your wife and marriage counsellor not making things worse cheating! Maybe that's the issue! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
11 years ago
Firstly, Kizzle I liked your post not because of the pain you are feeling but that you shared that with us. All the very best lovely 😘 OP as many people have stated there are a number of reasons why she might not be interested in sex with you - you may be the problem. Reflect on what has occurred in your lives together and in hers! Has there been something significant that has impacted her? Did you notice if it did? Could you reflect now and identify when things changed and why? My marriage has been sexless for various reasons throughout our 25 years together. But I am married to an intuitive man who never pressured me for sex in these sexless times ( mostly due to undiagnosed anxiety, health issues, family issues etc). What he did do was ramp up the romance and intimacy that did not involve us having sex. I never felt pressured at all and he certainly didn't discuss sex with me. It has been stated above, romance the hell out of her and DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING. I don't speak for all women and even now in the swinging lifestyle, I expect to be 'romanced' on some level. With my gorgeous husband, we work actively to romance each other! It's back to basics OP, just my humble opinion. Good luck Mary xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I kinda noticed the stab.... or... were you referring to yourself with the pencil dick/keybaord warrior line lol Did I challenge you a little..... or... did "@Blind", which was a reference to Blindman and his comments.... confuse you a little. Chin up
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RHP User
11 years ago
personally sex is a massive part of any relationship for me. I just can't stay in a relationship that is lacking in it. I've had my share of long term relationships and I do, as they have, gone thru times of absence of sex. But it's only been short term. Maybe a couple of months at a time and when it lasts longer than that I get frustrated and rejected. It feels like shit to miss out on that intimacy. May as well b friends. I do think it's an indication of bigger issues and I'd keep bringing it up until u r satisfied u have gotten to the real issue and try ur best to rescue it. That's wot I've done. It hasn't been rescuable before and I e broken up ova it. I've always had a high sex drive and I've made that known in each case. I think part of it is the intimacy that u miss and u won't get that from a brothel. My best friend and I have spoken about this heaps as we've both had occasions of texting and flirting with other men whilst in relationships that we feel we r not getting that intimacy and to b honest it works for us in the short term. These r guys that we've not fukd but just getting the attention and being wanted has been enuf to boost us up to get us thru the dry spell without getting too sad or frustrated about wots really going on. It works for me. Good luck with it all. Try going to couple counseling if u can. Like someone else said, I wouldn't b surprised if she's cheating. I'd pay attention to where she's going and when if I were u. Ultimately if sex is important to u then I think u should do wot u can to work out wots going on, give urself a date to have it worked out, if not get the attention from someone else and / or move on. If it's been a long term sex absence then I can't see it improving so u need to get on with working it out. Good luck x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Freya... You DA best 🙋!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Exactly what "Erotic_Sensual " said ..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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666_In_Disguise
9 years ago
My 2 cents worth on this topic. Everyone's circumstances are different, but personally I'm over that "cheating" word being used to describe someone seeking physical affection or just affection for that matter. And if anyone thinks it is easy or even smart to throw away 20+ years of life together and inflict untold misery on kids as a result of separation you obviously haven't experienced life enough to be qualified to judge. The problem is biological, pure and simple and our society doesn't know how to cope with that (plenty of studies in that field, research it if u want). When we were young and idealistic the idea of eternal love and monogamist commitment is something most of us aspired to, well at least that is my opinion. The reality is somewhat more sobering. For reasons only parties in mariage know, their "spark" is not there any more. Should they try forcing the issue by talking, therapy etc? Sure, try and see where it gets you. Personally, I'd rather come out and say I need to get my needs and wants elsewhere, but that does not mean I don't love you. Yes, that is right, don't confuse love and sex, that is for teenagers and those still wet behind their ears. My wife IS my best friend and I don't want to hurt her in any shape or form. However, she is also very inflexible when it comes to physical affection and me suggesting something like that would result in instant dismissal. So, for years I supressed my needs until I could no more, hence me being here. But now that I'm here I don't feel guilty. I don't intend to leave her or my family. I love them too much for that to happen, but I also started loving me little more. I figured helping me feel better will help them as well as I won't be feeling depressed and cranky if I had some release through sex.
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