Love, Lust and Life Partners

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  Mr_MrsJones

  14 years ago

  I get your frustration and anger at people who continuously put themselves into situations where they will be hurt physically or emotionally. I don't think the solution is to add yet another facet of education to the school system to make up for the failings of parents. A child learns about relationships by watching those around them. The best chance we can give kids is to SHOW them how a relationship works and TALK to them about it constantly. Sadly many kids don't have a parent who gives a damn and they miss out. You can't put an element of morality into a school based sex education program. What you consider to be right will be offensive to SOMEONE and what they consider to be right will be offensive to YOU. Now accepting abuse is not right in anyone's book and schools do what they can to equip kids to stand up for themselves with anti bullying programs and the like but at the end of the day this kind of thing comes down to parenting.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  The debate about morality and sex ed is interesting. When I was researching it for a book a few years ago there was no specific requirement for any particulars to be taught in sex-ed. No requirement on content or on who teaches it. This meant that it is down to the individual school to either give it to a teacher (usually the science or phys ed teachers) or to an outside organization. The outside option has no requirement to give any standardized advice. The only people bothered enough to put any information together and petition schools to be permitted are usually catholic-based right wing anti-abortionists. I have sat in meetings where they discussed how they were preparing to go into schools and 'teach'. What they were 'teaching' was that when a husband and wife get married they have babies (that was the extent of it) BUT they did also tell the kids that if they used the pill it worked by aborting unborn babies. As far as I am aware this is still the case.I do not think that schools should be responsible for parents failings BUT at the end of the day kids need information from reliable sources. Removing healthy discussion about relationships from a discussion about sex and sexuality is probably not a great idea. Making it normal to talk about it. It is like saying you can't have an ethics class because it is teaching the kids ethics. Facilitating a discussion is always a good idea - especially for the kids who do not come from a home where they can talk about these types of issues.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Quoting 'Mr_MrsJones'I get your frustration and anger at people who continuously put themselves into situations where they will be hurt physically or emotionally. I don't think the solution is to add yet another facet of education to the school system to make up for the failings of parents. A child learns about relationships by watching those around them. The best chance we can give kids is to SHOW them how a relationship works and TALK to them about it constantly. Sadly many kids don't have a parent who gives a damn and they miss out. You can't put an element of morality into a school based sex education program. What you consider to be right will be offensive to SOMEONE and what they consider to be right will be offensive to YOU. Now accepting abuse is not right in anyone's book and schools do what they can to equip kids to stand up for themselves with anti bullying programs and the like but at the end of the day this kind of thing comes down to parenting. I agree... While crap Hollywood movies and Kim Kardashian no doubt screw with teen minds and do a shit job of defining love and pretty much everything else, do you really think it's something you can teach? If you can define love to the point where you think you are able to actually define and teach it - congratulations and make sure you teach your kids. But this isn't a job for the education system.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I often dispair of our so called Education System. It seems to be more geared to giving teachers an easy job than educating children. I totally agree that the best option comes from parents. BUT! Talk to the victims and in 99% of cases they come from families that did not care about them ... ever!   I have talked an abused wife whose mother told her to shut up and get back to her husband because she married him. I have talked to extremely intelligent women that were told when growing up to never do homework and were dragged out of school the day the the government benefit ended because they were not good for anything except earning money for their parents or having kids. The list goes on and on and on. The majority of victims never had the family support that I and many of you had.   Then I hear stories from frustrated parents that want to bring their children up properly. Children who get bullied repeatedly in school. They report the issues and after the bully is given a lunch time detention then they go out and punish the victim. So when the parent then reports this the Vice-Principle tells them that the victim should do more to try and avoid the bully!! Why should the victim have to live their life around the bully? Most anti-bully programs are in schools just to protect the school from a law suit, not to protect the victim from the bully.   Having a quick reread of what I have written I find I am getting emotional and ranting all over the place again. Sorry.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Whilever domestic violence is acceptable behaviour, then all those fucked up individuals will keep it up. It needs to be stomped on, hard, by everyone. Bring back the public chopping block I say. Seriously, domestic violence behind closed doors.... we are condoning it by silence. Mind you, if you can appreciate that some women are vile little creatures with a cunning lying venom spitting tongue.... and at the drop of the hat would not hesitate to cry wolf... I guess there's no hard and fast solution. This one time, at band camp... all I did, reflex action and all, was block a slap to the face, breaking said slapper's wrist.. by accident... I mean... it was a reflex action to protect myself... but some people do not seem to know that violence begets violence. None the less... off with their heads!Dali Lama says something like..."we were put on this Earth to help others, but if we cannot help them, we should at least try not to harm them." I suppose that's a better idea.... so... maybe they can keep their heads... you decide.As for hollywood... we already tried reality TV... and I think I prefer the other alternative just quietly.HugsStalky

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Mr. Moment_in_time, if you think that education is about making things easier for the teachers I suggest you stop by your local high school and get a dose of reality! You would not believe what goes on in a classroom these days compared to when you were at school. Tell me a workplace where you can verbally, emotionally &/or physically abuse someone and have no punishment other than a couple of days suspension (ie days off)?!   When teachers are actually allowed to teach i think you'll find that their job becomes more about teaching the youth of today rather than trying to raise them properly because most parents can't be arsed.   Rant over.......

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Teenaged girls get pregnant. SOME teenaged girls get abused but not all. I think you are looking at one person and thinking the whole of society is like that. There are many many decent kids out there. Schools have a hard enough time now and are overloaded with all the other politically correct crap that they have to teach. The kids know that there is nothing that a teacher can do and therefore act accordingly. They have ipods in thier ears all the time, texting on mobile phones during lessons, I know for a fact I can reach my teens anytime of the day by text. Teachers have a bloody hard job. How do I know? Been there and done that. If 99% of the victims come from parents that dont give a rats arse then how can the education system be to blame? Place the blame where it belongs. Not every person who gets pregnant at 14 is gonna end up in a bad way. Some can and do manage to raise thier kids to be socially responsible people. (Myself included). I dont know where you get the idea from that kids are dragged out of school the day the government benefit ends as it just does not end until the kids leave school anyway. Unless the parents income is way too high. I personally feel that you have all your facts mixed up and are relying on some very innaccurate information. Yes bullying is an issue and you know, for six years I sent my child to a private school. It cost an absolute fortune and was one of the best schools in the state. He was bullied each and every single day by those little socially privelleged snots. Today he happily goes to the little public school up the road and is having ball. No bullying at all. l It takes two people to make a baby and a whole community to raise one. l In this day and age we no longer have Nanna, cousins, aunties and uncles all within walking distance. We dont have our extended families helping us with advice both wanted and unwanted. We dont have the kids growing up looking after the younger ones, watching the aunties and older cousins having babies and raising them. Society in general has become displaced and scattered. Instead of ranting on about the wrongs of society...think what you can do to help fix the wrong doings. There are a million and one ways in which each and every single one of us can help the youth of today. If you dont like the things you see and hear...... l get off your arse and find a way you can help!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  This is a very complex issue and its not just about kids not being raised properly. It covers all levels of society, just like any addiction. Yes addiction, something you know is bad for you but cant stop doing it. This includes misplaced love, sex, drugs etc. People do things for a range of reasons, domestic violence also is not only about the physical assaults. Its also the psychological stuff, the isolation of a person the control of their friends, their access to money etc. I have been in hospital and my friend was in the bed next door so badly bashed I walked past her and never recognised her. Her family is loving and close, and have tried everything to help her but she keeps going back to this man. Crazy love , that horrid addiction that even your children do not matter. The best schools, the best intentions, the best education non of that can compete once a person is in an addictive toxic relationship. And I have also seen men destroyed and locked up when the woman spread lies to get what she wanted from him, or pushed him to the point of madness. This is a complex part of the human condition , its world wide and goes across all cultures.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I have dealt with this issue and other destructive behaviours when Clients come to seek My Expertise and Advice Ihelp them Understand What //who started their abuse why they Perpetuated it in their Life choices to date .Teach them New skills Guide them thro; so they do embrace Life Positively Continue on their Life Path more fufilled whole.. What it a comes Down to Is their "Low Self Worth "allowing others to Dictate from Chidhood in Thought word Deed. their value . then they continue to abuse thmseves allowing their Neg. voice to rule their Emotions their Lives.. bad choices I Teach them how to take Control using 3 Little sentences Consistently, Persistently with Force. When ever that Neg; voice Pops up..."I HEAR YOU ...I DISGREE..NOW F*** OFF!! In approx 1 Month they are more aware of themselves as Unique Individuals worth being treated well and not wanting anything Less.It amazes me just how effective this simple Technque is... Another quote I Pass on to them is "No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Permission" E. Roosevelt.. This Technique is the Foundation to Guide them Not the be all end all...... So For Anyone who may know somene in this Position .Please feel free to Pass on this advice. It's up to them to accept, work with it. Because it's their Life their Choice . You can be there supporting them as a Friend if needed but not Enable them.. Hope this reply is adequate for ther Topic and Helps someone in need.... Lu :)

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Love at first sight is more likely a strong pheromone/visual stimulus at first sight of one who activates that within you. A personal and varying thing to those who experience it. . Trust is a foundation stone of any relationship. It is automatically present unless you're cautiously inclined. Trust can be eroded or broken and is extremely hard to repair. . I agree with moment in time (i.e. NOW) in that love can grow and grow into unconditional love, or, All that person is, AND, All that person is not. Put another way. The 'All of them'. . Hollywood may or may not have measurable influence on teen behavior? By our teens we likely know what is right and wrong regardless of any media. Violence of the nature you mentioned is against the law though I'm sure some evade the law. Unfortunate and very sad the way some treat others. Shame on them that they CAN be another way, but CHOOSE this abusive way instead. . My child at 7yrs said to me, "You don't hit me Dad because you love me, hey?" . I agreed that is true but I also added, "You cannot defend yourself if I did, and that's not fair". . Very often conflict is the struggle for power, control (and various other conditions too but mainly those two) and it never ceases to amaze me what levels some people go to, to 'Look Good' or 'Not Look Bad' (antonym). . Rant concluded - Thanks for reading.

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