Lets reflect...

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  There is a myriad of different people in the world and they all (thankfully) deal with situations differently than others. Two people watching the same movie can come away with two different experiences. For one, it could be the best thing known to man - The other, it could be the worst. Poor simile I'm sure, but you get the idea. Everyone is different, though. But I have to say, asking a swingers site their view on sex and what they believe relationships 'should' be about is very, very one sided. It's like asking an atheist what their view on God is -- I'm quite sure they aren't going to tell you they believe the guy upstairs is cool but just isn't for him. They'll tell you out-right that they don't believe in any such thing, even in the slightest. Unless we have some badly communicating couples, I'm pretty most of us are here because of the very thing you're going through now, to different degrees, but the same starting point. I've traveled the world quite literally (Yeah, I'm only 22, but hey, some of us have crazy ambition) and had quite a few sexual partners (The whole Aussie accent thing really is true) -- And I've been in relationships that have lasted 3 days, 3 months and 3 years. I've had partners leave me, cheat on me, commit suicide and a whole range of other ordeals and ordnances happen. One thing I've come to realize though, is this: Human beings as a species are gregarious - We're designed to procreate, interact and immerse ourselves in the world and within our species. We couldn't live any other way, no matter what any bi-polar loner playing WoW will tell you. We all feel emotion and we all yearn to find some kind of love - No matter what the players will tell you. But seeking out nothing but sexual partners will eventually leave you feeling a little bit empty, in the long run. We've all evolved from somewhere - Emperor Penguins are monogamous; Lions mate in packs, but stay together. And everything and everyone is different in some way or another but in no matter what race, creed or species you look at, we find mates that hang around... Well, except for stick insects and black widows. The short story for me -- I've found a girl that I'm crazy about and couldn't imagine leaving. We are great together and horrible together, depending on the day. We both are turned on by different things and both want different things but know leaving each other would be a stupid thing to do, in the long run. I don't want to have to date again, be cheated on again, lose someone I love, again. And I think most people find solace in that security and that is why they swing -- They have security, something to come home to and something fundamental to build on and with... while still getting the perks of single life, to a degree. But hey, that is just me.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Yes I can hear the creaking of my old bones as I head for my walking frame. I have had a few long term partners and in my youth (those wonderful seventies and eighties hay days) many casual partners. It was only just this year that I joined a site like this and eventually joined RHP so there was no cross over in friends with my daughter and myself being so close in age . It has been a fantastic year, a journey of discovery and not only about me. In the beginning it was hurtful when I built up the trust and confidence enough to go out there and meet guys. It took a few times before I managed to find the balance between casual and long term in my mind. It hurt a little when the guy just dissappeared from the scene after we had met a few times. I felt at the start like I was being dumped constantly and this was upsetting for me until I figured out the nature of the game for myself. Now I screen out those guys and the friends I do have are friends first and foremost. I have always known the importance of a good sexual relationship in a long term and loving relationship. It is not the most important thing in the world but it does rank right up there in terms of relationship deal makers and breakers. I dont like single encounters. It is not for me. It makes me feel used and just a little sordid. I would like to think that my friends would still be just friends IF the sexual side of our friendship were to stop for whatever reason and this has happened when one of my friends started a committed relationship. Could I go back to a monogomous relationship? Yes I think so but it would be an exceptional man and I have never been one to believe in fairytales so there is no happy ever after. Mr Right can only ever be Mr Right-for-now. Before all the couples and die-hard romantics begin to jump on my case it is for the simple reason that life is short and fleeting and we never know when it is going to be over for one of us. If I were to enter into a permanent relationship, I dont know if I could become one of the swinging couples either as I generally do not like to share and much prefer one on one encounters. I have found out that I have absolutely no tendancies for the same sex as I. I contemplated it, thought long and hard, attempted it and nothing, zip, ziltch. Definately straight! The biggest thing for me is that through this site I have regained the confidence in myself that I had lost and rediscovered the fun of recreational sex that I had in my youth although with so much more discrimintation than back then.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  that I understand the question, but here goes ...When I was younger I had a lot of 1 night stands, and loved them. I was pretty adventurous and free, and liked the anticipation, naughtiness and also the safety of the other person not really knowing much about me. Sex was never an issue for me, intimacy and connection was. I was very shy about myself as a person and was always waiting for someone to see the real me (while at the same time being way too self-conscious to actually reveal it). Until then, I just went about freely expressing my sexuality with as many partners that I wanted to.Then I got married to a man I really loved, and spent over a decade with him. Sadly, he had almost no interest in sex so that part of my life shrivelled up. Ouch :(We finally parted and I found RHP - a chance to find my sexy self again. But ... I discovered that I just didn't have it in me to do random, casual, brief sex anymore. I tried a few times, and the sex ranged from mediocre to pretty OK, but ultimately incredibly unfulfilling. I visited swingers clubs, had group sex and a bunch of other things - the adventure was titillating, but in the end it all just felt hollow.Then I met the love of my life - on here of all places. And everything became clear - I need deep intimate connection (emotional, mental, physical) along with free, fun, naughty, cheeky, sexy sex - in equal parts. And when I found it ... phwoar :) The difference in me was amazing. I was bold, adventurous, sexy, sensual, loving, giving and totally relaxed. We visited swingers clubs and did some other fun things, and it was all soooooo much more intense and powerful because of our love and connection.So I guess for me it wasn't the brief encounters that shaped my view of sex generally, and sex in a relationship. It was meeting a man and having the kind of chemistry - not just physical - that I'd never actually believed existed. Once I experienced that it became hard to imagine ever settling for anything less. Not just because of how it all felt for me, but because of what it brought out in me, which was a much more sexy, confident woman.As a result of all of this, I know a few things about myself for sure. A healthy sexual connection is an essential part of a relationship for me. It was an incredibly difficult decision to leave a marriage because of the lack of sex, but it was the best decision I have ever made. On the flip side, the commitment and intimacy of relationship enhances my confidence sexually. I don't believe in monogamy as a rule or a requirement and am entirely supportive of open relationships etc, but I've discovered that monogamy actually really suits me. I'm not saying that brief encounters are now a no-no for me, just that I understand they'll never make me feel the way that intimate, loving, connected sex will.lilmiss :)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Thanks for your replies! Well written and interesting to read. I would like to hear from some guys as well and maybe from (if there are any here) who married young, split and have been single for a while? Thanks again! It's really interesting to see how other people think about this kind of thing :) LS

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Wow--great topic. I don't have an awful lot to add after reading the amazing answers above.Comparatively I have lots less experience. May I add that I liken lots of different sexual experiences/partners to travel. Once you get out of your neighborhood your horizons are broadened. I think this is a good thing. For myself, I have found that each experience, good or bad, has made me more tolerant, open and accepting of sexuality (my own and others'). I also feel more open and accepting of different lifestyles and realities of relationships. That being said, I have been largely single my whole life. I have just come out of a 3year monogamous relationship where my partner wasn't matched sexually to me at ALL; I was unable to share or relate any of my previous experience/s with him for our relationship, so I cannot answer that question for you sorry! The RHP journey I am on is but another place to visit, explore, take photos and savour the experience!!!! :) It's all a process of finding what you like/don't like and want out of life at whatever stage you're at I think. I hope that wasn't too fluffy x

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