M67
INSECURITIES... Why and How???
August 06 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
why is it that women spend all that time shaving; doing hair; makeup etc for a date with no guarantees?? The answer....the social programming determines what we see as being beautiful or perfection..... There in lies an environment with which we have comparison; and when you compare yourself to a benchmark - however flawed - you'll breed insecurities.... Perfection layeth only within the eyes of which it should truly matter......ours. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
We are neurotic insecure blah bah....even the most beautiful of women have their moments...most of us have a little negative tape in our heads reminding us of our lacks ...but then we meet a man who sees us and all of that matters not xxFreya
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
I am nervous about first times. When i was in my teens (13), i was party to a 3 some down the local creek ( very romantic ). I failed to launch with the girl. Okay she was ugly as fuck. Look i mean really average. Nah, uglyas a hatful of arseholes. But ever since, i have some anxiety when the first time comes comes around with a female. Not a problem with a guy probably because it wouldnt stop me from being fucked so i dont worry and i always end up as hard as the front door. But with chicks, there's that little voice inside my head that says " what if". It's never failed but the voice sometimes stops it from getting rock hard until the first ones out of the way. So the childhood experience has affected me for 40 years.
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
it took 7 more years before i got to have sex with a woman. Lots of men in between though. Childhood is so overated.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
When I first met people off here, I would look at their friends or people who had validated them and think "Yikes!" Stunning, younger and foxy looking ladies. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, a few wrinkles and wobbly bits, un pert arse, ......I cancelled a couple of dates through those insecurities. Now, Im more comfortable with myself, and make the most of my best features, and I also accept if someone likes me then its for my personality as well as my body. But, and sorry to use this phrase "in this day and age" there is mounting pressure on people to look unrealistically perfect at all times, which is sad.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Because being naked makes most of us feel vulnerable. Particularly when you know you are not at your best.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If I am out and see a lovely woman I would like to meet. What do I say, if I say Hi, does it sound too forward, or backward, or too lame, does it show, will they look at me like I'm stupid or unworthy ??? Fuck-it, just get another beer.
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horneycouplewa
10 years ago
yes i agree. I've always been self conscious and conservative all my life even when i was a model and then for my body to change and age aaahhhh....until I met my beautiful husband 23 years ago who thru the years has always made me feel beautiful but i still stay the same. With being on rhp for only 4/5 months my first concern was my appearance and shyness, but now with the people we have met and have realized I'm no different from most on here, it's been a wonderful boost and my sexual desire has illuminated because of him and rhp xx
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
This is what I look for and want. "I also look for a lover/people who are completely comfortable being their selves, have self confidence and knows exactly who they are. To me there is nothing more rare and beautiful than someone being unapologetic for showing their true self and comfortable with their perfect imperfections, that's the true essence of beauty and pure nakedness." Ms.Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Meeka seems you are saying that you are not at your best when naked? If so I think you are selling yourself short. We are who we are clothes or no clothes. I do not have a perfect body - So what. I do not expect my lovers will either - and those that do so are so flippin false if not want to fuck them anyway.😇😇😎😎 SAx
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RHP User
10 years ago
SA at the moment I feel so fat you would have to roll me in flour to find my wet spot. I am not saying I have to feel perfect.... because I never will be perfect. But I have a point when I feel sexy and I feel good about myself and I feel confident being naked in front of people. At the moment not so much. I don't think I would want to go to an orgy at the moment.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The media tends to dictate what is "perfection" in reality there is bugger all chance that we can all be stick insect thin and beautiful for the ladies and "Brad Pitt" or similar for the men folk. Lets look behind these facades and see the perfection that is an individual after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So much anxt and misery can be attributed to the notion of perfection which leads to impossible to meet expectations in reality. I for one am no oil painting and I freely admit to it however I am happy with the way I am and look, I look past the paint and feathers to see what lies beneath an individual, sadly a great deal of people only look at the paint and feathers......A wise man once said to me when talking of personalities and he said I quote" one cannot root a personality". in the end we are all humans and with feelings, and as such should all be treated on merits not on looks btw Koko you got nothing to worry bout nor the other ladies I was honoured to join for lunch a while back to seek perfection in an imperfect world can only lead to disappointment.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Single_Guy4U' If I am out and see a lovely woman I would like to meet. What do I say, if I say Hi, does it sound too forward, or backward, or too lame, does it show, will they look at me like I'm stupid or unworthy ??? Fuck-it, just get another beer. If you wanna say hi to someone, anyone, just say hi. I'm sure they will say hi back and that's the beginning of a conversation. Don't overthink it. Saying hi is a display of friendliness so just go ahead and be friendly because heaven knows there's just not enough friendliness around nowadays.I think there was an old song that went something like "What the world needs now is love, sweet love" Then you never know, you might get to go and enjoy another beer with that person with whom you started the conversation.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hmmm well I do connect with that. Suppose we all have spells of feeling shitty. So how do you turn that around for yourself? I start with very gentle masturbation oooops I mean exercise. Just a little bit one day then same two days or so later. Pick my diet up to healthy then drop the grog. By the time 2 weeks has past I'm feeling great again....YOU? i know you know sexy is not just ones perception of themselves. Beauty is still in the eye of the beholder
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yeah. 12 months of being slack has well and truly caught up with me. I am a rolly size 14 and I feel blah! Getting back into the gym and making a bit more of an effort with food choices. I also find when I am carrying too much weight my libido drops as well. I can't even be bothered masturbating. It is a sad sad state of affairs in the Meeka household at the moment.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Why do you think I am wearing strings! Nothing else fits. LMAO. Unfortunately it will take me many many months to feel myself again, you lucky bastards (males) seem to loose weight so easily. NO FAIR!
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RHP User
10 years ago
My dick is only 7inches long. It loves getting hard though and I've had it described as smooth with a lovely shaped knob and a shaft to lick like a lolly pop....so what am I insecure about? Well I see guys on here with cocks which look like a donkey would own. And in just average to above. So I wonder if my cock length is stopping me from becumming the PORN STAR I know I should be😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😎😎😎😎😈😈😈😈😈
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RHP User
10 years ago
Matie size 14s are sexy. Size 10 - size 14 perfect. I am not hitting on you Meeka I've always liked curves...that body size just does it for me...besides most PORN STARS are in that range😂😂😂😂😈😈😈😎😎 SAx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well I am short...... so Size 14 is big on a 5 foot nothing chick. Besides, I feel fat and wobbly.... need to hit the gym to tone up. You know. I will get there......... as I sit here and look at the empty Cadbury chocolate wrapper on the table next to me. Oops.
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RHP User
10 years ago
bullshit you're not hitting on meeka..... But fuck it why not ?? 😉 Meeka....wanna rewt?? 😘😘😈 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I see what you're doing! you're trying to grass cut my subtle lines for Meeka. You say I'm hitting on Meeka so you can the do same - fucken chameleon! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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RHP User
10 years ago
You for her mate. You're bigger than me. But after reading your profile that's not in cock size - Peewee!..😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm confident... once I'm/we're naked (especially so). Or at least once I'm able to kiss and touch the lady. My insecurities lie in getting there in the first place with someone new. But only really in cases where I am still working out someone's personality, reactions, body language, how slowly someone needs to go, and their limits at any one point in time. Mainly because of lack of experience. Living in the country (among other things) had meant that dating etc was only a "once-in-a-bluemoon" event. When living in the city, you can theoretically date someone new every other weekend (and I know people that do). So you would be well over the learning curve in a short space of time, and early on. And while I've certainly spent much time in the past at dating attempts (singles mingling nights, speed dating, social activity groups etc), which has got me over general shyness and conversation skills, getting to the next level was a different matter. But I have no insecurites about my body at all. I'm probably a closet exhibitionist even. I'm "real" sized and shaped, and don't care, because I know now that basically everyone else is too. Yes I could be more toned, have a flatter stomach etc, but I'm content with how I look.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Everything Meeka said. :-\
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RHP User
10 years ago
Meeka said - about which part? Do not tell me you feel same about extra pounds?j
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Hottie1
10 years ago
SA, your comments are lovely but we're told constantly how we should look. I agree a size 14 is beautiful, really for me any size is beautiful. But I get where Meeka is coming from, I'm a size 14 on a good day lol, I'm 5 foot nothing too, it's hard to constantly be what the media tells us we should be. Insecurities are funny things, their origins could be anything, fighting that and overcoming them is the issue! I'm couldn't stand looking at my mummy tummy, I had surgery to remove it. I now look like the bride of Frankenstein, but I feel better! Just my 5 cents worth, Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Everyone else is too busy worrying about every tiny little thing that could possibly be wrong about themselves to notice any tiny little thing that could possibly be wrong about you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
When I am at my best I have super curves. I haw always had big boobs and a killer hour glass figure. So for you to tell me I should call these rolls of fat curves breaks my heart really. Being overweight has serious health implications and I don't think should be encouraged. Size 14 at my height is not good.
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RHP User
10 years ago
😝😝😝😂😂😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Why do you think I am wearing strings! Nothing else fits. LMAO. Unfortunately it will take me many many months to feel myself again, you lucky bastards (males) seem to loose weight so easily. NO FAIR! ..... yeah ... unitl you get to age (x) .... and then it yours forever baby .... well not without a bit (lot) blood sweat and tears baby ...
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RHP User
10 years ago
I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Criticised once but my body had quite a few critics when I was young : by men who had seen me naked. I was a dancer, super fit. Apparently I was too muscly. Times have changed but the insecurities still linger underneath. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Ive said it before and i'll say it again, we all have scars,flaws and wobbly bits....if you don't like what you see,dont let the screen door hit you on the arse on the way out......
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' But I have no insecurites about my body at all. I'm probably a closet exhibitionist even. I'm "real" sized and shaped, and don't care, because I know now that basically everyone else is too. Yes I could be more toned, have a flatter stomach etc, but I'm content with how I look. evertything he said - "being content with how one looks that is the key to self confidence isn't it? From there it is only 1 small step to being sexy and irresistible :) :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
2c to follow When I get to the point of sexual intimacy with someone.... I have chosen to accept them.... and expect they accept me. I dont believe that is the time to be making judgements when someone has selected you to be open and vulnerable.... and WILLING with.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' When I am at my best I have super curves. I haw always had big boobs and a killer hour glass figure. So for you to tell me I should call these rolls of fat curves breaks my heart really. Being overweight has serious health implications and I don't think should be encouraged. Size 14 at my height is not good. Health issues definitely as I'm 5'2" and added 25% to my weight, that gave me high blood pressure, and the weight took 2 years to lose. I'm stuck with hbp as it's hereditary but if I hadn't added the weight I often wonder if it wouldn't have happened just yet. I exercise and watch my diet as it's the difference between taking half a tablet a day or maybe a handful in the near future and I've already experienced side effects and had to change meds a couple of times. It's the surface veins on my legs that used to annoy me but, I figure now, they're part of having kids and if I don't mind them then it doesn't matter what others think.
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Quoting 'Kokoflamingo' When I first met people off here, I would look at their friends or people who had validated them and think "Yikes!" Stunning, younger and foxy looking ladies. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, a few wrinkles and wobbly bits, un pert arse, ......I cancelled a couple of dates through those insecurities. Now, Im more comfortable with myself, and make the most of my best features, and I also accept if someone likes me then its for my personality as well as my body. But, and sorry to use this phrase "in this day and age" there is mounting pressure on people to look unrealistically perfect at all times, which is sad. Like what you said above, but it is just not in "this day and age" that people expect so much. Go back to as far as you can imagine - people have pretty much always gone to some lengths to create the "perfect" impression to others, particularly on that important first meet. It's just that now we have the ability to gather a lot of that information almost instantaneously, via pics on websites etc, and not only what is happening locally, but from any other place on the planet. What is happening now moreso, is the instant gratification of having to show your best foot. Tall
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' SA at the moment I feel so fat you would have to roll me in flour to find my wet spot. I am not saying I have to feel perfect.... because I never will be perfect. But I have a point when I feel sexy and I feel good about myself and I feel confident being naked in front of people. At the moment not so much. I don't think I would want to go to an orgy at the moment. Fair comment about how you feel about yourself - but what do the people you meet up with think about you ? Most women tend to be very critical of themselves for some physical feature or other - but as we have all expressed over time, there is more to a person than just the outside. The inner beauty can make up for what you perceive to be a missing ingredient, and it is that confidence you should try to carry over. Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
It doesn't matter to me what strangers think or people I meet. What matters to me is how I feel about myself. At the moment I look in the mirror and I see fat... I don't like it, I don't feel good about it and I definitely feel it is affecting my health and therefore I have no interest in meeting people. I have to feel sexy within myself and I don't. So yeah, yeah I need to get back into shape. I am working on it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'lily1970' Ive said it before and i'll say it again, we all have scars,flaws and wobbly bits....if you don't like what you see,dont let the screen door hit you on the arse on the way out...... Exactly!
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
I get your point - you are not happy with your current shape. But are you being realistic, or are you perhaps being a little over-critical of yourself ? And has been said too above, beauty is in the eye of the beholder - not only to you but to others as well. Hope you get to the level that you are comfortable with. Take care,Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' It doesn't matter to me what strangers think or people I meet. What matters to me is how I feel about myself. And though I think it can be nice to be told by someone they think you're hot, it doesn't necessarily help. What I've heard a lot when saying I'm not ok with how I currently look is "you shouldn't feel that way" or "look at you, you really have no reason to be". Really not helpful at all. Apart from me already thinking my body isn't right the way it is at the moment, you're now telling me my mind is wrong too. The worst was being accused of making up I'm insecure in a bid to appear modest, I mean WTF. (So I guess they thought I was hot, but a liar. Ehhh, thanks?) Just think: Whenever you went through a really rough time and felt depressed, angry or guilty, did it really ever help when others told you not to feel that way? That things aren't that bad, it wasn't your fault, you still have your health, yadda yadda? I doubt it. By all means, tell someone your perception of them is different than their own, but don't dismiss their feelings. They may not open up again. Just wanted to get that out here, hope I didn't get too deep.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' I get your point - you are not happy with your current shape. But are you being realistic, or are you perhaps being a little over-critical of yourself ? This isn't about what is realistic or factual, it is about self-perception. How anyone feels about themselves is always valid, and telling them their feelings are not realistic or overly critical (read: Wrong) is completely beside the point.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' I get your point - you are not happy with your current shape. Isn't that all that counts?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't know how to do the quote thing so I just copied and pasted it in I know I am nervous about first times. When i was in my teens (13), i was party to a 3 some down the local creek ( very romantic ). I failed to launch with the girl. Okay she was ugly as fuck. Look i mean really average. Nah, uglyas a hatful of arseholes. But ever since, i have some anxiety when the first time comes comes around with a female. Not a problem with a guy probably because it wouldnt stop me from being fucked so i dont worry and i always end up as hard as the front door. But with chicks, there's that little voice inside my head that says " what if". It's never failed but the voice sometimes stops it from getting rock hard until the first ones out of the way. So the childhood experience has affected me for 40 years My insecurity comes from comments just like yours. I would hate to think that someone would call me or think that I was ugly as fuck!! Whether it be to my face or behind my back. I know him over weight but the thought about someone talking to others about the size of my tummy or the stretch marks after having kids kills me. This is why I never show my tummy. If you have never seen it you can't talk about it MrsM - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
OP. Thank you for posting this topic :) Sits back with a Drinky on the couch to contemplate an intelligent and insightful response
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MrandMrsM' I don't know how to do the quote thing so I just copied and pasted it in x
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander'Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' I get your point - you are not happy with your current shape. But are you being realistic, or are you perhaps being a little over-critical of yourself ? This isn't about what is realistic or factual, it is about self-perception. How anyone feels about themselves is always valid, and telling them their feelings are not realistic or overly critical (read: Wrong) is completely beside the point. and you still get kicked in the balls. Just no pleasing some people, is there .......??Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
After a some thought and that drink... Insecurities.... Could we imagine a world without them, I mean Insecurity can and does breed jealousy and jealousy can and does breed hate. But on the other hand the music and alcohol industry would not be the money making machines they are today without our insecurities, do think you will ever see obese men and women in music film clips prancing around in bikinis and boardies hell no that shit wont sell nor would guys and girls fighting, vomiting and passing out from over consumption of alcohol. Unfortunately some of our physical insecurities are planted in our minds through the music, entertainment and fashion industries while others can and do also suffer from physical and or mental conditions which would only compound the issue even further. Life is cruel but at the same time balanced in a way. I'm not sure but I guess the offset to insecurity and jealousy is hope and optimism... Well I "hope" so. This is just my take on the subject so far while at the same time taking a slight tangent :) Hubby can add his 2 cents later.. Luv ya's
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RHP User
10 years ago
For those who are comfortable with themselves and their partner's bodies.. All hail to you. And these days I don't care much about others' opinions re my body because the reality is that if someone is critical of my body it is a reflection of their 'shallowness'/ judgemental ness and inability to see me for the whole person that I am. Women have for a looong time been subjected to criticism of their physical selves by men, women, friends, parents (especially mothers, sadly), the media: you name it. It is a major challenge to accept our bodies. So if and when we get there please be aware of the incredible challenges we face. Never do we get called hero, or brave or formidable for these subtle but very real challenges that many of us have faced, dealt with and overcome. Cheers ladies. Many brave ones out there ☺️😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I kicked you in the balls? Really, now. I was trying to explain how self-perception works and why well-meant advice often does not. But since you brought up the word empathetic: empathy is not questioning if someone is being too self-critical, quite the opposite.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Tall I do understand what you are saying. And I agree women can often be too hard on themselves. And yes, the fact I don't even want to look in the mirror because all I see is fat is probably not good. And it obviously affects my life at the moment. But.... meh. But I know what size I feel good, I know what size I feel well and healthy, I know what weight I feel the sexiest so telling me that I look fine fat.....I don't think it's a good thing. Besides I hate that anyway. Who wants to look fine? I want to look awesome. It's like a bell curve, when you are at the top you feel great but too many kilos either side of it and you start feeling blah. Admittedly the older you get the further that bell curve gets from the axis () but still you have the right range where you feel good. I have totally slid down the bell curve on the wrong side! THE UPSHOT OF ALL THIS IS. STOP YOUR WHINING MEEKA AND GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Mr here :) I have just read all the responses so far and I would like to add my little bit. I would like to start off by saying that Honestly I have insecurities about my physical appearance not so much my face...I can't help that card, however... I have Chrone's disease " diagnosed at 20" and as a result I have had to have key hole surgery in the past, to me my physical appearance is depressing and makes me feel uncomfortable although I do consider myself luck at the same time. I used to play play club Rugby union as a 98kg fly half at 22, those days are gone due to age and so is the physic due to the illness and operation, I will never be able to carry the bulk and look the way i did which for makes this scene quite difficult at times, It has been the cause of us as a couple cancelling a meet due to feeling inadequate, However that in turn was the catalyst for me to go back to the gym and do what I can to change how I looked and in turn it has had a positive effect both physically and mentally. I completely understand and empathize With Meeka100 and Meander and everyone else here for that fact. Some of us are born with good genes and some of us have to work hard to achieve the way we want to Feel inside, Look and outwardly portray, to have any of that discounted by someone who Thinks or Feels they are better than the next person for what ever reason can and does have devastating effect and to be standing there completely naked and exposed for all your flaws and insecurities to be potentially picked at can also be a harrowing experience. Maybe it was 20 cents not 2.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Jokes aside I've now got a flippin small pot bellyish thing hanging off me....no self pity but the reality is 4 months of solid work, work on court case and fuck all time to exercise....so can appreciate how you are feeling Meeka. Us men are socially frowned on as weak if we speak about our insecurities....true very true....this results in Guys trying to bury their feelings. Thus we socially empathise pragmatically as it's not "manly" to feel too much...so the obvious happens ...when we try that empathy pattern on women, who are more emotionally connected generally we cum across as lacking empathy....when truth is we really do care...
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RHP User
10 years ago
When you look at yourself naked in the mirror and just want to burst out crying and hide yourself from the world. I used to comfort eat, which made things worse. Its a vicious circle. When NONE of your jeans will fasten without a struggle involving you lying on the bed and almost having a cramp trying to hold your stomach in. When friends invite you to a night out and you make a pathetic excuse not to go. Im at a good place now with my body but I remember how miserable I was, and people saying "You look fine" was like a gentle kick in the stomach. You do not feel sexy when you have extra weight. To the girls trying to lose weight....dont give up....I got there in the end and its an emotional as well as physical struggle. Maybe we should have a weight loss club/buddy system, moral support and motivation/ xxxxx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Me how about being a size 8 people saying wow your skinny .. I eat like a horse , love my food but it pisses me off that I'm not curvy I would like too be ..... We always what we can't have thats my insecuritie, as my nanna would say lucky you can walk always remberber that Sally - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Fully agree with your last posting. You see someone in the mirror you are not comfortable with, probably because you have not been there (much?) before, and want to change back to what you were previously - absolutely get that. My former wife is actually a little shorter than you, and I have seen the vagaries of weight variation with her too, and I have an empathy with what you are currently going through. She was only 45kg when we first started going out and then married, but as with a "good life" after marriage, the weight slowly but surely started to gain over the years. But she was not alone of course, I was only 61-62 kg at that time too, and also managed to add on the kilos thereafter. Like your analogy with the bell curve, and appreciate where you feel you are at the present. But don't be too disheartened - you at least know where you want to be and how to get there. And recent discovery has found out that a bit of body 'fat' is actually not as bad as previously thought - it does counter a number of other health related issues. Awesome is just around the corner !! Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well we all have things that we don't like about ourselves. My male partner and I do not do the full swap on the first meet as he can cum too quickly which he really hates doing. However after the first date he is good to go.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Love who you are and be sure what you like. the rest will follow. we may not be the life and soul of the party but we are quietly confident which comes from being secure not only with ourselves but each other. we have been together a long time and know what we both like and yes support each other.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'XXwildspursXX' Well we all have things that we don't like about ourselves. My male partner and I do not do the full swap on the first meet as he can cum too quickly which he really hates doing. However after the first date he is good to go. I think many have the 'first time' nerves and concerns, which can make for things to be a bit clumsy and difficult... including what you mentioned (or the bloody opposite)... Nothing I haven't heard a thousand times from both sexes. I've always been a more 'long term' sort of person, except when I was 20's and 30's, and still am... but I thought that maybe people who are used to being with different people more often than some, wouldn't have those kinds of problems... Apparently under another misconception... Thanks...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Kokoflamingo' When you look at yourself naked in the mirror and just want to burst out crying and hide yourself from the world. I used to comfort eat, which made things worse. Its a vicious circle. When NONE of your jeans will fasten without a struggle involving you lying on the bed and almost having a cramp trying to hold your stomach in. When friends invite you to a night out and you make a pathetic excuse not to go. Im at a good place now with my body but I remember how miserable I was, and people saying "You look fine" was like a gentle kick in the stomach. You do not feel sexy when you have extra weight. To the girls trying to lose weight....dont give up....I got there in the end and its an emotional as well as physical struggle. Maybe we should have a weight loss club/buddy system, moral support and motivation/ xxxxx It's much the same for men too. Although, it's been said already, that we can lose weight more easily than women can, it's still always been a struggle for me to stay at what I consider acceptable for my build. Fortunately, I've got a solid build and can carry a little extra, but the only time I remember when I didn't have to be careful about eating and exercise was in my early 20's. Now, I look at food and gain a kilo... Fortunately, I can summon the will power to exercise and say NO!!! to anything that puts weight on me (not necessarily fat, but carbs and sugar)... So, I'm sure many blokes know where you're coming from... It's a fact of life that we lose the ability to lose weight as time goes on, hormones (or lack thereof), slower metabolisms, less activity and so on. But I can assure anyone that the only way to lose it and keep it lost is to do it slowly and let your metabolism adjust and process things more quickly while you feed it less... and keep moving... Thanks...
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RHP User
10 years ago
When ever I appear on this site I seem to collect a few brickbats. One of my insecurities! Throw the brickbats if you wish - but I do think the problem is deeper than physical health or appearance issues. A long time ago I had to study psychology as part of a course of study. The point I want to make here is that we have all become what we are (apart from obvious physical defects) because of the way we have been conditioned (taught) to think about ourselves. Psychologists call this 'childhood conditioning'. It is not exclusively a childhood matter. Many things in life can affect the way we think about ourselves - a bad or violent marriage is a common one, but the most common is parents vicariously living their own lives through their children. Now I do not want any of us to blame our parents or anybody else for what we are. Terribly unfair to parents who were trying to do, what they believed was the very best thing for us. We actually do become partial carbon copies of the thinking of the people who have influenced us. In my own case: I grew up in a comfortable middle class family. Anything to do with sex was a taboo subject. To my mother, totally abhorrent. She frequently told me that I must never touch a girl - and certainly never kiss a girl because that would lead to 'other things'. I was not old enough to understand what she meant. And God will find me a nice wife when the time is right. I had to study hard (I never did) and not be distracted by girls and then I would have a very successful career in one of the professions. Indeed, I have had a very successful career in two professions - but also three broken and relatively sexless marriages. (My mother shortly before she died gave me a good talking to and tried to apologise - she realised what had happened. You see, my mother really was a wonderful woman - but oh so difficult) I have no trouble being friends with women but at an emotional level, I am terrified or rejection and being hurt. There have been many times when sexual opportunities have presented, I have been invited into women's homes, been into their beds, showered with them and so on - then suddenly panicked decided that I had to leave - that is, to abandon any possible 'conquest'. The problem is in my head. The only really successful relationships have been when the woman takes he initiative and 'makes' things happen. The is, gets me past that sexual insecurity - then it has become a real and wonderful affair. (and my penis would perform ) I strongly suspect that most men who have these sorts of issues really had mothers who did not want their sons to get 'a little floozy' pregnant and thus ruin the good family name. As for now, I do not care what your legs are like, your blood pressure is, what you think of your breasts, your hair colour is any other characteristic that you perceive in yourself. We all have these issues, be us male of female. More to my point, I would like to find sexy female company and friendship (with or without doubts and fantasies.) There you are. Thoughts please. Brick bats are welcome - but no put downs. I do not handle impolite rejection well. Gordie
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RHP User
10 years ago
Gordie..I am sure many people can relate to the influences of our parents,whether a positive or negative... I ran away from home when I was seventeen with my then boyfriend.because my father in particular was physically and emotionally abusive and he objected to me having a boyfriend ..it wasn't until much later after a virtually sexless marriage that I realised that I was in love by myself...I love this quote by Angela Carter.......she really sums it up for me We do not go to bed in simple pairs..Even if we choose not to refer to them we still drag there with us the cultural impedimenta of our social class,our parent's lives,our bank balances ,our sexual and emotional expectations,our whole biographies..All the bits and pieces of our unique existence xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's a sign of strength you've courageously shared that openly. Seems you need solutions. Not sure if you'll get any here unless there are psychologists among us. I will share this though. I saw a Bill Murray movie that your post reminded me of. "What about Bob". Essentially Bob needed to take things one step at a time, sometimes minute steps - to get him through his challenging insecurities. The steps were always forward. You talk about conditioning. I know, and neuroplasticity proves, we can recondition ourselves. Martial Arts is proof of that. Someone does an inner forearm block 6000 times & surprise surprise when a punch is thrown, is it illogical that the practitioner does an inner forearm block? Of Course not. And neither is having a smooth Dynamic sexual relationship if you decide to take yourself through it one step at a time. Good Luck mate SA
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RHP User
10 years ago
Brilliant movie about the crippling effects of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive disorder), from which we all suffer although some in 'minute degrees'... Another movie is "As good as itr Gets", Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt... Another brilliant portrayal of this crippling disorder. It's not directly related to the difficulties that Gordie expresses. But I think (apart from the most magnificently confident of us) all suffer from a bit of the 'first time' jitters. I mentioned this in this or another topic. It's a hard thing to do, no matter how well you've come to know someone, to bear yourself totally and physically and then be expected to shrug off all the little things that go through your mind (in men, probably, will 'Mini-Me' let me down tonight???). The worrying just makes it worse and the chances greater... It's called performance anxiety (as we all know). But after we kick a couple of goals, all is well. I don't know how much of this you take with you when you find yourself with someone the first time... I grew up in a great 'nuclear' family and had wonderful parents who where open and honest about all things (at the appropriate age), but still I find occasionally that I get those first time insecurities and occasionally need to settle and try again after some relaxation and deep breathing (it does really help)... I also married early into a virtually sexless marriage and eventually she left me and the 3 kids (what woman can do that???)... But fortunately, I've never really been insecure or have ever taken that to bed with me... Because she was a crazy morn... and still is (last time I saw her 10 tears ago... So, no impolite criticism... Just that you're not alone, mate. Everyone has their bad nights but mostly things work out fine... It seems you may have other issues other than those I've just expressed if you find yourself actually 'leaving' and removing yourself from the situation, rather than spending some time talking to the understanding lady you're with... That also helps, and 99.9% are exactly that. They know as well as we do what it feels like, it just isn't as evident with them. Good luck mate... Slay 'em...
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