F47

Faking orgasms

February 06 2008

I could count in one hand, with still plenty of fingers left over, the number of times I attained orgasm with a partner since sex was forcibly introduced to me at age 16. The rest of the time, I faked each and every one of them. I could never understand what all the fuss was about when it came to sex, and nor could I reconcile the fact that I could easily orgasm when I masturbated, but as good as never when there was a man involved in the equation. Why did I do that...all sorts of reasons...all of which seemed to be legitimate at the time, but in hindsight completely stupid and naive. Mostly I believed because of the traumatic event that happened when I was younger, that there was something physically wrong with me that I couldn't find pleasure in sex with another person, especially when most of these men proclaimed to me that they were great in bed (duh!). I didn't have any confidence in myself to tell them that I didn't enjoy it nor did I want to hurt their feelings by saying that. I went through a lot of men in basically a series of one night stands, which only confirmed my warped thinking that I was incapable of orgasming despite what my solo efforts achieved. Without going through the details, I've recently learnt otherwise, it was a light bulb moment actually, a sexual epiphany. Suffice it to say that I don't fake it any more, however that's not to say that I"m having mind blowing sex all the time! It's actually far from the truth, but at least I now have a better idea what I'm capable of and what works for me. Anyway...my question is...regardless of the relationship you're in...do you or would you notice if your partner(male or female) is faking it? Would anyone even admit to it...? Since it is a kind of failure as a lover...and most people would like to think they're good lovers. Would you even care if they were faking or not...especially those into one night stands? Given the nature of the site, this is probably the wrong place to ask about or admit to that kind of deception, however, your thoughts would be appreciated.

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RHP User

18 years ago

MMM maybe i have a different take on this.....have never lied........and dont think ive been lied too..but hey maybe i have...the reason I dont lie is that sex is not about the orgasmn for me..its far more than that and belive me I've had the knee shaking experience without orgasm ..and the feeling of absoloute bliss for days without the orgasmn..so nah...I dont have to fake it sex is most definaltly a good thing with or with out the fire works..hehehe..and in my experience it just keeps getting better..or maybe thats the company i keep..

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RHP User

18 years ago

I saw a documentary recently about orgasm, the different types and erogenous zones etc. It was interesting listening to the responses of the women interviewed. Those who were most frequently able to achieve orgasms were very clued into what worked for them and able to focus (for want of a better term) their attention on their erogenous zones. They weren't backward in coming forward about guiding partners to what worked for them in order to achieve orgasm. As every person is different, and with women it is more particular, there is nothing wrong with guiding your partner to what works for you. Some women claim to only be able to achieve clitoral orgasms, others equally at home with clitoral and 'g-spot'. Got to give us guys a bit of direction sometimes. As for guys, personally I couldn't fake it, the physical signs are a bit of a dead give away. I think with men there is a stronger physical stimulation to orgasm than women. The ability of a man to have long endurance or not would appear to be more a function of mental arousal and stimulation than physical, in most cases.

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RHP User

18 years ago

Strange that you bought this up as one of my besties had just told me that she'd neva orgasmed until 28, for the same reason that you mentioned. It's great to read that you've got passed it xxx Btw, I fake whenever the guy gets it wrong and I can't be bothered showing him...lol...then I go into the bathroom and get myself off. Tactfully of course...lol

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RHP User

18 years ago

As a guy it might sound strange but i've had this problem myself. As for faking it, I don't think it would work unless I flip them over and spit on their back (lol sorry). Personally i think it's the mood. It's not what someone does, or doesn't do but how they make you feel. Being comfortable is the number 1 priority in anyone's case in my opinion. All the best.

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RHP User

18 years ago

I could be being naive, but I think I would notice. My guess is it would depend on how perceptive the guy's being, whether he's more tied up in how HE's feeling; or doing his best to respond to what's working for you. Faking can mislead the guy and I personally think is being a little to altruistic! Girls have different preferences, and I'd suggest using a system of guiding him to where you need him... rather than going all out faking the big O! :) - that's if you need a way to be both encouraging and helpful... Past sexual trauma can also be major block to your enjoyment. After time has past it can even be the expectation of having to feign enjoyment... and the expectation of failure that will kill the experience. This way there can be a self-perpetuating cycle. If this is the case you need to find someone that you can communicate this freely with, and who will be happy to try to help you be a bit more in the present. Look up sensate focus I think that might be helpful for you! Best wishes, Tobs

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RHP User

18 years ago

I think communication is the key to great sex (and so much more). You have to find what works best for you and your partner. I think a lot of guys tend to have a certian set of moves that seem to "work best". But what absoultely drives one woman crazy might put another to sleep. We're all different. For me, I actually enjoy sex more getting my partner off than getting myself off (I'm a guy, orgasms are easy). If you're thinking "oh god just hurry up and cum so I can go masturbate" but you're saying "oh god oh god that's the spot" then there's a pretty good chance your guy is going to stick with it and never find what REALLY gets you off. Sure, you might get lucky and we'll just happen to do exactly what sets you off, but ask yourself how often you orgasm during sex, and if you're not communicating, were your partners so far off the mark that a little guidance wouldn't have really brightened up your night?

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RHP User

18 years ago

Casava, I think its all about how connected you are to your partner, and the wavelength your both on. I do not think there is any mistake about an orgasm, if the vinegar stroke is not obvious at the time afterwards it is clearly evident by your partner’s behavior. I have found they desire to stay close and enjoy the after moment when I have weaved my magic right. Not that you get it right every time, and because you don’t, does not mean you have failed in your act of making love. Making love is taking a person and sharing yourself with them and them with you, it is physical and mental, and to focus solely on the physical will result in a shallow and often fruitless encounter. As a guy, sometimes I have engaged with partners who were not right for me, the end result has been too unload but not too orgasm, a sad encounter, with the resulting question ‘have you come already’? Just because a guy fires with a hair trigger does not mean that he has not had an orgasm though. Sometimes the mental build up with in him over comes/cums his physical prowess. You know the fakers, all the noise, all the actions; they are not the same as an unleashed reaction. (may be I will put that on a T shirt) (even wear it to gym) Now that the light is on and you have the ability to choose I hope you choose carefully so you can develop trust with your partner and get the chance to let yourself run free. Then my sweet you will not have enough fingers to cover a fortnight.

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