F36
Couples Who Play...
November 01 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
As a general rule you are absolutely right. But fidelity is a complex issue for me, being bisexual and being married to the woman of my dreams for 25 years has its difficulties. A lifetime is a very long time but I like being married... I also like boyz. There's the issue right there... well, one of them. I didn't set out to be a cheater... I dont thin kanybody does.... and I was monogamous for 20 years... but every seven years.... the seven year itch returns... hehe .... those darn itchy years got the better of me last time they came around. Of course, it gets more complicated than that... but that's the simplified version. Of course, this can only end badly. I hope you understand what I mean... all circumstances are individual so don't be too harsh in your judgement of me. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
To my mind, faithful implies sexual loyalty to your husband or wife, and not sexual exclusivity. Couples make decisions based on a myrid of factors that can never be known to or understood by those outside the relationship. Provided both individuals are happy, like gaz said, live and let live. That said, taby001, if it makes you uncomfortable, and I have to say, in a lot of instances, it makes me uncomfortable, you don't have to go there. lovebitten xoxoxo
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RHP User
16 years ago
oh I dont know.. maybe because monogamy is a christian viewpoint.. No offence intended, although I do understand that my view can sometimes upset.. I was raised strictly religious, and monogamy was well brainwashed... Didnt seem to stick with me though! lolI believe that natural intinct is NOT to have only one sexual partner.. It has nothing whatsoever to do with emotions and feelings, but rather primal feelings. My friend once descibed it to me in the form of sandwiches.. lol One can eat Vegemite sandwiches every day for life and love it, but sometimes you are just gonna crave that jam sandwich.. Variety is the spice of life. Try not to confuse the act of making love with good old fashioned sex.. The two are very different, but both awesome!Majick :o)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Sex and love are not mutually exclusive concepts.
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RHP User
16 years ago
How much you & I think alike Taby.I'm of the same opinion...
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RHP User
16 years ago
There is also a big difference in being in an open relations and cheating on the person. Cheating is about lying to someone having an open relationship is about 100% honesty. I would say that I am 100% faithful to my husband even though I sleep with other people (as does he). For some people and I count myself as one of these people sex is not always about love but about the physical enjoyment. Therefore I feel free to seek that physical enjoyment from other people other then my husband but I only seek love from my husband. But there are a lot of people on this site who are in relationship but their partner is not aware of their involvement in this website, they are people who are cheating.
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RHP User
16 years ago
That has to one of the most stupid post yet, ''excuse me why are people having sex with other people'' this arent no dolly club girl, people meet other people to fuck on this site . If someone has to explain to you the concept of swinging maybe your in the wrong place. or maybe this is your daddy? hes found your password and is going to saturate the forum with his religious morality. now ranaway now the adults are going to fuck.
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RHP User
16 years ago
The way I see it is well fuck it Im single who cares what i think........ But seriously some people are here to fulfill sexual fantasies and if they are doing it as a couple well then they have made the chioce together so I dont see that as being unfaithful if they were doing it behind the partners back then thats a bit shit but hey I've cheated before it was fun till she found out hehehe she wouldnt join in her loss her besty was keen for her to join us
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RHP User
16 years ago
I do understand what you are saying in your post, but taby001 asked a simple question..she asked "why" as in what are the factors making someone in a couple look outside that dyad for sex? I don't feel she was making any sort of judgment, nor was she being confrontational. It certainly was not a stupid post in any way. Maybe she could have phrased her question in a different way, ie What are people in couples looking for that they cannot find in their relationship? But give the girl a break! The question is a legit one. I'm sure the answers will be wide and varied. lovebittenxoxoxoxo
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RHP User
16 years ago
Sex in space was was a stupid idea, hows everybody going to get thursday off work? so your the second most stupid ever. thankyou have a great day.
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RHP User
16 years ago
lets say she is'nt been naive, for her to understand she would need to feel the trust and love the couples have for each other and mostly that comes from years together,we've been together longer then you've been on this rock. soulmates.We enjoy sex it can be so intence, exciting, when its just us we make love, when we play its for a different type of thrill, have you ever had a threesome? and theres more to it the partys, dressing up for sex and other things.
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RHP User
16 years ago
OK first off I see no reason to be nasty about my post. I was asking a perfectly simple questionn: Why does one parner let another play around with other people. I was brought up and still think that when your dating/married to someone you should stay faithful to them and only them. Im just trying to understand other people's points of veiw on why married or dating couples play around with others. And yes I know RHP is a sex site or why else would I join? I am single and if your single I say go for it have fun, play around and meet some great people. But if your in a relationship shouldnt you be happy with your parnter and play around with only them? As mentioned above "I DID NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE!"
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think that at 20 years of age, Taby still probably sees things as black and white. She isn't old enough to have had a real long term relationship and probably has no concept of what is like to be with the same person sexually for years and years and therefore i think she was just trying to fathom it all out and simply asking why. Sometimes people cant differentiate between "making love'" and just sex minus the love!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
i was inocent at twenty...honest...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Taby, We play with other couples as well as single girls and the occasional single guy.We do so because we have spent many,many hours over many years questioning,reasoning,judging,justifying our needs/wishes/curiosity.Our discussions have included the obvious moral/ethical issues and,to a lesser, extent the religious/spiritual aspects. We are married and truely believe we are partners for life and raise our kids according to our basic christian beliefs.As did our parentsfor us when we were growing up. And yet here we are...
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RHP User
16 years ago
My personal reasons...I have been married to the same person for 30 years. We have two sons, one who is married and has our first grandchild..she is the apple of my eye. My wife and I are still in love but our sex life is virtually non-existent now. This does not bother her but I am a very tactile and sexual person. She doesn't want to swing. I won't go into her lack of libido..too personal. To me having sex is different to 'making love'. I need a partner to enjoy having sex with me not do it just to please me. I have a lot to lose and will damage a lot of lives if I chose to leave. It would hurt my wife if she was to find out I was on this site never mind hoping to meet ladies with similar views to mine. It is my choice and I have to live with the consequences but I have on intention of losing my family life. This is a very honest and frank explanation and hopefully gives you some understanding of why some people ..cheat.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Swinging Couples DONT CHEAT. there is no need to cheat.Singles dont swing, they play.Couples dont make love with others they FUCK.I think that says it all.Just my opinion...lol
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RHP User
16 years ago
Often the crudest explanations are the truest - Well put.Wil x
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RHP User
16 years ago
Concise and to the point..
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think I speak for Sophie too, when I say that we do not belive in monogamy. The idea of the one seems so archaic when you realise that it is just as feasable to be totally head I've heels in love and infatuated with the two. Also sex and love are worlds apart. Relationships can exist in all kinds of variations from the traditional Christian world view and we are all for exploring the many alternatives. Hugs Mr Sophie-G
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playfulminx
16 years ago
On reading your question, I wasn't sure if you meant that you couldn't understand why couples play together with others (swinging), or that couples played separately with others (open relationship). Funnily enough there are a lot of swinging couples who may tolerate but don't understand open relationships either, so I don't think your question is silly at all :) Add to that the conundrum of people who hook-up without spousal consent. It's a mixed batch here on RHP!The site is about opportunities and realising fantasies as well as accepting other forms of sexual lifestyle other than monogamy. There are so many layers involved in recreational sex and even though some things may be beyond your understanding at this stage, just keep an open mind to everything that goes on in RHP land and have fun doing your own thing :P
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RHP User
16 years ago
When my wife and I first meet sky rockets were shooting out of our backsides.. We only had eyes for each other..and we were very protective of our bond. Naturally after a few years things quitened down ' the sky rockets were put away and we had our family and lived the life of a very loving model couple. We were' and still are good living christian people. However' our primal instincts still had our sexual desires bubbling away underneath. So as much as we love each other our sex life had drifted off in different directions. So what do we do... go out and cheat or introduce the obvious alternative. We have choosen the obvious alternative. Why' because we both agree its not cheating if we are playing together. Its about adding a new dimention in our lives' and reintroducing the sky rockets. We could always just grow old gracefully as they say' or take the route we have choosen. But' in saying that' we have not played yet' but we are ready when we connect with the right couple . We know what we want' thats why we choose RHP.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Taby, very valid question and I have always been curious as to why couples would jeopardise a beautiful strong relationship by introducing another partner into their lives.I'm divorced due to my ex husband not being able to keep his zipper firmly up. I'm not what you would call a troll, I enjoy many forms of sex so could never understand his straying. I know some couples in open relationships can handle the "it's just sex" aspect, what bothers me however is when the lines are crossed and one of the couple decide to continually see a "playmate" - this to me is carrying on an affair with the partners blessing. I was bought up to honour your partner, stick with them through thick and thin and communicate. Something my ex could not understand.Personally, if people in "committed relationships" want to play emotional russian roulette - that's their business. It only ends in tears no matter how strong your relationship is. By introducing a third into the marital bed, you're only asking for disaster. This is just my opinion/view and yes I do know someone who is doing this.
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RHP User
16 years ago
agreed. Trixie.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yes, Gaz speaks for me too, Taby. We don't believe in momogamy, it's very hard to sustain over the years of a long, loving relationship. Sexual attraction is at its highest at the beginning and can fade. Conversely, love can grow and grow and grow over the years. Many cheat and often it's not the actual sex that is the problem when they get caught but the lies and deception and betrayal of trust. I personally don't think cheating is the evil it's made out to be. I would like to see more people open their minds about what the reasons were in the first place and I don't think cheating is worth breaking up a relationship over. Trust can be regained and hopefully make the relationship more honest and open than before. Each story is different though and there are no iron-clad rules. Swinging is different. And each couple that swings swings differently. There are a million possibilities and options. Some only want MMF, some FFM, some group, some no kissing, some no penetration and so on and so forth. So many things to try, so little time :P There are some constants though. Couples that swing in any way realize that sexual attraction and emotional love are two separate things. Couples who swing successfully communicate constantly and talk through any issues that arise. They work through jealousy issues and any other problems. Open relationships are similar, each partner knows, understands and accepts what's going on. Of course, as in all relationships, it isn't always smooth sailing. People can change, and do, and problems can arise. But it's like any relationship. You have to decide for yourself what you want and the key to that is open, honest communication. And, yes, you seem pretty open about sex for your age, so your ideas might change with personal experience. But I think the swinging community sometimes forgets that the majority don't actually think like us. It's easy to think our way is right because we often surround ourselves with like-minded people. Our way isn't right for everyone. Some people will never be able to separate love from sex, or overcome jealousy or upbringing and open themselves up to new experiences. So be it. Sophie (aka Mrs Gaz)
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RHP User
16 years ago
It cannot be explained but I will try , it comes from deep love, trust devotion, a sense of adventure, openness, honesty, respect,togetherness, individuality, Living and breathing all life has to offer, wanting your partner to do the same. When you have a marriage or partnership that has all of these things, then you may begin to understand, even then you may never get it but I truly hope you do. My marriage has all of this and more, but it does not have jealousy or a need to place controls against each other. I want to live my entire life with my stunning, intelligent wife, I want to wake up next to her every day, and yes I want her to explore her natural desire's.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Mrsexy here; Wow this is interesting, Taby taby taby you probably just scared off about 1000 potential swinger that were almost at the forbiden fruits,i can just imagine you walking into a swingers club ,''excuse me can you help me understand why you people cheat its a sin you know'' im sorry just having some fun with you, but i think you already knew the answer, you were just stirring, its fun arent it.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Interesting read Sophie, but I doubt at such a young tender age you would have experienced the "WOW" factor of a committed relationship, where the last person you think of before sleep is him and he's on your mind as soon as you wake. The gut wrenching butterflies when you know he's about to ring, or when you're about to see him. Curling up next to someone you adore, his hand on your leg while you watch a movie or television knowing it's you he wants and no one else. Then that smack in the gob when you find out he's sharing his affection with women he's met in pubs, the reason he comes home late isn't because of working late, it's the women. The credit card bill is hidden or redirected to work. He accidently forgets your birthday, thinks valentine's day is an "american hallmark marketing exercise" - once he even forgot the wedding anniversary and spent it out to dinner with his latest fling. I found all this out AFTER he moved out.I believe in monogomy. At my age, I still hold the dream there's one for me and once he arrives, boy he'll be treated like the prince I'll believe him to be. Yes we all think differently, some are selfish and treat relationships as blase as yesterday's rubbish - some work their guts out to make it special.I also don't understand couples hooking up with singles. To me, it's a disaster waiting to happen. Should one partner fall deeply for their playmate, what cost would the fall out be - especially if they have children ?????Yes, we're all different, we all have our own opinions. This is just mine.
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RHP User
16 years ago
taby, I see you struggling with this issue so you post IS valid and well done for putting up a thought provoking question. When I was 20, despite not growing up in a particularly relgious family (we went to church for christenings, weddings and funerals) I belived as you do that when you were in a relationship, you didn't stray....it wasn't until many years later that I came to an understanding that it takes all kinds of people to make up the world and that diversity, in race, religion, culture and sexuality was actually a very beautiful thing. That lead me to belive that it's ok to be different and that even if you dont agree with someones ideas, they have the same freedom to express their ideas that you have. As long oas those ideas are legal and non vilifying. If you believe that then for some people it's a simple step to understanding that if something, in this instance swinging or having an open or non exclusive relationship makes BOTH of you happy and doesn't hurt anyone then surely it is acceptable to both persons. More than acceptable in some cases leading to a lifestyle choice....and many of the people here ahave made that lifestyle choice as evidenced by the comments above. Personally, seeing my partner enjoying herself with others is very sexy....it makes me love her even more. Knowing that she is liberated, healthy and living her fantsies makes me proud of her. Knowing that she comes to me for the closeness that we all need make me proud of me. Love takes many forms, some of them hard to reconcile....but it is still love. Always was, always will be. I hope this helps you reach an understanding to your question "in a relationship, should you not stay faitful to your partner ?" How much more faithful could you be than to love someone enough to let them do the things that they find beautiful and sexy and exciting ? Dogism.
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Mr_MrsJones
16 years ago
Ok Taby. I don't think I have anything groundbreaking to add to the above but great question. One that all couples who play will get asked by other non-playing friends and relatives should they choose to 'come out' about their extra curricular activities. For us the answer is relatively simple. Because it is fun!!!!!!! As long as you are honest with each other and respect each others boundaries and feelings. For us the definition of cheating is something you feel you have to hide from your partner because you think they won't like it. A point to ponder for you Why do we have sex with people we love but don't necessarily love the people we have sex with? Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you cant have sex with someone else. It doesn't mean you don't love them less in fact you can end up loving them more
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RHP User
16 years ago
I respect your opinion, redi2try, and think that the majority of people in the world think exactly like you. I don't have a problem with that and wouldn't try to push my beliefs on you. Of course cheating hurts but I still think it's the lying and betrayal of trust that is the most damaging. But you seem to think that swingers don't have the "WOW" factor of a committed relationship - I'd say they have it even more! "At my age, I still hold the dream there's one for me and once he arrives, boy he'll be treated like the prince I'll believe him to be. Yes we all think differently, some are selfish and treat relationships as blase as yesterday's rubbish - some work their guts out to make it special." Your comment here is spot on IMO. You should work your guts out to make it special and treat your partner with the respect they deserve. And there are people in all types of relationships who are selfish and don't do that. All I would say here is that most married swingers I know fall into the "work their guts out to make it special" category. They have nothing but respect and love for their partners, as you can read in some of the posts above.
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