M44
Complaining about the little things
December 18 2016
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
and you've come here to ask about this? 😉 you've come to the right place, just watch your grammar lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
to answer a bit more seriously, I used to worry about small things that no longer matter. It is about how happy we are. I now find myself in this incredibly happy place where I now pity people who are just like I used to be. I still have a few things others might consider minor that bother me, toilet seat up lol 😀 hate looking at the inside of a toilet bowl, but it's not important to many, so it is subjective. What can be unimportant to one can be important to another. So big issue, little issue? Sometimes you need to cut them a bit of slack because they might be in a temporary unhappy period in their life, they will no doubt morph or evolve into a different version of the person they are now, with time and life as it muddles along 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Remind them about what a fortunate life they have compared with most of the people on the planet. Today I joined the Afghan community in Brisbane for a celebration. Many families one in particular ,had spent years in refugee camps before coming here..one young man I spoke to was born in the camp ..his parents were there for eighteen years after being persecuted and fleeing their home. Meeting people like this put my life into a different perspective. The other thing you could say is that you only want to engage with them if they are going to be positive. Negativity can be contagious so my advice is to not engage with this person while they are in a negative frame of mind.However their negativity cold be a sign that they are indeed depressed,in that case ask them if they would like to talk or help them seek some professional help hugs Q
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am struggling with similar right now in my life. I have tried to introduce the argument of how 'they' have so much more, from my point of view... so much more. But as they have described and I know myself from past situations, it is something of an empty argument when the soul is in a hole... as you make clear in your last paragraph. No answers from me in particular DandF, sorry. It can be difficult not to buy in to drama... if that is what it is, it's a pity there is no obvious yardstick. Peachy
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RHP User
9 years ago
The smaller your world becomes and small issues become great ones - because you don't have anything else or anyone else to focus on. It drives me mad!!! But who knows I may be the same when I am old and grey. I hope not. I have a friend who will frequently write FML after something small that has happened to her. It.drives.me...MAD! I am absolutely hate it. How dare she. She has a charmed life. Almost owns her place in Sydney. Which makes her wealthy in my book. She is slim, good looking, is very healthy and can afford to do almost anything that she would really want to do. And her favorite phrase is FML. I too haven't told her how much I absolutely loath it when she says or writes that. :((
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have always thought this is such a stupid label. Stuuuuupiddddd labels!! Isn't that a form of bi-polarism? You know when you think about it EVERYONE has these traits to varying degrees!! Your life is driven by emotions. Your natural instinct is to protect yourself for survival, not from sabre tooth tigers but now from other people, society and sometimes ourselves. The brain is a very complex organ and for you to label yourself passive aggressive and let it define you is the worst thing you can make yourself believe. How would you like it if you were labelled and put into a box? Don't do that to yourself. Labels were used so people can understand, but there are varying degrees and different forms. I agree - get to the issue and tackle that but be prepared if it is someone that is sensitive and tangles lots of issues together (usually it's a female trait but some males can do this too) , they can bring up other issues or go in a tangent - stick to one topic. Focus and stay on course and don't make it personal, fight fair. Keep it logical. If they raise their voice keep calm, don't raise yours. You need to discuss, not argue. Emotions make everything messy. You must know how to calm the other person down... don't make them more angry or make them go into their shell only to explode later. It's hard and I know this sound lecture-like but that's what I try to do with arguments. I'm not perfect either :P Good thing you recognise it's only a mulhill with all the crap over it hahahaha - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
lol That's for vanilla people. People who are stuck with each other and try to own the other person, you know the jealous 'cheating' brigade 😉 Some people like looking into toilet bowls, some like to hug the porcelain bowl after a big night, each to their own, good for them, but that's not the topic is it? 😀 passive aggressive, not a good look. Pity is all I feel
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sweetgem
9 years ago
No doubt, we all have been in your current position regarding dealing with someone who would complain about the smallest things, and vice versa, but we didn't realise it 😊 I do find it really frustrating and stressful when I come across someone like that! But knowing that I have done the same thing in the past, I have better tolerance and handling techniques. So, what I do with people like that nowadays is: 1) If that someone is a good/close friend, I would give them lots of times to listen to their vents, try to see pass their complaints for the hints of them might be in trouble emotionally and mentally, and then provide support in getting them the helps they need. Or 2) If it's someone whom I know, but not close to, I would listen to them once and point them into the right direction for help, then I would back off and let them deal with their own issues. Yep, I may seem cold in my #2 technique, but that is a safer way for me to handle someone I don't know well, and while my own plate is overloaded with commitments, priorities and stresses of my own. Besides, I am not a trained professional in any forms of medical expertise, so I am always cautious in giving suggestions to people who might have emotional or mental issues. Therefore OP, whomever you're dealing with now, it depends on how well you know the person, or how are you guys related, then use your initiatives to help them out accordingly. Good luck and remain calm at all times, even though it is difficult to do so at times :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
People who aren't proactively aggressive when they are angry. e.g. do not actively vocalize their discontent, often revert to being passively aggressive. For me there are four types of ways people react to anger reliant on their personality type (whilst in a relationship), 1) Actively vocalize anger (common)2) Passive aggressive (very common)3) Physically aggressive (more common than you think)4) Utilizes logic and reason (very rare, and won't always be sustainable) I fall into 2) and 4). I don't like being passive aggressive when I am angry, but sometimes there's a better way of saying 'fuck you', when needed.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sorry for the rant above, but I strongly dislike labels... I know a complainer - my Mum, all she does is nag. Some friends. I do agree with others here, it is something deeper and they are nitpicking. Sweeping the ugly issue under the rug, only manifests in other ways and can explode and rear it's ugly head later. Better to be blunt, when it arises, not always easy... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
of a specific example in the Original Post, people might offer all manner of views. It is a highly subjective topic question. To borrow from @Redshift, you might consider how someone might transition from (4) to (2) rather than to (1) or even worse, (3). Some simple and common examples which strain relationships: - Excessive, unnecessary, avoidable damage to property; and/or - Excessive, unnecessary, avoidable waste; and/or - Excessive, unnecessary, avoidable spending beyond financial means* while (in my own example) only one member of the couple (in this case, me) works (long, arduous hours) to pay all of the outgoings**. In my own case, some may think it's "a little thing" to: - discard half a loaf of bread EVERY SINGLE DAY (because sandwich bread even one day old apparently is unfit to be eaten --- even when it's for toast); and/or - purchase new a replacement for any and every item you cannot locate because you're disorganised, you can't remember where you placed it, and you're too lazy to get off your arse and look for it**; and/or - purchase all manner of dust gathering knick-knackery (and then not clean/remove said dust periodically).... I could go on. Individually, these 'straws' may seem minor. Combined and compounded over any extended period, there comes a time the Camel's back breaks. Respect is the central issue. Sometimes the 'little things' are not actually so little when placed in context, because they represent a significant deficit (or even a complete lack) of one big thing... (Rant over) * Read: Massive credit card bills for spending on shit you don't need, using money you don't have!! (eg Subsidising her parents' grocery bill, servicing her mother's car - even though her parents work!) ** The other member of the couple is capable, has no real justification; just simply refuses until the children are school aged, then puts the kids in Long Day Care whilst she goes shopping to pass the time (or sits at home reading fiction novels while the dust gathers on aforementioned knick-knackery). *** Applied to all manner of household items - name ANY household item. Noah's Ark had nothing on us; we had more than two of every f@cking thing!!
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RHP User
9 years ago
many, many, many examples of unnecessary shit purchased on credit. She'd not take care of the bill by the due date (thereby accruing late payment fees in addition to interest), and as quick as I could bring the balance down, she'd spend it back up to the limit again. Any attempt to discuss the matter were met with a (literally) screaming tantrum (and occasional violence): "WE NEEDED IT!!!" (F@ck I'm glad I'm not still saddled with her!)
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
I see what you just did..... You complained about the complainer. 😉 Ms Foxy
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Summer_in_Sydney' I think contant complaining about seemingly insignificant things is usually a sign of something else going on. Ongoing nagging about say the toilet seat being left up, is hardly ever just about that in my experience. Could there perhaps be a bigger issue behind the little problems? I agree when I'm complaining about small stuff its generally because there is something bigger that is bothering me that I either dont want to talk about or can't put into words
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RHP User
9 years ago
First world problems?
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RHP User
9 years ago
I had a friend who was fun to hang out with at first. But her constant complaining and negative comments just wore me down after awhile. So now I have no contact with her at all. I do feel bad about it but I feel worse when she starts whinging. A lot of people have some sort of problem in their lives. It how they deal with it that shows the sort of person they are. (Summer....the halo belongs to you now 😇😘)
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RHP User
9 years ago
For those like me who haven't come across this one.. Fuck My Life. All I can say is either they need someone to talk to or as suggested are a drama queen. Easy to tell the difference after asking a few questions. If they need someone to talk to, I have an ear and a shoulder if needed for however long that takes. Drama Queen, sorry I lost interest.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Also stands for Fuck Me Loose which is what us young kids use it for 😉 I use the phrase sometimes when stress gets the better of me. I vent, breathe and then calm down and then usually have a laugh. Most people go through stages where a morning or a day gets the better of them for a while. It's whether you let everyday get the better of you - negativity cna be contagious and addictive.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I just get to work on my knees, with my hands and tongue and make a big thing of it. But no complaints here 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
9 years ago
I'm at the time of my life where time with quality friends and family is most important. I don't want for much anymore and so over material things. I seek experiences, good ones and sometimes bad. Sometimes the later can't be avoided as it comes with the Territory of one's search for happiness and content. Putting things in perspective. It was my birthday on Sunday, and as I told an Rhp friend, I celebrated with my kids by donating our time to the community. I don't want presents but instead, we help out with the local soup kitchen preparing food and doing dishes, sweeping floors. My boys grew up in a very privileged life in an affluent bayside neighbourhood, overseas travel 2-3 per year and they see the good n bad sides of each society. our annual Bali trip have seen them witness poverty and realised how being born into a poor family is unfortunate but lending a helping hand via education costs to our Balinese friends (hotel workers) helps. And used clothing too. My boys are worldly and have good morals and and are sensitive and fair. Anyway, 2-3 hours of our time for the needy is all I asked for my bday. I'm glad they agreed n we were very happy to help. Giving. That's what Christmas is all about and I'm teaching them this above materialism. They will be rich kids, no doubt but I also make sure they give back to the community and have respect to the elders n disadvantaged. I'm thinking we should help out this Xmas eve and Xmas day again. No Xmas gifts this year, an experiment . Pushing it I know but Christmas day sounds good so we are calling around soup kitchens. I always tell them indifference is as evil as the perpetrator of evil or a crime. if we stop complaining and do something, even how minuscule, we can make a difference. Little things matter. They make up the big picture. Merry Christmas to all. ☺ 🎄
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RHP User
9 years ago
I prefer the good old FFS in the situation you describe, but thanks for helping me keep up to date with the new fan dangle lingo that you young hooligans are using these days ☺️
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RHP User
9 years ago
You say they will be rich kids, no doubt... Sounds like you're already making their lives very rich.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'SoftandCurious' Also stands for Fuck Me Loose which is what us young kids use it for 😉 I use the phrase sometimes when stress gets the better of me. oh shush you, making me blush (Soft, stop trying to make "alternate FML" happen, it's not going to happen :-P )
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