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RHP

RHP User

F40

Booty Call, Fuck Buddy, or Friend with Benefits?

May 10 2011

sex

I seem to get alot of guys messaging me wanting a fuck buddy yet when i question them what they describe to me is a "friends with benefits" arangement or a "relationship" all but in name only...This is my take on the difference... whats yours?One-Night StandCalling Pattern: Calls and texts are confined to a 24-hour time limit. After sex, cell phone connectivity seems to peter out.Social Behavior: Situational factors such as weddings, recent breakups, traveling, and out of town visitors have a profound influence on initiating a one-night stand. The relationship is brief and intense. Attention is focus on the moment.Sentiment: As the name designates this is a one-time thing. Therefore, having sex again after the 24-hour period would change the relationship into a different type. Common feelings associated with a one-night stand are “Wanting to get it out of my system”, “I was so trashed”, “Why not”, “It was just on”, and “Everything just fell into place”.Booty CallCalling Pattern: Text messaging is the preferred mode of communication because of its conciseness. Calls or texts are often initiated around a bar’s last call. Chitchatting is avoided and instead there is a quick exchange of necessary details like:- Can you meet up later?- When?- Whose place?Social Behavior: Time spent predominantly engaging in or preparing for sex. There is no dating or hanging out. Rarely do you see booty calls spending time in public together. After sex, spending the night is not obligatory and often discouraged.Sentiment: You’re on the same sexual page. There is an understanding that each person is in the relationship for just sex. Booty calls are not interested in a romantic relationship with each other. Therefore, dating other people is acceptable and each other’s dating life is usually kept private. To keep the relationship on a sex-only level, getting to know one another on an emotional level is avoided. Depending on the terms of the relationship, if one partner has sex with someone else, then terms of the relationship may need to be renegotiated.Fuck BuddyCalling Pattern: Calls or texts are initiated to see what is happening that night or around town. Calls are usually focused around the social scene and whether paths will cross during the night.Social Behavior: Fuck buddies are able to be with each other in public. They often bump into each other at the same parties, bars, and clubs. Fuck buddies will seldom make plans with each other. Meetings are usually more spur of the moment or if there is nothing better happening. Fuck buddies can meet at the venue where the other fuck buddy is at and then go home with each other, whereas, booty calls will usually just meet where they will have sex.Sentiment: Fuck buddies are social play friends. The relationship is built on fun, casualness, and sex. They may be actively dating other people and are not interested in dating the other fuck buddy. Fuck buddies will usually only hang out if sex will ensue afterwards. Depending on the relationship, sex could be exclusively with each other or open to other people. This type of relationship ends if one of the members starts to seriously romantically date another person. However, if that partner returns to single status, the fuck buddy relationship can be reestablished.Friend with BenefitsCalling Pattern: Will call to just talk or make plans to hang out.Social Behavior: For the most part, these two people are friends. The big difference between their other friendships is sex. Friends with benefits have the ability to go out on date-like activities, which is useful for formal parties and weddings. However, real dates are not initiated because there is no romantic interest between the partners. The intention of hanging out is because they enjoy similar activities and each other’s company. Sex is an optional part of the relationship. If one partner has sex outside of the relationship, it does not end their friendship. Instead, the sex element is taken out of the relationship and they continue to be friends. Sex can also come back into the friendship when both parties are ready for it.Sentiment: This relationship is primarily about friendship. Friends with benefits care about the other; however, they are not interested in romantically dating each other. They are able to have sex with each other without it being awkward because they either have a good foundation for their relationship and/or communicate really well with each other. Since friendship is more valued than sex, sex is often sacrificed for the sake of the friendship. Friends with benefits are also able to talk about each other’s dating lives.Girlfriend/BoyfriendCalling Pattern: Calls and texts include all of the above calling patterns. In this relationship type, calling frequency also facilitates maintenance of the relationship. Content of conversations spans a much larger topic area.Social Behavior: Both parties are comfortable openly expressing their affection towards one another. Each person publicly acknowledges this type of relationship to others. Dating and sex are mutually defined by an agreed set of boundaries mutually acceptable to both parties.Sentiment: There is a high level of exclusivity that does not exist in the other relationships. Both people agreement that they are a “couple”. There is a mutual understanding that this title involves social prioritizing and commitment. The couple will agree with the unique rules that determine their relationship.

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Are you writting a manual for sex sites here?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Sounds reasonable to me :) xxMeeka

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I tend to consider fuck buddy and friend with benefits as one and the same, but I prefer the term fuck buddy. Friend with benefits sounds clinical, and besides, all friends have benefits, otherwise they'd just be tedious people who you seem to see a lot.Whereas fuck buddy has a fun ring to it, and flows off the tongue. As it should.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Darkhorse I understand your point but I think FWB implies that there is more than just sex involved that you care about each other as friends. Fuck buddies for me are people that you don't have any real connection with except for the sex. Although I prefer the term fuck buddy too. By the way, where have you been? You seem to have dropped of the radar for awhile. xxMeeks

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Thanks for contributing them here el_gato_negro :-) I don't believe that they're all one and the same but I do believe their differences are often and easily misunderstood. Flirty x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I put it up as everyone seems to have different ideals on it... call it what you like to me Fuck buddy means you're just that - a fuck and really i would rather hang out with someone else socially (who's cooler) but you're good in bed so i'll catchup with you at the end of the night.And to be honest if guys want to be my 'fuck buddy' thats how i treat them.My friends definition of a fuck buddy is "an easy good root but not someone who'd if offer breakfast to" I'm all about breakfast :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting '0_DarkHorse_0'I tend to consider fuck buddy and friend with benefits as one and the same, but I prefer the term fuck buddy. Friend with benefits sounds clinical, and besides, all friends have benefits, otherwise they'd just be tedious people who you seem to see a lot. Whereas fuck buddy has a fun ring to it, and flows off the tongue. As it should. Fuck buddy's call when they are horny. That is it. You may see them three or four times a year, maybe more, maybe less. My friends with benefits are friends. First, foremost and always. The friendship comes first. I chat to them regularly I know about thier families, thier jobs, thier lives. I text them on birtdays and at christmas and such other times. Just the same as any other firend. BUT when the timing is right we get together for amazing sex. When the timing is not right, the friendship is still there. Fuck buddy sounds a bit crass to me and a fuck buddy makes me feel just a little used. A friend makes me feel as if they care....because like me, they do.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Thought that all types of relationships can engage in Booty calls, I don't quite see how Booty calls can be a relationship in itself. To me a booty call is an outcome of a relationship, not a type of relationship. I.e: You ring your fuck buddy to make a booty call.Other than that I thought you made a pretty good fist of it.Cheers Nev

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I have a t-shirt which has "Stranger with benefits" on it, hoping that when I wear it I'll pick up. It never happens.BTW thanks for a thoughtful post, I agree with your terminology and definitions.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Except I have booty call rolled up with FB and FwB. A booty call is an action, not an appellation. I make booty calls to FB's and FwB's. However a booty call does go down the way you've described, but depending on who it's with determines the follow up actions.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I think you nailed it, I think each situation is unique from the next, but of course there can be a heap of variations on each situation, depending on the people involved... Personal interpretation is interesting... what one person thinks is a FB situation, the other person sees it as FWB....

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    ...Yeah, I took a bit of a sabbatical, set up a profile on redhotmonastery.com.au and meditated for a couple of months...Back now though. How've you been?but back on topic: I guess I use the term fuck buddy because I prefer it, but I'm using it to describe what others seem to call a friend with benefits... or maybe it falls somewhere in between. Because I don't tend to fuck women I don't feel a connection with, but on the other hand sex is usually the glue that holds the friendship together, rather than it being a pre-existing friendship that becomes casually sexual. That latter scenario I've found usually ends up changing the tone of the friendship.x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    A well written post ! . I agree with most of it. . I think you've left off the "Other Woman" or "Mistress" category ! Can you be a fuck buddy to a guy who is married or are you the Other Woman. And is the Other Woman the same as a Fuck Buddy but with a married guy whereas the Mistress is more of the Friend with Benefits label ? . ... Just pondering away at my desk on this cold wet Melbourne day. . Hugs, Saturn

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Excellent point Miss Saturn! The lines can get blurry when 'extras' come into play. And to expand a little further again, I think these definitions may apply if you're in an open relationship too. I think you can have ONS, FBs and FWB within an open relationship too and perhaps these definitions assist in the construction of boundaries for an open relationship. I really like this post. Again, well done OP. I too, am personally a very big fan of breakfast and not so much a fan of (IMO) being left with the feeling of being 'used' as a FB. Flirty x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Cut & Paste

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    But Miss Saturn and Flirty, before other people get in. Why do we have to put a label on everything? I can just imagine women driving their "married guy"crazy with questions. Am I the other woman or a mistress or a fuck buddy or a friend, etc, etc. By the way, what is the married person called in those scenarios then? xxMeeks

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Meeka100' But Miss Saturn and Flirty, before other people get in. Why do we have to put a label on everything? I can just imagine women driving their "married guy"crazy with questions. Am I the other woman or a mistress or a fuck buddy or a friend, etc, etc. By the way, what is the married person called in those scenarios then? xxMeeksI don't think we have to put a label on anything. But I don't really think I can see anyone disputing the descriptions the OP has posted here. They have only really questioned the inclusion of The Booty Call. . Labels are definitely not necessary but for some people, knowing where you stand in any relationship, casual or otherwise can ensure the relationship satisfies the needs, wants and expectations of all parties involved in it and thereby minimise misunderstanding and misinterpretation.. Flirty x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'HotSexyChilli'when you want to move with your sexual partner of choice out of one category and into another... I can feel trouble coming on.... Chilli xxxI agree with you here too. The whole damn dating world is frought with complications and trouble if you ask me! But I still think what I said (in my crappy quoting effort to Meeks above) is relevant.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Meeka100'I can just imagine women driving their "married guy"crazy with questions. Am I the other woman or a mistress or a fuck buddy or a friend, etc, etc. xxMeeks Hehe... oh yeah, I can just see the questionaire coming out as the married guy is coming up with a plan to get back to his nagging wife for some aural relief. . Great definitions El Gato - especially if you read them to yourself in David Attenborough's accent.

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  • Letsgetcrazy09

    Letsgetcrazy09

    15 years ago

    El_gato A well thought out set of categories for sure. Some might see themselves as being pigeon holed, some may see characteristcs of more than one category. I think you have defined your categories well......personally I am just not sure we are all quite so specifically defined but like the thought and effort you have put into the post. JMO Cheers Lets

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'el_gato_negro' I put it up as everyone seems to have different ideals on it... call it what you like to me Fuck buddy means you're just that - a fuck and really i would rather hang out with someone else socially (who's cooler) but you're good in bed so i'll catchup with you at the end of the night.And to be honest if guys want to be my 'fuck buddy' thats how i treat them.My friends definition of a fuck buddy is "an easy good root but not someone who'd if offer breakfast to" I'm all about breakfast :) I like your definitions and I like your attitude! Viva La Breakfast!And I'd add that a FWB might keep a toothbrush at my place.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Wow this is intense ,I thought these things were all in the name of fun and adding excitement into your normal every day to day living .Gives you something to look forward to even if it is chatting online or on the phone, depending on person it can quite a turn on having a call in the middle of the day (taking the boredom out of the day) I like to have LOTS of Fun .Reading this journal has just put my head in a spin LOL Still have interesting points though .

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    A married man sleeps around and his "friend" is called a Mistress. Please tell tell me that when a married woman plays around her "friend" is not called a Master!

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  • Letsgetcrazy09

    Letsgetcrazy09

    15 years ago

    Oh Fiona....you got it in one......hehehehe Lets

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I think the trouble with lists and boxes is that they are great when you are wandering through Safeway then need to carry your groceries out...but since we are all but mere humans, a lot of other factors come into play and would send your spread sheet spinning on the best of days. | Let's start by messing up the list with things like the varying levels of friendship or moreship, intent or even respect for yourself or the other person. Uh-oh, could be another one of those leaks in Windows or your Wiki to keep track of the meaning of the words. | One of the terms on the list that I really don't like is "Fuck Buddy"...that still sounds like at least one of you should have a PCA license and if money isn't trading hands then make sure the meal included in the deal makes it worth it. There probably isn't a lot of the Aretha rap happening...and I just wonder what happens if one of your fuck buddies that you happen to like better than the rest calls and says "hey I have an extra ticket to a sold out concert...let's go then have dinner" do you check the list and behaviours then say "no thanks..but you can come over and fuck me after it's over, buddy, and please stay in your box". | Now then what happens to the lists and boxes if your intent was to meet someone to explore the possiblilities because you seem to be friends...but it doesn't quite work out that way. Damn...move that box over to the "one night stand" and repeat only if you are having a really boring weekend and end up "that drunk". | Then comes the good stuff...and all the levels of friendship. I actually have friends from all walks of life and some I love simply because of who they are and what they mean to me as a part of my life. Oppss...no box there, then if you have a very grounded friendship that may go deeper and you find it's all happening from the inside out you find that making love to a friend...or even a lover, is way more fun that playing post office. | You know the game, just lick them, stick them... | ...and send them on their way. | | Life can be so complicated...and it's just too easy to let is all happen when it happens.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Jean_Girard'Great definitions El Gato - especially if you read them to yourself in David Attenborough's accent. Funny you should say that... just as I was watching David Attenborough describe the gibbons of Madagascar licking their balls on a sunny rock, courtesy of the "Lost Worlds" series.Personally, I don't care for all the definitions. Just whne you least expect it, people do something... unexpected.... change their minds and decide that they like you more than they wanted to... or something.... that chaos really fucks up the scientist in each of us.HugsStalky

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Maybe you can use it like a grading system then. You start off as a one night stand which turns into a fuck buddy situation however if you hit it off and like each others company I guess you might then upgrade to FWB. Then I get confused. So FWBs can love each other or care for each other but it is only when you fall in love that you upgrade to girlfriend/boyfriend status? Or do you do that when you want to become exclusive? But what happens if you have an open relationship? Ad infinitum....... :P xx Meeka

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  • Letsgetcrazy09

    Letsgetcrazy09

    15 years ago

    Perhaps it wasnt David Rabbitborrow, but there was that series on Meerkats........ Now I might be grasping at straws here but....... Meeka........Meerkat.......gee they are similar............both extremely cute......... Hehehehe Lets

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'ChasingMidnight' One of the terms on the list that I really don't like is "Fuck Buddy"...Which is why they invented the term 'Slampiece'. It's much nicer.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I just bought two of those at Ikea... | Quoting 'Jean_Girard'Which is why they invented the term 'Slampiece'. It's much nicer. | They were on sale at half price...you will find them with the other occassional tables. | Pity about having to screw them together yourself... | ...especially if you don't ever read the instructions.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Meeka100' Maybe you can use it like a grading system then. You start off as a one night stand which turns into a fuck buddy situation however if you hit it off and like each others company I guess you might then upgrade to FWB. Then I get confused. So FWBs can love each other or care for each other but it is only when you fall in love that you upgrade to girlfriend/boyfriend status? Or do you do that when you want to become exclusive? But what happens if you have an open relationship? Ad infinitum....... :P xx Meeka Relationships grow and change and of course people will be 'upgraded' or' down graded' depending on whats going on in your life. However the when it goes from FB or FWB is up to the people involved.To recap -RelationshipsSentiment: Both people agreement that they are a “couple”. There is a mutual understanding that this title involves social prioritizing and commitment. The couple will agree with the unique rules that determine their relationship.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    He would say WTF, give me a rum.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Most of us know what were all here for and most of us know its just to shag our tooshes off....I love the term fuk buddy it gives meaning to the term ....And its fun.But honestly all in all does it matter ??

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Great work! I love the definitions mind if i spread them as an email? That way we don't have any more complications =)

    reply

  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    We need Earls wisdom

    reply

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