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An Introductory Guide for Women on RHP...

April 28 2013

guide

humour

women

... To find some success with meeting and potentially (remember, girls, enjoying or wanting sex too much makes you a bad person) having sex with men through this site.It is an "Introductory" post, as I have little to know actual knowledge and am just making this up as I go. Clearly.1 - POSSESS A VAGINAWhile this is pretty much *the*requirement, don't overthink this one. Any old vag will do. Just take a quick peek downstairs and if you happen to see a vagina - that's pretty much it, you're golden. Well done on this crucial step.2 - PROFILE CREATIONFirstly, start with a username that will grab the eye, something that says "I'm potentially interested in showing you my bits." I'd recommend trying something along the lines of: HORNYSLUT6969. Its subtle, yet effective, and will surely result in a positive response from most males on the site. After this, no picture required, please just use the pre-made stock phrases that are in place, as most guys base their sexual partnering decisions on how much the intended likes to go out for coffee with friends. Please provide no personal info, and just leave those fields as 'Ask Me' - it's not as though any of the guys are looking at anything other than the username, and maybe a quick second glace to make sure that, yep, female. Apparently some guys will even compliment you on your apparent hotness, based upon this wasteland of non-information. There really is no way to go wrong, short of a close up photo of say, haemorrhoids. Even then, that'll probably just result in weeding out the more squeamish few, and who needs them anyway.3 - ACQUIRE TIMBERBear with me on this for a second. Ok, so thusly armed with your vagina, and your username, you now need to prepare for the cataclysmic deluge of messages, flirts and endless cock pics that will be inundating you in the very near future. The only possible response to the heaving tide is to construct for yourself a biblical Ark, upon which to safely float until the torrent slows and you can walk, blinking, into the bright sunlight of a new sexual dawn.Phone numbers for nearby lumber-yards and carpenters can be provided upon request.Upon this Ark you will need a P.A, to help sift through the teeming messages, and a computer with excel - spreadsheets are your friend!4 - THE HARD BITWorking out the dickheads from the not-so-dickheads can be tricky. In most cases, this is very much an 'eye of the beholder' sort of deal. One woman's dickhead is another woman's, well also dickhead - but she can change him, just you wait and see.However, working out whether a person is a dickhead from a picture and a profile is very difficult. Generally speaking, you sorta of have to give people the benefit of the doubt from the get-go, and work back from there, and learn sort of retroactively. If you find you are having to say in your profile that 'being respectful' is a primary requirement, you have chosen too many dickheads - look through those choices and try to find a common thread and then don't choose that again.Hang on, that's getting a little serious, and possibly a little too rocket-sciency. Here's the shortcut - every guy on the site is a dickhead but the esteemed author. You should send all your messages to, and conduct all your meets with, him, exclusively. For real.5 - ENJOY!This site is, by and large, your oyster. There are many more men here, and most of them would like to meet and to have sex with you. They will happily provide you with all of the compliments you could realistically want, outside of a narcissistic personality disorder. There are what seems to be a huge number of couples who are also looking for the pleasure of your company. If you want to try groups, then you will be totally catered for in that regard also. Honestly, you have nothing but choices at your disposal, in terms of meeting and potentially having sex with people. Yes, there are ups and downs. Yes there are tales of awful encounters. Yes, some men will be disrespectful. Some will also be crap in bed. However, you have the incredible luxury of being able to look at a staggering number of men, women, couples and groups, and decide, in most cases, at your leisure which you will have fun with. Or not at all, if you so choose. It is a wonderful position to be in, so I highly recommend you enjoy it to it's fullest extent, and have all of the sex. All of it.After all, you deserve it.

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Yep hads a look downstairs.....I have a Vagina!! Foxy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I am a horny slut who loves cock.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I don't give people the benefit of the doubt.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    vive la unicorn!!!Tre bien Innerwest.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    just waiting for Tuscan's post ...

    reply

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Devious' I don't give people the benefit of the doubt. But, your loss!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Ladies please note   when shopping on RhP do not look like a rabbit caught in the cross hairs,when you see all the pretty boys on display.   One size does not fit all   Be carefull you do not pick up used stock, check the tag if it says cant do sleepovers and or weekiends. Chances are its someone elses product. If you dont mind then its a bargin to be had as its low maintance you can slip it on, not wear it out of the house and discard it anytime you like.   If it says in bold print, Oral,Kissing on Lips and will keep you warm for hours....read the small print. It will indicate its not hundred percent genuine and will shrink and disappear before you get any use out of it.     Please use as many of the products on display, and give feedback regarding quality, quantaty or if it gave you a rash you or some other alergic reaction.   do not put up any thing interesting about yourself...care factor is o only open your mouth when a meat injection is offered, or to say the few manditory ohhh baby now and again.   Learn to lie with a straight face....uhhhh yeees its the biggest dick I ever saw..ohhhhh you mean your penis?     when you are having a shit day...check your inbox...it feeds our already inflated ego and makes me feel like     elle   Note. there are beer goggles and the stronger verison is RHP goggles.   make sure you keep them mesmerised with pictures of your pink bits....dont over complicate things   maybe even draw a little arrow down to your goldend pussy.....   thank god for rhp     without it my hymen would have grown back   ps no time to spell check on this lame lap top so suck it up spelling nazis

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  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    13 years ago

    You sure you aren't transgender? Love it IW, you have done us all proud, and of course having been so inspired can I use the username? Hornyslut6969 could push up my batting average significantly in the "dickhead" stakes. Move over paintme, I brought a bottle of leg opener and a cheese platter. Bring it on ladies, men, couples!!! See you IW on the better side of Darling Harbour ;-)- Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I love how you thanked RHP for preventing your hymen from growing back....thats priceless and i shall quote you fondly in future when the occasion arises....because i want people to roll around on the bed laughing their ass off just as i did. Mrs bi- Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'sensualbicouple'I love how you thanked RHP for preventing your hymen from growing back....thats priceless and i shall quote you fondly in future when the occasion arises....because i want people to roll around on the bed laughing their ass off just as i did. Mrs bi- Posted from rhpmobile and pats it back into place...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I knew it was going to be good!!! Love it.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    " If you find you are having to say in your profile that 'being respectful' is a primary requirement, you have chosen too many dickheads - look through those choices and try to find a common thread and then don't choose that again."Oh god. Thank you, that was a hell of a laugh I just had, sitting her in front of my computer like a crazy person. It's okay though, I have a vagina. An awful lot of crazy can be overlooked if you have one of those after all!IW, that was really well written, kudos!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Loving these two threads IW Hornyslut6969 ROFLYou also forgot to add in point 1 after checking downstairs.... Put two fingers on wrist and check for a pulse. lol

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Araps'Loving these two threads IW Hornyslut6969 ROFL You also forgot to add in point 1 after checking downstairs.... Put two fingers on wrist and check for a pulse. lol Did he forget? or was it intentionally dismissed as irrelevant?   I guess it's a good post OP, my question is; how much of what you've written do you truly (personally) buy into? it's hard to take context from writing alone and as such, although on one hand I can see the intended humour in it, on the other, it can be read as cynical, maybe patronising?   Just my $.02 FWIW

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Quoting 'Araps'Loving these two threads IW Hornyslut6969 ROFL You also forgot to add in point 1 after checking downstairs.... Put two fingers on wrist and check for a pulse. lol Did he forget? or was it intentionally dismissed as irrelevant?   I guess it's a good post OP, my question is; how much of what you've written do you truly (personally) buy into? it's hard to take context from writing alone and as such, although on one hand I can see the intended humour in it, on the other, it can be read as cynical, maybe patronising?   Just my $.02 FWIW ----The post is written with tongue stuck very firmly in cheek - i think that's reasonably clear. And as for patronising, there's only the slightest hint of that. Is it possible you might be looking a bit too hard for intended slights?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'innerwest123' Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Quoting 'Araps'Loving these two threads IW Hornyslut6969 ROFL You also forgot to add in point 1 after checking downstairs.... Put two fingers on wrist and check for a pulse. lol Did he forget? or was it intentionally dismissed as irrelevant?   I guess it's a good post OP, my question is; how much of what you've written do you truly (personally) buy into? it's hard to take context from writing alone and as such, although on one hand I can see the intended humour in it, on the other, it can be read as cynical, maybe patronising?   Just my $.02 FWIW ---- The post is written with tongue stuck very firmly in cheek - i think that's reasonably clear. And as for patronising, there's only the slightest hint of that. Is it possible you might be looking a bit too hard for intended slights? Anything! is possible, I'm not perfect, just making an observation/asking the obvious question.   unless we question, no-one (you and all the other guys here included) ever learns anything and wouldn't it be a shame if we all went around writing stuff that some found insulting, yet no-one ever tried to tell us so that we might change how we act and the things we say and as a result, find ourselves getting a better response from people we want a certain "response" from?   Just tryin' to help is all, but ok! back to my corner I go!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I'M JOKING!haha, but yeah, good answer - though I have always felt that there is a burden on the reader for comprehension beyond what just seems convenient to their own point of view - I find a lot of people get offended about things that they read (in almost any forum/medium/etc) without considering that maybe, just maybe they might have misunderstood what was being said.Thanks for your response!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Now i know why dildos,vibes and strap ons are a big seller ,and women flock to these tools!Best advice i would give would be for Women to listen to their inner voice ,its usually right no matter what six pack ,muscles or how handsome the guy is.Remember ebay sells sex toys and they can be delivered with in a few days!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'innerwest123'I'M JOKING! haha, but yeah, good answer - though I have always felt that there is a burden on the reader for comprehension beyond what just seems convenient to their own point of view - I find a lot of people get offended about things that they read (in almost any forum/medium/etc) without considering that maybe, just maybe they might have misunderstood what was being said. Thanks for your response! (at least I believe) I'm not a narcissist, I try and read things from as many different perspectives as possible. In reading your post I wondered how many sexually frustrated guys were sitting at home, plotting their revenge on all of us pussy privileged uppity bitches who can and do get sex any ol' time we want it, just because we were "lucky" enough to be born as we were.   I'm a realist, and also a closet feminist at heart (no, not the shaved head lesbian variety, not that I have any real problem with that though, I just don't always understand how that approach benefits all of us hetero girls), point is, yes, it's funny, but I think it's important to consider the potential repercussions our writing may have on others if taken the wrong way.   Rant over, fun police bugging out!   BTW, whilst I'm in the kitchen how do you like you revenge? cold? or warmed up?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Bee'   Quoting 'innerwest123'I'M JOKING! haha, but yeah, good answer - though I have always felt that there is a burden on the reader for comprehension beyond what just seems convenient to their own point of view - I find a lot of people get offended about things that they read (in almost any forum/medium/etc) without considering that maybe, just maybe they might have misunderstood what was being said. Thanks for your response! (at least I believe) I'm not a narcissist, I try and read things from as many different perspectives as possible. In reading your post I wondered how many sexually frustrated guys were sitting at home, plotting their revenge on all of us pussy privileged uppity bitches who can and do get sex any ol' time we want it, just because we were "lucky" enough to be born as we were.   I'm a realist, and also a closet feminist at heart (no, not the shaved head lesbian variety, not that I have any real problem with that though, I just don't always understand how that approach benefits all of us hetero girls), point is, yes, it's funny, but I think it's important to consider the potential repercussions our writing may have on others if taken the wrong way.   Rant over, fun police bugging out!   BTW, whilst I'm in the kitchen how do you like you revenge? cold? or warmed up? I'll take my revenge as a side, with my sandwich.While I think some care should be taken with what one is writing, I think less consideration should be given to offence - both the giving and taking of it, and more to people just saying what the mean and discussing shit like adults. Like we have been. Woo for us!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Them's fightin' words!!!!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Should I feel down and have a shitty day at work, what is better then open my RHP and read my messages. OHH you lovely, lovely horny men you made it again. How can I not smile when I get messages like these:   I do look at ur photos ALOT!!!! You make me satisfied EVERY single time I cum hehe   Or these Hi Just dropping by to get my fill of happiness. You always make me smile. I like checking out any new photo's. It's a shame that the white dress didn't slip a little lower.   Or this Hehe, when will I lay you naked on your back and have my way with your sexiness...well I do want to speak to you soon and tell you all the things that I want to do to you...   How can this not make my day so wonderful and horny? Fellas there is nothing better then waking up or going to sleep with the knowleged I can get cock when I want to woowowowowowowoowo. Can you hear me smile and giggle?????

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Them's fightin' words!!!! COME AT ME BRO!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Bravo OP. Made me laugh & cringe.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'innerwest123' Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Them's fightin' words!!!! COME AT ME BRO! Now I could say something to that, BUT! I consider myself a lady.   What I will say is that this doesn't work like that on SO MANY levels. I'm waiting though! (*drumming fingers on keyboard*)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Quoting 'innerwest123' Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Them's fightin' words!!!! COME AT ME BRO! Now I could say something to that, BUT! I consider myself a lady.   What I will say is that this doesn't work like that on SO MANY levels. I'm waiting though! (*drumming fingers on keyboard*) forgot! you're a guest now huh? lemme think about it!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Quoting 'innerwest123' Quoting 'Ms_Bee' Them's fightin' words!!!! COME AT ME BRO! Now I could say something to that, BUT! I consider myself a lady.   What I will say is that this doesn't work like that on SO MANY levels. I'm waiting though! (*drumming fingers on keyboard*) forgot! you're a guest now huh? lemme think about it! ---Your profile appears locked to me... !

    reply

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